Title: It's All Relative
Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka The Evil Author
Summary: Just who is related to whom?
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to whoever owns them. I'm just too lazy to look up who they are.
"Greetings everyone," Professor Dumbledore wheezed to the assembled families. "It is my regret to inform you that someone has performed a reality altering spell." He held up a glowing cube. "However, I have managed to construct this Orlon window to see reality as it should be."
The Headmaster of Hogwarts took a deep breath.
"Buffy, I am afraid that you are not Harry's sister born out of wedlock. Willow, you are not actually Arthur and Molly's long lost daughter. Xander, you are not in fact the son of Sirius Black. Rupert, you were never a wizard at all, let alone attended Hogwarts. Mr. Spike, you are not a long lost Malfoy."
Stunned silence greeted Dumbledore's announcements.
"The truth is as follows," Dumbledore continued after a pause. "Buffy, you are in fact the secret love child Severus Snape and Narcissa Malfoy. Willow, you are the result of a fling between Voldemort and Petunia Dursley. Xander, you are the product of a one night stand between Harry's father and your mother. Rupert, you're the son of Ronald Weasely and Hermione Granger, sent back in time when you were a baby. And Spike," Dumbledore sniffed, a tear rolling down his cheek, "you're my son!"
More stunned silence filled the room.
"Er, Professor," someone finally spoke, pointing at the Orlon Window "are you sure that thing is working right?"
"Of course it is," Dumbledore replied. "Did I mention that my name is really Gandalf?"
Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka The Evil Author
Summary: Just who is related to whom?
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to whoever owns them. I'm just too lazy to look up who they are.
"Greetings everyone," Professor Dumbledore wheezed to the assembled families. "It is my regret to inform you that someone has performed a reality altering spell." He held up a glowing cube. "However, I have managed to construct this Orlon window to see reality as it should be."
The Headmaster of Hogwarts took a deep breath.
"Buffy, I am afraid that you are not Harry's sister born out of wedlock. Willow, you are not actually Arthur and Molly's long lost daughter. Xander, you are not in fact the son of Sirius Black. Rupert, you were never a wizard at all, let alone attended Hogwarts. Mr. Spike, you are not a long lost Malfoy."
Stunned silence greeted Dumbledore's announcements.
"The truth is as follows," Dumbledore continued after a pause. "Buffy, you are in fact the secret love child Severus Snape and Narcissa Malfoy. Willow, you are the result of a fling between Voldemort and Petunia Dursley. Xander, you are the product of a one night stand between Harry's father and your mother. Rupert, you're the son of Ronald Weasely and Hermione Granger, sent back in time when you were a baby. And Spike," Dumbledore sniffed, a tear rolling down his cheek, "you're my son!"
More stunned silence filled the room.
"Er, Professor," someone finally spoke, pointing at the Orlon Window "are you sure that thing is working right?"
"Of course it is," Dumbledore replied. "Did I mention that my name is really Gandalf?"