If The Stars Could Sing
By Chocolate Roses
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Don't sue. No funny remark today, ladies. TT
If you ever took the moment to stare at the stars, I know you'd fall into their sleepless slumber. It's funny really, the way they've been up there my whole life, but I only took this one night to stare at them. Even things that are evident to me, things that I know are evident to me, just seem so much more enforced when I take the time to look at them. It happened so long ago, what made me go into this whole delirious state of mind. Beast Boy left. He left with Terra when she couldn't handle her powers anymore, and refused to stay with anyone. Beast Boy had left to be with her, but I wonder if he knew that he left me to be with her... does he know he has caused me pain to help her?
I let out a sigh. It had been twenty years, after all, and I was still not capable of letting go. I doubted if I ever could, if I would ever get that peace of mind to know that I was no longer bound to this person that felt nothing towards me. It had happened one night... so long ago. Beast Boy had awoken to the horrible surprise of Terra being gone. It was a day of grieving for him, and I suppose he left that night. I was to awake the next day to my own horrible surprise of him being gone. I've never really been able to cope with it, and until five years later I never really understood why. Not until I realized my deeper passions for the boy.
It could have been love; perhaps if he had stayed around for awhile longer I'd know now. But he didn't, and we know that now. I left one year after Beast Boy did. I never heard of Robin, or Starfire, not even Cyborg. Slade was soon even gone forever to me, and I was soon just Raven. Just lonely Raven. I didn't know where to go when I left the Teen Titans, I didn't know who would take me in, harbor me. It took me awhile to realize that I would have to take myself in, harbor myself in my own comforts and self pity.
It took me awhile to adjust, but I did. I'm not saying I'm happy now, standing on the balcony outside of my tiny apartment staring at gas balls so far away I couldn't ever even imagine trying to touch them. That's where I want to live, amongst them, looking down and seeing Beast Boy again. I wouldn't mind if he were married to Terra, so long as I were to see him. It's like, craving something unbelievably. You crave it less when you know you can have it whenever, and more when you know you can't. And I know I can't have Beast Boy, it's impossible. I've lost all contact with the Teen Titans, Slade, everyone and everything. Minus my job as a waitress and librarian, I barely have time to see anyone. I've matured some, but I'm not saying I've become a different person. I know, no matter what, I'll always be Raven.
I've lost the cloak. I wear one like it that fits me better now, but only on occasion. I've better managed my hair, but I haven't dyed it or done anything with it. I don't want too. If I was to see Beast Boy again and he was different, and I was not able to recognize him, I'd like to think that at least he saw me. I wonder, now, if he misses me as much as I do him. I hope he doesn't, he'd feel a wretched pain if he did.
I let out a sigh, and backed away from the balcony, retreating into what is now my humble home. I can clearly state it as humble, when it isn't a horrendous mess. I try to keep it clean, but now and then I really don't care. I still listen up at night, even as I'm asleep, for the sound of a knock on the door. I know that it would be Beast Boy's hand lightly rapping on the door, as he stands nervously on the other side of the wooden barrier. I know I would arise from my bed, glide quietly across the wood floors in my white night gown, and move to the front door. I know my hand would reach for the knob, before I would take a deep breath. I'd open it then, and see him. My thoughts and dreams end there, though, for I do not know what Beast boy looks like now. All I can see him as is that goofy, but cute, little boy I grew up with.
The cute little boy that I lost to that beautiful girl, who laughed at his jokes. I did laugh at them, occasionally, in my own head. In the playground of my mind were Beast Boy came to my every will. It's no use now, though, pondering on the thoughts of which have never occurred. I never once said good bye to my dear Beast Boy. Never once did my arms encircle him in a hug that let him know just how much I loved him. Words and actions were two different things, but I barely gave him either.
It was to late now, though.
I had left work the next day after my long and ponderous thought. I knew that the stars always left me lingering for more to think about, but the night never gave me the time. The walk from the café to my apartment complex was a short one. It was only a block or two, and the streets were always quiet. Even the crickets seemed to reside elsewhere, for barely even the sound of wind was heard rustling something.
It's nice to walk outside, and feel the fresh air.
The nice fresh air.
To be free of all thoughts.
Minus the thoughts of him.
To walk alone.
Until his hand reaches your shoulder...
I jumped in surprise when I actually did feel something on my shoulder. I turned quickly around, my eyes went wide, and I knew if it weren't for the fact that his hand had a tight grip on my shoulder, I'd be on the ground in ruins. I began mumbling, the first few letters, then just the first letter, and then back to the first few.
"Be...be....bah...bah...beast.....BEAST BOY!" I let out a scream, he let go of my shoulder in surprise, I fell to the floor, he cried out 'Raven' before diving down to help me...
And all went silent. I didn't speak, he didn't speak, and I couldn't even look at him. This was a dream. I've finally gone insane, and now I'm seeing and feeling him.
"You're...you're not real," I began in a low whisper, "you can't be real."
He could barely hear me, and I know it, but I also know that he did hear me, even if just barely.
"Raven.... Raven, please, look at me! I'm here, Raven."
There was a long silence again, before my head turned up. Beast Boy was now much older, much wiser, and handsomer. He had a stern face now, but it still held that goofy grin. I knew inside he'd always be that rambunctious little boy I love very much.
"You're here... finally... where've you been?" Of all the questions racing through my head, it seemed I always choose the blunter, or the less needed to know questions. He answered none-the-less.
"Searching... for Terra... and then... I found I'd lost what I needed when I went looking for what I thought I needed," he said the last bit a little bit faster then the first bit, and I was a somewhat baffled by what he meant, and I'm sure my face gave it away when he began explaining.
"I couldn't find Terra," he began, "But on my journey, I found that I needed the Titans, you were all my friends. I came back 13 months," that's a month after I left, "later. Star was a bit sad; she'd explained she'd lost two friends. During their coping time, Robin got closer to Star and they were an item. I found Cyborg to be his normal self, and well, you weren't there."
All paused. No goofy joke? No corny saying? No nothing? Had his journey burdened him, or was that me?
"Oh," was all I could say, "I'm glad you found me, then, Friend."
He let out a large smile, and I wanted to hug him. Tightly. Forever.
"Yep, Friend!"
By Chocolate Roses
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Don't sue. No funny remark today, ladies. TT
If you ever took the moment to stare at the stars, I know you'd fall into their sleepless slumber. It's funny really, the way they've been up there my whole life, but I only took this one night to stare at them. Even things that are evident to me, things that I know are evident to me, just seem so much more enforced when I take the time to look at them. It happened so long ago, what made me go into this whole delirious state of mind. Beast Boy left. He left with Terra when she couldn't handle her powers anymore, and refused to stay with anyone. Beast Boy had left to be with her, but I wonder if he knew that he left me to be with her... does he know he has caused me pain to help her?
I let out a sigh. It had been twenty years, after all, and I was still not capable of letting go. I doubted if I ever could, if I would ever get that peace of mind to know that I was no longer bound to this person that felt nothing towards me. It had happened one night... so long ago. Beast Boy had awoken to the horrible surprise of Terra being gone. It was a day of grieving for him, and I suppose he left that night. I was to awake the next day to my own horrible surprise of him being gone. I've never really been able to cope with it, and until five years later I never really understood why. Not until I realized my deeper passions for the boy.
It could have been love; perhaps if he had stayed around for awhile longer I'd know now. But he didn't, and we know that now. I left one year after Beast Boy did. I never heard of Robin, or Starfire, not even Cyborg. Slade was soon even gone forever to me, and I was soon just Raven. Just lonely Raven. I didn't know where to go when I left the Teen Titans, I didn't know who would take me in, harbor me. It took me awhile to realize that I would have to take myself in, harbor myself in my own comforts and self pity.
It took me awhile to adjust, but I did. I'm not saying I'm happy now, standing on the balcony outside of my tiny apartment staring at gas balls so far away I couldn't ever even imagine trying to touch them. That's where I want to live, amongst them, looking down and seeing Beast Boy again. I wouldn't mind if he were married to Terra, so long as I were to see him. It's like, craving something unbelievably. You crave it less when you know you can have it whenever, and more when you know you can't. And I know I can't have Beast Boy, it's impossible. I've lost all contact with the Teen Titans, Slade, everyone and everything. Minus my job as a waitress and librarian, I barely have time to see anyone. I've matured some, but I'm not saying I've become a different person. I know, no matter what, I'll always be Raven.
I've lost the cloak. I wear one like it that fits me better now, but only on occasion. I've better managed my hair, but I haven't dyed it or done anything with it. I don't want too. If I was to see Beast Boy again and he was different, and I was not able to recognize him, I'd like to think that at least he saw me. I wonder, now, if he misses me as much as I do him. I hope he doesn't, he'd feel a wretched pain if he did.
I let out a sigh, and backed away from the balcony, retreating into what is now my humble home. I can clearly state it as humble, when it isn't a horrendous mess. I try to keep it clean, but now and then I really don't care. I still listen up at night, even as I'm asleep, for the sound of a knock on the door. I know that it would be Beast Boy's hand lightly rapping on the door, as he stands nervously on the other side of the wooden barrier. I know I would arise from my bed, glide quietly across the wood floors in my white night gown, and move to the front door. I know my hand would reach for the knob, before I would take a deep breath. I'd open it then, and see him. My thoughts and dreams end there, though, for I do not know what Beast boy looks like now. All I can see him as is that goofy, but cute, little boy I grew up with.
The cute little boy that I lost to that beautiful girl, who laughed at his jokes. I did laugh at them, occasionally, in my own head. In the playground of my mind were Beast Boy came to my every will. It's no use now, though, pondering on the thoughts of which have never occurred. I never once said good bye to my dear Beast Boy. Never once did my arms encircle him in a hug that let him know just how much I loved him. Words and actions were two different things, but I barely gave him either.
It was to late now, though.
I had left work the next day after my long and ponderous thought. I knew that the stars always left me lingering for more to think about, but the night never gave me the time. The walk from the café to my apartment complex was a short one. It was only a block or two, and the streets were always quiet. Even the crickets seemed to reside elsewhere, for barely even the sound of wind was heard rustling something.
It's nice to walk outside, and feel the fresh air.
The nice fresh air.
To be free of all thoughts.
Minus the thoughts of him.
To walk alone.
Until his hand reaches your shoulder...
I jumped in surprise when I actually did feel something on my shoulder. I turned quickly around, my eyes went wide, and I knew if it weren't for the fact that his hand had a tight grip on my shoulder, I'd be on the ground in ruins. I began mumbling, the first few letters, then just the first letter, and then back to the first few.
"Be...be....bah...bah...beast.....BEAST BOY!" I let out a scream, he let go of my shoulder in surprise, I fell to the floor, he cried out 'Raven' before diving down to help me...
And all went silent. I didn't speak, he didn't speak, and I couldn't even look at him. This was a dream. I've finally gone insane, and now I'm seeing and feeling him.
"You're...you're not real," I began in a low whisper, "you can't be real."
He could barely hear me, and I know it, but I also know that he did hear me, even if just barely.
"Raven.... Raven, please, look at me! I'm here, Raven."
There was a long silence again, before my head turned up. Beast Boy was now much older, much wiser, and handsomer. He had a stern face now, but it still held that goofy grin. I knew inside he'd always be that rambunctious little boy I love very much.
"You're here... finally... where've you been?" Of all the questions racing through my head, it seemed I always choose the blunter, or the less needed to know questions. He answered none-the-less.
"Searching... for Terra... and then... I found I'd lost what I needed when I went looking for what I thought I needed," he said the last bit a little bit faster then the first bit, and I was a somewhat baffled by what he meant, and I'm sure my face gave it away when he began explaining.
"I couldn't find Terra," he began, "But on my journey, I found that I needed the Titans, you were all my friends. I came back 13 months," that's a month after I left, "later. Star was a bit sad; she'd explained she'd lost two friends. During their coping time, Robin got closer to Star and they were an item. I found Cyborg to be his normal self, and well, you weren't there."
All paused. No goofy joke? No corny saying? No nothing? Had his journey burdened him, or was that me?
"Oh," was all I could say, "I'm glad you found me, then, Friend."
He let out a large smile, and I wanted to hug him. Tightly. Forever.
"Yep, Friend!"