Part III

 

"You're rationalizing, Bastila. You're just scared to face the truth."

"You're the one who can't face the truth! Malak has to be stopped. How can I do that if I let myself be blinded by my…my feelings for you?"

"I will stop him. But I want to do it with you at my side."

Silence.

"You... you mean it, don't you? But…how can I be sure you aren't making a mistake? I...no, I have to resist. I have to be strong, for both of us."

"You don't always have to be strong. Give in, just this once."

"But I don't... I mean, I can't... the Council—Malak will..."

"Shut up and kiss me, you babbling fool." His voice is husky.

My breath catches in my throat. "Oh, my…"

----------

My head jerks as the Sith officer enters the room, shattering my reverie.

"I left orders not to be interrupted!" I snarl at him.

He bows low. "My apologies, Lady Bastila. But Lord Malak has summoned you to the command center. At once, he says. "

I stifle my anger and push past the man. I briefly consider frying him with a jolt of lightning—he sees the dark expression on my face and blanches—but Lord Malak has summoned me. I must go.

I have put aside my memories of Revan by the time I reach the Star Forge's control room. Now I pause to collect my emotions and hide them behind the blank wall I learned to erect long ago as a child. My…weaknesses must not be exposed to him, lest he consider me a failure and cast me aside.

I know that I would not survive the fall.

 ----------

"Master, why have you summoned me?" I ask as I stride into the room. Best to speak first and direct the conversation, rather than give him a chance to probe my mind. "Without my Battle Meditation, the Republic ships could break through our lines and attack the Star Forge itself."

Malak is studying an enormous holographic projection which depicts the battle raging outside. "This will not take long, Bastila." His mechanical voice sends chills down my spine. "You will be able to resume your meditation soon enough. I wanted you to know that Revan is here on the Star Forge."

An indescribable flurry of emotion tightens my heart. "Revan? But..."

Luckily, Malak is too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice mine. "The Force is bringing us towards a confrontation with my old master." His voice is a growl. "The Star Forge has drawn our enemies together so they may all die in a single, glorious day!"

He turns and his eyes drill into mine; I feel exposed beneath his gaze. "And now you must prove yourself worthy of being my apprentice, Bastila. You must finish what began in the Rakatan Temple."

I stiffen.

"You must kill Revan."

My mouth works. "I…y-yes, Lord Malak."

He mistakes my hesitance. "I sense your fear, Bastila. But it is unfounded. The power of the Star Forge will feed the darkness within you. It will give you the strength you need to defeat my old master." He steps toward me. Up close, his aura is terrifying and I fight the urge to shrink away. "Stay here in the command center while you use your Battle Meditation, and Revan will find you. It is inevitable."
 

"Of course, Master." My voice is forcibly calm now. "I will not fail you again."

"See that you do not." A swirl of his cloak and he is gone.

My legs are suddenly weak and I sink to my knees. Revan… staring at me from the roof of the Rakatan temple…

"Bastila…"

With a mental snarl, I banish the thought and harden my heart. I will not allow myself to fall victim to such pitiful weakness. Not again.

He dies by my hand.

----------

"There is no death, there is the Force."

Our lightsabers illuminate the room as we face off in the command center of the Star Forge, the heart of darkness.

We are locked in a stalemate. Revan is still stronger than I, but true to Malak's words, the Star Forge re-energizes me in the midst of our battle. Dark power washes through my body, healing my wounds and feeding me strength, while Revan is slowly pushed to the point of exhaustion.

It is inevitable.

Our sabers meet in a blaze of sparks. I ignore my defense and accept a cut on my shoulder in order to slash at his leg. My saber bites into flesh and he staggers.

I leap away, my shoulder already healed. He clutches his leg and grimaces.

"Now you recognize the power of the Star Forge." My words are gloating. "Here, the dark side is at its strongest, and it fuels me with power. This time, Revan, you will not win."

He shakes his head. "You don't believe those words, Bastila." His voice is tired. "The light side will always be stronger than the dark."

I laugh. "Still parroting the words of the Council like a good little Jedi, I see. Tell me, Revan,"—I lunge at him, swinging, but he is too fast—"was it easy to forgive them for raping your mind?" We exchange blows and he leaps away, but I follow and am on top of him.

His saber is an impenetrable blur; I pull back but lunge and strike again and again, giving him no quarter. Droplets of his sweat sizzle as they land on our blades. He finally manages to break away. His breath comes in short pants.

I smile.

"This will end soon, Revan. You were a fool to come here, a fool to underestimate the power of the dark side" I twirl my staff and crouch low. "Even you cannot overcome the power of the Star Forge. After I—after your death," for some reason I stumble on the words, "I will serve at Malak's right hand. We will crush the Republic and rule the galaxy."

He stares at me. Then, suddenly, something comes over his face and his breathing slows. He straightens his body and stands tall.

"You don't truly believe those words, do you?" There is a note of wonder in his voice. "I can still feel the light within you."

His words and the look on his face give me pause, but I shake off any doubts and tighten my grip on the hilt of my saber. "I am a Sith apprentice now. You place too much faith in what I once was…and for that you will pay." My blade hovers menacingly.

His face is set and his eyes bore into mine. With inhuman calm, he extinguishes his saber and lowers it to his side.

"Then strike me down, Bastila. I won't defend myself."

My eyes narrow. "What?!" I hiss. "What trick is this?"

"No trick." He raises his hands, palms facing me. "We meant something to each other, once. You will not attack me."

I stiffen at the words but there is no hint of Force compulsion behind them. They are just words. If he were attempting to overpower my mind, I could at least respect him. But this…I want to spit at his weakness.

His weakness…to stand thus unarmed… Does he truly believe I would not…? My blade dips uncertainly. How could he…?

"Draw your weapon!" I bark at him.

He doesn't move, just stares at me.

My mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He would—unarmed—I cannot—I must Malak ordered it—how can I—I must! Peace is a lie there is only passion! I must!

The torrent of words escapes as a battle cry. I rear back, ready to strike.

He doesn't move.

My blade arcs through the air.

He doesn't move.

I behead him in one clean stroke.

Or rather, I try to. My blade stops inches from his neck, hissing and crackling.

He doesn't move.

I can go no further. The saber weighs so little, yet my arm shakes with the effort of holding it aloft.

The hilt falls from lifeless fingers, its fire abruptly stilled. "I can't…" The sensations are overwhelming.

Tears run down my face as I collapse.

----------

A gentle hand touches my shoulder. I look up to see Revan kneeling before me.

"Get away from me!" I scream. He draws back as if stung. I lower my head until my forehead touches the cold steel floor.

Too much. Too much pain. Too much suffering. Too much death and destruction and betrayal and darkness. My shoulder shake with each sob. It is too much.

Unbidden, the words of the Jedi Code float into my mind. There is no emotion, there is peace.

Where did that come from?

There is no passion, there is serenity.

I look up through tear-streaked eyes to see Revan staring intently at me.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

And then I understand. He shares the words through our bond.

"Enough," I whisper. I rise shakily to my feet, head bowed. "You are brave…and foolish. But you are right. The dark side has not wholly consumed me. I cannot raise my blade against you."

"Bastila…" His voice is gentle.

I look away, unable meet his eyes. "I... I know a flicker of the light still burns within me. Malak felt it too. He knew it could only be extinguished if I…killed you." My body trembles and my voice grows bitter. "But what good is a single flicker of light against the sea of darkness I am drowning in? I can never atone for my betrayal; I cannot be redeemed. I am not strong enough."

He takes a step forward. "Take your strength from me."

Our eyes meet, and a faint smile touches my lips. "Heh. You... always had more strength than I did. I told you that. I felt so helpless before your destiny."

He returns the smile. "But you still protected me. You even 'rescued' me on Tarsis, remember?"

My mouth twitches but a chuckle manages to escape. I find myself laughing at that memory of our meeting on Tarsis. It seems so very long ago, when the world was so much brighter.

Revan joins in and we laugh together. The tension seeps from my body in an emotional catharsis. It leaves me weak, but also strengthens my resolve. I know what must happen, and I can accept my fate.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks, still smiling. "Even now I feel your strength, Revan. It does help me. Thank you. I think…I think I can face the end, now…" the words come in a rush, "…if you are the one to end it for me." I pause to take a deep, shuddering breath before plunging ahead. "For the sake of what we once shared, I ask you to take my life."

"Never." His response comes before I have finished my request. Something clenches tightly around my heart and refuses to let go.

"Please," I beg. I turn my head so he will not see the weakness on my face. "This is too painful. Strike me down. End this now, quickly. There is no other way."

"I will not," he growls.

"What other choice do you have?" I demand. My gaze has drawn back to his and our eyes are locked. "I have fallen to the dark side. I have killed…killed so many. Too many. And I am the apprentice to the dark lord himself. You cannot let me live."

"I could never hurt you, Bastila." His eyes bore into mine. His voice is barely a whisper, but it echoes throughout the chamber.

"I love you."

The declaration strikes me with almost physical force. My heart jumps. To hear that from him…even after I have… I could almost believe…no. I must not…I must…

I cannot stop myself. "You…love me...?" I whisper in awe. The words sound strange from my lips, but they are perfect. I suddenly feel very small but very important and wonderful and peaceful. Is this, then…to love?

He stares at me. I give a tiny shake of my head. "Strange. There was a time when I longed to…and dreaded…to hear those words." My mouth is suddenly dry, but I must continue. He must hear this, come what may. "I…this may not be the best time to say it, but…"

His eyes are brilliant.

"I love you too. With all my heart."

The look on his face, awe and wonder mixed with such joy, almost makes me weep. To bring happiness to such a man…I am not worthy of his love.

That loud clatter is his saber falling to the ground. Two quick strides brings him to me and we embrace with an urgency that borders on violence. I clutch at his strong frame, tears streaming down my face. Months of emotion and passion and chaos and fear and anger and longing and love pour out. I sob like a child.

He says nothing, just holds me tightly.

Finally the tears subside. My hiccup breaks the silence. Startled, we both laugh.

"I love you," I whisper against his chest.

"You aren't afraid to love anymore?" he asks, stroking my hair. His touch is both gentle and wonderful.

A bittersweet smile. "After this? No, nothing could make me feel safer than to be loved by you." And the words ring true. In the midst of a raging firefight, standing in the command center of the Star Forge, the throne room of the Dark Lord's greatest power, I have never felt safer than here in his arms. Here there is no Malak, no dark side, no Sith, no war.

Here, I have found my peace.

I know it cannot last. In a few moments he must retrieve his saber and finish what he started so many years ago; he will face his former apprentice in a battle to decide the fate of the galaxy. And I must turn my Battle Meditation against the Sith Fleet I had been supporting just moments earlier. We have our responsibilities, to the Council and the Republic and the Code, and to the galaxy.

But for now, we have each other.