Disclaimer: I wish I owned these bishie boys and these wonderful songs. sniff You should all thank your lucky stars ;)
Warning: Nothing horrid, mention of abuse and drugs, but nothing graphic
Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back. Sorry for those waiting for World so Cold, I was on a roll with Happy Birthday and couldn't stop. I'm still working on it never fear. For those of you following this story, thanks for all of your reviews, they mean so much to me. I would like to address one question that a reader asked. (Thank you for asking Syaoran-Lover, it is an important question). All medical terms (even the nickname for DIC) and statistics are true. Anything I didn't know, I researched. I play with background and characters in my stories, but the point of this story is the horror of child abuse/molestation. Sadly, the most tragic part of the story is the truth in it. You'll see what I mean when you read it.
Happy Birthday
Chapter VII: Welcome To My Life
'Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me'
-'Welcome To My Life' by Simple Plan
DIC...Death Is Coming...
"Joe?"
Joe fought the shiver running down his back and kept his memories to himself. He told himself that it had just been one case. He told himself that not everyone died. The disease could be fought and conquered, his text books had that in print. And if anyone could do it, Joe believed Matt could. But...
"Joe?" Sora repeated, calling his attention to her. "Will he be alright?"
Even though Joe wasn't a doctor, Sora had come to trust and depend on him as if he were. All of the digi-destined had learned to trust his knowledge and his reliability.
"DIC can be treated." Joe's voice was full of certainty. He tried to drill it into himself while at the same time reassuring his friends. "It can be treated."
The room fell into an awkward silence at Joe's answer. Even though they all seemed to accept Joe's reassurance, the room didn't resume a normal atmosphere. Kari and the others knew that Tai had more to say. They also somehow understood that they hadn't heard the worst part yet.
"I'm afraid that's not everything. There's something else I need to tell you." Tai looked confused at how to start. He had been the one to push for this, but now he wasn't sure what the best way to do it was. "There's something I need to ask each of you..."
Tai stopped talking and abruptly stood. Walking away from his friends, he ran his hand through his unruly brown hair and let out a sound that was something between a grunt and a strangled scream of frustration. Taking a couple deep breathes, he turned to face his friends and tried again.
"Tk and I learned about something today." Looking into Tk's eyes, Tai could see the normally light blue eyes were dark and forbidding. Tk was mad. Tai was too, but he was more worried. He hoped Matt would forgive him, hoped Tk would, too. He pushed on. "I think it's important that we all talk about it, but Tk doesn't agree. He thinks Matt might hate us for telling you. He might be right, but I truly don't care. I am furious with Matt right now, because he never talked with us about this. One of the reasons Tk finally agreed to let me tell you about this is because I reminded him that you are Matt's friends and you would never hurt him. And I know you would never repeat to anyone what I'm going to talk to you about today."
"Also, I just want to say that there's no blame here. If Matt talked with you about this or you figured it out on your own and Matt convinced you not to tell anyone, I understand. We just want to know about it. We need to figure out who did this." Tai meant every word. He had thought about it a lot on the way home; the idea that one of his friends had known, but not helped Matt. Just thinking about it, he had wanted to deal out some hard punishment to anyone who might have failed Matt that badly. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that they didn't have the time or the luxury to blame each other. He had decided that he would forgive and forget as much as he could if it meant finding the bastard that had hurt his friend.
Tai took a deep breath and continued. "And finally, most importantly, I wanted to make sure that none of you have gone through what he has. If anyone here has been hurt by the person who hurt Matt, I ask you to trust us and talk to us, for yourself and for Matt. We're your friends and we would do anything to protect you."
Four pairs of eyes had shifted from him to Tk and back again as Tai spoke. The others were confused and a little afraid because of Tai's speech. They were trying to read Tai and Tk's faces to get a clue about what had caused such serious words from their normally carefree leader. Tk's face didn't reveal anything, his eyes never left Tai's face. He knew that they had reached the point of no return. Tai merely sat down in front of them and braced himself for the explosion.
"Matt was sexually assaulted."
A sudden wall of silence crashed down on the group. Wide eyes stared in horror and denial at Tai's revelation. But something that terrible did not sit well in silence and, surprisingly, that silence was shattered by Izzy. His usually calm voice and prolific vocabulary were reduced to one outraged word. "Raped?"
Tk visibly flinched at the word. Somehow it had sounded less evil to say 'sexually assaulted.' Dropping his gaze to the floor, Tk fought the fresh tears that threatened to spill free. He held them back, trying to banish them completely. They only cleared away after he made a deal with himself. I won't cry, not until I find the bastard that did that to my brother!
After the immediate shocked reaction, the room became a riot of questions.
"Who did it?"
"Did they arrest him?"
"They should shoot him!" That, of course, was contributed by Tai's own dear, sweet, and, dare he think it, innocent sister.
"When did it happen?"
-"Why didn't he go to the police?"
"Why would someone do that?"
-"What should we do?"
Everyone was talking over each other. Tai let them. Instead of trying to control the conversation, he turned his attention to his friends' reactions. Tk sat quietly beside him, his eyes on the floor and his lips moving without sound. Izzy had subconsciously grabbed his laptop and held it closed in his lap. His hands held on so tightly that his knuckles were blanched white. He hadn't spoken much since his initial outburst, instead his wide eyes followed the ricocheting conversation as if tracking a tennis ball in a lighting fast match. Joe also didn't say much, it seemed the loud and chaotic conversation was mostly originating from the two girls. But unlike Izzy who watched the crossfired questioning intensely and Tk who concentrated on not hearing the questions, Joe seemed to be staring past everyone and everything. The look on his face seemed to suggest he was trying to see through the wall behind Tai. From his furrowed brows, Tai didn't think he was very successful. Sora and Kari looked like mirror images. Both girls sat forward, questions coming at higher and higher octaves. Identical looks of rage covered their faces and seemed to grow stronger as if they were feeding off of each other's energy. What he didn't see in any of the faces of his friends and sister was the shadow of guilt that would have spoken of previous knowledge of Matt's rape nor the pain that would have been a sign of another silent victim.
"Enough!" Tai raised his voice to be heard over the shouting. He waited for the emotion-laden voices to stagger to a halt before he continued. "The way I see it is that somewhere out there is a mean SOB that has been torturing Matt. We need to find out who it is so that when Matt gets better and goes home, he will be safe."
"Don't the police have anything?" Kari asked, turning to her brother. "I mean, in all the TV shows, there is always some sort of evidence. DNA, fingerprints, a witness..., something. The police should be able to find out who did it."
"It's not that simple," Tk answered her. "The nurse at the hospital said the examiner wasn't able to find any evidence."
"But there has to be something," Sora insisted, agreeing with Kari. "How could there be no evidence? It doesn't seem possible."
"Actually, there are a lot of ways to destroy evidence." Izzy spoke up finally. "One of the easiest ways is to wash up. Soap and water can destroy a lot of evidence. Plus, if the...rapist...used protection, there might not be any DNA to find."
"Also, Matt seemed to be trying his best to hide this," Joe added to Izzy's comments. "He might have destroyed evidence himself in an attempt to keep things a secret."
"Then how can we possible find out who did it, especially if the police can't. Even if Matt wasn't trying to keep it from us, he's too sick to be able to talk to anyone right now." Sora wanted to help Matt, but couldn't see what they could find out that the police couldn't.
"I know. I didn't say it would be easy, but we have to try." Tai's voice almost sounded defeated, but his eyes held only determination.
"We do have one advantage over the police," Izzy added quietly.
"What?" Sora turned her attention to him.
"We know Matt." Izzy sounded completely sure of himself, but Tai wouldn't have agreed with him. Tai knew how well Matt had hidden from them and was beginning to think that maybe they didn't know him at all. Izzy obviously didn't feel the same way. He continued without hesitation. "There is no one that knows him as well as we do. He may have been trying to keep it a secret from us, but there had to be signs. We just didn't know what we were seeing."
"What kind of signs?" Kari scooted closer to where Izzy sat.
"I don't know, but I'm sure I can find out." Izzy opened up his laptop and suddenly found five warm bodies pressed up against his back. "Um, guys, a little room here."
Tai, Tk, and Joe moved back to give him room, but the girls took advantage of his use of a male-gendered term and stayed right where they were, peering over his shoulders at the screen..
"While I look for this, could you tell us everything you know, Tai?"
"Everything I know?" Tai didn't mean it as a question to Izzy, it was more to prompt himself to remember. "I know that whoever raped him also beat him. I know they almost killed him. And I know that the hospital thinks that it has probably been going on for a few years."
Tai's felt his anger multiplying with each sentence. He paused to take a breath and found the momentary silence filled by Tk.
"I think the hospital suspects it is someone close to him," Tk added shrewdly. "They have the nurses sitting guard with him whenever there are visitors, and the only visitors allowed are close friends and relatives."
Everyone except for Izzy tried to process what Tk had said. They couldn't believe that a stranger could be sick enough to do that to their friend, but to even consider someone that was supposed to love and care about him doing it. It was unbelievable, horrifying.
"I found something. It's about child abuse in general, but does talk about sexual abuse specifically as well." Izzy's voice returned their attention to him and his laptop. He scanned the document, reading aloud anything that seemed relevant to Matt's situation.
"'In the sixty seconds it will take you to read this introduction, 25 children will be abused in some form or fashion.'" Izzy paused in disbelief and reread it again to himself before glancing down at his watch. Sixty seconds. The idea that one small moment in time could be measured in the screams of children was chilling. 25 children. Izzy almost regretted his idea to look this up. He knew the more he read, the worse he'd feel. But he also knew he needed to do this, he would risk the nightmares he knew it would bring him if it could help Matt.
He cleared his throat and continued, "'It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually victimized by the time they reach adulthood.'"
Tai was disturbed by the numbers Izzy was quoting. Statistics. It sounds so coldly factually, but it isn't just about the numbers. That 'one in six' is my best friend. Can there really be that many children being hurt or raped? My math class has 24 kids in it, 14 guys and 10 girls. If that statistic is true then, besides Matt, there are at least three other kids in my class who will be hurt like that. If they haven't already been.
The faces of his friends and classmates played across Tai's thoughts. He almost didn't catch Izzy's next sentence.
"'90 of abusers are known to the victim and include relatives or other caregivers.'" Izzy looked up at Tk, "No wonder the hospital thinks it could be a friend or family member."
"Is there anyone you can think of who might have hurt him?" Joe addressed his question to Tk. "Anyone he seemed afraid of? Or just didn't like?"
"I can't think of anyone that could possibly be able to do that to him. But since we don't live together, I just don't know. I don't know anybody on my Dad's side of the family. Mom never let me go with them on visits. But as far as Matt being afraid of anyone," Tk almost laughed. "You know my brother, he didn't seem to be afraid of anything or anyone."
Tk paused for a second, the edge of a memory tugging at his thoughts. It was something that felt dark, had some sort of edge to it that felt significant. Tk tried to bring the memory forward as the others talked around him.
"You're right," Tai nodded at Tk's answer, not noticing the distracted look on the young blonde's face. In all the time he had known Matt, Tai only remembered seeing him scared once. But it hadn't been a fear of someone, it had been a fear for someone. When they had first journeyed to the digital world, they had been separated from each other. After Tai and Matt met up again, they ended up in a fist fight, which was actually pretty normal back then, over searching for the other lost children. After some yelling and a few thrown punches, Tai had managed to pin Matt and was more then willing to knock his block off when he looked down into the blonde's scared, blue eyes. Tears had fallen as Matt spoke of his fear for his little brother's safety. Tai had always thought of Matt as a real pain in the ass, always that is, up until that moment. That was when he understood that Matt's actions were never for himself. It really had been that moment that he had somehow known that they would become best friends. Tai had always respected people who gave their loyalty and fought to protect their loved ones. He had never told Tk about that fight on the snowy island, and he was confident that Matt hadn't either.
"I hate to say it," Kari spoke over Izzy's voice as he continued to quote from his screen, "but this isn't helping us. Raw numbers and statistics won't help us find out who hurt him. Maybe it would help if we could find something that can help us figure out when it might have started. If we know when, we might be able to narrow it down to who."
Izzy paused and looked up from his screen. Looking around, he could see grim agreement from the others at Kari's statement.
"Alright," he typed rapidly into the laptop. "Here's a site about how to recognize assault and abuse."
Kari peered back over his shoulder at the screen and saw a simple listing under the heading of 'Child Abuse.' Each numbered entry under the heading had the main word or words in the sentence in blue font. The site was deceptively simple, but each of those blue words would lead to a new page and a deeper meaning. Kari began reading the page before Izzy could even open his mouth.
"'Signs of child abuse/molestation may sometimes be difficult to see, because the child may not show what are considered the most common signs of abuse. However, in most cases, the victim will show one or more of the following signs.
-1. The child may experience school related problems.
-2. Symptoms of depression may affect victims' everyday lives.
-3. Victim may begin to have numerous, poorly explained injuries.
-4. The victim may begin to demonstrate risky behaviors.'"
"But none of that sounds like Matt," Sora looked up from the screen. "He's one of the most popular kids in school, makes good grades, plays in a band. He never acts dumb like the other boys. You know, never does those stupid extreme tricks on rollarblades and such. And besides his hand, I can't remember the last time he had any type of injury."
Tai opened his mouth to answer her, but didn't really know what to say. Everything she said made sense, but only if you didn't know Matt had been hurt by someone. He wasn't willing to trust what he had believed to be true, not anymore. Not with his best friend lying beaten and raped in the hospital without having ever spoken a word of what had been happening. It was time to suspect everything and everyone. Looking over his friends, Tai noticed that while almost everyone was nodding with what Sora said, only Joe sat in a deep, withdrawn silence.
"What are you thinking about, Joe?" Tai kept his words mild, growling wouldn't help even if it would make him feel better.
"Could you click on number 3?" Joe didn't answer Tai, but instead directed his attention to Izzy.
Izzy did as Joe asked and Kari's soft voice continued with the next page. "'It is important to be sure that injuries in a suspected case of child abuse are not caused by natural accidents or biological illness in the child. Injuries may include bruises, burns, bite marks, hair damage, fractures, or abdominal injuries. A good indicator of injuries caused by abuse is an inconsistent story with how an injury happened. Another sign is if there are multiple injuries that are in various stages of healing. However, it may be difficult to spot the abuse because, even though many victims often have injuries to the face and head, a pra'"
Kari's face had been serious as she read from the page, but she suddenly staggered to a halt. Sitting back, she turned away from the screen and from the others in the room. She fought not to cry, but Tai could see her shoulders shaking as Izzy bravely continued where she had left off.
"'A practiced abuser is more careful and may target areas that are less visible. Generally, once abuse starts it will increase in frequency and severity.'"
Even though he wanted to go to his sister's side, Tai stayed where he was. He and Tk had been studying Joe's face as Kari and then Izzy had read. They hadn't liked what they had seen. Joe had closed his eyes partly though the recitation and had a look of physical pain on his face.
"What's going on, Joe?" Tai asked.
"What do you know?" Tk spoke in the same breath as Tai.
"I'm sorry," Joe breathed out heavily. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know...really...I...I just didn't think..."
The others looked up to watch Joe with a growing dread. Swallowing thickly, Joe tried to speak, but couldn't seem able to continue. Whether it was because of their friend's distress or simply because of their overwhelming need to know what secret he had inadvertently hidden, Tai and Tk both moved forward. They didn't exactly walk or crawl over to him, but rather scooted forward on their knees until they were almost directly in front of him, flanking him. Tai reached out and placed his hand on Joe's shoulder while Tk gently touched the hands that fidgeted in his lap. The gestures weren't threatening. They didn't need to threaten Joe, he was already in enough pain. What he needed was support so that he could talk about it.
"Please, Joe," Tk said softly. "What didn't you know?"
Joe felt their hands on him and tried to draw courage from their support. In his mind, he blamed himself for everything that happened. He was the one who wanted to be a doctor, he was 'old reliable Joe.' But he had failed Matt, and he needed to explain to the others now what he had done. Or rather, what he had failed to do.
"I didn't know what was happening to Matt." Joe's voice was strained, half answer, half explanation.
"No one did, Joe," Tai tried to be reassuring.
"No, you don't understand." Joe looked up angrily at Tai, eyes wet with unshed tears. "I should have known. If anyone should have figured it out, it was me. Think about it. For as long as I've been friends with you guys, you've come to me for minor bumps and bruises. All of you. That means Matt, too."
The others were silent, thinking over what Joe had said. They didn't understand what Joe was trying to tell them. Tk was the first to figure it out. His eyes narrowed as he spoke to the anguished boy.
"What did you see, Joe?"
"What!" Tai's hand on Joe's shoulder was trembling from effort as he fought himself to keep from shaking his friend. "You knew! Why didn't you tell anyone!"
"Tai," Tk's words were flat, yet strangely calming. "Let him explain."
Tai looked back and forth between Tk and Joe before finally forcing himself to release Joe's shoulder. He scooted back a few inches to try to forestall any further urges for violence.
"I'm sorry, Tk. I'm so sorry. Tai, you have to believe me, if I truly thought someone was hurting Matt, I would have told you guys." Joe looked at them, his eyes pleading for understanding. They didn't answer him, but they didn't yell at him either. Joe swallowed again and tried to answer Tk's earlier question. "It wasn't much. I didn't really even notice it at first. Matt would come to me to take care of a sprained wrist or something else minor. It didn't seem to be any different from any of the rest of you all, so why would I have noticed?"
As Joe spoke, he seemed to be trying to justify things to himself. But as he continued to try to explain, his carefully cultivated 'doctor's' speech fragmented. His words came stumbling over each other, his chaotic thoughts easily seen in his ramblings. The lapse in his normal speech patterns was almost as disturbing to his friends as what he was attempting to explain to them.
"Tai, you always came to me for sprained ankles and such from soccer. Izzy, how many times did you come to me because you weren't paying attention and bumped into something? It all seemed so minor and he always had a perfectly reasonable explanation. But gradually, I noticed that he seemed to be coming to me more often then the rest of you guys. I didn't think too much about it until I realized that even though most of his explanations began with 'I was a little clumsy,' I had never actually seen Matt do anything klutzy. Heck, even the girls have to admit that Matt's the most graceful one of us. I never saw him trip or bump into something. And he doesn't play any sports. I couldn't figure out why he always seemed to get injured. I told myself that it was nothing. That it was a growth spurt. That maybe he was just clumsy when he was distracted, you know, like with a pretty girl or something. I told myself it was probably all very logical. But there came a time when he seemed to always have some new little injury and I guess I couldn't really keep from bringing it up with him. I didn't think anyone could be hurting him. He would tell us if they were, right? I just didn't know what to say so I started saying things like how he was 'clumsy enough to be the only patient I needed.' I joked around with him about it. I thought that if there was something wrong, it would let him know he could talk to me about it. But he only laughed with me, saying things like, 'with a patient like him, I'd never go hungry.' His joking reassured me. I thought I had just been making too much of it. And it wasn't long after we started joking about it that I realized that Matt wasn't getting injured as often. In fact, the only times I took care of any injuries were when I noticed them and asked him about them. Like when he twisted his ankle a several months ago and when he slammed his hand in the door recently."
"If I hadn't been so blind..." Joe scrubbed harshly at the tear tracks on his cheeks. "If I had just asked him straight out about how he was getting hurt, maybe I could have helped him. Maybe he wouldn't be in the hospital today."
"It's not your fault," Sora leaned over and gave Joe a comforting hug. "You did your best to take care of him. It's not your fault that he tried to hide his injuries from you."
Joe didn't answer her, he didn't want reassurances. He was grateful for her words, but he just didn't believe them.
"Joe, do you remember when Matt stopped coming to you for his injuries?" Tk felt a slight pang of empathy for Joe's pain, but didn't allow himself to give in to it. He hoped his friends would understand and forgive him, but he had to stay focused. First, he would help Matt, everything else was secondary.
"Well," Joe paused, trying to remember the last time he and Matt had joked around while he doctored him. "I think it was about a year ago, when he injured his knee. He let me practice a little after I splinted it."
"Practice? Wasn't that when you turned him into 'Mummy Matt?'" Kari couldn't help the sudden laugh at the memory.
"Yeah, that was it." Joe's forced laugh was a pale reflection of Kari's.
"A year ago?" Tai frowned at Joe's answer and looked in askance to Tk. "You don't think? Do you...?"
"I do."
"What?" Sora asked the two boys, her face showing her frustration at their cryptic exchange. "What's significant about a year ago?"
"Tai and I recently realized that Matt has been avoiding spending time with us. But the only problem was, we couldn't figure out when he started to pull away from everyone." Tk answered her.
"I hate to say it, but I hadn't really noticed it until Tk brought it to my attention." Tai tried to explain to the others. "He told me that Matt wasn't hanging out with him like he used to. And when I thought about it, I realized the same was true about Matt spending time with the rest of us. We thought that maybe something had happened a few months ago, because that's when it seemed more obvious that Matt was avoiding us."
"Avoiding us?" Sora looked confused. "But we just went to one of his concerts. And it was only a few weeks ago that he came to cheer me on at my recital."
"That's true, Sora," Tai nodded before adding, "But when did you last just hang out with him? When did you last see him that didn't involve one of the digi-destined needing a little support?"
Sora was silent as she thought about what Tai said. As Tai looked around the room, he saw the others giving his words the same thoughtful contemplation.
"The problem is, I think Tai and I were wrong." Tk was too impatient to wait for the others to finish searching their memories. "We thought it was something recent, but now I think it's been going on even longer than we imagined. I bet he has been slowly pulling away from us, doing it so gradually that we didn't even realize it. And I'd be willing to bet that it was not long after he realized that Joe was catching on."
"I think your right, Tk." Tai nodded as the younger blonde spoke. "If he wanted to keep something like this a secret then it would have been impossible if Joe started figuring it out. Joe, he had to know you would do something if you figured it out. We all know you wouldn't keep quiet about something like that, even if he asked you to."
Joe sadly acknowledged Tai's words with a brief nod, but again the encouraging words didn't help him. He only felt more positive that he had made things worse. Joe couldn't help but think that it was his suspicion that had forced Matt to hide even more from all of them and, therefore, it was his fault that Matt had gotten hurt so badly.
"Joe, when did Matt first come to you about an injury?" Kari could see the self-recrimination is Joe's eyes and tried to shift his attention.
"I'm not sure." Joe hesitated. "I think it was two, maybe two and a half years ago. It was definitely sometime after we returned from the digital world. I remember thinking how happy I was that Matt trusted me enough as a friend to come to me since he had always been so stubborn and never asked for help in the digital world. At the time, I thought it was a good thing."
"So it most likely started several months after we came back from the digital world?" Sora theorized.
"Then we should look into who he met and spent time with after the digital world, ne?" Kari added onto Sora's idea.
"That would be a logical hypothesis." Izzy commented. "Tk, what was the biggest change in Matt's life after the digital world?"
"There were a lot of changes for Matt after the digital world. I guess the biggest ones would be that he changed schools and he started playing in a band."
"Those are good places to start." Tai frowned at something. "Izzy, wasn't there something about schools on the site?"
Izzy nodded and back clicked on the website. He read aloud, "'The child may experience school related problems.'" Clicking on the blue words, he found a new screen opening on his computer. "'Many times the stress of abuse can take a serious toll on a child's life. One of the signs of this is a sudden change in school habits. A previously high achiever may suddenly find themselves doing poorly in classes. Attention span decreases and grades fall. Many times the abused child will begin skipping classes altogether.'"
"That's odd," Tai's frown deepened. "Matt's in most of my classes. I know he is getting better grades than I am."
"That's not saying much," Kari attempted to make a joke at her brother's expense to lighten the heavy tension in the room, but it fell flat.
"What I'm trying to say is that in the last three years, I don't think Matt has received a grade lower than a B."
"Well, it did say something about abused children not always showing all the signs." Sora pointed in the direction of the computer. "Maybe he just wasn't affected that way."
"That's possible," Tk nodded slowly. "But I think if this happened at school or because of someone at school that we would definitely see signs of it in his grades."
There were silent nods around the room. Everyone seemed to agree with Tk. After all, it only seemed natural that a person would try to skip school or not pay attention if the person who had hurt them was there.
"So we can probably rule teachers and such out as possible suspects," Tai looked around at the others for agreement. "What about his band? I know we all went to his concerts, but I never really spent time with the band. Did any of you guys?"
Everyone exchanged looks, waiting for someone to volunteer some valuable piece of information. Unfortunately, though they had supported their friend in his music, they hadn't been much more involved than just the usual concert watching and cheering. Tk had followed Matt's musical career a lot closer than the others, but he didn't speak up. His thoughts were pulled again to the dark memory that kept nagging at him just out of his reach.
"It is theoretically possible that Matt's horrendous experience started with the formation of his band." Izzy stated the possibility as blandly as he could. "The timing appears to coincide."
"I don't think Matt's band mates would have hurt him." Tk answered slowly. "I've been backstage at his concerts and he seemed to be pretty friendly with them. I don't think he'd be comfortable with anyone who could hurt him like that."
"Maybe they know something we don't," Joe frowned. "I mean, maybe he said something or did something that would give us a clue."
"It may be a stereotype, but many musicians seem plagued with problems like drug addiction and suicide," Izzy spoke thoughtfully as he turned back to the screen and clicked the fourth link. "Maybe when he was with his band, he let his pain come out in risky behaviors."
"You mean drugs?" Kari's eyes grew wide at that. "Surely Matt wouldn't do something that stupid."
"'Sexual abuse is extremely traumatic to children.'" Izzy decided to answer Kari's question with the information on his laptop. "'Many times, due to overwhelmed coping mechanisms, victims will turn to risky behavior patterns as a way to release some of their pain. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco may be used in the place of coping. Increased sexual activity may also be evident. It is very important to also look for evidence of self harm. Problems such as anorexia or cutting could lead to serious injury or death (please see depression).'"
"Oh God," Sora mumbled, "He couldn't. He wouldn't. Matt would never do that. Never do drugs, never hurt himself. This is too much. Why does everything we learn only make things seem worse?"
Sora covered her face, she was feeling overwhelmed at the thought of Matt intentionally hurting himself. Kari moved around Izzy until she was next to Sora. With gentle arms, the younger girl pulled the older into a comforting embrace. Tai was proud of his sister, proud she could reach out to comfort a friend when he could see how much she was hurting inside as well.
"Matt wouldn't do drugs," Tk voice was hard with conviction.
"We don't know what Matt would or wouldn't do," Tai was still full of uncertainty when it came to predicting his friend's behavior. "He hid so much from us. Why are you so certain he wasn't hiding that too?"
"Because I know he wouldn't."
The dark shadow of a memory had finally come forward, spurred on by the conversation around him. Why was he so certain? He couldn't really explain, not in a way that Tai would understand. Tk knew that Tai wasn't willing to trust their memories of his brother. But with Matt lying unconscious in the hospital, Tk's memories were the only things he had to link him to the brother he knew. He reached towards the nagging memory and brought it forward, trying to remember everything about it. He knew there was something about it, something important, something he hadn't noticed at the time. As he pulled the memory around him like a blanket, he tried to see what he hadn't seen before. Closing his eyes, he remembered his brother of the past. He tried to find some darkness hidden inside Matt, but, somehow in his memories of when he was younger, his brother always seemed to shine so brightly.
-flashback-
It had been almost a year and a half ago. Tk was 10 and Matt was 13. Matt's new band was participating in a battle of the bands concert and Tk was backstage with him. Because it was sponsored by a club, all the bands had to share the same large room while they waited to perform. The room was a riot of noise, some musical and some not. After all, teenage boys were not known for being soft-spoken. Tk wandered around the room, sort of mingling, but not really talking to anyone. He had always enjoyed music, probably because of Matt, and as he moved around the room he could catch the other bands practicing. It was an unusual mix of pop, rock, and hard metal, but somehow it worked together. Not being very musical himself, Tk felt just a little out of place. But he didn't mind at all, he was watching his brother and couldn't be happier.
Matt seemed to glow, his eyes lighting up and his hands strumming playfully along his guitar strings as he talked and laughed with his band mates. The light from Matt seemed almost infectious, as if he could somehow share his light of friendship. His friends smiled and laughed with the same ease, their eyes almost as bright. As he talked, the tall blonde seemed completely focused on his friends, not letting himself be distracted by the chaos around him. Tk smiled slightly at that, he knew Matt always gave his complete attention to his friends. It was just another thing that made him such a good friend.
"Hey, kid."
The rough voice was enough to startle Tk without the equally rough hand being placed on his shoulder. But while it was the voice caught his attention, it was the hand that caused him to jump. When he turned around, he found a tall, almost anorexic-looking, brunette standing next to him. Tk didn't know the boy, but he did recognize him as one of the guitarists from one of the many bands.
"You're new here. You a roadie? Or a groupie..." Even though Tk hadn't spoken, the older boy, Tk thought maybe 15 or 16, knew he had the young blonde's attention. The boy's dark eyes stared into his own blue ones with an odd intensity.
"Roadie or groupie?" Tk repeated. He didn't know much about the musical scene and wasn't sure exactly what the boy meant.
"Do you help the bands out? You know, load equipment, carry things."
"Oh, not exactly." Tk answered. Matt's band was pretty broke; what they owned, they could pretty much carry themselves.
"So you just sorta come and watch?"
Tk nodded silently. The boy's dark eyes seemed to shine at his answer and Tk found that he was a little spooked by them. The blonde couldn't explain it, but the strange eyes seemed to shine, not with light, but with darkness.
"That's good to know." The smile on the boy's lips didn't match his eyes. The brunette released his shoulder, but before Tk could take a step back, he found his arm trapped in the boy's grasp. "Com'on, I wanna show you something."
Tk didn't like the grip on his arm nor the way the boy's dark eyes watched him. He planted both feet, determined not to go anywhere, and opened his mouth to tell the boy to let go.
"Let go."
Tk's mouth snapped shut, and he turned instinctively in the direction of the voice. He hadn't seen his brother move, but Matt was suddenly there, his own hand deceptively gentle over the hand on Tk's arm. Matt's voice had been anything but deceptive or gentle. He had spoken exactly as he had meant it. His words may have been, 'Let go,' but his tone said, 'Get your hand off my little brother or I'm going to rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.'
Dark Eyes understood Matt's tone and Tk found the hand had suddenly vanished from his arm.
"No problem, man." Dark Eyes took a step back from the brothers. "I thought he might be a groupie up for a little fun. I didn't know he was with th' Angel."
"He's not interested in your kind of fun." Matt's eyes flashed and the boy took another unconscious step away from them.
Tk watched it all, but found that his initial relief at Matt's arrival had turned to irritation. Matt had always seemed to have some sort of preternatural ability to know when something was going on with him. When Tk had been younger, he had depended on it. But now that he was older, he wished his brother didn't have that particular super power. It had been his problem, but now it seemed that neither his brother nor the dark eyed brunette noticed him. They were talking about him, over him, not to him. Tk absolutely hated that.
"He can speak for himself," Tk inserted into the conversation.
Matt seemed to startle slightly and turned to Tk, Dark Eyes used Matt's lapse in concentration to slink away to rejoin his band mates.
"He can also take care of himself," Tk added, still speaking in the third person.
Matt took a deep breath, like he was trying to stay calm. The breath didn't seem to help. Matt looked down as he smoothed out the front of his jacket, brushing his hand over the right side of his chest, and released a sigh as he ran his right hand through his hair. When he looked up the hard glint in his eyes had faded. Tk also noticed when his brother finally spoke, that all the steel in his voice had disappeared.
"Do you know why he asked you if you were a roadie or a groupie?"
Tk wished he had the answer, not knowing seemed to weaken his argument that he could handle himself. Since he couldn't answer Matt's question, he settled for a silent shake of his head.
"Usually a roadie is a person that is close to the band. They care about the band and the band cares about them. A groupie tends to be someone that only cares about blindly following a band, any band. In fact, a groupie doesn't really care about the band, they just like the rush they get by being around the band. To get that rush, the groupie will do just about anything."
"So, what does any of that have to do with me?" Tk sounded slightly belligerent and he knew it. He just didn't care.
Matt sighed and tried not to roll his eyes at Tk's stubbornness. "To put it simply, he wanted to know if anyone would care if he messed you up. If you were a roadie, the band you were with would seriously gut him if he hurt you. He thought you were a groupie and he could do anything he wanted to."
Tk was silent at Matt's words. He hadn't really thought of a concert as being a dangerous place. And since his brother was a musician, he hadn't really thought of the other musicians as being dangerous either.
"Look, just stay away from him. Okay?" Matt added when Tk didn't reply. "He and a lot of the bands have some really bad habits. They would like nothing more than to drag some unsuspecting person into drugs and other things with them. A coked groupie is a controlled groupie."
Tk frowned at Matt's explanation and his thoughts turned to something the boy had said. "So when you showed up, he thought I was a roadie and attached to your band, right? But what did he mean by 'the Angel?' Surely that guy doesn't know anything about digimon."
"Don't worry about that. He doesn't know anything about the digital world." Matt's smile was odd and he released a short, bitter laugh. "He meant it as an insult."
"Why would I be insulted by that?" Tk was puzzled at the odd answer and the odder humor in Matt's voice.
"You wouldn't," Matt laughed for real now. "It wouldn't be an insult for you. No, he meant it for me. Some of the guys in the other bands call me, 'Angel.' It used to be 'Fallen Angel,' but I guess they were too dumb to remember something that long. They don't really like me very much because I refuse to play their games."
"Like doing drugs?"
"Yeah, like that." Matt's voice spoke of other things, but Tk didn't push. He was satisfied in just knowing Matt didn't do them; he didn't really want to know what other things Matt might mean. "Drugs might take away pain, but they also take away control. I have way too much to worry about to let drugs screw me over. I'm definitely no angel, but I haven't fallen that low."
"You're not that stupid, you mean." Tk laughed, trying to lighten Matt's mood. His brother's tone had gotten very dark as he had spoken and some of his inner light seemed to dim.
"Not that stupid," Matt echoed Tk's laugh. "But stupid enough. I'm sorry, Tk. I shouldn't have invited you here. At the very least, I should have warned you about those guys."
"Matt, I'm a big boy." Tk sighed in exasperation at Matt's self-recriminations. "I wanted to come and I am definitely old enough to 'just say no' all by myself."
"I know. But I'm your brother and you can't blame me for being a little protective of my little brother."
"Aniki," Tk laughed, "you have never been 'a little' protective. And I won't always be your 'little' brother. When are you going to stop being so overprotective and let me take care of myself?"
Matt's inner light seemed to come back full strength as he pounced on Tk, capturing him in a loose strangle hold and pulling off his cap to mess up his hair. "You will always be my little brother."
Tk slapped at Matt's arm, laughing almost as much as he was protesting. Matt laughed along with him and finally released him. Grumbling about bullying big brothers, Tk tried to fix his unruly hair and finally settled for jamming his hat back on. There was a reason he wore his hat; Matt's hair always seemed to look good when it was wild, but for some reason Tk's just looked like a haystack. When Tk looked back up at his brother, he noticed that Matt's laughter and bright smile had faded and a more serious expression had taken its place.
"I tell you what, Tk." Matt's eyes were darker, more serious than Tk had seen them before. "I'll make you a deal. When you're an adult, I'll stop trying to protect you."
"What do you mean by 'adult'?" Tk was a little suspicious of Matt's proposed deal. He knew there had to be a trick in there somewhere; Tk knew that Matt would never stop trying to protect him. Not until the day he died.
"A child is considered a minor until they turn eighteen," Matt answered him.
"So when I turn eighteen, you'll let me take care of myself?"
"That's the deal. But until then, you'll have to live with me being an overprotective big brother." Matt smiled, before adding, "You couldn't really stop me anyways, you know."
Tk laughed at that last comment. "You're probably right. Alright, it's a deal."
"Good, now listen to your aniki and stay away from the bad little boys." Matt teased Tk as he threw a companionable arm over Tk's shoulders and led him back to where Matt's band stood waiting for them.
end flashback-
Tk's eyes opened and he looked up at Tai. The brunette had remained quiet, watching him as he had looked for some type of answer.
I know there's more there. Something I'm not seeing, but I know one thing…
"I think I know a good place to start looking for the answers we need." Tk finished out loud as he silently added to himself, Dark eyes, you and me are going to have a chat.
'To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life'
'Welcome To My Life' by Simple Plan
…tbc
Hope you all liked it. I hope it didn't get too bogged down with info. I just felt it was important to have in there.
Aren't I mean? Poor Tk was almost there, but…it's still too soon. Their going to have to suffer for their ignorance. I'm just way too mean, ne? laughs
I just realized I didn't give a translation tip, gomen (sorry) for forgetting
Aniki is a nickname for 'big brother'
Special Thanks To:
Tamurllaughs Begging? I wouldn't call that 'begging,' 'death threats' maybe…But I know it means you love me ;P After all, I'm torturing Matt and I love him dearly ;) Thanks for the review, catch ya next time.
Ryuu-takahashigeez, more death threats? I better find a good safe house. So here's a question for you…would you rather the story not finish, than see Matt die? Just wondering chuckles evilly Actually, you'll just have to wait and see. I tend to kill people in my fics, but I have yet to kill a main character. It'll be interesting to see where this leads.
Fey Phantom: fey who? I don't see anyone Thanks for the non-review since you didn't visit and didn't leave a really sweet and smile-provoking review. Giggles, did it work? Alright, where to start. My bishie boys in ICU, it just can't be helped. I torture them so much, that that is the only place that I can put them. It simply wouldn't be realistic for Tai and Tk to find a comatose, potentially dying Matt and take him to…Joe. Joe's knowledgeable, but that's just dumb. Hence the visit to the ICU. The hospital is also fun to play with because there is so much danger for the character in such a safe environment. As for Tai's leadership, I don't have anything specific yet. The story is mostly about the brothers. But on that note, Tk is not a leader. Even in the new digi-destined, he is the most experienced, but he has taken the roll of second in command, the same as his brother. It just made sense that in such an overwhelming situation, he'd look to Tai for guidance. Okay, I think that's it for now. And I agree a hundred percent, Evanescence is the best, I'm thinking of using another song in a later chapter. Ja ne!
DragonBladeGlad you liked it :) As for your request, the hospital and staff are doing their best to make Matt better, but even if he gets better and makes it out of the hospital, what's to say he'll survive his return home? Poor guy, the whole world seems against him.
The butterflie: Yeah, Matt's dad is the only one who could torment him for the appropriate time period in this story. If it was a short stretch of time, I could create a perverted neighbor or something, but that's not the way this goes. I needed something that would explain his withdrawn nature in the known anime. DIC is a real disease and it is definitely a scary thing to witness. Matt has a strong will, so maybe he'll fight it off.
Tabbycat411: smiles Thank you for the wonderful praise. Matt will unfortunately stay unconscious for a while. The others are going to have to muddle along on their own for a while. But don't worry, it won't be for to long. I'll try to be quick about my updates, but I'm afraid I owe a chapter on my other story, so this one will pause until I can do one chapter for the other one. I promise, I'll finish though :)
Syaoran-Lover: I'm smiling so big from your review that my cheeks are hurting Thank you! I'm so glad everything worked just right for you. I'm trying to be subtle and still give all the information that people need to catch everything. As for the school and the hospital, I really think that in a situation like this, people will do their best to help each other. Matt's problem is that he has learned that he can't have faith or trust in the people around him. I really want to show that it isn't a matter of that there is no one there that could help him, but rather that he can't go to them because he has been conditioned not to. Hmm… the letters…do I really want to tell you?...No laughs Actually, I have pointed to them three different times throughout the story. But, it was very subtle, you probably won't see it until I actually point them out to Tk and Tai. Just wondering? If it were you, where would you hide the letters that meant so much to you? You might figure it our, but if you don't, I'll tell you eventually.
Tamara2187: Thank you for the review. Matt is really having a hard time, ne? Well, the biggest problem with the others figuring out that Matt's father is hurting him is the fact that they can't comprehend the possibility that a father could do that. People have trouble seeing what's right in front of them a lot of times because they really don't want to see it. Let's hope, Tk and Tai can overcome that tendency.
DeathangelI hope that means you are a killer authoress and not a torch wielding fangirl. Laughs Thanks for the reviews, here's the update as per requested.
Angel: I'm glad you liked the story. I'm afraid there won't be a lot of Mimi because I'm sticking with the fact that she is out of the country. The others haven't thought of asking her about anything because she hasn't been around since they returned from the digital world and they think it started after that. I do plan on having a brief appearance with an important part for her though. I hope you enjoy it when it comes.
Kari-HP: Evanescence is fantastic, hands down the best. Glad you liked the story, hope you enjoyed this chapter too Thanks for the review.
EllaJ.WI'm so happy you liked the hospital scene. I try to make sure I have a lot of info on things in my stories. I try to be as realistic as I can. I haven't read the sequel of your story yet, so hurry and finish it before I get the chance to come and visit ;) As for the trust issue. Nope, Tk will always trust Matt, I think it's physically impossible for him not to. But you are close ;P You'll see what I mean when we get there. Laughs I'm afraid Gabuman isn't really going to be in the story. Him munching on Matt's father would be too easy. But maybe I'll have the others visit him to try to find out info about Matt. Hmmm…I hadn't thought of that earlier, but I sort of like it. We'll see. Ja ne!
Jodi Crystal: Thanks for the review. I'm glad it was worth the wait. I hope the next one is too, then I won't feel so bad about making you wait laughs
Violet cleric: Intense? That is a great compliment. Thanks! I'm afraid this story won't show Tk turning 18. Things are definitely too intense for the others to let Matt go that long without finding out what's going on. I was thinking of a short one-shot sequel to this story when I'm done about Tk's 18th birthday. I think the torch wielding fans will demand it because of how I plan on ending this. Hope you check it out.
AshikiYea! Smiles Finally, someone who wants to kill the evil father and not the evil authoress laughs Don't worry, the story will get finished, be patient and we'll get there eventually ;)
Kuroi Black Nightingale: laughs evilly As you can see, I wouldn't make it that easy to catch Matt's dad. But obviously, even if the kids don't suspect, the police already have decided he's a suspect. But, without evidence or a statement from the victim, it'll make things harder for everyone. Stay around and you'll find out what happened and who figures it out.
xPEACHESz N CREAMx: I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. There will be no couples in this fic. Please feel free to see any shonen ai you want, but I won't be making it a part of the story. Matt has been tortured and raped for years, he is not going to be able to develop a trusting and loving relationship with anyone in the short period of time that my story will encompass. I hope you continue with me though even without the pairings. It should still be a fun ride.
Avril Fan: Close, but no cigar. Laughs Don't worry about loving the Matt torture, obviously, you and I are not a minority here ;) Thanks for leaving me a nice review. Catch ya later.
Weird1: Glad to see you're still hanging on. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't worry, I won't forget this story! Ja!
Thanks again for all the reviews. Please leave me some words of encouragement before you go. Let me know how I'm doing. I'll try to keep updating at a good pace. Thanks!