.-°-..-°-. Last Night .-°-..-°-.

Chapter 5

Last Night

My heart was made for bleeding all over you
And I know you're married but I've got feelings too
But I still love you

(Martha Wainwright)

After nearly an hour spent fighting fiends, Tidus and Rikku re-emerged in the main lake of the cave, both spitting water and laughing hysterically. And as soon as their laughter were close to die down, they stared briefly at each other - and the laughter began again. Rikku was even crying, and her jaws were aching.

"Oh Yevon. Oh Yevon-" she chuckled, almost breathing hardly "Those fishes, they were just so ridiculous!"

Tidus burst out again, even louder. He tried to say something, but he didn't manage to do it.

They had started with the idea of fighting seriously, but in less than ten minutes the entire situation had degenerated. Tidus had used the Dark Attack on a group of Piranhas, and as a result teh fishes had begun floundering around, blinded, almost biting at each other. Tidus and Rikku really had had an hearty laugh.

"Surely Wakka did suck at the Trials, but when he used this spell, it was always howlingly funny" Tidus said, removing his hair from his forehead.

"And now we know how to use this spell too!" echoed Rikku enthusiastically, her thumb up.

"Man, those fiends were really weak. Or maybe it's just that we've become invincible..?" Tidus asked her with a proud smile, placing his sword on the edge of the pool.

"Well I guess we invincible in a way, after so much training." she stated.

"How very- modest of you." he laughed "Anyway, I thought I would have found you out of shape." he provoked her.

"W-what! Me out of training? You got to be kidding me!" Rikku flushed.

He laughed again, and then, before it was time to decide what to do next, he flung himself backwards into the water. He really didn't look like he wanted to go back home.

Yet it was two o'clock.

But they were just floating in the water again.

The time was passing really slowly. One minute was like one century. The more Rikku stayed there doing nothing, waiting for what eventually was going to happen the day after, the more she felt like a victim, offering her chest to her killer's blade, without trying to stop it.

Was there a way to take that weight off her heart?
Was there a way...?

Yes, there is a way. It will all be over when this terrible night finish. When he marries. All over. Far away.

The voice inside her kept repeating those words, but she was not able to listen to it.

What if things were different? What if she was not going to be able to forget this? In that case, how would it be, having to cope with these feelings all life long, and maybe even longer?

I would rather die tomorrow.

But until tomorrow, it was such a long time. The wait was so long that it was consuming her.

'Tell him.'
The other voice. The other, insane, voice.
The little voice she always mistreated, suffocated, repressed with strength.

Stop that! Stop! Let's go away! All this has just to finish as soon as possible, and it will be okay.

' Or you could tell him.'

Probably her expression was not relaxed. She was not able to pretend anymore. Not even the many Pyreflies, which were hovering both in the water beneath her and in the rest of the cave, memorials of the killed fiends, were able to calm her down.

I want this to finish.

Time was passing by. Impossible to state how much time was passing by. Then Tidus' face appeared upon hers. His expression was not exactly quiet either, but surely it was better than hers. And as soon as she saw him, she became completely aware that this was the last stop.

Then, as she couldn't bear to hear it from his lips, she immediately said it herself.

"We must go." as she was still in the water, she couldn't hear herself. But her words echoed in her throat. She wasn't able to change her position - she needed the water to support herself.

"Yeah. I really guess so." she read on his lips "Or you want to stay here?"

Rikku smiled lightly.

'Here's the last stop.'

It's the last stop.

'Do something!'

It's the last stop.

Tidus grabbed her wrist, dragging her on the surface. She laughed.

"Comfortable, isn't it?" he asked with a smile.

She laughed again, even if laughing in that moment just seemed impossible.

'It's the last stop.
The last stop.
The end.
The terminus.'

She had never decided it before.
Never planned it.
Really.

But in that moment, and in that moment only, she understood that there was no other possibility.

"Wait - wait."

Rikku stood up in the water.

Until that moment, all the things in the world had been spinning one-way around her, a way she had never been able to control. So she had always contemplated them, were they beautiful or awful, sitting still. Now, even having stopped Tidus, made her felt like she had just jumped right in the middle of them - and she was whirling with all the rest.

'You can decide'

I-

"Yeah? What's wrong?" Tidus asked kindly, appearing far from being irritated because their leaving was being delayed again "Is everything okay..? Mh?"

"Y-Yes. I mean, I... I need to talk to you."

"Well, I'm here. Tell me" He frowned just a little.

"It's- It's that..." her throat was burning "I'll try to be quick." but as a matter of fact she paused instead. And her expression definitively broke up. "I'm sorry -I'm so stupid..." she stopped, showing him her back.

"Rikku..? What-"

'It's the last stop'

And when Rikku turned back to him, she had her eyes closed.
She opened them, now staring at him.

I have always known this. If this has to happen, it has to happen this way.

"I... love you."

Dead silence.
For some instants all in the cave - apart from the Pyreflies - froze.

Tidus didn't even change his expression. Neither of them turned the gaze away.

I said that.
'Yeah, you said that.'

Rikku let her head fall forward, the glass-beads in her small tresses tinkling at her movement.

"I'm sorry." she said.

Tidus was speechless. But as soon as she thought he was going to say something, she prevented it, fearing to hear, repeating the sentence.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry- I..." she shook her head lightly "I do understand that I am behaving selfishly. I'm sorry- I... I mean, telling this now, telling this today- I never intended to.
It's just that- Tidus, I'm sorry. I don't know what I want to get doing this. I know that maybe I'm just bothering you - that I'm creating problems. But you-you don't have to say anything, and..." she swallowed.

Then she looked again at him, and continued.

"-and listen. I don't know when exactly, since when... I mean, all I know is that one day I understood I was living for you. That when I was frightened, it was you the one I wanted to stay with. That when I was upset, it was you the one I needed to look at. It's been... three years. They all say I'm changed. But I don't know," she took a deep breath "Really don't know if it's true. In every moment of it all - when we met for the first time, when we re-encountered at the Moonflow. In every place we've been - in the Thunder Plain, in Sanubia desert, in the Tower of the Dead inside Sin. Even when you disappeared, and then when you reappeared. Actually," she placed her hand on her heart "You have never gone away from here. If you had not been with me, I would probably have given up a long time ago.

"I love you.

"I'm sorry. You can deny this, or pretend you didn't hear. You can reject me, you can even laugh -or, if you want, you can do absolutely nothing. That's not the point. I had to do this, anyway. For myself, too.

"I love you.

"But I don't want you to worry, because- because whatever happens, whatever you'll say or do now, tomorrow- tomorrow I..." the smile on her lips was terribly sad "Tomorrow morning I will be the usual, cheerful, enthusiastic Al Bhed girl, the one everyone wants to see, and I will be celebrating in the first row, throwing flowers on you and Yuna with a huge smile. As if nothing has ever happened."

Silence again.
A Pyrefly hovered between Tidus and her.

All those words, all that endless monologue. It had just come out with incredible ease in the end. She noticed that Tidus' expression was shocked, now. Probably it had been changing little by little at each one of her words, but she had not seen it but now.

Then he finally spoke.

"Ri-Ri-Rikku.." his voice was hoarse "You never - you just never.."

She immediately understood what he meant.

"And how could I." that was not even a question.

Tidus, seeing all that resignation, really became aware of how much had Rikku actually changed. Because she really had. The fifteen-years old Rikku of three years ago would have pronounced that same sentence struggling with shrill voice, pointlessly punching the water. Whereas now the sadness in her was so deep that she wasn't even crying - so deep it couldn't even be expressed.

"..how could I? You, you and Yuna. You two embody the love and the peace in Spira. You two are an untouchable symbol, a guarantee for all the people, an ideal for all the couples. They all worship you two. They all worship you two together. You're so - perfect. And I... I have nothing to do with this. I just cant ruin this." his green eyes were void and terrified "I can only wish happiness to the both of you, because I really guess-" she chuckled "I really guess that I - compared to the happiness of Spira -well, I am nothing."

There she finished.

Her lips were pale and contracted, as if she was crying. But she was not crying, as she turned her face away, not to look at Tidus anymore. She was feeling neither better, nor worse. But she was feeling completely different, and her head was spinning. A Pyrefly touched her ear lightly, and its echo of Farplane caressed her mind.

"Rikku-" Tidus moved a little closer to her.

She didn't know whether she had done the right thing.
She didn't know what would happen from now on.

She couldn't understand the words Tidus was now whispering in her ear. But she could perceive that it was neither friendship nor sympathy the feeling that Tidus' hands running on her back were transmitting.

It was not playful anymore the way he was stroking her hair.
It was not because of a ceremony or a party that he was kissing her.

And when their lips met, it seemed completely right that way.

Rikku saw for an instant Tidus' eyes inches-distant from hers, before he closed it, and kissed her again.

She looked for one last time at all the glittering of the cave, before closing her eyes too, and abandoning herself to their first night together.

Their last night.

.THE END.

:Author'sNotes:
Ehy! So... it's over...!
Eheheh I hope you liked the ending... I swear i cant imagine another possible ending.. I don't know.. What did you think? It's sad somehow... but hey.
Ok, one last huge thank you to all my reviewers, because you really made me happy. You want a sequel to this? Ehehe of couse i'm just kidding there's no way I'm doing that. I was just thinking about an extra chapter about a very late Tidus meeting Wakka the morning after, but since it would be really pointless, there will be nothing.
Maybe I will continue my other fic. Maybe you will see me again...
Someday.

Swamp-Eyes

14/10/2005: I'm surprised to see that people are actually still reading this fic. Maybe I should begin major editing, since every time I look at this I see errors sticking out practically everywhere... I'm also evaluating the idea of publishing the sequel I've written, even if it can be read as a completely different story, and most probably it isn't what you could be expecting. Maybe I'll publish it without even saying it's the sequel...I don't know.. it's not like it's going to happen tomorrow, anyway. I have to finish 'Subservience' first, that's for sure.

Thank you to all the people who had made it this far, thank you for reading, but especially never stop supporting Tikku!

Swamp-Eyes

[NewAN: Edited on 09.2015. And thanks to the people still reading, drop me a line! S.]