Disclaimer: HAha! If they belonged to me - Kagura would be dead, Kyou and Haru would be together..and there would be much smut involved! But they're not mine, and I was jossed, hence AU.
Sometimes It Be That Way
A Reason
Once again, he was lost. Not that he really minded as it got him away from the more psychotic elements of his family. He himself was considerably psychotic in his own right. Having two personalities wasn't something he particularly enjoyed, but it was an excellent excuse all in all, the blame for his random outbursts was never really cast on him. Well, on his 'white' side at least.Hatsuharu looked up as rain began to fall in a slight drizzle. He sighed; not only was he lost, but now he was going to get thoroughly soaked to boot. What a day.
•••
Kyou's day had gone from bad to worse. He was trying to sort out all his jumbled thoughts at a deserted park when it had begun to rain. It started out light at first, then turned into a steady downpour. He had taken shelter in a children's playhouse that was in the park. It opened on one side to a slide, but it had a roof to keep most of the rain out. Kyou drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them in a dry corner of the wooden structure as he watched the rain pool on the far side by the slide.
The rain only served to drive his mood down into a deeper depression. Kagura had told him today that the only reason she had wanted anything to do with him initially was because he was more of a monster than she considered herself. He told her he understood, but that didn't quell the numbing ache he felt in his heart.
He had never felt any sort of love for her, that was true, but when she told him that, it only served to stab the knife of loneliness deeper into his near dead heart. He really couldn't be loved. Love was something that would never exist for him, just like Akito and Yuki had said.
He was a worthless creature.
For a while he dwelled on Tohru and her undying compassion and loyalty. She was the only one it seemed, besides his Shishou, that gave a damn about him. He tried to imagine a life with her, wondering if he would be able to love her. Yet he didn't know what love was, and he was sure it was more of a brotherly love he felt towards her in the long run. She doted on Yuki just as much, if not more than she did on him. Kyou was grateful that she was in his life at least; she would always be there for him in her own way.
His train of thought came back to what Kagura had said to him. She claimed to truly love him now, but in no way did he want to be forced into marrying her. He would rather be locked away forever than be forced into that.
Dropping his face to his knees he shivered involuntarily at the thought of being put in that cage. No matter what the circumstances of his life, he never wanted to be forced into that darkness. Yet it was his horrid luck that let him be born the Cat. It was his fate.
He would have to accept his fate someday, and only now he let himself realize that he wouldn't be able to live with his Shishou at the dojo. By deluding himself for so long, he had come to believe his own lies.
As thunder rumbled in the distance, Kyou cried himself to sleep.
•••
Finally he had found the main house again. Haru let himself in and took off his coat, shaking it to rid it of the rain. He needed a hot shower and some sleep; it had been a long day. He did a double take as he saw a familiar jacket hung from the rack near the door. So she was here was she? He took extra pains to avoid certain areas of the house on the way to his room.
As he passed Kagura's room, he heard her voice. Curiosity got the best of him and he leaned closer to make out what the two juunishi were saying.
It was slightly muffled, but easy to understand. "So what did you say then?" He heard Rin ask.
"I said…I-" Kagura hesitated, something akin to remorse tainted her words. "said t-the only reason I wanted to be with him…" She trailed off, Haru heard Rin gently urge her on. "was because he- he was more of a monster than me…" Kagura finally finished.
Haru felt his brows furrow together in thought. Kagura was obviously talking about Kyou. By his standards, that was some sick reasoning to want to be with somebody.
"Why would you tell him that?" Rin queried from behind the closed door.
Kagura's sniffles were audible, "I hope he'll realize how much I love him…why we belong together…did I do the right thing?"
Rin chuckled, "Of course-
Haru felt sick to his stomach. He had heard enough, time for that shower and bed.
•••
Haru figured he should go back to class, but the day was much too nice out and he had far too much on his mind. Eventually, he found his way to the stairs leading to the roof, so he figured he'd go get a breath of fresh air.
Last night as he lay in bed, he contemplated what he had overheard to the sound of the rain and Rin departing on her bike, he thought about the unfairness of it all. For Kyou that was. Haru considered Kyou untouchable, the brash exterior and harsh words easily lead one to believe that the juunishi cursed by the Cat had a tendency to push people away. Haru felt that sometimes the only way he could get close to the feline was to fight him. That was, until Honda Tohru had stepped in and began to change both Kyou and Yuki.
Haru wondered how Kyou had dealt with what Kagura had told him. He didn't know if he would be able to come to terms with such a one sided love. It ate at him most the night in fact, and he had taken into consideration his own one sided love. In the end, he decided it was best to let go. It was what he would want in that situation, he would not attempt to force his own affections on someone that didn't return them.
Besides, he could always look. No harm in sightseeing until he found someone that would actually give him the time of day, and a reason…
A reason? What would that be? He wondered silently, turning the doorknob and swinging the door open.
Light poured down, washing away the hazy hue of the stairwell as he stepped out onto the roof. Haru shoved his hands into his pockets and felt his lips twitch up in an involuntary smile. That's right; cats did love high places he thought.
About twenty paces from him was Kyou. Back turned to Haru and curled up into himself in a ball, looking much like the neko he personified, basking in the sun sleeping.
Striding over to the sleeping figure, Haru gazed down at him. Haru let his gray eyes wander over the soft expression on Kyou's relaxed face, silently appreciating the exotic beauty before him. He couldn't help but sigh as strands of orange hair seemed to float about the neko's face, another unattainable beauty out of his reach. Haru at least wanted to know if Kyou's heart was okay after the cruel words Kagura had imposed on it.
Sleepily, ruby eyes fluttered open, focusing on him. "What the hell do you want baka ushi," Kyou muttered with a scowl.
Haru gave a slight shrug, then took a seat to one side of the neko's still curled up form. "Just sorta wandered off…found myself here," It was somewhat of a great measure, but Haru managed to pry his eyes from the scalding red ones to stare out at the cloudless sky.
He received a grunt in response. Haru looked back down at Kyou only to see the neko had closed his eyes again, attempting to resume his nap. What Kyou didn't know, was that Haru wasn't quite done talking.
"You know," Haru began, receiving a sigh of dissatisfaction from Kyou. "Rin left me because she couldn't deal with Akito. She said it was over, and walked away from me without looking back. Just like that," Haru couldn't help but let a sad smile grace his features. It matched the bitterness in his voice.
"Well, you're an idiot for dwelling on it…she obviously wasn't worth your time if she could just leave you like that," Was the grumbled reply. Then, almost inaudibly, "I mean…if you love someone, you can't just walk away from them…I think. You're really talking to the wrong person about this," Kyou rolled over, facing away from Haru again.
"Am I?" Haru caught himself before his hand reached the shiny orange locks of hair. When had he moved to touch Kyou's hair? The neko would sock him if he tried something as simple as running his hands through that ginger mane. He retracted his hand, settling for just watching the sleeping boy for a bit longer.
He had started the brief conversation with every intention of finding out the condition of Kyou's own heart, and he ended up with somewhat of a status report on his own. How had that happened? Haru decided that he wouldn't attempt to find his class again today, he had quite a bit more to think about…and maybe, just maybe, he finally had a reason.