A/N: I do not own LOTR and am making no money
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It was time to leave. The knowledge sat heavily on the Fellowship. They all felt the pull of their quest. One more night they would have and on the morrow they would have to leave the haven of Lothlorien.
Legolas sat in his usual perch in the tree at the border of the Fellowship's camp. He was again watching Aragorn. Despite his best efforts he had not been able to come to terms with his former best friend. The captain of the rangers had maintained his distance since their last conversation. The next move was up to him. Only with great effort was he able to remain seated in his frustration. This was not right. He was an elf! He should be able to face this and move beyond it. For Aragorn was correct, the relationship between them could not remain so tense. Not only was it bad for the Fellowship but it was playing havoc with his emotions and undermining Aragorn. The prince of Mirkwood just wished the actual solution was as simple as deciding a solution was needed.
.
As soon as the evening meal was completed Aragorn left the camp. Taking and releasing a breath Legolas followed. He knew the ranger was going back to the pond. He had spent hours at that spot. Soundlessly dropping from the tree Legolas moved to stand beside the ranger, who was staring into the calm water.
"I was wondering if you would come," was the unsurprised comment the elf's presence caused.
Not sure what to say now that he was here Legolas remained silent. He knew they had to make peace, but could not figure out how. "The hobbits will miss this place." The comment surprised him as soon as he spoke it. It had nothing to do with the pressing matter at hand, and Legolas had always prided himself on dealing with problems head on, not ignoring them and hoping they will just go away. He suddenly realized that that was what he had been doing ever since word had reached him the Aragorn had returned North. No, he corrected himself, it had been going on ever since Aragorn had traded his freedom for Legolas's life. Almost overcome by the pain of this revelation and all the feelings his anger and distrust had kept hidden Legolas sank to the ground, overwhelmed by the pain and despair and guilt flowing through him. How could he have left his best friend in that horrible place? How could he have caused the Hope of Man to bind himself to evil incarnate? It was his fault, He had been desperate to go after Aragorn, he had decided to go alone if necessary. How could he? Whatever had happened to Aragorn, whatever he had done, it was all Legolas' fault!
When he again became aware of his surroundings Legolas found himself sitting on the ground, with his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around them. He looked up to see Aragorn crouching in front of him. The ranger was close, but not touching him. His expression was shuttered with only a faint hint of curiousity. "Are you alright?"
Ignoring the question Legolas forced himself to uncurl. He felt hollow and tired, but he would not huddle like an elfling barely past infancy. He was an elven warrior and would not hide from reality, no matter how dreadful it was. "No," he answered truthfully. "I am so sorry."
Aragorn cocked his head to the side, but did not move closer, nor did he move to comfort. "For what?"
Legolas almost laughed at the question. What was he sorry for? "Your time in Mordor, how I have treated you since your return, I don't even know."
After a moment of holding Legolas' eyes Aragorn sat down beside him. "Do you know why Pippin is afraid of me?"
Unsure what this had to do with anything Legolas shook his head. He had not thought about it, at least not beyond thinking the youngest hobbit was showing the most sense. A thought that bothered him now.
"He is young still. The world is still black and white. Even this quest has not shown him otherwise, it is even reinforcing that belief. There are the good guys and the bad guys and no middle ground. I do not fit with the good guys, I did spend time in Mordor with the Dark Lord, so I must be one of the bad guys. My actions may show me to be on the good side, but that does not change the fact that I did side with the bad guys, hence I must be a bad guy inside, despite my behaviour to the contrary."
In spite of himself Legolas felt himself getting angry. "I am not an elfling, nor do I think the world is black and white."
Aragorn ignored his outburst. "Now Merry on the other hand has reached his majority and can see the areas in between better. He has still been sheltered from much of the evil of the world, but he judges me strictly on my actions. I have protected them and been truthful with them. It does not matter what I have done in the past, what matters is what I am now. Neither one knew me before Mordor so can not judge based on past history or feelings."
"What of Frodo and Sam?" Legolas was not sure why he was continuing this discussion, it was not addressing the issues between he and Aragorn. Maybe he was hoping to find a way to reconcile his new knowledge with his older feelings. Or maybe he was just hoping to put off the impending, necessary conversation as long as possible.
"Sam trusts Frodo and he trusts himself to look after Frodo. The rest of us are all peripherals, not to be completely trusted. Gandalf he trusted most as he had a respect and awe of the wizard. Merry and Pippin were next in most trusted except that they were not serious enough or reliable enough to be trusted to look after Frodo without getting sidetracked. The rest of us are here and he will trust Frodo's judgement." He was silent for a few moments. "Frodo is harder. He sees deeper than he suspects and acts on that knowledge without realizing why he does so."
Legolas leaned back on his arms, feeling some of his confusion and mental discomfort fading into the background. He had always enjoyed listening as Estel reasoned things out. "What of Boromir, or Gimli?"
The ranger remained sitting straight up,staring out at the pond. "Boromir is torn between what his heart tells him and what his head insists is correct. He will find no contentment or ease until he can make a decision. Gimli is harder. He has a dwarf's natural distrust for other races but is very open minded for his race. He had no pre-conceived notions about me, or the Fellowship, so takes things as they are."
Feeling his tension mount again Legolas sat up, watching Aragorn closely as he asked his next question. "What of your elven family and," here he swallowed hard, "me?"
Closing his eyes Aragorn pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly about them. "Elrond," he hesitated. "Ada sees me as his son and the fears I have carried since my release and the changes within me, but he loves me with a father's accepting love. Arwen, what we share I shall not speak of. Elrohir is eaten by guilt undealt with but he refuses to allow himself to take his perceived failings out on me. He realizes what is likely to come to pass and will not allow the past to destroy our present and he will not count on the future as a place to settle differences and doubts. Elladan," here Aragorn shuddered. "Elladan does not want to accept the past, he will not accept what I was while in Mordor. The mind, body, and soul are inexplicably bound up in him, so he can not accept or tolerate my relationship with Sauron. As long as those feelings remain he will never be able to accept me again as his little brother."
His own eyes moving to stare at the still pond, Legolas commented. "You did not mention me."
"Do you truly want to hear?"
For a moment Legolas was silent, thinking. "You always had a way of seeing into the heart of the matter. Valar knows I have not managed it."
A small snort of mirth or disbelief came from beside him. "I used to have that judgement. It is a hard road learning to trust myself and my feelings again. I do not know if I will ever have that ability again."
"You already do, " Legolas stated. "Otherwise you would not be able to comprehend the information you just have."
The human shrugged. "That is simply understanding people."
"Which most thinking beings can not do, or do not take the time to do." He turned to face the ranger, gazing at his profile. For the first time really looking at the human. "You are different."
"It has been two plus decades, humans age and change, even those with numenorean blood."
"No," Legolas stated decisively. "It is more than normal human aging, or numenorean aging. I have lived long enough and known enough humans and rangers to see what is normal. The changes within you are not. They are internal as well as external. You are not who you were before you were captured."
There was another snort, this one of definite amusement as Aragorn laid back and stared up at the stars. "I was not the same the first time I returned from the Angle, or when I returned from my journey to the Gondor, Rohan, and Harad. Humans change. It is part of who we are. Elves change as well, just slower, unless something forces unacceptable changes on them."
Wanting to turn on the Betrayer Legolas bit back his anger. How dare Sauron's consort question his judgement. As the familiar anger began to overwhelm him a small part of Legolas was aware that Aragorn was watching him with a look of painful expectation and a sad smile. Breathing hard he turned away, staring into the pond. No. He was a civilized elf, he would listen to what the human had to say and not react as a hidebound elder who would not look at the world as it was, only as he wanted it to be or as the elves saw it. Other races were valuable and did often have a different perspective that was just as worthy as an elf's. He refused to accept that a part of himself did not believe that, or want to believe that. "You never spoke of my motivations, or the feelings behind them." The elven prince was quite proud of how calm his voice sounded. None of his roiling emotions came through. However a quick glance at the human ranger beside him showed that Aragorn was aware of them. The human was too perceptive for his own good. Determinedly he looked back at the pond.
"Do you really want to hear?"
With the greatest of efforts Legolas avoided snapping a reply. His emotions were trying to get away again. "Yes." He bit off the sarcastic comment that he wanted to add.
The ranger did not move from his reclining position. "You do not wish to deal with what happened. It is easier to blame everything on me."
In forced silence Legolas waited for him to go. "And?" he prompted after several silent minutes.
"And what?" Aragorn asked. "Everything stems from that one fact."
Legolas gave him a dirty look, feeling defeated. It was only with effort that he remained upright. "So, what do I do about it?"
Aragorn rose. "Deal with it. Accept it happened, that nothing can change it, and try to move beyond it." He started to walk away but stopped at the edge of the clearing. "I was far from the only one hurt by this. Sometimes I think the hurt those who cared for me took was as bad as, or worse than, my hurt."
Legolas was left staring at the pond. After a few minutes he turned his attention inward. He could almost see a wall in his mind that separated his time before the failed rescue in Mordor from the time after. Taking a deep breath he reached for the wall and pushed it away. He almost cried out at the agony hidden behind it. Forcing slow, deep breaths he delved into the suppressed thoughts and feelings as agony overtook him.