:Disclaimer: As always I own nothing and make no profit.

AN: Yeah! My muse has returned to me. Here is a new story that is different from my usual work. This one is a Vash/Meryl. Usually when I get an idea for a Trigun fic it is a Wolfwood/Millie. Oh well! When your muse takes a long holiday, you take what she gives you. Okay enough ranting on with the fic.

THE LETTER

"Boy Meryl, I sure am beat!" "I know what you mean Millie. I think I will take a bath and go on to bed." "Ok Meryl goodnight." The smaller insurance girl head up the stairs of the house she was sharing with the larger girl. When Vash had left, they decided to stay here so he could find them when he came back. She paused halfway up. 'He has to come back.' Swiftly shaking those thoughts from her mind she continued her trek upwards.

When she reached the top she turned right and walked down the hall to the bath. She turned on the water and watched as it filled with steaming water. When it had full, she stripped down and gently slid down into the water. Gradually she let her head fall back and rest on the edge as she closed her eyes and let the warm liquid soothe her tired aching muscles. It wasn't long though before she let her mind wander to thoughts of a certain broom headed gunman. He had left a few days ago to find his brother and she was beginning to worry about him.

She wasn't sure when she had fell in love with him, but she knew when she let herself accept it. After the incident that totaled a city and left a hole in the fifth moon. She was so scared he was dead and felt an emptiness inside her heart at that thought. It was then when she had finally let her head accept what her heart had always known. She was totally, absolutely, and completely in love with him. And now here she was again, not knowing if he was okay and worried she would never see him again. The emptiness she had felt after the fifth moon was nothing compared to what she was feeling now.

"I need to tell him how I feel, even if he doesn't feel the same." :Sigh: She quickly finished her bath and got out before she got wrinkly. Wrapping her towel around her she exited the room and wandered back down the hall to her room.

When she entered, she walked over to her dresser to remove a fresh pair of night clothes. As she pulled them out a sheet of paper flew out from the folds and fluttered to the floor. "I wonder what this is?" When she picked it up and saw what was on it her hand flew to her mouth and she slowly sank to the floor. It was a letter from Vash.

Dear Meryl,

When you read this, I will be long gone. That is why I hid it where you wouldn't find it immediately, I didn't want to risk you following me. I am sorry that I find myself unable to face you and tell you these things in person, but it would have been so much harder for both of us. I don't know what will happen when I find Knives and you don't know how much I wish I did. My whole life has been dictated by what my brother does and it's always unpredictable. I have been able to accept this fate. That is until now. I have always kept myself from getting to close to anyone. It was easier that way. I wouldn't get hurt when I inevitably had to leave and they wouldn't get killed when Knives found out. But then I met you. You are unlike anyone else. My reputation didn't make you scared of me. In fact you wouldn't even believe I was who I was. The more I was around, despite the fact that you were usually yelling or throwing something at me, I saw you were just the same as me. Lonely. Just like me you put on a show to hid what you really feel on the inside. Afraid to let anyone in. I don't know if you will ever let someone in but I need you to know that I finally let someone into my heart. I love you Meryl. No matter what happens, and even if we never see each other again, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I hope that one day you find someone deserving of you who will give you everything I want, but am unable to give you. When Wolfwood died, I truly understood the pain that Millie was in. I feel it now even as I write this because even though you are not dead, I know that I won't see you again. All I want is to be able to wrap my arms around you and never let go, but I can't. So I must tell you goodbye. Tell Millie goodbye for me and that I am sorry. Goodbye Short Girl. I truly love you.

Yours forever,

Vash

Meryl could barely contain herself. The tears were pouring out of her now red and puffy eyes. She hugged the now damp piece of paper to her tightly. "Oh Vash. I don't want anyone else. I love you! Please come back. Please. Please." She lay there, on the floor, and cried until she was exhausted and fell asleep still wrapped up in her towel.

When she finally awoke, it was still early. The sun was just beginning to rise. It was not so easy for Meryl. Sleeping on the floor had made her joints stiff and her entire body hurt. Gingerly she pushed herself up and walked to her bed. She couldn't sleep anymore, but she needed to lie on something soft while she waited for her physical pain to ebb. Her emotional pain required more. As she lay there, she reread Vash's letter and slowly the tears began to fall again. She was able to control herself more today though. When she was composed again and her joints relaxed she climbed out of bed, dressed swiftly and as quietly and quickly as possible, so as not to wake her still sleeping partner, she headed down the stairs and out the door.

Everything around was quiet. The town was still sleeping. Meryl simply walked down the deserted streets, thinking about the man she loved. There was no destination, merely a desire to be alone. The pain she was in had skyrocketed from what it had been. Before she had simply missed him, but now she knew he loved her and had still chosen to leave without the decency to tell her to her face. "I am sorry that I find myself unable to face you and tell you these things in person, but it would have been so much harder for both of us." The anger that was slowly rising fell quickly. "I don't care how hard it would have been. I deserved to be told in person. I need to tell him I feel the same." Turning to face the vast expanse of desert, she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Vash, you big jerk! You have to come back. I demand you tell me in person!" Once again she could feel tears trying to fall, but this time she refused to let them. "I won't cry anymore for him. He chose to leave. He..He doesn't deserve them." In her heart she knew she didn't really believe that, but it made the pain somewhat bearable to lie to herself.

By the time she returned to the house, Millie was awake and had started breakfast. "Oh Sempai there you are. Where have you been?"

"I woke up early so I went for a walk." "Oh. Well breakfast is almost finished so have a seat." They ate in silence. Millie seemed to understand that Meryl was in no mood for chatter

Meryl simply floated through work. Everyone could tell something was wrong with her, but all had been on the receiving end of her temper at least once and they knew better than to bother her. When quitting time rolled around it couldn't have come fast enough for Meryl. She hadn't really wanted to go, but she knew it would be noticed too much if she laid out and she didn't want to answer and questions right now.

When she got home, she didn't even speak to Millie, but went straight to her room and locked the door. She walked over to her dresser and pulled the letter out and read it again. This time she let the tears fall as freely as they had when she had first read it. Carefully placing in back in the drawer, she stood and walked over to the window to sit on the sill. She stayed there staring out into the desert till she was so tired she couldn't keep her eyes open and finally walked back over to the bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

If she had stared just a little longer or if her eyesight was slightly better, she might have seen the solitary figure gradually making his way across the desert headed for town. Maybe she would have noticed his tall hair and the giant cross he carried behind him. Maybe she would have seen him, at the sight of his destination, smile his first real smile, or seen the one word that escaped his lips. "Meryl."