I Would Die For You: Part Two
By Symee-Sama
Author's Note: Thanks to Dragon Agility for the Beta read, and to Anna, Michelle and Ben for the comments. There is a little bad language in this fic, so you've been warned. And thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!
I've never kissed a sweeter mouth
I've never been swept away
It's what dreams are made up of
Don't you know I could not survive
Without you in my life
I would die for you
-Jann Arden
Relena watched emotionlessly as the coffin was lowered into the ground. It was empty, of course, they hadn't been able to recover his body, but it was no different for her. Whether there was a body to dress up or not, Heero was dead, and nothing, nothing would bring him back. She threw her handful of dirt onto his coffin, leaning into her brother for support.
He was dead... The thought of it no longer tore her up inside. Her heart had already been torn to shreds, and now, whenever she thought of him, and of the last time she saw him, she simply felt a dull throbbing, that made it hard to breathe.
Remember me...
She could still see him, his hand on the screen, mouthing those last words moments before the flames consumed him. How could she forget him? When she woke up in the morning, he was there in her mind, and when she finally lay down to sleep, he lay down beside her. He was haunting her, and even though the constant reminder of him was painful, she was afraid, desperately afraid that she would forget him, and that she would betray him as completely as she had in her dream.
She felt Milliardo tug on her arm, and shook her head. "I want to stay," she told him, and when he frowned, she smiled sadly, placing her hand over his, seeking to comfort others even now. "I know that you two weren't close, but please, Milliardo, I loved him... I want to be with him just a little bit longer."
He nodded brusquely, turning on his heel, and making his way to the car. She watched him go, and then, turned back to the grave, smiling again at the men who watched her, waiting for her to leave so they could fill in the grave.
"Please go ahead," she moved slightly away from Heero's resting place and sat down on one of the cold stone benches that were comfort for the living in this land of the dead. "I'll wait until you're finished to say my goodbyes."
They went to work, and Relena let her mind drift from them, from the cemetery, to a place where Heero still lived. The past. She smiled her first genuine smile of the day as she thought about the man she loved. She could see him so clearly in her mind's eye. It seemed sometimes like she would wake up and find him beside her, comforting her, and telling her that this was all some horrible nightmare.
But she would never wake up next to him again, never be held by him again, because now he was beyond her reach, and all the political power in the world couldn't help her now. She wanted to scream at her helplessness, but instead, she clenched her hands into fists and held them in her lap, and watched, watched as they buried an empty coffin.
When the men were done, she waited until they'd left her alone before she moved gracefully to kneel in front of the tombstone. She reached out, as she had in her dream, and traced the numbers on the tombstone. They're wrong! She realized with a start. AC 180 – 200... The dates didn't match the ones she'd seen in her dream. But whatever the numbers, whatever the dates, he was gone. Her fingers moved upwards, tracing the letters of his name, and the kanji she'd insisted they put on there, and it hit her. He was gone. Heero was never coming back. She had years ahead of her, and she would never see him smile again, never hear him laugh.
Positive that she was alone, Relena didn't stop the tears that streamed down her face. No one was here to attempt to comfort her, or make her feel ashamed of her weakness. She would allow herself this last moment of weakness, and then she would move on. She would never forget him, she would come back every year and place a flower on his grave, but she would move on.
She had to. She had responsibilities to keep and nations to manage, and though they might be sympathetic to the loss of the man that she loved, they would not accept that as an excuse. She would not give them any reason to need an excuse for her actions.
Heero was gone, and her heart had died with him, but she would hold onto her pride.
A twig snapped behind her, and she whirled around, hastily rubbing at the tear trails that ran down her cheeks. "It's okay to cry, Princess," Duo knelt beside the headstone, his fingers running over the letters in much the same way that Relena's had moments before. "No one would ever fault you for it."
"My brother would," Relena replied, not daring to look at her friend's face, not wanting to see the pity that she was sure was there. Poor pathetic Relena was left with nothing... She'd seen the headlines, that mourned the loss of the Vice Foreign Minister as well as the loss of a Gundam Pilot, but she'd show them. She still had her pride, damn it! If she had nothing else, she had her pride.
"And the leaders of the world too," Duo agreed, taking her hand in his. "Those tight asses don't understand what it is to feel." Relena opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her by placing his finger on her lips. "Don't deny it. Zechs chased away everything he loved when he chased away Noin, and he hasn't been the same person since. Out of all of us, he probably understands what you're going through the best, but refuses to acknowledge it. Hell, he hasn't even realized that he misses her yet.
"'Cause that's what he does when he gets hurt, or emotions threaten to overwhelm him. He shuts himself down... just like Heero used to." Duo lifted her chin so she was forced to look at him. "He was a friggin' computer before he met you, and he wouldn't want you to be the same way."
Only years of training as a diplomat kept Relena from gaping at him. There was no pity in Duo's eyes, a bitter understanding perhaps, but no pity. He could see the pride, the desperate need to survive this that everyone else had either ignored or been blind to.
"You lost your best friend," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes again, but this time she didn't care if he saw. "I've been running." She admitted, standing up and brushing the dirt from her knees. "I was so focused on myself. On making it past this, and moving forward, that I forgot there were others who were as close to him as I was."
She didn't protest when he pulled her to the bench, and sat with his arm around her. They both needed the contact. "How's Hilde?" Relena asked, and leaned against him more.
"She's fine, worried as hell about me and you, but fine. We just finished the payments on the scrapyard. It's ours now." He grinned. "You should come down to L2 sometime. I'd give you the grand tour of the junk heaps."
Relena laughed. "I'll make sure of it." She pressed a hand to her forehead, willing the dull throb that was building there to go away. "Although, by the looks of my schedule, I won't be free for the next decade."
This time it was Duo who laughed. "Then me and Hilde will come to see you. Don't worry, Princess, we won't let you drown in paperwork." He squinted into the sunlight, and then moved away from her with a sigh. "Your brother's coming... I'm gonna make my exit before he decides that I took liberties with his baby sister and castrates me."
The light in Relena's eyes faded as she remembered exactly where she was, and what she was doing there. For those few minutes that she spent with Duo, everything had been pushed away, and she had been happy, genuinely happy. Something tugged at her heart, but she ignored it.
"I'll see you 'round, Princess," Duo flashed one last smile and was gone just as Zechs stormed over the hill, angry at having to wait so long.
"You've been up here for hours," he informed her, as his eyes scanned the area. "Who was up here with you?" He asked as Relena made her way down the car. "I could've sworn I saw someone." But Relena ignored him, already shutting herself down so she wouldn't have to deal with the pain.
8&8&8&8&8
Thousands of people crowded the streets to ring in the new year, and Duo sipped his coffee, watching them with a bitter smile on his face. What a year... He thought, grinding the heel of his hand into his forehead. Went to the funeral of my best friend, watched as my girlfriend walked away from me, and broke my promises to a friend who needed me.
He toasted the celebrations, and then downed his coffee in one go, ignoring the way it seared down his throat. Well at least he was making up for one mistake this year. He glanced at his watch impatiently. Relena had agreed to forgo the parties that were going on tonight and ring in the new year with him.
He didn't even really know why he'd asked her really, all he'd wanted was to be alone tonight, but still... He had the strange feeling that she wouldn't make him feel crowded, or uncomfortable like other people did nowadays. Since Heero's death, he'd been drawing away from people, closing himself in until everyone was like a stranger to him, even Hilde.
She'd left him because of the distance he'd put between them, and while he regretted it, he still couldn't think of any way to make these feelings go away. Heero's death had torn him apart, and even though he usually could usually hide it behind his carefully crafted façade of cheerfulness, the people he was closest to, Hilde and the other pilots, knew he wasn't the same, and knew that he wasn't trying to be the same again.
Relena was different though, she understood what he felt. She'd had to deal with it the same way he had. By shutting herself down, by pushing away the people who could evoke strong emotions in her, and numbing herself so she wouldn't have to feel the pain.
He'd warned her about getting like that. Told her that Heero wouldn't have wanted her to be that way, but he also knew now, that she wouldn't be able to function without numbing herself. The pain would be too much... So he sat in his dingy little apartment, waiting for her to come and join him so they could...
Could what? Duo wondered, realizing that he'd never really put much thought into it. Talk? Watch TV? Reminisce about old times? Or would they just sit in awkward silence and watch everyone else enjoy their night?
Or maybe heal each other?
Duo had no idea where that one came from, but as soon as he thought it, he knew that was what he desperately wanted to do. To heal her, to bring back the Relena that laughed freely, and was happy, and at the same time, to be the person he was.
He'd been a better person when Heero was alive.
He heard a knock at his door, and went over to it, opening it with a smile. "Princess!" he beamed, knowing that she could see past his act, but also knowing that she was comforted by its familiarity. "Come in!" He gestured grandly at the small apartment, and watched as she took it all in.
"I know it's not what you're used to..." he began, dry washing his hands in his nervousness, "but it's not that bad a place to spend the night. It's got this great view of the square." She turned to him and smiled, a simple, sad smile that broke his heart and healed it at the same time.
"I don't really know why I came here," she admitted, resting her fingers against the cool glass of the window. "I wanted... a peace of mind tonight... it's been eleven months and thirty days since he died, since I've felt anything." Duo's mouth went dry as she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. "And I know that you've been the same way."
"Not around you," his voice was husky, and didn't sound like him at all. "It's like a part of me died with Heero that day, and since then there's only been a ghost wandering around in my place. But around you... Princess... you make me feel like I'm alive again."
She nodded slightly, and moved back towards the window, taking a seat upon the ratty couch, leaving room for him to sit beside her. "My brother is a nervous wreck, these days. He never shows it, but he feels guilty for making me like this. For taking Heero away from me." She sighed, and for the first time, Duo noticed how pale she was, and how she'd lost weight. "It's funny how it works out. It used to be me fretting over him, and him being beyond my reach. Our positions have changed."
"He should feel guilty," Duo's face darkened in anger and thinly veiled disgust. "Zechs sent Heero to die. I saw the mission, all the pilots did. It was a suicide mission if I ever saw one, and Heero, he was stupid enough to take it."
"He wanted to protect me," Relena said softly, shame tinging her voice. "I don't know why you still want to talk to me, after he died for me. I let him do it. I let him die. If I had said something he wouldn't have gone. I could've made up a lie. Made him stay."
"There was nothing you could've done," Duo shushed her, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Absolutely nothing you said would have changed his mind, or Zechs'..."
She went rigid against him, afraid of the emotions that were stirring in her, and that she knew were rising in him. Her mind shifted back to her dream, and she was scared, scared that she would forget Heero if she allowed herself to be with Duo.
She whispered his name, raising her head to look into eyes that were as haunted as hers were. "Don't be scared, Princess," he said as he reached up to cup her face, and lowered his mouth until it was mere inches above hers.
She pulled back, pushing him away from her. "I can't. I said I wouldn't forget him."
"Being with me doesn't mean that you forget him, or that I take his place." Duo pulled her close again. "I don't want you to forget him, but... we need this, Relena. Both of us need this." This time, when he lowered his mouth to hers, she didn't retreat, instead, she met him, letting him chase away all the pain of the past year.
They clung to each other, rocking back and forth, until the noise in the square below grew to a deafening roar. "Midnight," Duo said into the curve of her neck. "Happy New Year, babe."
Relena shook her head, and turned her head away so he wouldn't see her tears. "No..." her voice was barely above a whisper, as images of Heero dying, of his bloody face, and static replacing his image on the screen rushed through her mind. It had been a year... the enormity of it stunned her. He'd been gone a year, and she was still here, still living, and even daring to love a little. "No," she said again, as Duo's arms tightened around her, "happy anniversary."
8&8&8&8&8
Duo walked into Preventors Headquarters whistling softly, and after signing into reception, made his way to Quatre's office. "Hey Quatre," he smiled, and sat on the edge of his friend's desk. "What's on the list for today?"
"Just paperwork and meetings for today, nothing interesting." The blonde smiled at his friend. "You're in a good mood today, Duo."
"I think somebody got laid," Wufei said from the doorway, making Quatre blush, and Duo laugh. "It's true isn't it, Maxwell? That's good. It's about time you stopped moping around here, and got your ass in gear." He walked over to Quatre, and handed him some files. "Une wanted you to look these over. Something to do with trade delegations I think."
Quatre sighed. "I always get the diplomats."
"It's because you're the best at handling them," Duo informed him, still smiling broadly. "I annoy them, Trowa intimidates them, and Wufei just scares the shit out of them." He laughed again. "Not that I'm complaining. Give me bomb threats over diplomats any day."
"So who's the girl?" Wufei asked, curious about who could have such a dramatic effect on his friend. "Did Hilde come back?"
Duo shook his head. "Not Hilde, no, but someone who understands me." He leaned back against the desk. "I've kind of felt something for her for almost a year now, but nothing happened until last night, but she understands me, guys, she understands what I've been through." He grinned. "Almost like you, Wufei."
"Let me get this straight," Trowa strolled into the office, files in hand. "You're sleeping with Relena?"
"I never mentioned who it was!" Duo stammered, turning red.
"I'll take that as a yes," Trowa smiled slightly, and handed the files to Quatre. "More diplomats for you to take care of. They want to talk about the expansion of their colonies, and about the new laws that were put in place. So you and Relena finally hooked up?" The question was directed at Duo.
"More diplomats?" Quatre sighed again. "Can't they find anyone else to handle the damn diplomats?"
"You just gotta face it, Quat. None of us has your boyish charms." Duo patted his friend on the back consolingly. "If it makes you feel any better, I can take one of these files off your hands."
"And have another crisis on our hands?" Quatre placed a protective hand over the files on his desk. "Do you remember the last time that you took on a diplomatic mission, Duo? You threatened the leader of the colony, and called him a moron, not to mention shooting up a factory. It took us months to clean up that little incident."
"There were bad guys, Quat!" Duo whined, "and he wouldn't listen to me!"
"No excuse," the blonde man scolded, and sipped his tea. "Now what's this about you and Relena?"
"Basically, I've felt this way about her since the funeral." Duo began, sitting back down on the edge of the desk. "But I didn't want to push anything because I'd feel like a total sleaze, hitting on my best friend's girlfriend at his funeral, and plus, she wasn't ready for a relationship. So, I went back to Hilde, but found that things weren't the same, and that I couldn't function in the relationship anymore."
He sighed. "I really fucked that one up, but I always felt more comfortable, more at ease around Relena, so I invited her for New Year's, and... well," he coughed, "things happened. I didn't plan for them, but they did..."
Duo looked at his best friends. "Does this make me a complete jerk?" And when they looked at him in askance, he elaborated. "Going after Relena... is that wrong?"
"No," Quatre said quietly, and sipped his tea again. "I don't believe it is. Heero's dead, and pushing away feelings you may have for Relena because of that... it's not healthy, and I don't think that he would want it to be that way."
Trowa nodded. "I agree with Quatre, Heero wouldn't want Relena or you to be unhappy, and if it's being with each other that makes you happy, then I don't think he'd object."
"Just make sure that you don't try to replace him," Wufei cautioned. "Relena won't stand for that." He noted the relieved look on Duo's face. "You really do care for her, don't you?"
"I'm head over heels," Duo admitted, running both hands through his bangs. "It's only been one night, and I want to marry her." He caught the expressions on his friends' faces and grimaced. "That doesn't mean that I'm going to. Just that I feel strongly enough about her to marry her."
"Well that's all fine and dandy," Sally drawled from the doorway, "but Une's coming this way, so if you want to avoid a reprisal, get your butts moving."
All the pilots followed the older woman, not wanting to get on Une's bad side, but Duo remained behind, looking down at his toes. "It'll be fine," Quatre assured him, smiling broadly. "Just don't try to rush things, and everything will work out fine."
"Sure, Quat." Duo said, looking anything but sure. "Have fun with those diplomats." He waved over his shoulder and was gone.
Quatre, sat quietly for a long time after Duo left, not doing anything, simply staring at the closed door. There was something wrong, he could feel it, but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what was wrong. All he knew was that he'd been uneasy since Duo had announced that he was seeing Relena. There was something... wrong about it, and he couldn't explain why.
Telling himself that he was being paranoid, Quatre sipped his now cold tea, and opened the first file that Une had sent him. Heero was dead, so there was nothing wrong with Duo and Relena finding happiness. He told himself, but was still unable to shake that terrible feeling.
8&8&8&8&8
There were millions of things for him to do, but the instant that Relena walked into Zechs' office, he mentally pushed all of them aside. None of them were as high in priority as his sister. Especially the way she looked right now, a mixture of confusion, guilt, and conditional happiness on her face.
Tearing his gaze away from her for a moment, he glanced down at his papers. Old worries coming back to haunt him as he searched for the report he needed. A quick glance though, and his shoulders slumped in relief. There was no chance of the problem he was worried about. "What can I help you with, Relena?" He asked, finally directing his attention towards his baby sister.
"It's not anything you can help me with really," Relena began slowly, taking one of the chairs in front of his desk. "More like advice really." He gestured for her to continue, and she took a deep breath, folding her hands in her lap to stop them from shaking. "Is it wrong for me to become involved with another man this soon after Heero's death?"
"It's been a year," Zechs said brusquely, dismissing the dead pilot with a shrug of his shoulders. "Who is it you've become involved with?"
"Duo," Relena informed him, forsaking her calm façade to pace around Zechs' office. "It's Duo. Is that wrong? To become involved with Heero's best friend?" She noted the look on his face, and her shoulders sagged. "I'm asking the wrong person, aren't I?"
"Probably," Zechs agreed, steepling his fingers, and leaning over his desk. "I can't claim to have any love for Yuy, but I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to deny yourself happiness because he couldn't be the one to give it to you. If Duo's the one that you want to be with, I think you should be with him."
"Thank you, Milliardo," Relena smiled, and kissed him on the cheek before exiting his office. She was so happy that she didn't realize that he'd picked up the phone before she'd left and begun to dial numbers. He watched the door with a careful eye, and when he judged she was far enough, he muttered a greeting to the special operations officer that picked up the phone.
"This is Wind," he said, his voice calm and dangerous. "I'm calling about Ichiban. Yes, yes, him. I need you to give him another assignment. I don't care what it is, but you keep him away from Earth. Tell him the situation hasn't settled here yet, and it would be best for him to wait. Yes. I understand. Thank you." Zechs hung up the phone, and leaned back in his chair.
His baby sister was finally going to be safe.
8&8&8&8&8
Relena laughed as Duo carried her through the door, and carefully placed her on the ground. "It was wonderful!" She exclaimed, pressing her lips against him, and tossing her veil onto the bed. "Absolutely wonderful!"
"I'm glad you still feel that way," Duo ran kisses down her neck, loosening the ties of her dress. "Mrs. Maxwell." He smiled into her skin, and led her to the bed, easing her down onto it. It had been beautiful. Nerve wracking, but beautiful.
He'd suffered the laughed about pre-marriage jitters, and it had taken Wufei and Trowa to drag him back into the church, and to the best thing that would ever happen to him. "I love you," he whispered, and clutched her to him. "I love you, Lena."
"I'm glad you haven't changed your mind," Relena smiled wryly, moving her hand to hold the back of his head. "There's something I have to tell you," the seriousness of her tone had him drawing back, concern in his eyes. "I'm pregnant."
Relief flowed through her when Duo let out a whoop and spun her around, her already loose dress falling off her shoulders. "Do we know if it's going to be a girl or a boy?" He asked, as excited as a child on Christmas.
"No," she shook her head. "It's much too early to know that, but can you imagine it Duo?" She smiled broadly at him. "I never thought that it would turn out this way... Eight years should seem like a long time, but it doesn't somehow."
"You're not getting cold feet now are you?" Duo asked worriedly. "It's a little late now..."
"I know, but I just feel like... I've betrayed him somehow."
"I know," he gathered her close. "But he's gone. He's been gone for five years now, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. I love you, Relena. I love you so much that I would die for you in a heartbeat." He pressed his lips to her skin again. "We don't have to do anything tonight if you don't feel up to it."
"No," Relena said quickly, drawing his mouth to hers. "I want this. I love you, Duo." She assured him as she lost herself in the sensations. It was just nerves that were making her feel this way, but even as she whispered his name, she couldn't chase away that horrible feeling of dread.
8&8&8&8&8
It was late when Zechs finally finished up his paperwork. He sighed heavily as he signed the last form, carefully placing it in its proper place. He felt old. He could remember when he was the one who was zipping around the battlefields, but now he just gave the orders. He hadn't even sat in a mobile suit for over a year now.
His baby sister was all grown up, and had been happily married for just over three years now. Every time he saw her, he could tell that Duo was chasing the ghosts that haunted her away, and that she was doing the same for him.
He sighed again, letting his head rest in his hands. He knew the reason he felt old, and it wasn't just because he was behind a desk all the time now. In fact, he enjoyed the work he did. He was an important asset to the Preventors...
But damn it all. He missed Lu. Zechs took a deep breath, allowing himself his one small moment of self-pity before he regained his composure. He hated showing weakness, even when he was the only one who would know of it.
It was for the best anyway, he told himself as he filed the paperwork. She wouldn't be happy with a man like him. Just like Relena never would have been happy with a man like Heero... he grimaced at the thought of them together.
"It was for the best," he repeated slowly to himself, not talking about Noin anymore. "She did much better than him with Maxwell."
"That wasn't for you to decide," Heero drawled behind him, and Zechs froze he felt the barrel of a gun press into his back. "Take a seat, Zechs." Heero waited until the older man had done as he ordered, and then walked to the front of the desk. The former Epyon pilot was implacable, seemingly unperturbed by the fact that a gun was pointed at him. "You really fucked us over good didn't you? You were supposed to tell her, Zechs, but instead you let her think I was dead."
"And she found someone better!" Zechs snarled, not caring when the younger pilot's eyes widened in anger. "Admit it, Yuy. She's better off without you. I gave her the chance to choose, and she chose Duo over you."
"Did you tell her that the mission was a fake?" Heero asked quietly, scarcely able to believe the depth of Zechs' betrayal. "Did you tell her that my death was scripted, and that the explosion was faked? Did you Zechs?"
"No," Zechs smiled smugly, and leaned back in the chair. "I knew she could do better than you, Yuy, so I let her."
"I love her!" Heero exploded, and aiming carefully, shot Zechs in the shoulder. "And she loved me, and you were supposed to tell her I'd be back!" He paced around the office, his heart breaking at the thought of Relena in Duo's arms... as Duo's wife.
Zechs simply smiled, ignoring the blood pumping from his shoulder, making Heero even angrier. "The mission was supposed to be less than two years, but you kept extending it." Heero spat, and took out his anger by shooting the phone off Zechs' desk. "You knew what was going on, and kept me tucked away in the most remote places in the universe, checking false leads, and destroying minor drug rings. You kept me away from her, so I couldn't interfere."
"That's exactly right," Zechs said, knowing that he was probably going to die, but not able to bring himself to care. "They're happy, now. Don't ruin it for them. They forgot you, and now they're happy."
"They forgot me?" Heero felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like something indescribable had been taken from him, and he hadn't even known that it was there until it was gone. Betrayal washed over him in waves. "But... she... she promised."
"You couldn't expect her to wait for a ghost," Zechs chided him, still smiling broadly. "Did you hear that they've had a child? A beautiful little girl." He watched Heero pace around the room, the younger man's face twisted with too many emotions for Zechs to name, the smile fading only when Heero moved to stand behind him. "What are you doing?"
"Sorry Zechs, but I can't have you interfering." It was Heero's turn to smile grimly as he brought the butt of the gun crashing down and sent Zechs sprawling on the floor. "Not until after I reach Relena."
Author's Note: Anyway, I hoped you liked it. I know I skipped around a bit, but that was the only way I could keep it at a decent length. Any problems with this fic, or suggestions for the end (I have no idea what I'm doing with it yet), review! And thanks a lot for your comments, praises, and squints at the screen death threats (?) from the first part.