Disclaimer: No, Trigun is not mine any more than Yu Yu Hakusho or
.hack//SIGN. *sigh* I do own the French Bunny Commander, the Tired Bunny
Messenger, and Guido, though. *huggles Guido* My evil brown glowey eye
bunny.
KNIVESU'S ENCOUNTER WITH THE EVIL TALKING BUNNIES
[Knives is sleeping peacefully in his room inside the Gung-Ho-Gun base. He clutches his teddy bear, murmuring about spiders.]
Knives: No, no. . . . Save me from the spiders, Rem. . . they're gonna eat me. . . .
[A nearby bush rustles outside Knives's window. A cute little nose pokes out from behind it, followed by an innocent-looking bunny head. A rabbit bounds out from behind the bush in full combat uniform.]
Bunny: *in French accent* We shall see who is eating whom, Monsieur Knives. Oh, yes, we shall see . . .
~The next day . . . ~
[ Knives has ordered an emergency meeting of the Gung-Ho-Guns. The psychopathic plant is holding a rabbit-chewed daisy in a plain white pot. He is sobbing uncontrollably while Legato awkwardly pats his shoulders, assuring him that "Dai-kun" will live.]
Knives: *sniff* I-I have called this meeting . . . I have called this emergency meeting of the Gung-Ho-Guns to find the fiend who did this to Dai- kun! I will not rest until the culprit is apprehended! *glares* ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?!
[The Guns exchange glances of fear and shake their heads no]
Knives: Good! NOW GO AND FIND THE EVIL SADIST WHO DID THIS!
[The Guns scatter, save Midvalley and Zazie, who weren't listening.]
Knives: *narrows eyes* I SAID GO!
Midvalley: Huh?
Zazie: I think were supposed to be looking for a Rabi, or something.
Midvalley: A Rabi? Why would we be looking for a Rabi?
Zazie: I don't know, but look up there! It says, "The psychopathic plant is holding a Rabi-chewed daisy in a plain white pot." So we must be looking for a Rabi with daisy leaves in his teeth.
Midvalley: Really? I didn't think Rabbis ate daisies.
Zazie: Well, the description wouldn't say it if they didn't.
Knives: So, it was a Rabi, eh? Legato! Bring me a listing of all the local Rabbis!
Legato: Yes, Knives-sama. *goes off to look for a phonebook*
Midvalley: You're sure it doesn't say "Rabbit-chewed daisy?"
Zazie: No, I'm pretty sure it says Rabi.
Midvalley: I guess if it says Rabi, there must be at least ONE Rabi in the world who eats daisies.
Zazie: I guess.
[They both walk off to see if they can find the daisy-munching Rabi, just as Legato returns staggering under the weight of a huge phonebook.]
Legato: I have the phonebook, Master.
Knives: Good. Now look up any vegetarian Rabbis within two hundred iles.
[Legato flips to the first page, and blinks in surprise.]
Legato: I found one, Master.
Knives: Really? Already? Who is it?
Legato: . . . Rabi Hyme Goldstein.
Knives: . . . Let me see that.
[Legato hands over the book. Knives sees that the only vegetarian Rabi within two hundred iles is indeed Hyme Goldstein.]
Knives: Well, we will just have to "interrogate" this Mr. Goldstein.
Legato: Yes, Master.
~In the bushes. . .~
New York Bunny Lackey: Sho wat's da plan, Bosh?
French Combat Bunny: The plan? The plan is to. . .
NYBL: Yeah, yeah? Wat's da plan? Tell me da plan, you can trust me, Bosh!
FCB: Let me finish, fool!
NYBL: Shorry, Bosh.
FCB: The plan is to eat Monsieur Knives's garden in its entirety while he and his servants are on that foolish hunt for Monsieur Goldstein.
[Silence. NYBL looks at his boss incredulously.]
NYBL: Ish dat all, Bosh?
FCB: Yes, that is all.
NYBL: . . . Excellent plan, Bosh!
FCB: I thought so too.
[A Tired Bunny Messanger runs into the bush.]
TBM: Boss! Boss! They're coming this way!
FCB: What? Have they seen through our plan?! It cannot be!
[TBM glances at NYBL and winks.]
TBM: Yeah, Boss. They've got live traps.
FCB: This cannot be true! I have to see this for myself!
NYBL: Bosh, keep your head! If you go out dere, you're going to get caught!
FCB: Hn, you are right. I must surrender to them.
[FCB turns to NYBL and hands him a hand grenade.]
FCB: Use this on this bush after you leave. Deliver this letter to Monsieur Knives, it contains all the information he needs.
NYBL: Alright, Bosh.
FCB: Goodbye, Guido.
Guido: Shee ya, Bosh.
[Guido throws the grenade after hopping quickly out. The bush explodes in a brilliant flash of light as Guido salutes it with tears in his eyes.]
Guido: Goodbye, Bosh. I'm gonna mish ya.
~About three yarz away from the bush. . .~
Knives: And then we. . .
[Knives sees the explosion and Guido saluting it. He rubs his eyes, blinks, and looks again. There is nothing there.]
Legato: You didn't finish your sentence, Master.
Knives: I know that! But, just now, did you see that exploding bush? And that rabbit that saluted it?
Legato: I didn't see anything, Master.
Knives: . . . Liar.
Legato: .// You can always tell, can't you?
Knives: I know you too well. ^-^
Legato: -.-; Perverted comment?
Knives: Only if you want it to be.
Legato: . . . Let's go snuggle.
Knives: Why?
Legato: Because the authoress, with all her omnipotent-y-ness, has commanded it.
Knives: -.- Watch the fourth wall, 'Gato.
Yes, the ending was CRAPPY. But it was also written about a week after I wrote the rest of it. Grah. Anyway. . . Er. . . Yeah, Review or Guido will eat you BRAIN. 'Cause he's a cute little zombie stalker bunny who loves you very, very much and will give you cookies.
Guido: *wiffle wiffle*
I know I'm rambling. NOW, GO! *"wiffle"s and hop-walks away*
KNIVESU'S ENCOUNTER WITH THE EVIL TALKING BUNNIES
[Knives is sleeping peacefully in his room inside the Gung-Ho-Gun base. He clutches his teddy bear, murmuring about spiders.]
Knives: No, no. . . . Save me from the spiders, Rem. . . they're gonna eat me. . . .
[A nearby bush rustles outside Knives's window. A cute little nose pokes out from behind it, followed by an innocent-looking bunny head. A rabbit bounds out from behind the bush in full combat uniform.]
Bunny: *in French accent* We shall see who is eating whom, Monsieur Knives. Oh, yes, we shall see . . .
~The next day . . . ~
[ Knives has ordered an emergency meeting of the Gung-Ho-Guns. The psychopathic plant is holding a rabbit-chewed daisy in a plain white pot. He is sobbing uncontrollably while Legato awkwardly pats his shoulders, assuring him that "Dai-kun" will live.]
Knives: *sniff* I-I have called this meeting . . . I have called this emergency meeting of the Gung-Ho-Guns to find the fiend who did this to Dai- kun! I will not rest until the culprit is apprehended! *glares* ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?!
[The Guns exchange glances of fear and shake their heads no]
Knives: Good! NOW GO AND FIND THE EVIL SADIST WHO DID THIS!
[The Guns scatter, save Midvalley and Zazie, who weren't listening.]
Knives: *narrows eyes* I SAID GO!
Midvalley: Huh?
Zazie: I think were supposed to be looking for a Rabi, or something.
Midvalley: A Rabi? Why would we be looking for a Rabi?
Zazie: I don't know, but look up there! It says, "The psychopathic plant is holding a Rabi-chewed daisy in a plain white pot." So we must be looking for a Rabi with daisy leaves in his teeth.
Midvalley: Really? I didn't think Rabbis ate daisies.
Zazie: Well, the description wouldn't say it if they didn't.
Knives: So, it was a Rabi, eh? Legato! Bring me a listing of all the local Rabbis!
Legato: Yes, Knives-sama. *goes off to look for a phonebook*
Midvalley: You're sure it doesn't say "Rabbit-chewed daisy?"
Zazie: No, I'm pretty sure it says Rabi.
Midvalley: I guess if it says Rabi, there must be at least ONE Rabi in the world who eats daisies.
Zazie: I guess.
[They both walk off to see if they can find the daisy-munching Rabi, just as Legato returns staggering under the weight of a huge phonebook.]
Legato: I have the phonebook, Master.
Knives: Good. Now look up any vegetarian Rabbis within two hundred iles.
[Legato flips to the first page, and blinks in surprise.]
Legato: I found one, Master.
Knives: Really? Already? Who is it?
Legato: . . . Rabi Hyme Goldstein.
Knives: . . . Let me see that.
[Legato hands over the book. Knives sees that the only vegetarian Rabi within two hundred iles is indeed Hyme Goldstein.]
Knives: Well, we will just have to "interrogate" this Mr. Goldstein.
Legato: Yes, Master.
~In the bushes. . .~
New York Bunny Lackey: Sho wat's da plan, Bosh?
French Combat Bunny: The plan? The plan is to. . .
NYBL: Yeah, yeah? Wat's da plan? Tell me da plan, you can trust me, Bosh!
FCB: Let me finish, fool!
NYBL: Shorry, Bosh.
FCB: The plan is to eat Monsieur Knives's garden in its entirety while he and his servants are on that foolish hunt for Monsieur Goldstein.
[Silence. NYBL looks at his boss incredulously.]
NYBL: Ish dat all, Bosh?
FCB: Yes, that is all.
NYBL: . . . Excellent plan, Bosh!
FCB: I thought so too.
[A Tired Bunny Messanger runs into the bush.]
TBM: Boss! Boss! They're coming this way!
FCB: What? Have they seen through our plan?! It cannot be!
[TBM glances at NYBL and winks.]
TBM: Yeah, Boss. They've got live traps.
FCB: This cannot be true! I have to see this for myself!
NYBL: Bosh, keep your head! If you go out dere, you're going to get caught!
FCB: Hn, you are right. I must surrender to them.
[FCB turns to NYBL and hands him a hand grenade.]
FCB: Use this on this bush after you leave. Deliver this letter to Monsieur Knives, it contains all the information he needs.
NYBL: Alright, Bosh.
FCB: Goodbye, Guido.
Guido: Shee ya, Bosh.
[Guido throws the grenade after hopping quickly out. The bush explodes in a brilliant flash of light as Guido salutes it with tears in his eyes.]
Guido: Goodbye, Bosh. I'm gonna mish ya.
~About three yarz away from the bush. . .~
Knives: And then we. . .
[Knives sees the explosion and Guido saluting it. He rubs his eyes, blinks, and looks again. There is nothing there.]
Legato: You didn't finish your sentence, Master.
Knives: I know that! But, just now, did you see that exploding bush? And that rabbit that saluted it?
Legato: I didn't see anything, Master.
Knives: . . . Liar.
Legato: .// You can always tell, can't you?
Knives: I know you too well. ^-^
Legato: -.-; Perverted comment?
Knives: Only if you want it to be.
Legato: . . . Let's go snuggle.
Knives: Why?
Legato: Because the authoress, with all her omnipotent-y-ness, has commanded it.
Knives: -.- Watch the fourth wall, 'Gato.
Yes, the ending was CRAPPY. But it was also written about a week after I wrote the rest of it. Grah. Anyway. . . Er. . . Yeah, Review or Guido will eat you BRAIN. 'Cause he's a cute little zombie stalker bunny who loves you very, very much and will give you cookies.
Guido: *wiffle wiffle*
I know I'm rambling. NOW, GO! *"wiffle"s and hop-walks away*