Title: After my Own Heart
Author: Slack Al
Summary: A response to Gelsey's WIKTT Adoption Act Challenge. See end of chapter one for full details
Spoilers: If you've read the books none really. If you haven't read the books why are you here?
Rating: This chapter G. Later who knows.
Pairing: Eventually HG/SS
Codes: Maybe later
Disclaimer: If you really think these characters belong to me, get some serious therapy.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive.
Authors note:
First attempt at writing fanfic. Constructive feedback would be appreciated. Particularly regarding chapter length.This chapter still had three scenes to go but was already almost 5000 words long. I apologise if it doesn't seem to advance the plot but if I left it full length it probably would have ended up 10000 words long. Suggestions?
Also if you like your fanfic short and sweet this doesn't seem to be for you. I'm heading into the third chapter (you could classify it as 2b) and I don't even have the three protagonists in the same room yet. :(
Still in need of a beta reader. If anyone is willing please contact me. This chapter again un-beta'd so all mistakes property of the author.
Have now discovered why people write fanfic. That warm fuzzy feeling when you read that someone likes what you have written. My thanks to all those people and I encourage you to continue to encourage me. :)
After my own Heart
Chapter Two
There was just something so satisfying about annoying a prat from the Ministry of Magic thought Snape as he and Anna appeared just outside Hogwarts main gate. That and a dramatic exit were just two of life's little pleasures.
"This is the main gate to Hogwarts. Further down this road is the village of Hogsmeade, which I might add, you will not be visiting unless you are with me or with someone I have approved. This gate represents one of the boundaries you will not cross." stated Snape looking down at the girl standing next to him.
Anna looked dazedly down the road towards Hogsmeade and then turned to Snape. She looked up at him, opened her mouth to say something and then proceeded to be sick all down the front of his robes. Sinking down to her knees she gave herself a second helping, all over her black cloak.
"Good Lord girl, what's the matter with you? Anyone would think you'd never apparated before!" Snape growled as the rank stench reached his nostrils.
"Stop spinning around, I can't talk to you if you don't stop spinning around!" gasped Anna as she rolled on to her side and lay there gasping with her eyes shut tight.
As the head of house at a boarding school it has to be said that this wasn't the first time Snape had been on the receiving end of student projectile vomit. Two quick charms with his wand and both of them were clean, if not rosy fresh. While having no particular affection for 'foolish wand waving' there were some situations which seemed to lend themselves to a quick swish and flick. One of these was definitely cleaning up warm vomit.
"You feel unwell because you're not used to apparating. This is something that will stop happening when you have more experience. Come with me, I have a potion in my chambers that will stop you feeling sick."
"No! Leave me alone! 'Mm dizzy! and I wanna be sick." Anna moaned as she lay curled up on the ground holding her stomach.
It was at this point Snape began to question his abrupt exit from the theatre. While it had been a suitable exit from the idiots from the ministry, so far it had been a less than stellar entry to Hogwarts. All it needed now would be for someone to come along the path and see him lurking around a small child crying on the ground and he would be on his way to Azkaban quicker than you could say in a stalwart voice "Leave that poor innocent child alone you death eater scum you!"
Anna now seemed to be ignoring him and lay still on the ground, eyes shut tight and clutching her stomach. A quick mobilicorpus spell and she was floating gently at his shoulder, oblivious to having been moved.
Beginning the walk to the castle he reflected that the girl may actually not have apparated before today. Some families with children did tend to avoid it for this exact reason. Everyone felt nausea when they began apparating but the effects tended to be much more dramatic with younger children. The effects dissipated eventually but were quite hideous for a while.
Snape actually knew the feeling quite well himself. His parents, having a preference for apparating rather than using the floo network, had decided to solve the problem when he was not quite seven years old. One of the house elves was instructed to follow him around and once or twice a day Snape suddenly found himself somewhere else in the house. After the first occasion and an unfortunate incident involving finding himself at the top of the stairs and a portrait of one of his ancestors hung on a wall on the floor below, this somewhere else tended to be the nearest toilet. It was months however before that particular ancestor had even acknowledged he existed and even today when he walked past he usually received a sarcastic question regarding what he had eaten that day. The apparating had continued for three endless week until he ceased to become ill and he hadn't been bothered since.
He may well have to revert to using the floo network more often, which was dammed inconvenient. Severus disliked having to stoop to enter the smaller fireplaces and quite enjoyed arriving at his destination free from soot and grime. Hopefully he would not actually have to travel with the child too often. He grimaced when he realised the girl hadn't even spent one night in his care and he was already having to change his well ordered life to suit her requirements.
"Gods!" he muttered "Knit me a jumper and call me Arthur!"
They were almost at the castle doors and Anna had remained quietly at his shoulder for the journey apart from the odd moan or whimper. She must have heard his mutter and have been feeling better because she opened her eyes and happened to glance down.
The next thing Severus heard was a truly ear piercing scream and he then staggered as Anna grabbed him and tried to climb him like a monkey up a tree.
"I'll fall,I'll fall! Don't let go! Don't let me go! I'll fall!" screamed the terrified child as she held leech like to Snape's body. Instinctively Snape wrapped his arms around her as he struggled to maintain his balance without landing both of them on the stone steps outside the castle.
"Stop fighting me girl! You will not fall. You were never going to fall. I am not so incompetent that I cannot cast a simple levitation spell!" snapped Severus as he finally regained his balance with the child held in his arms. She still had her arms wrapped like a Devil's Snare around his neck.
"Now let go and I'll put you down."
"No! No! I won't! If you let go I'll fall, I'll fall, I'll fall" screamed the near hysterical child.
"Perhaps" came a voice from the doorway "you should carry the young lady until she has calmed down Severus."
Snape looked up to see the oldest child in existence standing in the doorway. Of course, it only followed that as Snape was attempting to deal with a hysterical, irrational female and was standing there reeking of stale vomit he would be greeted at the door by the head of this madhouse. Severus mounted the steps to the doors glaring at the man in his way.
"Wonderful to see you Severus and I have to assume this delightful child is in your company as a result of the Ministries new Adoption Act." Snape's glare became even more glacial as he strode towards Dumbledore. The delightful child in question was now sobbing wetly into Snape's collar and refused to acknowledge Dumbledore at all.
Dumbledore moved nimbly back inside the castle as the aroma surrounding the pair reached his nostrils. Snape swept through the recently vacated doorway and strode towards the dungeons.
"Perhaps after you have settled the young lady down Severus you could come to the staff room. I have organised a meeting of all staff for seven pm. The house elves have been asked to look after all our new young children for the duration of the meeting."
"Seven o'clock" grated Snape as he continued to towards the dungeon, anxious to be out of Dumbledore's amused gaze.
Snape had already told the house elves to add an extra room to his private quarters in the dungeons. Severus finally got possession of his neck back when he lay Anna on the bed which had been prepared the day before. This was not before a final panicked squeeze when he lent over to place her on the bed. As she slowly relaxed she opened her eyes and looked at him, still with the occasional hiccuping snuffle coming from her mouth.
"Wait here" ordered Snape "I will return shortly." Ignoring the brief look of worry in her eyes he went to his research laboratory and returned with two potions. "I want you to drink both of these. This one is a mild calming draught and the second will stop any remaining nausea you may be feeling."
"I don't like taking medicine" stated Anna, eyeing the vials with suspicion.
Slightly offended by her tone of distrust Severus snapped "For heavens sake girl, I am the potions master of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. I am not going to poison you." Hastily removing the stopper from each potion he handed both to the girl.
Wrinkling her nose Anna quickly drank both potions whereupon her face screwed up enough to almost turn inside out.
"EEEWWWwww... YUCK! They're TERRIBLE! You are trying to poison me." protested Anna.
"The taste is immaterial. These potions were made for an adult and are, unfortunately for you, all I have in my laboratory. If I planned to prepare them for a child I would have included at least fifty percent chocolate."
"Hmm...chocolates good but chilli red-hots are better."
"I beg your pardon? Chilli Red-hots? - No don't tell me, I really don't want to know" Severus quickly stated as she opened her mouth to explain.
"Do you want to try one?" she asked reaching for the pocket in her cloak.
"No and neither do you. Do you feel well enough to have some dinner?"
At her nod Snape summoned a house elf through the fireplace floo.
"Yes sir Professor Snape." said the creature " Ongli is being here, waiting on your orders."
"You will be looking after Miss Snape until after the headmaster's staff meeting finishes later tonight. Please arrange for a plain dinner and then see to it she receives a thorough bath. When she has completed this you will ensure she is safely asleep in her bed by seven thirty. After I return you will take Miss Snape's clothes and have them back clean and freshened by morning"
Ongli's obsequious agreement was drowned out by an indignant "Seven thirty! I haven't had to go to bed at seven thirty since I was six!"
"You will however be going to bed at that time tonight. You have had a very stressful day and that along with the two potions you have taken mean that an early night is advised." She wasn't the only one who had suffered from a stressful day. He almost sighed as he watched her open her mouth to object further. "Or would you care to make it seven?" he threatened.
A satisfied smirk appeared on his face as Anna's mouth snapped quickly shut.
"I have things to do before I leave. You will be asleep when I return so I will say goodnight now and speak to you again in the morning."
That said, Snape strode from her room heading directly to his own bedroom or more specifically his own bathroom where he took great delight in removing his rancid clothing and hurling it into the laundry basket for the house elves to deal with. A long steaming hot shower followed during which Snape couldn't help but think "Screw baiting the Ministry – This is one of life's simple pleasures." Luxuriating under the scalding flow of water over his tired body he reconsidered "Or should that be one of life's sensual pleasures" Billowing steam turned his bathroom into a miniature fog bank and his mind went blank as he stood under the pulsing stream of water.
After taking considerably longer than actually necessary Snape emerged from the bathroom immensely refreshed and with a considerably brighter internal disposition. (Of course his external disposition hadn't changed one bit.) Finishing dressing in fresh robes he saw the house elf standing in his bedroom doorway.
"Why aren't you with Miss Snape?"
"Ongli is sorry Professor Snape sir, and Ongli is being a bad house elf but Ongli cannot be finding pyjamas for the little miss to be taking her sleep in, Professor Snape sir."
Snape now knew what he was doing tomorrow and it wasn't doing much needed preparation for the start of the school year which was a scant seven days away. No, he would be escorting a prepubescent female to clothing stores and undoubtedly spending exorbitant amounts of money in doing so. Grabbing his wand and a pair of his Slytherin green silk pyjamas he muttered a quick reducto charm and solved the problem for the night.
"Here, use these, they should fit now."
Ignoring the creature's profuse thanks Snape glanced at his bedside clock which read "Plenty of time". Going to his office he then prepared a letter for his wizarding lawyer. A brief explanation followed by some detailed instructions and he set in motion the process to keep the promise he had made to the girl earlier in the day. He sagged in his chair when he realised that promise had been made less than four hours ago, hell, he never even seen the girl eight hours ago.
With his letter completed and the owl winging it's way out of his office he glanced at the clock on the wall just as it moved from "On Time" to "Almost Late". Biting back a muffled curse he left his quarters without a backward glance, heading to the staffroom.
After watching Severus disappear into the castle Albus had returned to his office where he found a visitor waiting at the base of his gargoyle statue.
"Good afternoon Miss Granger, I'm glad you stopped by."
Muttering the name of his latest sweets craze Dumbledore started the gargoyle rumbling around.
"Come in, come in. I think it might be time for a cup of tea."
Smiling at the man who had asked her to see him and then seemed so pleased when she showed up Hermione replied
"Thank you for inviting me headmaster and a cup of tea sounds lovely."
Entering his office the headmaster rattled on about this and that, purposely avoiding the reason for his summons until his guest appeared settled. However, once the pouring and sugaring and sipping and blowing and dunking of biscuits had been accomplished, Dumbledore sat, examining the young woman sitting calmly opposite him.
Hermione Granger looked much the same physically as she had at the beginning of her sixth year. In fact given her earlier use of the time turner she had matured very little since mid way through her fifth year. The difference lay in her state of mind. Those earlier Hermiones would have been fidgeting and chattering away, worried about why she was here, worried about her last arithmancy grade, worried about what Harry and Ron were doing, worried about just about anything. Today's Hermione sat calmly, ankles crossed, hands comfortably linked in her lap, waiting for him to speak. Dumbledore wondered sadly how much of her new maturity was natural and how much was forced upon her by the events she had lived through this past year.
As the silence lengthened Hermione tilted her head to one side and with a slightly questioning look asked
"Is there something the matter headmaster?"
"I suppose you must actually be wondering why I asked to see you" replied Dumbledore.
"Well," quipped Hermione with the flash of a brilliant smile "the tea has been lovely but I don't for a moment think it was the reason you asked me here."
"My dear, you may join me for tea at any time, with or without invitation, but I must be honest and admit I do have an ulterior motive. I wish to discuss whom I have chosen for the position of Hogwarts Head Girl this year."
Hermione nodded her head and Albus continued.
"I know you may be disappointed but I have offered the position of Head Girl to Celeste McMillan of Hufflepuff and she has accepted." said Dumbledore gesturing towards a parchment on his desk.
Hermione was still for a brief second then she nodded her head.
"While I realise you may be upset, I would like to discuss with you the reasons behind my decision. If you feel up to it of course."
"Oh certainly headmaster. I will admit to a certain level of disappointment but I'm not so heartbroken that I'm going to flee hysterically from your office. In fact, " Hermione stated as her smile made a reappearance "I can probably identify at least one of your reasons myself."
"In that case, do go on my dear, I would be most interested to hear your opinion on the matter."
"I suppose to explain properly I should go back to my early years at Hogwarts and my friendship with Harry and Ron. I remember being horrified at their casual rule breaking and the way they continually got into trouble with their professors. Throughout our middle years there was a running battle between the Harry, Ron and myself. I would drag them reluctantly back into line and the pair of them would cheerfully throw me headlong into all their scrapes. Well headmaster, I regret to have to inform you, but Harry and Ron won. I must be honest enough to admit that these days, under certain circumstances, I find myself with... how can I put this... I find myself with a careless disregard for some of the rules imposed here at Hogwarts."
Albus was certainly glad he had finished his refreshments as snorting and spitting tea and biscuits across the room would had done nothing for the headmasterial dignity. So, Miss Granger was mature enough to do an honest assessment of herself and her friends. She was also a dab hand at understatement. If a careless disregard for the rules included grabbing the rules by the scruff of the neck, kneeing them viciously in the groin and then stomping them with hob nailed boots as they lay groaning on the ground then certainly she had a very very careless disregard for them.
While Dumbledore struggled to control the grin on his face Hermione continued, also smiling widely "Of course if you mention this conversation to Harry or Ron or especially Professor McGonagall I shall be forced to deny every word."
"My lips are sealed Miss Granger, my lips are sealed." Dumbledore leaned forward and continued in a faux whisper "Although, just between you and I, on certain occasions Professor McGonagall has been known to push the word careless into the realm of reckless."
This set both of them off, Hermione giggling behind her hand trying to imagine the formidable head of Gryffindor House so much as walking through a doorway marked no entry and the headmaster chuckling, remembering past indiscretions.
Calming down first Dumbledore continued "While the umm.. careless disregard of the terrible trio has been the subject of much discussion and gnashing of teeth in the professor's lounge it is not, in fact, the main reason for my decision."
Forcing away the image of Professor McGonagall casting sneaky looks all around and then throwing a lolly wrapper on to the ground in Hogsmeade, Hermione returned her attention to the headmaster.
"The positions of Head Boy and Head Girl make enormous demands of the incumbents. Virtually every moment of the day, seven days a week and for much of the holidays the two students live and breath their duties. In almost all cases the actual grades of the Head Boy and Head Girl drop during their year of office. They have virtually no free time and even less time for the friendships they may have had before their selection. I have found over the years that there is a particular type of student who will excel and thrive when chosen to be Head Boy or Head Girl. These are the students who most hunger for the position, for whatever reason the desire for selection outweighs all other issues. To be frank they must be almost fanatical in their dedication."
Dumbledore paused and looked Hermione straight in the eye. Holding her gaze he continued "If you had asked me two years ago who had that sort of desire the first name past my lips would have been Hermione Granger. You may correct me if I am wrong Miss Granger but I do not believe that level of desire, that hunger to be chosen, burns within your heart any more, nor has it for some time. At least not for the position of Head Girl."
Hermione sat, eyes unfocused, as she considered the headmaster's words. She remembered all that had happened to bring her to this chair, having this conversation, how she had felt at the time and how she felt now and mostly what direction she wanted her life to take now.
Pulling her attention back to the headmaster she found him happily popping a lemon drop into his mouth as he waited for her response.
"I don't know that I feel that sort of desire, that sort of hunger for anything at all. I don't know if I can any more. I can remember having it. I would sit and watch the all the old head girls and I would want to be them so badly I could almost feel it like a pain in my chest. I wanted prove myself, be the best. I was going to be the finest Head Girl in Hogwarts history and everyone would know who I was."
Dumbledore acknowledged her words with a nod of his head. "And now, Miss Granger?"
"You're right. I wanted to be Head Girl but I didn't need it. I think I changed when my parents were mur..." Hermione's voice broke off when she realised what she was calmly discussing. She tried to make herself continue but no noise emerged from her mouth. "This is ridiculous" she thought as her eyes teared up. "How can my throat be dry and my eyes be wet?" Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself.
"You don't have to discuss this if it upsets you Miss Granger, I understand." Dumbledore watched her with compassion as she tried to maintain her composure.
Hermione shook her head and managed to croak out "No.. No I should, I want to, especially with you." She sat breathing heavily for a few moments then wiped her teary eyes and tried to continue.
"W..When my parents were mur.... when they died and then with Harry and Voldemort and all the craziness with the war. You remember what it was like. Every time we turned around there was a death eater chasing one of us, then the three of us chasing death eaters and then you and the order chasing everybody..."
"Believe me Miss Granger I have actually lost count of the number of times a panting messenger rushed up and informed me that you, Mr Potter and Mr Weasley were once again in mortal danger."
This sally drew a half smile and an odd sort of combined soblaugh and Hermione continued
"After it was all over, all of it. Voldemort was dead, Harry and Ron, Ginny and all the Weasleys were safe I can remember thinking. 'That's it, its over, finished, we can all get back to normal now and it can be like it was before' but it couldn't, I couldn't because Mum and Da.. because Mum and Dad were gone and it would never be the same."
Silently Dumbledore reached behind him and from the sorting hat produced half a dozen tissues which he gravely handed to Hermione. She took them gratefully and after a quick blow of the nose and wipe of the eyes she continued.
"For a while I didn't feel anything but grief and anger. I didn't care about anything, Head Girl, school, anything. Ron and Harry helped just by being my friends and slowly I began to feel normal things again. But it never came back. That burning desire to succeed, I don't know if it ever will. Oh, I want to do well and I still love curling up with a thick new book but worrying about getting the most newts or being the one with all the answers just doesn't seem as important as it used to. There are so many more things that are so much more important."
"What sort of things Miss Granger?"
"Family." came the instantaneous reply. "And the people you love. It's just that, I have people I love but I don't have any family left."
"Miss Granger, may I make some observations based on nothing else apart from the fact I am an incredibly old man?"
"Of course headmaster"
"Miss Granger.. Hermione, I think you are so very young to be thinking that you will never feel that grand passion, that hunger for some one or something. I believe you are still, quite rightly, grieving over the loss of your parents but someday, maybe soon, maybe later, you will once again experience the heights of feeling that you say you are now incapable of. I have also found in my long years that it is typically those whom you love who become your family. Given the wonderful capacity to love I know you have in your heart I believe it is inevitable that one day you again stand within the loving arms of a family."
Hermione stared at one of the wisest people she knew and couldn't help but murmur "I hope you are right headmaster, I really do."
"Of course I'm right Miss Granger." Dumbledore stated with a look of affront on his face "I'm the headmaster."
This drew a chuckle from both of them until Hermione bit her lower lip and asked "Since this seems to be the day for deep discussions can I tell you something?"
"Of course Miss Granger, go ahead." replied Dumbledore, giving the young woman his full attention.
"I just wanted to say how much I appreciated all you did for me when it happened. I never did say it but thank you. Thank you for forcing the Ministry to declare me an emancipated minor and for becoming my de-facto guardian. Thank you for giving me a place to live here at Hogwarts but mostly I think I need to thank you for letting me make my own decisions, for treating me like an adult. I know you could have stopped us but I don't think I could have coped if I was forced to stay here at Hogwarts like a child, while the rest of the world was fighting Voldemort."
"I hope one thing I have learned in my long life is the impossibility of telling a headstrong young woman what to do, and I do think of you as a young woman Miss Granger. You, Mr Potter and Mr Weasley, even young Miss Weasley, you have all been forced to mature beyond your years, although I do sometimes wonder about Mr Weasley. I consider you an adult in form and in a few short months on your eighteenth birthday you shall be one in fact."
Hermione, blushing at the headmaster's praise, laughed and said "I think we all wonder about Ron sometimes headmaster. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I do realise all you have done for me and I am very grateful. But now, I'm sure I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you for the lovely tea and I think I should be getting out of your way."
"I'm afraid I do have some things on my plate that I must prepare for but before you go Miss Granger.."
Hermione, who was standing up, paused and look at the old man.
"You are very welcome Miss Granger, it has been my honour and privilege."
Hermione's blush deepened to a rich rosy red as she nodded and made for the door. Pausing at the door, she turned and look at the man seated behind his desk.
"Headmaster..."
"Yes Miss Granger?"
"If you had made me Head Girl I bet my grades would not have dropped." she said with a cheeky grin, her face still flaming as she ducked out the door.
"My money would have been on you as well Miss Granger" murmured the old man as he turned his attention back to his desk.
End Chapter Two