The Secret Diary of Arwen's Twin Sister Chapter One, a lord of the rings fanfic

Sardy's back! ...and this time she's complete! Everyone dies of shock!

Unfortunately I've got to load all the chapters (and the last one!) up again because Fanfiction in their infinite wisdom decided to take it down. Fair enough... I was breaking the rules. But look... first page now equals first chapter. I'm now a law abiding citizen!!

Still... it gives you a chance to read from the beginning and refresh your memories. I'll post a chapter every other day or so....

So... is Arwen really as perfect as she appears in the books and films?

That was the question that inspired me to write this - the secret diary of Arwen's twin sister. The sister that knows the truth... what really happens when the cameras turn the other way!!

Obviously I don't own any of Tolkien's characters. Sometimes I'll follow the books, sometimes I'll follow the films, sometimes I'll make it up all together - but bear with me... I think it'll work!!

CAUTION:

I'm not writing this as deadly serious. I'm having fun - changing things, parodying Mary-Sue stories - but actually creating someone who is vaguely likeable.

Do not read this story if:

a) You have no sense of humour

b) You cannot accept the idea of OC's at all, or character's personalities being changed

b) You love Arwen and can't bear to see her affectionately made fun of - even in jest.

c) You hate Arwen and don't like resolutions/happy endings

d) You are so obsessed with every tiny little detail from Lord of the Rings that you cannot bear things to be "Wrong" E.g. modern phrases purposefully thrown in, details being overlooked and ignored etc.

If any of the above apply to you - then don't read any further. Go find a story that appeals more to your tastes. The world is made up of different people. We don't all like the same things!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

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Dear Diary,

Let me get this straight once and for all. I am not Arwen. I may look like her, sound like her, but please kill me before I start to act like her.

My name is Sardwen and Arwen is my identical twin sister.

I know. It's an awful name isn't it? I asked Daddy about it once and he said that back when we were born, 2,777 years ago, no one would have thought it was strange.

Besides, he and Mother had already decided to call their new daughter Arwen. When I was born too, they had to quickly think of another name that sounded similar enough for twins. I personally think that similar sounding twin names is a stupid custom. All that happens is that your tongue gets twisted up when you shout out a name. Take Daddy for instance. His twin brother was called Elros. Imagine shouting at him when he was little. You would never get the right name. (Besides, I bet daddy was a right goodie goodie when he was younger, he probably never got told off!)

Honestly, what else rhymes with Arwen other than Sardwen? couldn't my parents have been a little more imaginative?

Trust me to get the worst name of the two. Why couldn't she be saddled with it?

Arwen thinks that it's hilarious. There are so many insults you can make from Sardwen. Sad, Saddo, Slimeball, believe me, I've heard them all. At the moment she calls me Sardine or Fishy, then dodges away laughing when I get mad. I lose my temper quite often, it's probably my worst fault. You wouldn't blame me if you knew what I have to put up with.

It's no fun being the identical sister of a popular elf. I'm always the one who gets ignored and forgotten. Most people think that we are the same person. They think that there is only one daughter of Elrond, called Arwen. If anyone ever told the story of Daddy's household. I'm certain that I would be left out.

I hate being an identical twin. Arwen loves it. She gets all the benefits with none of the disadvantages. For example, when we were little and Daddy used to give us gifts. She would take hers and then pretend to be me and get mine. If I complained, Daddy would blame me for trying to get two. She quickly became Daddy's favourite. I think he even loves her more than Elladan and Elrohir, my elder brothers. She has this way of twisting him around her little finger. Spoilt little brat.

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I ran into my old teacher today. I had to pick him up from where he landed on the ground and apologise profoundly. He asked me where I was going in such a hurry. In actual fact I was hurrying to see Elladan and Elrohir before they left again. They are probably the only people who have even the slightest idea what Arwen is really like. They are not 100% deceived like most people. It's probably because they are twins too. At least they both get mentioned and remembered. Unfortunately, I only get their sympathy whilst they are here, and goodness knows when I'll next see them again. Probably not for months. They spend most of their time killing orcs in revenge for what they did to Mother.

My teacher reminded me how I was always in a hurry at school. He claimed that was the reason why I got such low marks. I scowled at the floor whilst he was lecturing me. He didn't know anything. Being in the same class as Arwen meant that I had to compete with her. She was such a perfect student, that I decided that I'd rather not try. Hence, when Daddy compared our results he was always disappointed.

"What a shame I couldn't have two wonderful daughters." He would say, hugging Arwen tightly. She would peer out from the folds of his robe and stick her tongue out at me. I would stand alone in front of my parents and hate her for it.

I couldn't stand much of my old teachers waffling, he was still as boring as ever. I waited till he was in mid flow about archery and horse skills, then I sneaked away. I wonder how long he stayed there talking to himself?

After all that, I missed my brothers leaving. I'll have to wait till they come again.

I'm in a really bad mood now.

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There was another banquet tonight. I was sitting quietly eating at the table when this elf comes up and asked me to dance. Correction. He asked Arwen to dance, but he was addressing me. I refused, purely on the grounds that if he didn't even know who I was, then why should I dance with him. Only I had forgotten that Daddy was sitting opposite me. He looked at me sternly and ordered me to dance. Apparently he wasn't going to have his reputation for entertaining ruined by a rude, disobedient daughter.

So I had to dance. I took great delight on stamping on his toes as often as possible, whilst still looking innocent. At the end of the dance I waltzed back to my seat, whilst he hobbled off in the other direction. Unfortunately, Daddy has eyes like...well, eyes like an elf and had witnessed every stamp. So I got sent off to my room in disgrace whilst Arwen was being fought over. Life is so unfair.

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Arwen had nothing to do today, that is always a bad sign. I was sitting quietly reading when she came up to me. She sat next to me and started poking me with a finger. I told her to go away but she started calling me "Fishy" and prodding harder.

Being the grown up, civilised elf that I am, I gave her a look of pure disgust and walked calmly away to find somewhere more peaceful to read.

Like the outside privy.

That wasn't good enough. Oh no. Mistress Arwen followed me and posted herself outside the privy door. She talked about fishy smells and other smells and started winding me up in that infuriating way, that only she knows how. I sat in the dark gritted my teeth and tried to remember if there was ever a time when she didn't annoy me.

Back when we still celebrated our birthday (before the number of candles couldn't fit on the cake) She always got the best presents. You could even see the difference in the number of cards. I got one from my parents and maybe a few others addressed to Arwen and thrust in my hand by beetroot coloured elves who stammered something and hurried off. She always got hundreds of them. She would wave them in front of me. Taunting me. Asking me why I didn't have as many friends.

I once went to see a psychiatrist guy about my problems. He told me to lie on the bed and tell me all the things I had been keeping to myself. Several hours later when I had described the first 200 years of my life, I noticed that there had been no movement behind the dark glasses for a long time. I yanked them off to find that he was asleep. He apologised when I shook him awake, he asked me what I would do if I had to sit and listen to elves life stories every day. Maybe it was time he went to work for mortals.

I refused to pay him of course, but that made him angry. He went to Daddy and told him that I had robbed him. Of all the cheek! Daddy insisted that I paid him, so I stole the money from Arwen. (She has a secret supply under her bed.) I thought that it was only fair. She was the only reason I had to see the psychiatrist in the first place.

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Arrrrghhhh!!! I can't stand this any more!!!!!

Being with Arwen is a living nightmare. She taunts me all the time and knows exactly how to wind me up. She flaunts around shoving that huge engagement ring under my nose. (Honestly, if the diamonds were any bigger, she wouldn't be able to lift her hand.) Besides, Aragorn is a very sore subject. I don't want to talk about it now.

Anyway, after a couple of hours of her following me around, teasing about lack of boyfriend and how unlikely it was that I'd ever find a husband, I couldn't stand it any longer. I threw myself at her, knocking her to the floor. She gave a cry and tried to throw me off as I went for her silky long hair. Yanking out clumps of the stuff gave me great satisfaction, as did the screams that followed. I didn't get off lightly though, Arwen has claws like a cat and was busy gorging chunks out of my face. Sometimes I wish I was mortal. At least then it wouldn't be as painful when someone attacks your ears.

I was winning when Daddy arrived. One of those stupid elves gathering in a throng around us watching the catfight, must have told him that his daughters were responsible. I suppose it did look bad from her point of view. I was on top with chunks of her hair in my fists. Also there was the fact that you could hear her screaming from miles away, I tend to suffer pain in silence.

Of course I got the full blame for the fight. Arwen only had to squeeze a few tears out of those big brown eyes and Daddy was practically eating out of her hand. He wouldn't even listen to my explanation. Instead he told me to stop telling tales and grow up. Honestly, I am 2777 years old. What does he expect from me? He said that he was disappointed in me. I should behave more like my wise Granny, Galadriel. For the time being, my punishment was 3 weeks of solitary confinement to reflect on my actions. I made two resolutions within the first 5 minutes. One was to get myself a husband to rub in Arwen's face. The other was to get my revenge....

The rest of the three weeks were incredibly boring. That was bad enough, but Arwen standing by the grating outside my room and gloating about how she had got away with it was even worse. I can't stand much more of that girl. One day I'll do something she'll regret...