And they tried to tell me I wasn't "hip", eh?
Anyways, it's the much anticipated third chapter of Prefiance!
Hurrah!
Does anyone care? Maybe not!
Now a review response, from the passssssssstttt
Varewulf: Yes, Tomato is a fruit. And Jaffa cakes are officially classified as being cakes
They're biscuits! They can't do that!
Oh and thanks for the review
Twilight Tenshi- What do you mean you should have expected puppets to be in this!
Or you implying I'm not cutting edge? That hurts like daggers that does
And they name PopeLord is always a viable alternative on the ego trip days
I love those days
Uberlord John IX - More about the Circle members you say? Right so
And Vorador may beat the Time Streamer... Unless he doesn't
Then he'll probably lose
Fangy - I am Awesome. I am also Pope
Your observations are valid and noted. Thank you
And you only had to wait like.. less than a year for an update
Nifty huh?
Shadesofblood- I trip people
It's a hobby.
Xargon- LoK is hard to stick by now they took away my beloved script based fics...
So hard... And I'm lazy
But I j00 r0ck
Whatever that may mean
BearVsChris- Ah mister Christopher McBearston
There are no toilets in Nosgoth for a very good reason. That I reveal later on
How later you ask?... what do I look like! Some sort of time approximating machine?
But I did continue Prefiance as you sort requested in your The Mighty Have Fallen review
So you must be laughing it up
Those reviews are so very old
I didn't think I started this so long ago
Ah well, onwards and upwards... or backwards and downwards
Many people believe when we sleep our minds are freed from the confines of reality. Our conscienceness can flit across space and time with the greatest of ease. Here the choice of destination is limitless and many will try to seek out kindred spirits.
Of course that theory is completely wrong but it is useful in trying to explain the following scene.
For in a nondescript park, on a nondescript bench sat three very discript individuals feeding the ducks.
"And you know what he calls himself? He-Man!" Said Skelator disgustedly
"..it's pretty pathetic really... I mean you don't go around calling yourself Bone Skeleton do you?" said Mortainius
"I know!" said Skelator
"Heroes are a unoriginal lot though. I mean my arch nemesis is called Captain America. Ohh a military title and a country! Fantastic!" said The Red skull angrily
"Well in Nosgoth there are no good guys and evil guys. Which really gets to me! I can be as evil as I want but people just refuse to stereotype me! I put a guys soul in a coffee mug last week and no one said anything!"
"Oh don't worry, you'll get your get your big break soon enough" said Skelator sympathetically
"Yeah, it'll happen" agreed the Red Skull "just do something like murdering someone that is so vital that their death will send the world spiralling into decay ... Or you could kick a puppy"
"Kick a puppy! That's sick!" Said a disgusted Mortainius
"Yeah... that is going a bit too far I suppose" the Red Skull admitted
"The murder ones not a bad idea though" said Skelator thoughtfully
"Yeah. I'm sure I could come up with a devious plan" said Mortainius "Thanks for the help guys"
Suddenly a huge shadow fell across the bench.
"Er...hiya guys" said a very nervous voice
"Oh not you again" sighed Skelator "what is it this time?"
"Can I join your group!" The voice pleaded
"Look, Summon Skull. You're a nice lad but I don't think you have the right evilness to join the group"
"Ah come on!" Cried the enormous Summon Skull "If someone really evil had my card I'd do really evil stuff!"
"It's the not the same and you know it" said Mortainius "You must be heartless and have the blackest soul to join our association of eternal evil"
"I brought pie"
There was silence
"... Is that capitalist pie?" said the Red Skull warily
"Um... I don't think so"
"Then welcome to the group comrade Summon Skull!" said the Red skull as he grabbed the pie
It was at that moment that the Hylden Lord walked past the group looking bemused
"You there! Are any of you from Nosgoth!" barked the Hylden Lord
"I am" said Mortainius looking up from the pie
"Aahaha!" said the Hylden Lord
Suddenly the Hylden lord leapt at Mortainius. Instead of crashing into each other the Hylden Lord seemed to merge with Mortainius.
Mortainius let out a blood curdling scream and vanished
There was a moment of stunned silence
"...Does that mean I get his share of pie?" Said the Red Skull eventually
"What! did you not just see what happened!" Said a disgusted Skelator "He pointed at me so I get his pie!"
"Hey! His pie is my pie you know!"
"No it's not! Communism doesn't apply to pie damn you!"
Skelator and the Red Skull argued heatedly for the next hour
However Summon Skull realising what he had just signed himself up for started to edge away and a few moments later he was already chatting with Ifrit to see if he could join the summoned monster club.
Deep in the heart of the Oracles cave, the Chronoplast crackled into life. Sensing the activity a tentacle erupted out of the ground. A portal appeared and a bottle emerged from it. The tentacle caught it easily and then the portal vanished
The tentacle uncorked the bottle and took out a note that had been placed inside.
The message read
Dear Me
It has come to my attention that Malek the Paladin has some how arrived in my time period. The fact that he is supposed to be dead for hundreds of years doesn't seem to be affecting him. I wish you to take some measure to return Malek to his original time frame as he is messing up some of your more daring future plans
Your sincerely
The Elder God
The Elder God wondered how this could have happened. Surely Moebius would have informed him if something like this had happened.
But come to think of it he hadn't actually seen Moebius in a while...
Something smelled fishy
And for once, it wasn't the Elder God
"Hey Janos" muttered Vorador as he sat down and buried his face in claws
"Hello there Vorador" Janos replied
"Moebius's forces overwhelmed me at the Stronghold and I had to retreat" said Vorador despairingly
"Ah well, these things happen" said Janos reassuringly
"I'm sorry master" wailed Vorador
"Ah well I'm sure you learned from your mistakes" said Janos
"Moebius has won!" sobbed Vorador
"Oh has he? Shame really" said Janos
"You're right!" exclaimed Vorador, jumping to his feet
"What about it being a shame? Yeah I suppose I am" said a slightly confused Janos
"I'll build my own army and fight Moebius!" said Vorador defiantly
"What? I never said that" said Janos suspiciously
"The pathetic mortal will shake in fear before the legions of my army of the undead!"
"Hello? Vorador? Are you ignoring me?" said Janos waving a claw in front of the vampires face
"And I shall rend his flesh and destroy his soul!"
"Quit ignoring me! You're still young enough to be put over my knee young man!" said Janos threateningly and he rose to his feet
"And the world will tremble! Tremble before me! And the world will be covered in the blood of my enemies
"Seems like an awful waste..." sighed Janos as he sat down again
"Thank you for your guidance master! I will put your plan into action as quickly as possible" said Vorador
"What plan? Actually looking for my heart and not lazing around this place?" said Janos sullenly
"I will rule Nosgoth in your name!" said Vorador
"Yeah spell it right. Not like on those damned birthday cards. I mean Yanus?" muttered Janos
Vorador ran up the crypt stairs excitedly
"Not even a goodbye eh?" sniffed Janos "No one every takes you into consideration when you're dead"
He looked over his spectral shoulder and saw his dead body
"And you can stop bloody well grinning as well" he said bitterly
Mortainius awoke and got to his feet. There was no transition. One moment he was asleep on the floor and then he was standing vertically adjusting his golden ribcage. It was an unsettling sight. Then again Mortainius in general was an unsettling sight.
He knew he had had a dream during the night but he couldn't remember it
He just assumed it was the one where he crushed all his enemies (i.e. everyone)
He had that dream quite a lot
Mortainius decided he had quite enough of the catacombs of Avernus and so he headed for the doors
"Whoosh" the door said half heartedly as it was pushed open.
Azimuth was still on her throne looking into a dimensional rift.
"You just know the holodeck going to go haywire" she muttered to herself
"I'd like to thank you for allowing me to stay here" said Mortainius
"Hmmm? Oh, yes. No problem" she said dissmissivley "Tell me Mortainius. Would you like to join the United Federation of Planets?"
"I don't have a planet" replied Mortainius simply
"oh... I see" Said Azimuth disappointedly "Good day to you then"
Mortainius bowed and turned to leave the cathedral
"Funny" Azimuth thought to herself as she watched Mortainius with her third eye "He has the except same aura as that Hylden Lord fellow"
Perhaps if she had mentioned it there and then things would have turned out different
But unfortunately as she went to call Mortainius back the hologram of professor Moriarty seized control of the starship Enterprise
And Azimuth was far more interested in future Sherlock Holmesesque villainy than the regular demonic possession sort.
The balance of power in Nosgoth had been disrupted by a great power.
Ariel, Guardian of this Balance could do nothing to halt it as she too was in the thrall of the power.
And at the moment this great power was relaxing in the "Soul Trader" night-club in Willendorf.
This power was of course Moebius who was now retelling the story of how he killed every ancient vampire in Nosgoth using only a paper clip and his wits to group of women who were sitting beside him and staring at him adoringly
"And then I says "You may have your army of millions of vampires but I have my wits!"" said Moebius dramatically "And then I crushed then all in a exciting and dynamic manner that I can't remember at the moment"
The women around him swooned and he took a sip from his tequila
"Now if you'll excuse me for a moment I must go to the bathroom" Moebius said as he got up from his seat
"Don't leaveeeee!" the women pleaded
"Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute and then I'll tell you the story of how I built the eternal prison, using only a paper bag.. and my wits!" Moebius exclaimed
The women squealed excitedly and Moebius ambled off to the bathroom
The toilets had been installed in the "Soul Trader" night-club due to popular demand. But the owner of the club had no idea of the curse that affected all toilets of Nosgoth
This curse that Moebius was about to experience first hand...
"I'm too sexy for my staff, too sexy for my staff, too sexy by farrrr" Moebius sang to himself as he stood in front of the mirror, fixing his hair
Behind him a toilet flushed. This didn't surprise Moebius. Although bathrooms were rare in Nosgoth everyone had a basic idea of what went on in them. But the next thing did scare him
"Hello Moebius" said the Elder God
"warggggh!" screamed Moebius dropping his comb and spinning around
"You seem a little jumpy" noted the Elder God
"What are you doing in here!" said Moebius
"Eternally present, you know. Here and everywhere now and always" replied the Elder God somewhat smugly
"That shouldn't extend to bathroom! It's just plain freaky!" retorted Moebius
"Do not talk to your god like that!" said the elder god
"I don't need you anymore!" shouted Moebius, running his fingers through his hair "I'm popular now"
"Oh do not trust the fickle people and their pathetic ways" said the elder God "Only trust me, for I am eternal and infinitely awesome"
"You're nothing!" spat Moebius "I refuse to listen to you ever again. Good bye!"
Moebius turned around and strode out of the bathroom
"Well you can kiss my omnipresent ass you useless little ingrate!" the Elder god shouted after him "Oh you'll be back! You'll be back! For I have ways, other agents to work through!"
This wasn't exactly true
He had a way and an agent to work through
But gods are allowed to exaggerate
Anarcrothe skulked in the corridors of the Sarafan Stronghold. Usually he didn't leave his impenetrable fortress room but his supply room had run out of napkins
He moved as stealthily as possible for someone wearing full robes The result of this sounded vaguely like a stampede of cloth elephants.
But the staff of the stronghold knew well to ignore the purple robed man. because for a coward he was ridiculously confrontational.
He walked slowly down the corridor, making sure no one saw him. He heard footsteps approaching
With now here to hide he tried his best to look like a tree
Mortainius stumbled round the corner.
His eyes were flashing green and there was a strange glow around his body
The Hylden Lord had awakened in his subconscious, and now attempted to take over. But Mortainius's will was strong and he had so far been kept at bay. But it would not last
"Anarcrothe!" Wheezed Mortainius as he clutched onto the alchemist and pulled him close "Help me!"
"Help you?" scoffed Anarcrothe as he pushed Mortainius back "Look here you mobile corpse! I don't help anyone!"
Mortainius stumbled backwards clutching his head
"Don't make me angry... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry"
"Mortainius, I don't like you anyway! And I can't see think of any possible event that would make me dislike you more!" spat Anarcrothe
Mortainius began to twitch and fell to his knees
"Run" he gasped
"Run? Are you implying I'm sort of coward? Eh! Eh! Is that your game is it!"
There was a flash of intense green light. Anarcrothe fell back dazed
When the light has dissipated Mortainius had disappeared and had been replaced by an enormous black demon. There Hylden Lord had managed to change Mortainius body into the bizarre but powerful form the Hylden took in the normal realm. But there was still the conscious struggle between the minds of Mortainius and the Sarafan lord and so the demonic beast was under no one control
"What the..." said Anarcrothe as he looked at the demon
The demon looked down at him and grinned menacingly
"Oh" said Anarcrothe "Is that supposed to intimidate me then?
The beast nodded
"Oh it is, is it? Yeah well I've got bad new for you bub! It's not working" Anarcrothe leant forward menacingly and poked the demon in the chest
The demon was slightly taken aback, this wasn't supposed to happen
"Yeah, think you're so tough with your big demon horns and purple tattered pants" said Anarcrothe as he advanced rolling up his sleeves "well if your so tough fight me!
The demon smiled again and cracked it's knuckles
" So it's a fight then?" said Anarcrothe jumping from one foot to the other
The demon nodded
"Oh right so" said Anarcrothe
Anarcrothe spun around and ran off at high speeds
The Demon tried to follow but Anarcrothe was too fast
He didn't even slow down when he hit the 5 foot think reinforced wall of the stronghold
The demon looked after him and shrugged
There was other things to do
He beat his chest and bellowed at the top of his voice
"Hash smash puny humans!" and then it leapt off
The Sarafan puppets walked carefully though Elzevir's mansion
"This place is weird..." said Zephon as a little stuffed teddy bear marched past them
"Ah it's not that bad. Remember that time we sneaked into Mortainius's room and his furniture kept talking to us?" said Turel
"Oh yeah... He sure is a guy you want to avoid when he's one of his damning for all eternity moods" said Rahab
"He's always in a damning for all eternity mood" added Dumah
"And that is why we never talk to him" said Raziel sagely
"Has anyone thought about what we'll do once we get out" asked Turel
The assembled puppets were quiet for a moment
"Well I suppose we could all make our own little puppet clans and stuff" suggested Zephon
"I suppose..." said Raziel as he thought about it
"What would you call yours?" Asked Zephon as they started walking again
"Los Banditos definitely" replied Raziel "how about you Zephon?"
"Oh the Spider-Individuals"
"I'd have the Jets" said Turel
"The Grammafan" said Rahab
"I'd call mine Dumahana Ross And the supremes"
There was a brief silence
"Damn it Dumah, you're good at this" said Raziel
"What about you Melchiah?" asked Turel
"Oh?" Said Melchiah "Who hadn't really been thinking about it. "I don't know, Melchiahaim or something"
"Oh man! That sucks! You just put aim at the end of your name!" said Razeil disgustedly
"Oh who cares! It's not going to happen is it? We're puppet you idiots! Why would we have clans?" shouted Melchiah
"Way to ruin the game..." muttered Turel
"Can't ever let us have fun? "Oh no guys, don't drink that floor cleaner", "You shouldn't set that cat on fire" and "But I don't want to streak through the circle meeting room". You're a kill joy even when you're dead" said Raziel sullenly
William was wisely walking several steps ahead of the Sarafan brethren.
They were nice guys yeah, but you couldn't help feel that as you talked your brain cells were by the 100th floor window preparing to jump
So when the trap activated and the giant weight fell from the roof only William was crushed
"William!" Said a shocked Raziel as he ran forward
The weight would have crushed a normal man flat. And puppets aren't exactly built to be study
"Yeah... I think he's dead" said Turel
"Oh... I see... Shame really" said Dumah
"Nice guy really"
"Yep"
The brethren stood around for a few minutes
"I guess I'm in charge then" said Raziel after a suitable period of mourning (20 seconds)
"What? No! William is dead so the previous arrangement is invalidated" argued Zephon
"I call Leader!" Shouted Dumah
"You can't do that! That's cheating!"
"Is not! It was open and I called for it!
Melchiah sighed and sat down
"I envy you William" he muttered
"My good looks or just in general?"
"Well I was actually referring to the fact that your dea-" Melchiah stooped "William?
"Yes?"
"You're alive?"
"I don't know, It's very dark. I think I ascended to a higher plain of existence" came the muffled reply
"You were crushed by a weight" Melchiah clarified
"Oh.. darn it... well be a good man and get it off me"
Melchiah wasn't sure how he go about moving the weight. Being a puppet and all
He caught the edge and lifted.
The weight spun into the air and crashed through the wall.
"Nifty" said William "How'd you do that"
"I just... tried to move it" said Melchiah dumb struck
"I see. Well, moving onto more important matters I seem to be completely flat" commented William slowly
"So it would seem." Said Melchiah as he stared at with hands with a mixture of fear and amazement
"...as a former king I'm not used to asking for help but since I do appear to be completely flat I suppose I can make an exception" continued William
"Really?"
"Yes"
"..."
"Help me up Melchiah" said William eventually, after coming to the conclusion that with the company Melchiah kept subtlety wouldn't be one of his strong points
"Oh yeah right"
Melchiah picked William off the floor and shook him a bit till he filled out again
"Good as new" said Melchiah as he dropped William to the floor " So... Ho did being crushed feel?"
"Kinda tingly" said William as he wiggled his arms around
"...Are you even hurt?"
"No... I don't think so"
Suddenly the realization of this all hit him
"We're invincible!" exclaimed William
He patted Melchiah on the back. Melchiah was launched forwards and smashed through a wall
"Oh... opps..." said an embarrassed William
"I think we may be really strong as well..." Said Melchiah as he climbed out of a pile of masonry
"So we're powerful and invincible?" mused William as he stroked his chin
"And a foot high" added Melchiah
"Yeah, but we're practically Gods!"
"...short gods"
"Yes, short gods"
"Made of fabric"
"Well yeah.."
"And ones you'll have to be careful with the smiting in case the felt wears out"
"... Do you have to look on the down side of everything?"
"You try living with them for your entire life and see how bloody well up beat you are! Said Melchiah pointing at the Sarafan
William looked over to see Dumah jumping up and down on Zephon while Turel and Rahab were kicking Raziel
"Why are they fighting?" William asked
"To see who's in control now that your dead" said Melchiah as he sat down again
"I'm not dead" said William, who thought it would be a good move to state the obvious as often as possible when around the Sarafan brethren. Just to remind them
"Yeah well I'm not telling them" said Melchiah stubbornly
"Go, go, go!" Turel hissed as they raced towards Coorhagen
"We shouldn't go back you know" said Thaddeus
"You're wife could be dead!"
"She could yeaaah... But more likely there'll be all.. "Thaddeus waved his fingers about "womanly stuff"
"What!" said Turel
"Well you know... with the baby and stuff. I haven't been in the house for nine months. Probably full of the wives friends . It's tradition or something. You know..." Thaddeus waved his fingers about again "But the innkeeper let me set up a tab though so I get by"
"Well I'm willing to risk it!" said Turel
"Yeah well I'm not" said Thaddeus "I'll be getting off here"
"No you won't!" barked Turel "You need to show me here you live"
"Well I'm waiting outside!" said Thaddeus unhappily
Five minutes later, they arrived outside house. Thaddeus house was at the end of a long alleyway, it was the only place he could get it built.
It wasn't particularly magnificent, as the Coorhagen planning department wouldn't let anyone build a big elaborate house as it would interfere with the look of the town. The look of the town being the same as every other town in Nosgoth. Many people suspect that there is one very rich building materials provider in Nosgoth
Turel jumped down from the cart and headed into the house
"Good luck!" Thaddeus shouted after him
"Oh don't be absurd, what's going to happen" laughed Turel
About twenty seconds later there was a series of screams and Turel ran out of the house.
"I got as far as the kitchen and then they all started shouting at me and one had a frying pan, and...and... the horror" whispered Turel. He leaned against a wall and slowly slid to the ground
"There, there" said Thaddeus patting him on the back "I only made it as far as the hat stand when I went in looking for my wallet"
"I got to the stairs but I've blocked out the rest of my memories. You know.. womanly stuff" said a peasant waving his fingers about
"What is it with the fingers... Wait, you!" Said Turel pointing at the man
"Yes?"
"You're that evil Hylden assassin!" said Turel accusingly
"Yes?" replied the Hylden
"I'm here to stop you" said Turel jumping to his feet
"You and what army?" said the Hylden smugly
"... there's only one of you" said Turel
The man snapped his fingers and ten other men emerged from the shadows, their eyes glowing with green energy
"Really?" the Hylden said grinning
"Okay, eleven ... but you wouldn't need an army" said Turel
The eleven Hylden morphed into their strange grotesque forms and advanced on Turel
"Do you have some plan?" asked Thaddeus Hopefully
"Well, I could use my telekinesis to stop one maybe two of them" said Turel as he backed away from the Hylden
"..we're going to die aren't we?" said Thaddeus
"No, no, no..." said Turel and Thaddeus seemed to brighten up considerably, until Turel added "you're going to die, I'm just going to be dead properly afterwards"
"Let's hide" said Thaddeus desperately
"Only place is our house" said Turel
Oh yeah.. " Thaddeus waved his fingers about "don't want to be going in there then"
"Yeah" agreed Turel
"Well... it was... Interesting knowing you" sighed Thaddeus
"Same to you"
The first Hylden struck Thaddeus in the chest and sent his crashing to the ground. Turel fought valiantly against three but even if he managed to immobilise one, another simply replaced him
The outcome, looked bleak
In fact, a lot of things did as it had suddenly gotten very dark
The Hylden stopped momentarily and looked up to the sky
"What in the.." one began but he never finish
A huge hulking beast fell from the sky and crushed him into the ground
"Hash smash!" the creature bellowed
The Hylden scattered around with a look of fear on their twisted faces.
But then, the creatures eyes glowed green
"What are you slackers doing? Slacking eh? I knew it! You no good bunch of worthless.." the Hylden lord stopped looking for the right word "Slackers!"
"My Lord? Is it you!" said one of the terrified Hylden, who recognised the lack of diplomacy and tact and came to the conclusion it could be only one person
"Of course it's me, what are you people looking at! This isn't a holiday you know! Why aren't ...ah!"
The Hylden Lord screamed clutched his head
"Sir, what's wrong?" asked one of the Hylden advancing slowly
"Nothing! I don't need you're help, you insignificant fool! It's just.. indigestion or or..agggghhhhh!
The beast head snapped backwards and the glow disappeared.
"...sir?" said one of the Hylden carefully
The demon best roared and leapt at the Hylden
They screamed and began to run, but the creature was in hot pursuit
"...Thaddeus?"
"Yes?"
"What did you just see?"
"All enveloping darkness?"
"... Open your eyes..."
Reluctantly, Thaddeus opened his eyes and saw they were alone in the street
"Would you believe me if I told you a giant black demon creature wearing the remains of a purple pair of pants fell from the sky, talked to them for a while and then chased them off?" inquired Turel
Thaddeus brow furrowed as he thought
"well.. perhaps a few hours in the tavern will give your story more credibility" he hazarded
Turel looked at the shattered ground where the creature had landed
"Yeah, perhaps that'd be the best"
What started as a minor inconvenience has escalated into crisis that threatened the very stability of Willendorf
It was only hours since the Circle Guardian had left Willendorf, but the effects were almost immediate
All the women of Willendorf had packed up and followed him. The men were left in confusion and fear
Fires swept through the city as men attempted to make their own dinners and Willendorf's economy collapsed as brothels were forced to close
Reports had indicated that Moebius had already controlled vast citadel to the north
The city was in chaos
King Augustus Ottmar sat on his throne in deep thought
He'd have killed for a cup of tea. But when he asked one of the male courtiers they'd panicked and thrown themselves out the window.
Ottmar had tried to rally the army of Hope but the army was in disarray after the loss of the Commander Imrok the Reliable, who went a bit strange after he couldn't find a change of socks as his housekeeper had ran off after Moebius.
Augustus knew their was only one solution
"Fetch me my son" he said to told a courtier
The courtier left and moments later he returned with the kings son, who was clutching a bottle of whiskey
"My son, time grows short. As you know a great power has spirited away our women folk. I'm giving you the task of reclaiming them. All the resources of the Kingdom shall be available to you. Do not fail me my son" said Augustus gravely
The kings son, Ozzy Ottmar swayed slightly before he lifted up the whiskey bottle
"Rock and roll!" he slurred before he downed the rest of the bottle
He threw the bottle over his shoulder and stumbled out of the throne room
Augustus Ottmar wondered if he had made a good decision
He needn't have worried, because God talked to his son
And God said "Let's put that that time streaming git in his place"
Bane, The Guardian of nature had gone to DeJoules room to tell her that the Triad was having a meeting. The Triad was the most powerful collection of sorcerers after the circle itself, containing Anarcrothe, DeJoule and Bane
They came together to plot evil , plan on creating Dark Eden and play air hockey
But, DeJoule's room was empty. All that was there was a note saying she had left the stronghold to follow the great Moebius
Bane panicked. He liked the Triad, it filled up his time. Gave him support when the hedge groves started picking on him
Bane searched for Anarcrothe, he didn't expect to find him but he thought he'd better.
After about thirty seconds of fruitless searching he gave up. There was only one other person he could think that could help
And so, Bane undertook a long and difficult journey
Well, it wasn't actually that far away but he had to go through a forest and the trees kept taking digs at him as he passed.
But it didn't matter, he was here now. Bane entered the chamber carefully
"A circle guardian? Seeking wisdom?" someone said from inside "Botany has thought you well"
"Oh wise oracle!" Bane said, falling to his knees "give me the answers I seek"
"I hope you're making sure the answers you have to annual Nosgoth pop quiz are correct. Remember last year? The fiasco about the guardians?" said the Oracle
"But there are only nine guardians" said Bane
"No! There are ten! But one guards a sword and doesn't go to meetings!" Said the Oracle angrily
"Ooookay" said Bane slowly " but that's not what this is about"
"Sure it's not" said the Oracle sullenly " What is it then"
"Alas, oh wise one! The one known as Moebius has caused great hardship throughout the lands! For he has new and powerful magic!"
"He does?" said the Oracle
The Oracle looked into the pot of visions and unsurprisingly a picture of Moebius stared right back out at him
"Well will you look at that, the glossy sheen, the divine curls and what not" commented the Oracle "Sorry Bane, you could not hope to defeat one so sexy"
"but.. but.. Nooo!" cried Bane
"Yeah, well. Sorry to rush off but I need to go and er...do things..."
The Oracle turned to leave but Bane crawled forward and grabbed the Oracle's robe
"Please help! Please, please!" Bane pleaded "He's lured away DeJoule! You can't have a Triad with two people! You can't! It'd be a duo! And me and Anarcrothe just aren't dynamic enough to be a duo!"
The Oracle stopped for a moment
"He lured a way DeJoule..." the Oracle repeated "how?"
"With all his witchcraft and after shave and stuff!" replied Bane "He's luring all the women away"
"...he is?" said the Oracle
Bane nodded frantically
"Well, that does it! No more mister nice Oracle!" the Oracle said angrily
He flipped down his hood to reveal a bald head and an infinity sign on his forehead
"Hey, you look a lot like..." Bane began
"Yes, yes, it has been mentioned to me before " said the Oracle testily "but come Bane! We have a mission!"
"You'll help me?" asked Bane
"Yes!"
"Hurrah!" said Bane scrambling to his feet "But what should I call you?"
"Call me... Moesph"
Malek trudged through the blizzard. The cold was do intense ice was forming on his body.
In theory, A Human walking through a blizzard only wearing sections of armour and no actual clothes has all the survival chances of a vampire in a greenhouse on a hot summer's day
But then again in theory, a creature with no lower jaw shouldn't be able to talk
And it's reasons like that no one Nosgoth was a fan of Theory
"Are we there yet?" the Priestess whined
"No"
"oh...when will we be there?"
"About five minutes"
"You said that an hour ago!" said the Priestess accusingly
"No, an hour ago I said we'd be there in one hour and 5 minutes" said Malek calmly
The Priestess was silent for a moment
"I'm bored!" She moaned
"I know" said Malek
"...this isn't annoying you is it?" said the Priestess
"Not really. My bedroom was directly over Ariels for 200 years so I've learned to deal with incessant whining" said Malek
The Priestess muttered angrily to herself. That was her only weapon against the heretic who had imprisoned her in the armour. If only she could contact lord Kain and tell him of the infidel who had abducted her
Once she was free she could resume her duties of living in fear, worshipping deformed monsters and giving her blood...
Perhaps, she thought in retrospect, this isn't so bad
"We're here" said Malek
"About time!" snapped the Priestess
The giant wooden doors of the Bastion were locked but Malek always brought a key
A key in the shape of his head hitting the door repeatedly until it opened
A few seconds later Malek walked into the bastion
"Ow... next time tell me when your going to do something like that" said a dazed Priestess
"No" said Malek plainly
"What creature dares enter the Citadel of Dumah?" A voice bellowed
"No, no. This is my Bastion. Maybe it's the Sarafan Armour that's got you confused. I'm Malek. Dumah's been dead for around 500 years now." Said Malek "Actually funnily enough I've kinda been dead nearly as long but that's another story"
The man eyes narrowed and he glared at Malek
"Human!" he screamed
Malek peered at the man for a moment
"Vampire!" he cried
"You shall die a slow and painful death!" hissed the vampire as he drew his sword
"Yeah well you will die a quick but reasonably gruesome death!" replied Malek
"Oh don't be absurd he's a vampire and you're a mortal and.. oh my god!"
"What?" asked Malek
"How did you just do that?" said the Priestess in disbelief
"Do what?"
"You just caught that guys he and then there was a blur and then... then..." the Priestess fell silent
"Oh that, yeah. It's a gift" said Malek absentmindedly as he tried to scrape the blood of his hand
"...who are you?" said the Priestess
"Malek, Highpriest of the Sarafan and Guardian of Conflict" said Malek as he looked around for a hand basin
"But you died centuries ago!" said the Priestess
"Yes, yes. Body armour necro fusion" said Malek, tired of hearing the story
"No, as in you were killed good and proper by "Lord Kain"
"Bane you say! Said Malek
"No Kain!" repeated the Priestess
"Oh... but Bane has been giving me odd looks lately" said Malek suspiciously
"Do you have any idea where you are!" continued the Priestess
"Sure... I'm..." Malek looked around at the snow "...North"
"This is thousands of years in the future! Vampires rule the world and humans live in constant fear!"
"Oh, right" said Malek "I suppose I'd better kill them all then"
"...you what?" said the Priestess slowly
"Yeah, while I'm here I suppose" said Malek
"But there are millions!"
"Nah, I'd say. Maybe one hundred and fifty" said Malek peering at the advancing legions of Dumahaim
"Are you going to fight them!" asked the terrified Priestess
"Are you kidding?" laughed Malek and he ran out of the citadel
"Oh right, sorry" said the Priestess as things began to make some bit of sense again
"I'll go get some pants and then I'll come back" said Malek as the closed the giant doors behind him
"You're coming back here!"
"Hey! I'm stranded thousands of years in the future" retorted Malek "This is the first holiday I've ever had!"
Out of the entire Army of Hope, only four men were in somewhat stable states. As one of them was quite adept at making breakfasts, beds, washing clothes and generally keeping the place in order.
And these four men now trudged through Termogent swamp on a mission
"Ew... what did I step on!" said Faustus
"That was my foot" said Magnus
"Disgusting! I stepped on work boots" Faustus squealed
"Shut up Faustus" snapped Magnus
"Sorry if some of us have taste!" said Faustus haughtily
"Why are we here again?" whined Marcus
"Because Prince Ottmar ordered us to" said Magnus for the seventh time in an hour
"Prince Ottmar! Pah! I never voted for him" said Marcus moodily
"Remember when I explained the concept of monarchy to you Marcus?" sighed Sebastian
"...Yes?" Lied Marcus
"Okay, enough talk. Let's just get this over with. Faustus. Did you bring a bed sheet?" asked Sebastian
"Yes Sir" said Faustus as he pulled a frilly pink bed sheet out of his back pack
"That's fruity even for you" commented Sebastian
"I'm not the one with the Bane the Builder bed spread" replied Faustus
"It was a present!" retorted Sebastian
"Guys, shut up" sighed Magnus "If we work together we'll be out of here quicker"
"Faustus take this corner and climb up that tree. Marcus take this corner and climb up that tree" said Magnus
Once Faustus and Marcus were in position Magnus and Sebastian caught the corners of the sheet that were hanging down from the trees
And then they waited
"...I spy with my little eye" began Marcus
"Swamp" the other three replied
"You could have at leas let me finish" he said sullenly
"... does anyone else hear that?" said Sebastian
"Hear what?" asked Magnus as he looked around
"It kinda sounds like ...wings"
At that moment a huge cloud of bats flew through the clearing and straight towards the four.
"Hold on tight guys!" Magnus shouted
The bats hit the sheet but kept moving
Marcus and Faustus were pulled out of the trees and landed on the ground with a thud.
They were all pulled along for about 5 feet but then, finally they stopped moving. Magnus and Sebastian quickly tied the bed sheet closed with a length of twine.
"Aha! We did it! Now Prince Ozzy will have those bats he wanted!" shouted Sebastian triumphantly
"I wonder what he wants them for?" said Faustus as he struggled to his feet
"I don't know" shrugged Magnus
Marcus rolled around on the ground flailing madly
"They're in my hair!" he screamed
"You're bald" said Sebastian
Marcus stopped flailing
"What? they took my hair!"
Marcus jumped to his feet and kicked the bag of bats
"Oof" came a noise from inside
The four were silent
"That's not right" said Magnus
Suddenly a hand ripped a hole in the sheet and somebody clambered out
"This isn't Willendorf" said Vorador blearily
Marcus, Faustus and Sebastian began to back away slowly. Magnus on the other hand drew himself up to full height, puffed out his chest and took a step forward
"Away with you foul fiend of the night!" he bellowed
"Away with who?" asked a confused Vorador
"You"
"Away with me?"
"Yeah"
"It'd be difficult to go away without me"
Magnus stopped for a moment trying to think. It didn't work
"...Confuse me not with your wicked lies and temptations!" he bellowed
"Ohh... Just because you were losing" said Vorador smugly
He rose through his feet and brushed some dirt off his clothes
"Anyway, could either of you fine fellow point me in the direction of Willendorf" he said politely
"We shall never show you!" said Marcus defiantly
"Oh nevermind, there's a sign here" said Vorador as he walked over to the traditional red triangle to read to the sign, he could read the sign from where he was but that's not allowed
While he was heading to the sign the Sebastian, Faustus, Magnus and Marcus all went into a huddle
"Did anyone bring a sword!" hissed Magnus
"No! You're the big brave soldier guy, why didn't you!" said Marcus accusingly
"Hey! I had to make all the beds, breakfasts, wash the clothes and generally keep things in order this morning! I hadn't time" said Magnus angrily
"Ha, you big girl you!" laughed Faustus
"What?" said Magnus in shock "Please, someone give me a moment to recover from the irony of that statement!"
"Look! We're getting nowhere here! We need to think!" said Sebastian
"What are we talking about?" asked Vorador
"You know! That evil tyrannical despot over... Wait... Wah!" said Sebastian as he and the rest quickly broke up their huddle
"I don't see a tyrannical despot" said Vorador as he looked around "Ah well. Say, you fellows wouldn't be interested in becoming the first in my legion of darkness would you?"
"Yeah, sure! That'll happen right after Moebius becomes a sex symbol" sneered Marcus
"Wonderful!" exclaimed Vorador, clapping his claws together
"Marcus... you do remember the chain of events leading up to this moment don't you?" said Sebastian
"...oh yeah" said Marcus thoughtfully "I was wondering how I came up with such and outrageous example so quickly"
The four unarmed soldiers of Willendorf looked as a grinning Vorador advanced upon them
"Bugger" they said in unison
"Why, why miss Avernus pie!" wailed the two guys on stage as Turel and Thaddeus entered the tavern
"Bah, Kareoke night" muttered Thaddeus "They won't be long though."
"Drove the chariot to lake of serenity but the lake of serenity was dry!" The two continued
Turel and Thaddeus sat down and ordered... whatever it is people drink in Nosgoth, I'm going to say ale
"Gooood old time a drinking whiskey and rye!"
...okay, maybe it was whiskey or rye, I don't think it's terribly important in the grand scheme of things
"So... What's the plan now Mr. Turel" asked Thaddeus before he took a drink of ale
Turel paused for a moment and waited for the song to end
"Singing this'll be the day that we diiiiieeeeee" the two cried "This'll be the day that we die!"
The two men on stage broke down into tears and had to be carried off stage
"Well, I'd say the Hylden will have their hands, full for a while. So I suppose my mission is complete. I guess I'll be heading home"
"Oh right... well will you tell me something before you go?" inquired Thaddeus
"Oh... Okay then" replied Turel
"What is my son like then?"
"Oh he's almighty and powerful and rules the entire world with an iron fist"
"Yeah, yeah, wonderful." Said Thaddeus dissmissively "But has he a surname?"
"er... I don't think so"
"Our family has always wanted one" sighed Thaddeus as he took another drink
"Well...um... I'll be sure to tell him"
"Hey, you're his son?"
"Well... yeah" said Turel, now uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation
"Doesn't that make me your grand father?"
"er...well... That's a difficult one"" said Turel
"No it's not! Give your granddad a hug!" said Thaddeus as he jumped up
Turel stared at him
"Okay, no more of this for you" he said severely, taking Thaddeus's drink away
"You're no fun!" Thaddeus muttered sitting down
In the corner of the tavern the two kareoke performers sobbed quietly to themselves
"I don't want to die"
"Neither do I!"
"I love you man!"
"I love you too!"
The men hugged each other and continued you crying
"You're the best friend I ever had!"
"And so... wait a minute! Look!"
The man pushed the other away and pointed at Turel who was still talking to Thaddeus
"That's... the vessel we had to summon!" exclaimed Dukitt
"It worked! It worked! We're not going to die!" said Duncan happily
"We've still got to get him back to Avernus though"
"Oh yeah..."
The two were quiet for a moment and then Dukitt said
"Okay, I'll make the plan, you buy the drinks!"
Popeland: Mortainius, not likeable when angry!
The Sarafan, quasi-demi-Gods!
Vorador, building an army!
Malek, still looking for pants!
Ozzy Ottmar, Rock and Roll!
You can also hope that this will be upated slightly sooner!
Key words there are slightly and hope
Anyways, Review and/or Die!