Harassment Chapter 1: Harassment : 1, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

The name of this fic has been changed from 'STALKERS!' to 'HARASSMENT!'.

Title: Harassment!

Warning: Crack-fic. OOC and swearing. You've been warned.

Disclaimer: No I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Just the story.

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Chapter One - Bakura and Ryou - You Are Pissing Me Off

"What's this show about?", Bakura asked while staring at the television disbelievingly.

"It's about a yellow sponge that lives in a pineapple under the sea, who's yellow and absorbent, love."Ryou answered calmly.

"What kind of show is about a talking sponge?"

"Obviously this one."

"It's stupid."

"I think it's kind of funny."

"Really now? I think it's... kind of stupid."

Ryou sighed irratibly. "Then why are you watching it?"

"I'm watching it because there's nothing else on tv, you won't allow me to go over to the short one's house to harass the Pharaoh, and Marik and Malik are on punishment for trying to put a pigeon in the microwave," Bakura retorted.

"...Oh yeah..." Ryou said.

"So....can I drop by the dwarf's house and harass Pharaoh no Baka?"

"No."

"Damn it! You never let me have any fun!" Bakura yelled.

"Everything you consider 'fun' is ILLEGAL!" Ryou shouted just as loudly.

"Like what?"

"Stealing, setting other persons property on fire, setting people on fire, destroying items that don't belong to you, sending innocent bystanders to the Shadow Realm-"

"When is sending people to the Shadow Realm illegal?"

"Bakura?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Fine."

------4 minutes later, 12:00 Pm-----

'I am bored out of my friggin' mind.' Bakura thought to himself.

The phone rang in the living room. Bakura thought about getting off the couch, but decided not to.

The phone rang again. He thought about getting off the couch, made the effort to lift a hand, but placed it back down and continued watching SpongeBob.

The phone rang once again.

"Ryou! Phone!" Bakura shouted. He received an answer of, "Im in the shower! You answer it!" from upstairs.

"Fine..."

Bakura grabbed the phone from of the table. "Hello?"

"May I please speak to Bakura?" The voice on the other line answered.

"What do you want?"

"Hmm....I want you."

"...The fuck?"

"You heard me fluffy bunny! Look! I made a rhyme! You heard me fluffy bunny! See?"

The white haired man stared at the phone oddly. "Who the fuck is this?"

"Meanie..."

"Who the hell is this?!"

"Are you mocking me?!"

"STOP IT!"

"Just going to keep mocking me, eh?!"

"UGH!"

Bakura finally slammed the phone back on the receiver, seething. "Bloody mortals. Have no freakin' lives."

-----------3:00 Pm------------

The phone rang once again. Bakura was in the backyard; venting his boredom and frustration on a tree. Ryou, who was now out of the shower, went to answer the phone.

"Hello, may I ask who is calling?"

"ME!", the voice gleefully answered.

"Me who?"

"Me and you, love!"

"...Excuse me?"

"Remember? We're getting married this Saturday!"

"No....I didn't rem-who the hell is this?"

"Your lover!"

"I don't have one!" Ryou screeched.

"Now you do!"

"No I don't, now good day you nutcase!" With that said Ryou hung up the phone. "Probably just another one of those crazed fangirls..."

---------5:00 Pm---------

The phone rang again.

"What now?" Bakura said into the phone.

"Helloooo loooove!", was the response.

Bakura recognized the crazed voice...he hung up the phone. He wasn't aware of just how persistent the crazed caller would become.

----------2:00 Am----------

The phone began to ring once again.

'Should I answer that?' Bakura said to himself.

"RING!"

"Oh Ra..."

"RING!"

'Calm yourself. What's that calming technique Ryou mentioned?'

"RING!"

'Count to ten. One...two...'

"...RING!"

'....five....'

"...RING!"

"..eight!"

"ANSWER THE PHONE BAKURA!", Ryou yelled.

"YOU ANSWER IT!", Bakura shouted back.

"THE PHONE'S NEXT TO YOU IDIOT!"

'Oh for fuck's sake.'

Bakura grabbed the phone. "What do you want from me?!"

The voice on the other side gave a sickeningly sweet laugh. "I already told you silly...YOU!"

"Just wait until I find you, you annoying piece of shit...."

"Don't worry, I'll find you before you can find me...", the caller said in a leered,"Then I'll go molest Ryou!"

"What?! YOU STAY AWAY FROM RYOU YOU FUCK!"

"NEVER!"

"You know what?"

"What?"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSHOLE!" Bakura slammed the phone hard. It continued to ring all through the night. Eventually Bakura used the Sennen Ring to send the noisy contraption to the Shadow Realm.

The house was finally silent.

--------The Next Morning---------

Ryou looked around with a confused expression. "Bakura? Um...what happened to the phone?"

--------Somewhere In The Shadow Realm---------

"Prepare to lose your soul you fool!"

Marik was busy tormenting some poor soul he picked off the street. He knew he wasn't suppose to be outside because he was grounded; but he was having too much to give damn.

"MUWAHAHAHAHA!!", the crazed blonde laughed over the cowering pedestrian. "SAY GOODBY- hey.....what's that ringing sound?"

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Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Harassment!