AN: Wow! I'm back finally! School's almost over! High school Graduation by April 1! Yaay!
Once Upon a Time in Konoha
Chapter Eight: What's so funny?
Just as our blonde prince Naruto, and his infamous teacher ala hentai god Kakashi, was crossing the bridge towards the castle, after the brief fainting encounter with the witches, the big Bad Wolf appeared, with his comrade, Akamaru, barring the way.
"Stop! In the name of love!
Oops... Wrong line... Rewind...
"Stop! This is a private property, and you are not allowed to enter! By orders of the Prince Itachi! If you want to pass, come and fight me. "
Just then, Kiba blinked. "Oh Naruto, never mind. It's only you. You may pass. After all, I'm supposed to stop the supposedly called Prince..."
"But I am the prince!" Naruto whined, making that adorable pout.
"Yeah, yeah, you're the prince, I know." Kiba raised his hand, "And I managed to eat Granny and the three little pigs..."
Huh?
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto tugged along the tunic of the hentai god. Why won't Kiba believe him? "Kakashi-sensei, tell him that I'm the prince!"
For the first time, the Big Bad Wolf noticed the Hentai god clad in tunic with an olive branch tucked in his ear. Kiba sighed. "You again?"
"Eh... Big Bad Wolf..." Kakashi coughed and mustered his calmest voice possible. He needed control... "Kiba, Naruto is..."
Once again, Kakashi coughed. Gosh... "Naruto is the prince..."
Naruto flashed his toothy grin. Kiba blinked.
"No way." Kiba looked from one face to another. "He... and the princess?"
Kakashi solemnly nodded.
"You got to be shitting me!"
When Kiba got no response from the hentai god, and Naruto kept on smiling, Kiba did the predictable.
The Big Bad Wolf laughed.
Oh well...
"What's so funny?" Naruto innocently asked a furiously red-faced Kiba.
To his dismay, Kiba merely covered his mouth and continued on with his predicament, which was, laughing.
Gods... Who knew he could laugh this much?
And damn it! Naruto wanted to know what was really funny!
So once again, he asked the question that would be the main tag line of our chapter.
"What's so funny?"
The dearest narrator meanwhile, coughed and approached Naruto. He had to exercise every bit of his control not to laugh with Kiba, and answer the damn question of sorts.
What's so funny?
"Eh... Naruto... Kiba... Let's go on with the story shall we?"
"Hey, prince!" Kiba managed to mutter while laughing. "You may pass..." He struggled to breathe, laugh, and speak at the same time. "I... don't care... what happens anyway... In fact, I may like what would happen at all... You the prince! Mwah haha ha ha ha!"
Naruto merely stared at the hysterical wolf in confusion. What the hell was happening?
And damn it... What the hell was funny?
Some time later, after our beloved narrator got mercy on his hysterical state, the Big Bad wolf finally settled down, and grinned for the last time. He pointed a finger on Naruto. "Hey, oh Prince Naruto! One last piece of advice... Good luck on the princess!"
"The two of you are very compatible!" With one last laugh and shake of the head, the Big Bad Wolf disappeared.
"So that was the story on how the Prince defeated the Big Bad Wolf..."
"Eh Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto turned. "What the hell was so funny?"
The hentai god only smiled, and was spared from answering by the sudden appearance of Itachi.
"Worthless servants!" Itachi widened his eyes in surprise. "Oh look, look, what do we have here?"
Silence.
"Sasuke?" The blonde blinked. "No! Wait! You're Itachi! What are you doing here?"
Itachi groaned in response. "I just wonder why people kept on mistaking me with that foolish brother of mine who absolutely have no fashion sense and he's..."
"Eh... Itachi?" Kakashi interrupted.
"Oh yeah, yeah... Never mind!" Itachi waved his hand. "So... my Kyuubi... who are you exactly?"
"Err... I am the Prince..." Naruto forced a smile, still confused in his thoughts. Was this really Itachi? And did he really hear say the word "fashion sense" a minute ago? Weird!
"The prince?" Itachi repeated. "Kyuubi was the prince? But that's impossible! I was expecting ... Oh well... Maybe this was a good idea after all! My, my, my! Who would have thought?" He then eyed the blonde carefully, and smiled. "In fairness, I like your suit!"
"Huh?"
"Itachi!" Kakashi warned.
"I know, I know..." Itachi then turned. "Do you want the princess, Naruto?"
"Of course, I do..."
Itachi grinned. "Do you really want, as in want, the princess?"
"Yeah! I want her all right!" Naruto impatiently replied.
Her? Itachi chuckled. This was so much fun! "As you say so... But you have to get pass me first..."
Kakashi coughed and turned the pages of the book. "The battle has began... An honorable conquest... The fight between the Evil Prince and the Noble knight to save the princess... All because of love..."
The hentai god rolled his eyes. Wow... That was nasty...
Naruto positioned and readied himself for the expected attack. Suddenly, right in the middle of nowhere, a blue fairy appeared and handed him a sword.
"Hinata?"
Hinata shoved the sword to Naruto's hand. "Naruto-kun... This would... help... you... defeat the Evil prince..." She turned away, misty-eyed and blushing. "You'll make...a good prince, Naruto-kun... You... You look good as a prince..."
With one last look at Naruto, she disappeared.
Just like in the TV soap opera, they would often say...
When you love someone, learn to let go. If he comes back, he's yours, but if not, he never was...
What the hell was I saying? Back to the story, folks...
"Thanks, Hinata." Naruto whispered before he turned to face Itachi. "Hey, Itachi! Prepare to die!" He ran and wielded the sword.
Just then, Itachi put his hand forward. "On second thoughts..." He grinned. "I quit."
Silence.
The raspy scream of the blonde erupted. "WHAT! What do you mean you quit?"
"I quit... Meaning I give up... Meaning I don't want to fight you anymore!"
"But why?"
"You see I am not at all as foolish as my brother... Whatever I do, I would not win this match... You are destined to win, anyway... So I would just be wasting my time and energy... I would rather shop various gowns and torture my beloved..."
"Itachi!" Kakashi warned for the third time. In fairness, the Uchiha was really clever.
"Look, I know. Just do me a favor, Kyuubi." Itachi once again smiled. "All I can say is... No regrets..."
No regrets? Naruto blinked. What the hell was this bastard talking about?
"Say hi for the princess for me, I'm very sure you'll like her-whatever..." Itachi exchanged a look with Kakashi who chuckled. "Don't forget to invite me to the wedding... After all, I'm still the princess' brother, and I'll be glad to extend a hand in the choosing of gowns, for an improved fashion statement, etc."
Another blink. Seriously what the hell was Itachi on about?
Itachi waved his hand and blew a kiss. "Happy Kissing! Ciao!"
"Okay..." Naruto said and turned to look at his sensei, who was silently laughing. "Hey! Just what the hell was so funny?"
"After the fight with Itachi, Prince… Naruto… bravely… entered the castle…"
At this point, Kakashi was on the verge of mental break down… He couldn't control it anymore…
"Prince Naruto…wandered from… room to room… until… he reached the… tower of… the castle…"
Okay… He really needed to do something fast. He needed to think of something else, of Gai's out-of-this-world-orations, of flying green pigs… Damn it… Just anything…
He even started to mumble! Yaay! This was a bad sign! Kakashi never mumbled! He never stuttered or did anything whatsoever synonymous with that verb!
Kakashi needed to breathe air into his system… He needed to breathe air safely into his system… He couldn't risk it… This was just damn too close… He needed to do that quickly or risk dying from suffocation!
He. Had. To. Laugh. Damn. It.
"Eh… Kakashi-sensei, are you coming?" Naruto had noticed that the silver-haired jounin had stopped just before the door of the tower… And he started to act… weird… Really weird…
Okay, breathe… Breathe… One… Two… Three… Inhale… Exhale… Won't look at Naruto… Didn't know about the person inside the tower… Didn't know anything whatsoever about what they were about to do…. About what they were to find out… About the way they would look once they found out…
"Eeep..."
What this accomplished, however, was for the silver-haired-jounin to think more about it, thus, falling deeper and deeper into madness, with just a single finger holding on to sanity…
Naruto frowned. What was the matter now? "Kakashi-sensei, are you all right!"
Kakashi immediately nodded.
He couldn't even trust himself to open his mouth and mutter a single coherent word!
Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… Inhale…
"Uh… Naruto… You go in… I'm sure…. you wanted to… look at the…princess… and have some… privacy… Yeah that's right… you two need some privacy!" Kakashi smiled in effect… 'You would… easily find… the princess… locked up, sleeping…"
That one finger was slowly slipping… He was about to burst, damn it! Control… Kakashi… Control… Just a minute more… It would be safe in just a minute more… Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…
Privacy? Whatever. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Fine… I'm going in…"
And Kakashi?
Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…
Naruto slowly opened the brass doorknob, and pushed the wooden door.
He found himself staring at a gigantic pile of hundred mattresses…
The pile of mattresses Prince Itachi had the liberty and time of preparing… Why one hundred? One mattress each per year…
He was bored, damn it…
He was going on well until the 80th year, when it occurred to him that he forgot to place a pea underneath the first one… Oh well, he had to repeat the procedure again and again… And my! Was that a nasty temper!
Tsk… Tsk… Tsk… Poor mirror… Gai actually "informed" Itachi of it…
Anyway… That was a different story, so let's continue.
Naruto shrugged, and climbed the ladder…
One… Two… Three…
Finally, after some time, he reached the 500th step…
The last one!
Only to find a certain Uchiha sleeping peacefully on it…
Naruto blinked.
What was Sasuke doing here?
Where was the princess?
He gasped.
Did Sasuke kidnap the princess?
A typical Naruto-ish thinking...
Where did the bastard bring her?
"Oy, Sasuke." Naruto nudged the sleeping boy.
No response.
"Sasuke."
No response.
"Sasuke!" The blonde irritably yelled. He was now literally shaking the poor boy.
Gosh… Maybe the bastard was dead!
But the slight movement of the sleeping boy, and his calm breathing confirmed that he was not…
Wait, why the hell was Sasuke wearing a pink dress?
Just in time, the Uchiha prodigy struggled to open his eyes… He sat up.
Heck, he had just slept for hundred years!
"Dobe…" Sasuke scowled, recognizing the blond hair and blue eyes, "What… the…"
His eyes snapped in attention.
Naruto?
He blankly looked at the blonde, who was wearing a red cape, armor, and what the hell was that? Was that a sword? Was the kitsune holding a sword?
He froze in shock as those facts finally registered. After all, he was known to have a quick mind, and as of this time, he didn't know if that was to his advantage.
Oh, shit…
Naruto fidgeted. "I should be the one asking that question, bastard." He glared at the raven-haired boy before him. "Now, where was the princess? What did you do with her? Get her back so that I could kiss…"
Sasuke stared at Naruto in horror.
Kiss? Did Naruto just say he would kiss the princess?
Shit…
Know the saying… What you don't know won't hurt you?
How about… The Truth hurts?
Naruto, as expected, was oblivious of the Uchiha's discomfort, his horror, even though it was openly displayed on his once impassive face. He just chatted on…
"Sasuke, what! Did you kidnap her? Hello, Sasuke!"
By this time, Sasuke should be starting his very long, very "emotional", damn speech, with Naruto obviously invading the first sentence…
Wait, correction… Naruto was actually invading all sentences…
But he just couldn't bring himself to do it…
And to say that the poor princess was in shock was an understatement…
Sasuke was horror-struck… shaken… stunned… … traumatized… to mumble even just a single monosyllabic word…
For the first time, the Uchiha was actually caught off guard! As in off guard!
Oh, well…
Naruto finally noticed the comical expression on the Uchiha's features. "Sasuke?" First, Kakashi… And now… Aarrgh… What was wrong with people today? "Fine. Don't talk to me." He grunted. "By the way, why are you wearing a pink dress?" He was too irritated that he forgot to make it a laughing matter…
This was it, guys… Brace yourselves…
Thud!
Naruto blinked.
Did…
Sasuke…
Faint…
Did Sasuke just pass out? And in front of him?
Wah! What's wrong with people!
Sasuke passed out… He didn't even bother telling him where the princess was…
Wah! What would he do now!
Where would he find the princess?
Wait…
He remembered that Kakashi somehow told him that he would easily find the princess here, sleeping, locked up on the tower…
And only Sasuke was here…
And he was the only one sleeping…
Blue eyes widened in horror.
Oh, shit…
But that wasn't possible…
The princess was supposed to be a "she"…
Right?
But that would explain why Kiba was laughing so hard when he told him that he was the prince…
Kakashi's damn laughing reaction in the beginning… His weird mood swings just minutes ago…
Why Sakura and Ino fainted on the spot…
Why Hinata was close to tears… Okay, he didn't know if that one was really connected…
Even Itachi's amused smirk, and that damn say-hi-to-the-princess-for-me-I'm-sure-you'll-like-her-whatever, followed by a laugh, and an irritating shake of the head…
And now, this, Sasuke, passed out!
And the pink dress…
"Wah!" The blonde screamed….
That was until the thought of the kiss entered his very confused head…
The screaming stopped…
Naruto's mouth surely gaped open…
Oh-shit…
And lo and behold, he too, passed out….
Meanwhile, Kakashi's boisterous laughter echoed towards the room…
And to Naruto and Sasuke, all I can say is… Always look at the bright side of Life…
Oh come on. What's so funny?
Jeez... I got a weird sick sense of humor... Please review… Hopefully, next week… The Kiss that would break the spell…"