It's an angst fic. I like to write those. Sad stories always make my day. Okay enough about what makes my day.

Summary: Ryou and Yugi are left out of the group. They result to cutting. Will Yami and Bakura realize what is happening before they actually go through with Suicide?

Warnings: maybe yaoi or shounen-ai, suicide thoughts, I think that's it.

Dark Crimson Rivers

Part 1: Cutting

Ryou's POV

It's been one year.

It takes years for someone to change.

It takes months for someone to come up with the perfect plan.

It takes days to for a little project to be finished.

It takes hours when doctors operate on you.

It takes minutes to talk.

And it takes seconds to make a decision that could be the end of you.

I am alone yet again. I wish I wasn't. I stare at the window to see friends and lovers walk pass my house while I just stare wistfully at what I could've had had it not been for my yami. At least when he was actually hitting me I was noticed. But now since he's been on what I would call probation he's been nice and has been avoiding me. Or maybe he wasn't and I was only imagining things? No I'm not. I know that I'm not.

He hangs out with the gang. Last time he called them a bunch of losers and worthless pieces of trash. He said that the friendship talk was all garbage and that the only one you can trust is yourself. Guess what? He's dating the queen of friendship! Can you believe it? Bakura has a heart! I haven't seen the gang that much. This year. I've avoided them and they probably didn't seem to notice. Not like Bakura did either. No one did. I was alone and I know that I will be forever if I keep this up and I do intend to.

I think that it's much better to be alone. No one would bother with you and you won't have problems with him or her always telling you what to do sometimes.

But sometimes I don't like the loneliness and that I was tempted to get attention. But I never go through with it because with the attention comes worry and questions. They would probably ask where I've been and how come they don't seem to notice me around. Well I would yell at their faces when I tell them that it's their fault that I'm like this and that it's their fault that they didn't notice me. They would probably be shocked and started to say a bunch of bullshit that they really don't mean and later on repeat what they've been doing. That is why I stay away and that is why I'm the way I am.

I look at my reflection. I hated it. The dull doe brown eyes that used to have a glint of hope were now replaced with never ending sadness. The complexion pale as a sheet from blood loss that was self-inflicted. I punched the mirror as hard as I could, shattering it but not without hurting myself in the process. My knuckles were bleeding. I didn't really care. I've bleed enough to not really feel anything anymore.

I looked at the scars that shredded and marred my arm. I liked the pain. It made me feel so alive like I was really there and not something that was invisible. I always felt noticed just by cutting myself. And I didn't just do it on my left arm. Soon I started doing it on my other arm, legs, and sometimes on my body. It is…just…I can't really explain it. I feel sorry for the girls that actually do this. They don't have as much room as I do.

My father is rarely home so he doesn't notice anything because he's not here, obviously. And Bakura? I don't really know. I think he just doesn't notice or he does and is just pretending that nothing happened.

I now stare at my room. It doesn't look like a room no more, it looked more like a tornado hit. Broken pieces of glass fragments are spread all around in case I'm nearer to one and can't reach my main one I could always use the one nearby. Small tiny speck droplets of blood stained the unclean floor. They were mine and mine alone. Bakura never did anything that would make me bleed.

I wonder if he found out what I was doing, would he tell me to stop, would he actually say sorry? I have always wondered that. But I never think that would happen, you know why? Because he's never going to find out and even if he did he would probably consult with Anzu the friendship queen.

I'm disgusted with that word. I dislike it very much. I think Anzu has poisoned his mind with her ideals of friendship. HAH! Some friend she is! I'm left here alone because of her. He avoids me because he's afraid to look at me? Is that it? I should just end it now and release this world of another burden. I'm one of many. No one will know why I did it and no one would care. Even if they did my funeral wouldn't be the way I want it. I would be forgotten in less than one second. No one would know it was me that is dead because I'm already forgotten. I'm just a lost soul wondering around because I have no place to go home to.

Heh, I've told myself that many times and I attempted it but I always wake up to the same world that my soul is lost in. I guess I never cut deep enough to actually go through with it. Maybe I'll die of blood loss instead of attempting suicide. I think cutting my wrist is better. It feels much better.

I picked up the razor. It was starting to get dull and I think I need to get a new one. Maybe one of those cutting blades at the hardware store or maybe more glass would be better? Nah the ones at the hardware stores are better at least I know that they last longer.

With the razor I made a fresh new cut on my arm. It was over lapping some of the old cuts and a bruise that was still there even if Bakura had stopped. Maybe it's because I'm now the one hurting myself. I never minded that anyways its just gong to be covered up with other cuts in the future.

I see the blood dripping down and licked a bit of it. Blood always tasted good when it's on skin. The metallic taste isn't there yet but it's a bit salty but not too salty. If this was a drink then I would've been addicted to it. It's just like alcohol except much better, it doesn't make you drunk and get hangovers all it does is make you go to sleep or to satisfy your thirst. That is what I do when I can't afford a drink or can't make one. I always make a deep cut but not enough to pass out and start quenching my thirst. Some may think that I'm a vampire if they actually met me right now but I'm not. I don't believe in them they're nothing but legends used to scare people in the past.

The thing about cutting is that the blood clots so that way it won't leak out of the body. I guess it's a good thing it clots otherwise I won't enjoy more of it. I grabbed some tissue and start pressing against my already finished bleeding cut. Then I grabbed some bandages and start to wrap it around my cut. I hate nursing myself. I'll just take it off tomorrow when I wake up.

I heard the door being opened and closed. That signals Bakura is home. I hear someone else's voice. It was a girl's, and I assume that it's that friendship bitch. I mumbled plenty of curses that I studied in case I need to insult someone enough that they wouldn't understand. And I'll be the one laughing in their faces as they stare in shock and I walk away laughing my head off. It's a fantasy to say that to that friendship bitch's face. She'll probably be preaching about how it's not a good example to show to anyone otherwise you won't make friends.

Friends, HAH! Who needs them? They'll just stab you in the back when they are done with you and you'll always be a scapegoat so that way you'll get the blame instead of them. Then you'll be stuck with a record and no one would like you anymore. Should I go down there and ruin everything? Nah. Should I go down there and cook? Maybe put poison in their food? Yeah that'll be a good idea! I could put some cleaning product in their food that I volunteered to cook so they could make out and then when they eat they'll start choking and fall over! Yeah! Serves them right for what they've been doing to me.

No I should just eat something. I mean look at me, I'm skinny and you could see my ribs almost. I'm like a stick. I think cutting slims you down too. Ah the wonders of baggy clothes. Well then that means I have to fatten up so I could cut more and have a reason to. I'll just cook for me not them.

I walk out of my room and down the hall. Anzu passed me and didn't say hi. Bitch. I noticed she was going to the bathroom. Did I clean out my stash of sharp objects and replaced the mirrors?

"BAKURA!" I heard her yell I cringed at her screech. Stupid harpy. That means I didn't. I inwardly smile.

I heard Bakura running up the stairs. He stopped in front of me. "What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"I don't know. She just called for you." I said before walking past him down to the kitchen. I think I felt him watching me until I disappeared from his view. Did he just notice that it was I?

No he didn't he just thinks I'm an illusion that was just his imagination. Yeah I'm just his imagination. I looked in the fridge to see if there is something to eat. I see nothing but bacon and cake and something that I know isn't there before. Must've been Bakura who cooked for the party they had here last week. I saw everyone making noise while I was trying to sleep. When I went down and saw that everyone was there. The only person I didn't see is Yugi. Where could he be? Come to think of it this whole year he wasn't around them anymore. Did he move?

I decided not to dwell on that. I need to go grocery shopping at…I glanced at the clock…7 PM. Maybe buy some drugs to go with it? Hmm that doesn't sound too bad. I've abused my body too much what's a little more?

I grabbed some cash I needed to get some food. Maybe I should just do take out. That'll be better food instead of saving it.

* * *

I woke up to another day that is so fresh and new and will end rotten and old as I play the same routine I do everyday. I went into the bathroom and glanced at the broken mirror. I don't have the money to replace it so I'm not. I was still pissed off at Bakura for confronting me about the broken mirrors. After Anzu left he said stuff to me. I think he said something about paying for the replacements. Why doesn't he do it? He can go get a job easier than I can. Then he can pay for the repairs just let me have the broken glass and it'll be okay. That means more new toys to play with. Yay!

Today's a school day. Stupid time can't it ever slow down so that way I could sleep more. I'm running out of blood here and it's making me get up a time I don't want to. I don't have as much blood as a regular human does now.

Never mind. It's not that important. I have to wake up Bakura so he isn't late. I don't mind being late. I don't get detention anyways. I got up off the bed and stood up. I felt a wave of dizziness. I steadied myself and began walking to my dresser. I picked out the dreaded school uniform. I'm beginning to hate uniforms. I quickly washed myself and changed. I then stared at the millennium ring. I don't know if I should wear it. Our mind link isn't that strong any more. I see it almost diminishing even with the ring on. No I shouldn't wear it it's his not mine. I just got it by coincidence.

I went to wake up Bakura but I found that his bed is empty. Okay so he got up earlier than I did. That's new. Usually I have to. Oh well then less work for me. I closed the door and walked down the stairs into the kitchen to get something to eat. I know that if I don't leave in three minutes I'm going to be late. I have to sprint to school. It's okay the teacher doesn't bust me for being late anyways and no one notices me.

I saw Bakura already eating. Oh so he didn't leave to get the friendship bitch so they could walk to school together. I don't say anything to him any more unless he asks a question. I felt him stare at me as I walked pass him. I think I just lost my appetite. I'll just drink water then. I poured myself a glass and washed it walking right out. No use staying when he doesn't want to strike up a conversation with me. Maybe I should skip school today.

Nah, that just piles homework on me. I put my shoes on and walked out. Maybe something interesting will happen today.

* * *

Okay nothing interesting has happened so far. It was almost lunch and the teachers so far are being not that interesting. I'm not paying attention at all. But the one thing is I had Bakura in all my classes today and I always feel him staring at me. I wonder why would he do that now? Did he just realize that our link is starting to diminish? I noticed it since I felt the bliss of self-mutilation.

I look at the clock to see that it's another half an hour till lunch starts. And Bakura is still glancing at me. Okay I don't mind cutting class a little short. I went up to the teacher's desk with my stuff and asked her if I could go to the nurse's office. I just say I'm not feeling well. She said yes and I walked out.

Instead of heading to the nurses I headed straight to the bathroom. I was a bit nervous since Bakura kept staring at me. Not exactly staring at me but just sending glances at me that looks like he just realized I'm there. I took out my razor. I bought a new one, yesterday night. I decided to use it yesterday to go to sleep. Now I'll use it for a second time to see if it actually can still cut well. I placed it on my arm where there was an open space for me. I pierced my skin and dragged it in a line. I was satisfied to see the blood leaking out of my cut.

I sighed and watched as it mixed with the water draining down.

"Ryou?"

Shit! I dropped the razor in shock letting it in the sink. I turn around at who called my name.

It was Yugi.

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