I'm back! And since some people seem to like my one-shots I've written another one! I'm so happy i could spew!
A.E.D:...That usually doesn't mean your happy... 0_o;
Dib: Don't talk to her right now. She's just a little bit nuts at the moment.
Zim: Yes, she is not as perfectly normal...as I am. -.-
Title: Standing
Author: Darqx
Summary: What if you loved the one person you knew you could never have? These are the dark thoughts of someone's elusive stalker.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Depending on how you read it, this fic can contain a one-sided pairing that may disturb/disgust some people.
Author's Notes: My first experimental, serious attempt at a dark romance! So therefore it might not be that great...neh, I tried. Anyway, I've had this idea in my head for a looong time for some reason unspecified, and now it's finally out! Yay! I feel so relieved and yet so...morbid. *Shrugs* Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you write stuff like this.
Disclaimer: BWAHAHAHA! Yes I own them! I own them all! Especially Zim! Zim is mine! Mine I tell you! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! *cough* I mean...Jhonen Vasquez has copyrights to Zim and co...*whistles the Invader Zim theme song innocently*
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~*Standing*~
I stand here.
Every night I stand here, bathed in shadow. Shying away from the distant, cold light of the moon.
And I stare.
I stare at you.
Always at you. Only at you. I have eyes for nothing else. These nights, these nights when I watch you – and can truly truly appreciate you – are the nights I feel most blissfully happy.
Of course, I've always appreciated you, even though you might not know it. I know you don't think I listen whenever you rant your heart out to me, but I do. I do listen. I may not act it, but I do. I've always listened, just to hear your voice. And you may think I'm crazy if you knew, but I've also memorized everything you've ever said to me.
But… you probably think I'm either ignorant or stupid, but I'm neither. I'm not ignorant, and I'm a lot smarter than you think, however I act. But you don't – no, you cannot – know it. It might destroy what little relationship we have.
So it's on nights like these, when I know you've gone out and there's nothing on TV or there's nothing to play, that I follow you.
And I watch you. Just feeling so blissfully happy.
And yet –
And yet I am never truly happy. And I know exactly why.
It's all because of him.
He is the reason for my emptiness. He is the reason for these late nights, when sometimes the both of you clash together in the deserted street, and when I come out and watch you.
He is the reason why I can only ever admire you in secret.
And I hate him.
I hate the way he always has the privilege to look at you freely, at your beautiful features, your perfect body. I hate the way he always has plenty more chances to touch you, even whether it be to exchange blows, or to wrestle over a scrap of evidence.
Those opportunities should be MINE. He doesn't deserve you.
I see him gain the upper hand, pinning you to the hard concrete of the sidewalk. He dares to touch you – straddle you - in such a way?! The object of MY affection?! I want to kill him, I want to help you, to run out and do something - that's what I should do…but then you'll know.
…What would you do, if you knew? Knew this darker side of me?
Would everything be the same as before? Would the feeling be mutual? Or would you be angry, upset, disturbed or disgusted? Would you be mortified? Would you understand? Would you act the same way you do now? I know I never could. Not with the truth out.
I would be too ashamed, too embarrassed, if you knew.
…No, I'll watch and see what happens.
He hisses your name as he glares down at you, your foreheads almost touching. The sound is filled with pure hate and dark victory. How anyone can say your beautiful name like that is beyond me, and once again I'm angry.
At him. Always at him. I hate him! I've said that already haven't I?
I almost cheer when you manage to buck him off and struggle free, a defiant look on your face. You never give up so easily. Another thing I love about you.
Love. It's a strange emotion, one that I thought I was incapable of feeling. And yet I do feel it. Every time I look at you or talk to you, or whenever you look at me with compassion in your bright eyes - how ever rare those instances may be – I feel it. It's like a bizarre, warm butterfly. Right here.
Love. To be in love with you sounds so right…
You laugh in his face, and – not for the first time – I feel jealous. Extremely jealous. You're MINE. I knew you first.
…It's not your fault. It's just that every smirk, every laugh, every poke and touch, every glare and every time his - or your - name is said in such a way fills me with hot, liquid green jealousy – another emotion I thought I was incapable of feeling. I know that you both hate each other with a vengeance – you're always ranting about him and how you wish he'd just die or something, yet it always looks as if you're flirting with each other. And it always looks as if you're both enjoying it.
And I hate it. I hate the way it looks.
Or maybe I'm just seeing things wrong. I don't know. But I do know one thing. You're MINE. He has no right to be around you so much. I loved you before he even knew you. He doesn't deserve you.
I do.
I deserve you. I love you passionately, and I wish you would love me back.
Sure, you probably love me in your own weird little way. But it's not the way I want. I want you to love me the way I love you, with obsession meeting obsession head on and not just normal companion-ly love. I want to hold you and have you hold me back, with my head resting on your chest, as I'm still a bit shorter than you. Just something simple, something sweet and pure and simple as that would leave me in a state of total ecstasy. However, sometimes I think about doing more with you. Things I don't want to think about right now. And sometimes I feel deeply ashamed at such thinking, but mostly I just enjoy it and pretend that 'you' do too.
But it's all just a dream. The forbidden fruit of my life. A dark fantasy.
It's something that would never happen in a million years because, well, I'm me and you're you. Plus he's always there. Getting in the way. Foiling whatever you do. Taking up all your attention and time because you wish to find ways to doom him.
No. It would never happen. It could never happen.
Which is why I stand here, in the dark, in the shadows, in secret and all alone. And I watch you, stare at you, appreciate you. By myself. Alone. Remorseful. Wistful. Everything at the same time.
Because I love you.
Love…
I love you so strongly. I admire you. I need you. I want you. And I want to say something, but I'm not brave enough to do it.
…
So I stand here.
And I watch.
…
And you will never, ever know.
//The End//
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Well! You've made it to the end! I congratulate you on a job well done. =P
In a completely random, unrelated piece of trivia - I have finally got Mortos der Soulstealer! Sigh, I love it so. Especially the part where Zim and Dib are standing on opposite sides of the street and they're yelling at each other. (Dib: "Zim." Zim: "What?" Dib: "Zim." Zim: "What?" etc etc) God, that's such funny shit! XD
Ahem, sorry bout that. Anyway! Please R/R! For the good of the mission!