Gomen for the absence... If you want more slightly disturbing fics of mine, I highly recommend "Hands Dipped in Blood", "Joker's smile", and "One Thing". Those are the best from my GW area, and "Finality" is a good one from HP.

Just if you feel like you need a good depressing story... there ya go.

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He thought about what Mrs. Une had assigned them It was such a stupid writing topic, if only because he couldn't answer it. He had almost killed himself out of his inabitlity -- fear maybe? -- to answer those questions.

He was scared to see what he liked, what he most desired. He liked friends, where had that gotten him?

He liked puzzles and books, and those were simply ways to escape from a life he didn't feel was good enough. What in his life was so horrible that he was so willing to die for it? What had made him feel so strongly about his life?

He had no one to talk to, no one who cared. No one who would make the pain of this bearable.

But... he had lived like this for so long, he couldn't remember what it was like to be dependent on someone else to make him happy... his hands stopped their movements as it dawned on him, like a wave on the shore.

Only he could make himself happy.

Only he could listen to himself, help himself.

No one was going to fill that empty piece of his heart. No one could make him happier than he made himself...

No one could understand him like he could...

It wasn't like someone could read his mind, be in his heart, feel the things he felt.

He rolled his eyes. Of course other people felt the way he did, that's why so many people killed themselves. He wasn't going to delude himself into thinking that 'no one could ever understand the way I feel' crap.

He knew there were others like him, all over the place.

They're called 'teenagers'.

He shook his head, and continued to piece together the puzzle. He had connected another four pieces, and there were twenty left. Sighing he got up and put the puzzle and the pieces back into the box. He set the box down with reluctance and care, feeling sad as he parted with it. But he was still replenishing his blood, and so he needed to eat and drink something. He could smell the pasta his Ji-chan was making, and his stomach rumbled with anticipation.

He looked down at it, wondering how it made that noise...

"Alright, alright, I'll go get some food. Jeezy pete."

He quietly went down the stairs, a habit picked up from his time with his parents...

'NO! I won't remember them... I won't...'

He shook his head. He really needed some professional help... It might make it easier... But they couldn't afford it. Between Ji-Chan's expeditions and the small trade the shop did, they were in a tight place right now.

He could hear Ji-chan talking to someone. Maybe he was on the phone?

"Well Arthur, I don't know what's going on anymore... He just isn't the same bright child he was anymore. It isn't entirely noticeable, and maybe I've been blind to it for a while now... No, I'm just worried about him. Arthur, how would you feel if Rebecca was sick, and you couldn't help her? See, that's what I'm talking about. Maybe the generation gap is keeping us from communicating. I love him, just as I loved his mother, but ever since I found out about what her husband was doing to them... I couldn't understand why she stayed with him. And then she up and disappeared on us. I still can't shake the feeling that she's out there. Gods above I hope so. Hmm? Oh hold on, I've got another call coming in."

Yuugi was silent throughout the conversation.

So his grandfather wasn't trying to ignore him... a part of him knew that already.

And his mother! She had left him here almost ten years ago, disappearing shortly thereafter. He had always just assumed that she had died, after she never contacted them again. And it didn't hurt as much as he thought it should.

Consciously at least. He still had nightmares about what that bastard of a father had done to them...

"Moshi moshi, Kame Game Shop. Oh hello Mrs. Une! Yes, this is Yuugi's grandfather... " There was a long pause. "Thank you for your concerns Mrs. Une, but I think that Yuugi's just trying to work out some things. He's... I know that teenagers are prone to depression and such ma'am. Yuugi has had some troubles in his life, and he is a bit shy. You have to think about the whole picture sometimes, Mrs. Une. Not just one day, or just one instance. " Another long pause, this one made Yuugi's arms ache and his palms sweat. What if she knew more than she was letting on...?

"Mrs. Une, yes, I will talk with my grandson, and I appreciate your concerns, but Yuugi just needs a bit of time to gather himself. It has been a stressful time for us all, and sometimes all we can do is sit back and watch. Goodbye Mrs Une."

Yuugi let out a breath. Maybe she didn't know everything, but she was getting too close for his comfort...

His Ji-chan sighed into the phone. "Sorry for making you wait so long Arthur. That was Yuugi's literature teacher. She was telling me about Yuugi's "attitude" today." He put up a falsetto voice, mocking Une.

"Yuugi has me worried because he said some odd things today about using escape methods and blah blah blah... She was telling me about his doodling. She said that it was one of the more disturbing things she's seen in her teaching career. Wanted to tell her that she should have been paying closer attention to the other students. All teenagers are a bit melancholy, it comes with the title. Humph... Well, dinner's about ready, so I'll talk to you later. Uh huh, bye Arthur."

Yuugi chose that moment to smile and casually walk into the kitchen.

"Hello Ji-chan! What's for dinner? It smells absolutely delicious!" The smile was so fake... He had to notice.

"Pasta, with a light tomato sauce and a side of toast."

They both sniggered, sitting casually to eat their spaghetti.

"...Yuugi... Is there anything going on that you want to talk about? If you don't that's okay, but just so you know, I'm here."

Yuugi sighed. His arms burned, whether with pain or guilt he wasn't sure. He could feel his chest tighten with the stress and expectation.

Yuugi...

The tension melted away, the familiarity of that voice...

"No ji-chan, there's nothing going on. We got a stupid writing assignment today. Mrs Une was all 'I want to know what you like'. I think she just has no life and wants ours."

They both laughed. It seemed so hard to do, but it got easier with practice.

It was hard to keep the sad desperation out of it...

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Dinner was... well...

Awkward was the best way to describe it.

Now that he had gotten the food thing out of the way, he needed to do his homework and sleep. The puzzle fit in there somewhere, sometime. Probably when he gave up trying to do homework and before he went to sleep.

"What I like..."

A sigh, tired and disheartened. He started to write:

What I like cannot be classified in a simple statement like "What I like is...". The kinds of things that I enjoy are reading, writing, doing puzzles. I like to be with my ji-chan. Whether helping in the store, or just having dinner. I like the sun on cloudy days, the way the clouds look just before a storm. Crisp autumn air and bright golden leaves. Lazy summer days and long warm nights. Walking in the dark, looking up at the stars. I like being alone, and I like being with others. I like the thrill of something good, and I like the feeling I get when I've accomplished something. I like to play around, sing out loud, and generally be noisy. I like to think about how wonderful my life with my ji-chan has been, and I'd like to forget about the time before him.

What I like isn't any one thing, but a multitude of things, all wonderful in their own right. Each one a memory to hold and cherish. Something to store away instead of a bad experience.

I like ...

Yuugi stopped, feeling the edges of sleep in his mind. He yawned, and got up to dress for bed.

He took off the shirt he was wearing, and unwrapped his arms. He looked at the cuts, remembered how they looked red with his blood. How sticky and dirty they lookd when he woke up. There was such a difference, and it only took a few hours to notice the change.

How could something so beautiful be so ugly later?

His finger traced the lines, feeling the hard scabs, tracing the lines of guilt. He sighed again before rubbing the antibiotic into them. No need for them to get infected...

"Yuugi"

It sounded so close, so desperate...

How could he help the owner of that voice?

How could he find them and make them feel... loved?

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Thanks again for all the support people. You really make me happy. Give yourselves a hug.