Disclaimer: I don't own Raziel or anything from the Legacy of Kain games. I also don't own any other popular culture references made in this story. This disclaimer applies to the entire story.

Well, I wanted to make this one funny, but I didn't want to have a "let's make a handful of vampires drunk and set them lose in Nosgoth" type of hilarity. I have a feeling that this has degenerated into a rather heartwarming tale.

"And now you will see the true enemy," Raziel wheezed. He closed his eyes and gave in to overwhelming pull as the Reaver captured his spirit.

Raziel had expected some brutal agony or mind-wrenching terror. Instead, he felt completely normal. He cautiously opened his eyes, only to be met with the completely unexpected. He saw a softly lit room with white walls. There was a bookcase in the corner, and cabinets containing unfamiliar objects.

"It finally worked," a woman's voice said.

Raziel leaped to his feet and turned to the source of the voice. "Who are you, what is this place?" he demanded.

"My name is Jennifer," the woman said. "I found a way to pull you out of your own world and into mine. This is your new home."

"I have a destiny to complete," Raziel said with conviction.

"It doesn't matter now," Jennifer said. "Let me show you the truth." Jennifer walked over to a cabinet housing a collection of black boxes. While she pressed buttons and flipped switches, the largest box lit with patterns of colored lights. After some moments of this, a miniature version of Raziel appeared on the screen. He recognized the setting as Avernus Cathedral. "This is a video game," Jennifer explained, "Until now, this is the only place that you existed."

Raziel carefully scrutinized the tiny figure on the screen. It stood as if waiting for something, occasionally glancing over its shoulder. Suddenly, it dropped to the ground and inscribed something in the dirt, then stood back up again. "I don't remember just stopping like that," Raziel said at last.

"It's a part of the game," Jennifer said. She demonstrated how to use the controller and then handed it to Raziel.

Raziel used an index claw to move the stick on the controller and watched as his image mimicked those movements. "Free will is an illusion," he sneered, and dropped the controller. "This is your doing, isn't it?" Raziel stood up and brandished his claws.

"Someone else made the game," Jennifer said evenly. "I just brought you into my reality."

"Where is the Reaver?" Raziel demanded, raising his right hand.

"You don't remember?" Jennifer asked, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer.

Raziel screamed in rage and lunged at Jennifer's throat. He never reached her. Instead, he felt himself falling and shrinking. He landed unceremoniously in a pile of dirty laundry.

"There's something else I need to tell you," Jennifer said.

Raziel cautiously examined himself. He was now only a foot and a half high. His arms seemed be covered in slippery blue cloth. Raziel came to the sickening realization that his arms were made of that blue cloth. He screamed as the truth sunk in. Raziel was now a doll. He lunged again at Jennifer, slashing at her shins.

"Raziel, please calm down while I try to explain," She said. For the first time since Raziel awoke, there was fear in her eyes. Raziel wasn't hurting her; his claws were too soft and flexible to do anything to her skin. Jennifer grabbed the struggling plush in both hands and lifted him up. "This is your real body now. You can't hurt me, even in your demon form. I am not going to let you leave, so you might as well accept your situation."

Raziel let himself go limp. "Am I to exist now as your plaything?"

"That is what you were before," Jennifer said gently. "Now, you are my guest." She set Raziel down on the couch.

Raziel took a calmer inspection of his body. His arms and legs were a bit shorter in relation to his body, but careful stitching still defined some of his muscles. His claws were constructed of a shiny but flexible material, and the wrappings on his forearms were also stitched into place. He felt that his cowl was secured in a similar manner, but he could reach into it from the bottom. He still had a void where his chin should be, but there was something hard embedded in his chest. He poked at it and hiccupped, "Spin on this, Moebius." Raziel gasped in shock because even though it was his voice, he had not intended to say it. He poked at himself several more times, still getting the same response. The phrase did not even make any sense. "What is the meaning of this?" Raziel demanded.

Jennifer rolled her eyes in embarrassment. "I made that body of yours long before I discovered that I could pull you into it. I included a sound box because I thought it would be neat." She looked down at her irritated guest. "I could take it out, if you want."

"I think that would be wise," Raziel growled.

Raziel struggled to remain calm while Jennifer worked on him. Fortunately, it didn't hurt, but it was very odd to feel a gaping hole in his back. Jennifer removed the small device and teased Raziel's stuffing back into place. She re-stitched the seam in his back and tugged his scarf back down.

Raziel squirmed as he sat up. "Now, restore me to the way I was when I woke up."

"Do it yourself," remarked Jennifer, "You have control over it."

Raziel closed his eyes and willed the transformation to happen. He found that it was easier than using portals. Once again at eye level with his captor, Raziel sighed. "Tell me more about this world," he said wearily.