Thank you to all of my reviewers! I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I actually lost track of for a long time, but more so I've just been busy with absolutely everything, lol.

I know I usually respond to reviewers or at least list all of the people I'm thanking, but it has simply been too long since I last updated and I was unable to keep track. Gomen! Please forgive me!

WARNING: Bits of silliness that may seem a little out of place in this story. Profanity, boy on boy loveliness

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Unbalanced Pendulum

Chapter 17: I Hate You

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Hiei's POV

Days and days we walked, and my guilt still stubbornly clung to me. Every time my eyes would gaze upon Kurama's figure, my chest would clench. With each moon we approached closer to Karasu and his evils. His claws in my skin, his tongue on my body, his treacherous words, and his invasion of my self – it all became Kurama in my memory. I would watch it in my mind over and over again – his rape of my fox – as clearly as if it had actually occurred, and I had stood by watching. And it would occur. I was delivering this precious creature into the jaws of not death but horrors, torture, and slavery. It was worse than doing nothing. It was mindless betrayal. My excuse was to pretend to follow another code that overrides this emotional morality.

I was watching a feather of the gods float down into my grasp. For a short moment I did let it lightly land upon my upturned palm, marveling at its unique beauty and holiness. I held it, caressed it, and began to love it. Then I let it go. With nothing more than a rotation of my hand it falls to be sullied by the ground at my feet. Could I do that? I asked myself, could I? Of course, I thought in disgust, I was already doing it.

My heart was breaking. That which I had thought solid, merciless, unforgiving, and unreachable was cracking under the weight of my sorrow. His smiles were becoming brighter, and his nature more playful, but the sadness in his eyes was only growing. We had left our final stop behind three days ago. Now the only village left in our path was the final one. I, whose thoughts had never even glanced upon love-stained tears, was thinking of them every moment I took breath. How had this happened? I had been so oblivious as to not even notice when my big heart had finally opened its doors and let in the only thing I could not afford to ever love. Was I destined to be the one who lost everything? It shamed me and angered my pride to think of myself as weak as the characters of ancient and fabled romances. I hated it. I hated me. But I could not deny that a larger and larger part of my twisted consciousness was beginning to revel in the idea of letting go…and allowing him to sweep me away.

I had thought myself a rival to the Youko, that I of all people should be able to take him down. Well, I thought miserably, I was right. I just hadn't anticipated that I would go down with him. Maybe I could do it, abandon who I was in order to protect this beautiful man. Maybe I could slip away, and we could forget all about Karasu. Maybe…until our blood fed the earth and flowers grew from our murdered corpses.

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Kurama's POV (4 days ago)

My thoughts were no longer of my own volition. They would flitter here and then land somewhere else entirely than the ground that they had fluttered above. I stared at nothing, following helplessly but not quite hopelessly behind my small, dark warrior. His head turned back to contemplate me and I stopped to meet his eyes. We held still for seconds.

" No more than a few days journey, didn't I say?" Hiei said with the hint of a smirk. "I know a vain beauty such as yourself must be eager for proper clothing."

I was startled by the casual teasing in his tone and cautious as to how to respond. If I was too cold and suspicious he might take offense and his easy mood would then be lost. However, if I responded too familiarly he might scowl and think me out of turn. Had this person truly killed my lover and savagely raped me? I chose to play along.

"Yes, this herbal attire is rather…ill-fitting and rural compared to my usual exotic tastes." I picked at the garment in mock contemplation. "And this robe is much too short for decency. What was I thinking? What I wouldn't give for proper spirit weave clothing." I was testing the waters with my humor.

"Yes well, you will soon be…properly clothed. I should hope that it is within the talents of the infamous thief Youko Kurama to steal from a trading market, seeing as I will not spend any sum of money on your fancies."

Even though it was your fault. The thought graced my lips but my mouth wisely chose not to open for those ill words. Instead I swallowed myself, securing it back within the shadows of my mind and played this game. Whether it was intended to or not, it pained me to pretend we were friends. I felt so strongly towards him – be it love or hate that I hated ignoring that true and honest passion given to all but only fully manifested in us creatures not naturally of the flesh. I hated the lie. I hated myself. I hated him for making me hate myself. And I hated myself for hating him.

I gave an informal bow, inclining my head and the upper half of my torso while spreading my right arm wide. "Is there anything else you so desire that I may retrieve it for you?"

Hiei just rolled his eyes and scoffed at my show. "Just get your damn clothes, and do it quick. Leave food and lodging to me." His eyes suddenly became hard and bored straight through me. "When you're done, meet me at an inn named 'The Holy Arthur.' I suggest you not take long. Understand?"

I lowered my eyes in shame. "Yes," I whispered. "I will do as you say and come directly to you."

"Who said I would be there?"

I quickly looked up in horror. Was this the place I was to be…? Pressure built in my throat and behind my eyes. My breathing came in gasps, nearly choking me. Tears inexplicably pooled in my eyelids, and I blinked rapidly to keep them from overflowing. I felt my legs go weak while the rest of my body locked and I was near to collapsing. It was the suddenness that was dragging this panic from me. I had not expected…was he only allowing me to preen so that I looked presentable to the buyer? Was that it, would he be paid a higher price for my pristine condition?

"Kurama!"

I refocused. Mere seconds had passed. Hiei was at my side, pulling my hair to get my attention. I was yanked awkwardly down to his level. "That's not what I meant. I know the owners of The Holy Arthur so they will know to which room to direct you. I have business to take care of and may not be there until later. Do not think so little of me to suppose that I would do that to you." Ending in a growl, he let go and stepped back.

I stood up, a little shaken but touched by his kindness. "My apologies. I meant no offense."

"That's not the point!" He stormed away from me, towards the city.

"Hiei?" I asked tentatively.

"Shut up! Just get your things and meet me at The Holy Arthur." Then he was gone.

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Hiei's POV (4 days ago)

The first order of business was to visit The Holy Arthur personally and inform the innkeeper of my arrival. The place was as I remembered it. From the outside it appeared dingy, and unkempt – the sort of place penniless beggars mingle in, spending their only coins on ale too diluted to be worth drinking. The doorframe was splintering and the door no better. The walls on either side indicated that the tavern was no larger than a rundown and forgotten thatch hut. But once you stepped inside it was revealed that the next seven storefronts on either side – in equal disrepair – were nothing but fakes. The place spanned the length of an entire block and was just as deep as it was wide. There was no second story, but there were 3 negative floors, which were used to house any manner of earthly (and unearthly) desires.

The interior was tastefully decorated with welcoming creams and deep, brooding reds. Tables arranged in mathematically balanced sequences around the large stage that was to be filled with beautiful demons, humans, and beasts alike once night fell filled the left half of the room. During mid-afternoon, however, the place was oddly quiet. Even the bar and restaurant on the right was deserted but for a young couple who would've been out of place during the later hours and an old gentleman with too many ears smoking a hallucinogenic pipe. The blue-skinned bar tender was absentmindedly polishing last night's dishes.

Along the far wall was the receptionists' desk. Five chairs were spaced perfectly along a black marble table whose public side was cut so that no item would roll forward off of the desk. Before each chair was set a closed, steel tablet. A stylus was on the left and a complex calling pad on the right. It was clear that the calling pads were the more often used. In one of the chairs sat a young woman with very large and round pink eyes, a low cut blouse, and a sixth digit on each wrist resembling a canine's dew claw.

"Hello sir, may I help you?" It was a question she could ask a mud-eater in her sleep.

"Tell Mr. Bolyx that Hiei is disappointed in his hospitality," I leaned in closer allowing the poor receptionist to see a glint of fang. "Now."

"Yes sir, right away sir." She fumbled only once with her calling pad. I was impressed at her fortitude. Maybe that old buffoon had finally hired someone competent.

The girl quickly punched in whatever code would convey my message and request for urgency. The small, rectangular screen at the top of the calling pad flickered a series of yellow lights in response. This conversation continued for a minute or so until the pink-eyed girl looked up and informed me that, "Mr. Bolyx will be down shortly. Please have a complimentary drink at the bar while you wait."

I strode coolly over to one of the restaurant's tables and sat down with my legs propped up on the table but refrained from ordering anything. I didn't have to wait long. Mr. Bolyx came rushing down the long corridor behind the receptionists' desk, hurriedly pulling on his human-based "smoking jacket" as he came. He was an eight-foot tall, thin man who resembled a humanoid preying mantis with olive brown skin. His jacket and matching trousers were either a light brown or dark cream color (Mr. Bolyx could never remember which was the appropriate term). I raised an eyebrow in question of his appearance. In his hurry, Mr. Bolyx had forgotten to put on a shirt underneath the jacket.

"So sorry, so sorry. If I had known you were coming, I would have prepared a proper welcome for you master Hiei. I wish you had only sent word even an hour beforehand. Oh dear, oh dear. I do hope that you will forgive me." My. Bolyx bowed with every couple syllables so that he looked like a child bobbing for apples.

"Stop that! Is my room ready?"

"Yes, yes. I keep it exactly as you instruct. No one is allowed to stay there but you –"

"Good. Listen very carefully, I will not tolerate failure," I lowered my voice, making sure I had the sniveling man's attention. It felt good being back in my world where I knew exactly how I was supposed to act and how everyone around me was supposed to react.

"Yes sir. I will not fail you, no sir!" Mr. Bolyx stood suddenly at attention awaiting my next words.

"A certain silver Youko will be staying with me tonight. He will likely arrive here before I return. My room will be prepared and ready for him by the time he arrives and you will treat him with all the same respect and reverence that you do me. His every wish will be met without the slightest hesitation, is that clear?" I paused. Mr. Bolyx glanced quickly down at me then looked back up again and nodded. I continued, "I expect he will want a bath and something to eat so prepare both. He has a preference and appreciation for exotic plants so lavish every area he may go with them." I dropped my feet back to the ground and shifted my weight forward. "If any of my demands are not met to both his and my fullest satisfaction…well, you know what will happen."

"Yes sir, yes sir. I assure you that I will personally see to everything. It will all be perfect, yes perfectly perfect. I promise."

"I will see you later tonight then. Good bye." I rose and left with my usual speed, leaving Mr. Bolyx standing alone with his own "good bye" still hanging, unuttered, off of his lips. A moment of stillness passed before he seemed to snap into action, clapping his hands and summoning all of his currently working staff.

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Kurama's POV (4 days ago)

It was not a remarkable city, though it honestly might have been painted in gold and jewel studded with diamonds instead of glass in every windowpane. I wouldn't have noticed anything until the market square anyway. I was absorbed in my thoughts, Hiei's last words still ringing in my ears.

'That's not the point!'

'Shut up! Just get your things and meet me at The Holy Arthur.'

I giggled to myself for Hiei wanted me to think well of him! If I had been nothing more to him than another job, he would not have cared. He would have preferred my fear and irrationality, proving his successful intimidation of me. I was giddy with the pleasant feeling of restored hope. What should I care of the city around me? There was nothing I could steal for myself, nor any possible means for escape. I, and everything on me, was Hiei's. And he was slowly becoming mine.

A squat demon rudely bumped me in his hurry, jolting me out of my reverie. I caught myself moments before reaching out and crushing that thing's neck in my hand. It wouldn't do for me to cause a scene, I tsked at myself. As it was I stood out enough with my height and my beauty, I didn't need a commotion announcing my presence to the entire world.

The street was surprisingly clean for something so trafficked. It seemed that the market was a rather respectable one with banners representing each merchant clan or traveling tradesman. Each booth butted right up against the one next to it, most shared sidewalls in a continuous row of items for sale. The smells of fried birds and various other roasted meats drew a growl from my stomach. Hiei and I had not eaten badly, but food caught on the fly was hardly comparable to city treats. My fingers itched to steal one or two of the whole stuffed birds neatly skewered on long sticks so that they could be eaten without sitting or the proper utensils. However, my word bound my actions to honesty for at least the time being. I quietly snarled in distaste. According to Hiei I was to only get what I was after and nothing more. I continued to prowl along the edge of the wide and busy lane. The frustration seeping out of my body kept all curious vermin a safe distance away.

Twenty-seven stalls later I found what I had been searching for, a popular clothing booth full to bursting with browsers. It was open to the street, but possessed all three other walls and a ceiling. The floor remained the same cobble as everywhere else. Lighting was poor as the sun was setting behind the back wall, and it seemed that the owner was preoccupied trying to accommodate a rich-looking man standing near the back corner. I paused to contemplate this seemingly out of place person. He was certainly attractive with a tall, slim figure and a naturally pale complexion offset by hair so black it bordered on purple in the setting light. I was both drawn to him and utterly repulsed. His neck twitched and I ducked behind a rack of fur coats before he could look my way. A shudder wracked my body as I imagined his eyes upon me. I looked around quickly, no longer in the mood, making sure to remain hidden from that man's eyes. At the first sign of white cloth, I bolted, testing the fabric hurriedly between my fingers before slipping away and back into the crowd. It wasn't perfect, not nearly as diaphanous as I would have preferred, but it would do.

With the clothing bundled in my arms, I fled from that place as quickly as tact would allow. It wasn't until nearly two-dozen shops later that I bothered to ask where The Holy Arthur was. I unhappily discovered that I had taken off in the wrong direction, but rather than take the main road again, I chose to wind my way through the back streets mindful of Hiei's words to hurry.

I remember little except the street markers, which indicated where I must turn. My overall impression was one of a rich neighborhood gradually fading into ruin and disrepair. My spirits were significantly lower as I reached the nearly collapsing door of The Holy Arthur. It was with more than a little trepidation that I gazed from side to side then let myself it.

Truthfully, I was more than a little shocked at the contrast between the exterior camouflage and the actuality of the interior. However, having lived a life of finding crowns and priceless jewels the size of my fist beneath 12 feet of mud and feces, I think my reaction was less than satisfactory to the tall man across the room (whom I assumed to be the owner). He approached me quickly, shuffling and tripping over himself in his eagerness to bow every two or four steps (always in evens I noticed).

"Hello, hello sir! I'm Mr. Bolyx. May I assume you have a reservation?" I was too stunned by having to look up at him to respond right away. He was emitting a soft, uneven buzzing noise that, I noticed when I looked down, was coming from his ankles as he rocked anxiously back and forth in anticipation of my answer.

"I was told to give Hiei's name upon my arrival," I said.

"Good, good! I am so glad, so very glad to hear that! You see, you see, I had assumed from your appearance that you were the guest Hiei told me about! I just wanted to make sure. Right this way then; right this way!"

I was all but steered past the long front desk and down the hallway directly opposite the door. He reverently never laid a hand on me, but his stressful urgency compelled me to follow his lead as if he had been forcefully pushing me.

The hallway was painted a delicious-looking cream color with a deep red (bordering on mahogany) trim running along the crease between each wall and the ceiling and along every doorway. Every thirty feet was a European-style wooden door. Each was left its natural wood color, enhanced by polish, and was carved in simple block patterns that I personally found boorish and hard on the eyes. The farther down the hallway I was led, the more intricate the carvings became. First there were only four large block outlines per door, then there were five, then six, and so on. It appeared, I realized, to be a sort of labeling system.

Five minutes later, Mr. Bolyx (who had all the while been squawking pleasantries in my sore ears) stopped before a deeply dark brown door with a heavy grain and knots littering its surface. I approved.

"I assume this shall lead me to my room?" I asked, more fascinated by the door than the answer.

"Oh yes, oh yes. He was very specific when he had this room built for him. Yes, yes indeed. I see you are a connoisseur of trees? Perhaps?"

I nodded.

"Well, well. Then you probably noticed the beauty of the dark Alder and the unique – oh very unique – quality. It was difficult, very difficult to find this wood growing native in the Makai. You probably know this, but…oh! Pardon me sir, I am terribly, terribly sorry. It is uncommon for me to find another person with an interest in these things."

My fondness for amusing drabbles had not been satisfied with Hiei as my only partner. With my back to him, I rolled my eyes at his enthusiasm, but indicated for him to continue. Nothing he said was truly of any interest. He was droning on about the rarities of Makai adapted Ningenkai plants; how grueling it was to plant magic seals in their grain, how the tight grain running vertically and the oddly numerous number of knots in the wood made it tough and nearly impossible to break without immense brute force, etc. I knew woods and plants better than he could have ever understood. I could have told his own story back to him and he probably would have learned a thing or two. In lieu of that I hardly paid his words any mind and, instead, studied him.

I saw him as a bumbling idiot, too awestruck to properly run his business. But his aura, when I reached out to perceive its hidden force, was entirely different: strong, capable, and ready. Its movement was fast and its substance wiry. Hm…perhaps this was an interesting individual after all.

As he was talking, he had managed to usher me along through the impressive doorway, down another narrower and darker-colored hallway, down a gilded flight of stairs on the left with black velvet-draped walls, and through another door. This one was completely plain and solid black, but it crackled with repellent energy. Had I attempted to pass through this door without proper permission, I would have lost my hand.

I vaguely recognized that Mr. Bolyx's story had changed. Now it was the origin of his inn's name. It was an ancient European myth about a mystical king named Arthur and his subordinates. That was when I finally placed his accent – I nearly laughed aloud when the thought came to me, he was trying to imitate a human English accent. It was poor and over elaborated instantly making it unrecognizable. It was doubtful he had ever been to the Ningenkai. More likely he had befriended an Englishman who had stumbled through the barrier then collected material originating from that general continent. How had Hiei ever come to know a man like this?

He finally stopped his forceful direction of my body when we were fully inside the suite.

"Oh yes, oh yes. Beautiful isn't it? I did as Hiei requested – please, please tell him that. It is exactly as it has always been, yes exactly. If you need help, please press that small button there – see, see? Now I will leave you. Please do not, do not hesitate to come down to the restaurant later or request my presence for any reason. I enjoyed talking with you. It is rare, so rare to find someone interested in the same subjects as I am. Thank you; thank you. Good-bye."

It was with a grateful and relieved sigh that I heard the door shut closed behind me with him on the other side. The room was not overly decorated but certainly not austere. The few pieces were lush beyond the dreams of someone wandering the wilderness and sleeping on stone beds. The room I stood in was obviously for receiving guests. A large, intricate drapery covered the far wall and black iron statues of entangled dragons wove around the topmost of every wall in a continuous design of fearsome beauty. As I wandered curiously through the corridors of this hidden mansion I found that the doors on my right led to the dining, kitchen, and public wash facilities. On the left, one wide and traditional sliding Japanese doorway revealed another long and narrow hallway running parallel to the door. The wood had been stained but otherwise untouched so that I felt as if I were inside a sealed box. It was an unpleasant sensation, but I pressed on sure that that was the purpose of the hallway's construction and appearance. My natural inclination, being right handed, was to turn left and explore the rooms down there. Therefore, I assumed that Hiei's room must be to the right.

I was not disappointed. The master bedroom was a beautiful piece of Hiei's twisted sense of artistry. The room itself was painted the palest blue I had ever seen. Glass – clear and frosted – was everywhere, and the furniture was gleaming white. The floor was plush with carpet, making it seem as if snow littered the ground. And if I looked not so carefully at the walls, I might have thought it was snowing. At the center of the room was the evil and cruel contrast. The bed was flawlessly black: the bed frame, the pillows, and the comforter were all the same engulfing shade of complete darkness. It the midst of all this light, the dark was magnetic and I could not resist approaching it. When I was close enough to touch I saw, hidden by the blackness, satin sheets the dark hue of betrayal – angry, bloody red.

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Hiei's POV (4 days ago)

My spies had confirmed my fears. He was getting impatient and was on the move. Karasu had last been seen in the agreed upon rendezvous city nearly a week ago.

"I've lost track of him master," crackled a male green faerie hovering above the branch across from my nose. These were the sorts of grotesque faeries that hid under mushrooms and tied pitiful persons' shoelaces together. Their dust was dirt and no cheer could be got from their smiles.

"What!" I paced back in forward in anxious frustration.

"He left my territory nigh half a fortnight ago…" attempted the ugly green faerie.

"And what of you Magit?"

An equally ugly and gaunter orange figure puffed out his trembling chest and said, "I followed him, Hiei-sama, through my territory as well…until he disappeared."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Where the Hell was this bastard?

"I-I lost him. My sincerest apologies daijo." The orange faerie prostrated himself in the air, peaking up in masochistic curiosity at my reaction.

"Was this the last either of you has seen or heard of his presence?" I was deep in my own thoughts at the gravity of this revelation.

The green one nodded decisively. Magit tried, but his position made it difficult. "The gods be damned! I want you to search for him until you have either perished or Karasu has been found!"

That dark man was in each step I took, each breath I drew. The control had slipped from my actions, and so here I was unwilling to give up my prey to another. A comfort that perhaps this was no more than that, one hunter coveting his well-earned prize – a mere monetary debate of worth and price. I shook my head violently, shaking the thought from my head to attack some other fool in the fading light of this rundown town.

Right. Right. Two lefts, and I found myself once again through the door of The Holy Arthur. I nodded once towards the large-eyed receptionist (now joined by four others) so that she would alert the staff to my presence here then continued through two hallways, down the staircase, and through the black door into my private quarters. The door had been opened recently, it lacked its usual spark that it developed as a side effect when not used for long periods of time. Kurama had done as he was told. I meandered through my many rooms and corridors searching for the Youko, I was in no hurry. Eventually I found him curled up in one of the three guest rooms. I chuckled, he looked for all the world like an adorable young pup coveting a bauble that he wished to lord over his brothers and sisters. The room he had chosen was the grandest of the three with rich green brocade walls, rosewood furniture, a river otter rug spanning from wall to wall, and a four foot wide canopy bed with white silk sheets and a green down comforter. A great chandelier of 1,000 enchanted candles hung from the ceiling. These three rooms I had not decorated (I lacked the taste) but rather left that up to the judgment of Mr. Bolyx.

As I entered the room, Kurama's eyes fluttered open and he slowly lifted his head up to greet me.

"That usually works better if you sleep under the blankets," I remarked.

"I didn't know whether or not I was allowed to –" he was cut off by a shuddering yawn that ended in an incredibly canine high-pitched whine. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen him do.

"Sleep…under the covers. I'll wake you up in a couple hours for something to eat. You may leave this place at any time, but can't reenter without either me or Bolyx." While talking I had made my way closer to back of the room where he lay. Now I leaned in and gently pressed the back of my fingers against his cheek, "You're safe here." My actions came unbidden, and I was for once not surprised. His bleary golden eyes blinked slowly, warily up at me. No doubt he was confused. "Now sleep," I said.

I stepped away and went to leave the room to idle my time away and discuss business with Bolyx.

A calm was descending upon my mind and a fire was kindling in my heart, flowing through my blood and exciting my limbs with spark. Damn that pretty face of his. It had ruined all I sought to create and destroyed what little I had to offer this rotting world. I refused to let these be my last days with that body, mind, skill and brilliance. Fuck everything that was me and let it be his if that was what kept his sigh in my ears. Gods how I hated him.

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Kurama's POV (4 days ago)

"Now sleep," he said.

I lay there frozen, still feeling his hand on my cheek and missing its steadiness and the warmth I had not even known I lacked. This green paradise was so different from his twisted world that he had created not one hundred yards away. I could not stand the torture he inflicted upon himself just by refusing to give in to a single moment of peace and normalcy. I wanted him back, here with me, and not in that world of forbidden children and traumatic memories. I could not speak my words out loud to him, they simply would not come, and each step he took away from me pressed heavier the weight of my unspoken words upon my heart and tongue. The pain of being afraid to express myself brought tears to my eyes and I just wanted to curl into a tiny ball and melt in the overwhelming flow of lava through my system. I had fallen in love before, why was this time so much more difficult? because this man was forbidden still. A dare, a challenge….

"Stay," I breathed out.

Hiei stopped and turned to look at me, "What?"

"Stay with me, please, even if just for a while," I was so breathless but gaining strength out of desperation not confidence.

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Hiei's POV (4 days ago)

All of me had wanted to hear those words, had secretly begged for this before I had ever known what I wanted. I was suspicious though, and he felt it.

"I want to know you're here," he said.

There was a soft pleading in his eyes, and I couldn't resist. I slipped off my boots and draped my cloak across the overstuffed armchair on my right. Then I deliberately made my way back to his bedside. My smooth motions would have been sexy in a different situation. Kurama was still lying on top of the comforter and sheets so I tenderly pulled them down from underneath his body and slipped in beside him, laying the covers back over the two us. The pillows were propped so that I could comfortably remain mostly in a slouched back sitting position, while he hesitantly curled his head and shoulders into my lap. It was awkward at first, the shifting and moving until we were both comfortable, but as soon as our bodies found that position where we fit together like a lock and key all tension fled as if chased away by the rightness of our union.

I'd never felt that before, just laying with another and being soothed by their mere nearness. The softness I felt in my eyes at the sight of peace settling in Kurama's perfect features made me determined to experience this feeling again. Kurama was the only doorway that I had ever known into this entirely new phase of life. It was then I knew that I would defend this with my life. And whatever this was, it could only be realized with Kurama.

"You've destroyed me," I whispered. He looked up and I found his eyes, "I hate you." I poured all the sadness, bitterness, despair and newly discovered painful affection I possessed into those three words. He understood and smiled.

"I hate you too, Hiei. You murdered my love and enslaved my spirit. I have always hated you."

Hours later I still lay there awake, thinking, my fox now held fast in my arms.

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end chapter 17