Author's Note: Something I wrote after my best friend died, but I reread
it and saw that it could work for Tifa, kinda, sorta.
*****
The hardest part about living? Is waking up every morning and not knowing what's going to happen today. It's lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, with red streaks running down the sides of your face. It's having pools of tears form in your hand, as you constantly dry your eyes. It's snapping, whenever you think of the past. It's breaking down, whenever you think of the past. It's knowing that you will never be truly happy again. It's knowing that your loved one is never coming back. It's lighting candles and making outrageous prayers, even though you don't believe in God. It's losing your faith in God, because he is the decider of who lives, and who dies. If this "God" is so holy, why is he destroying the earth? Why is he destroying that which we live on? Why is he killing the loved ones, OUR loved ones, the ones that have a future, that will make the world a better place? Why is he taking these, the golden ones from us, and letting the awful run wild? Why are the ones that no one likes, that no one wants, that no one cares about, that have no future, that maim and kill, that will not make the world a better place, why are these ones still alive? Why does our justice system let these murderers out, while keeping the ones we love and the ones that have done no wrong, caged in torment? No one ever said life was going to be easy. No one ever said life was going to be hard. The hardest part about living? It's seeing everyone around you happy, while you are sad. It's seeing everyone around you loved, while you are hated. It's seeing everyone around you belong, while you feel unwanted. It's seeing everyone around you find their way, while you are lost. It's lying on your deathbed, looking at the bright lights above you in the hospital room, and not knowing how much longer you can hold on. It's NOT being on your deathbed, but still not knowing how much longer you can hold on. It's dying inside a little more each day, instead of living a little more each day. It's feeling one step closer to death, not one step closer to life. It's having wrinkles under your eyes when you're barely a teenager. It's having a loss of sleep because of crying. It's wanting something you can't have. It's wondering why "God" chose you to be unhappy. It's wondering why you, who is most deserving, gets nothing, while the village ass gets everything. It's seeing the nice guys finish last, and the bad guys finish first. It's losing what's most precious to you. It's being used. It's being abused. It's being injured. It's being hurt. It's being sent to psychiatrist after psychiatrist and not getting any help. It's being threatened. It's being threatened to be put in a hospital. If someone feels worthless and unloved, why do you isolate them in a cold, white, uninviting room? If you've been hurt by someone, why would you hurt someone else in the exact same way that you yourself was hurt by? Why are "all men created equal?" when truly only the rich man is equal. Women are not equal, other races are not equal, the poor are not equal, so why do we still claim that all men are created equal? The hardest part about living? It's feeling worthless. It's feeling unloved. It's not knowing how your life will end. It's not knowing how you will ever go on. It's not knowing how to live your life. It's not knowing whether you are going to be alive or dead tomorrow. It's not knowing whether you will make it through the night. The hardest part about living is losing Cloud.
*****
The hardest part about living? Is waking up every morning and not knowing what's going to happen today. It's lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, with red streaks running down the sides of your face. It's having pools of tears form in your hand, as you constantly dry your eyes. It's snapping, whenever you think of the past. It's breaking down, whenever you think of the past. It's knowing that you will never be truly happy again. It's knowing that your loved one is never coming back. It's lighting candles and making outrageous prayers, even though you don't believe in God. It's losing your faith in God, because he is the decider of who lives, and who dies. If this "God" is so holy, why is he destroying the earth? Why is he destroying that which we live on? Why is he killing the loved ones, OUR loved ones, the ones that have a future, that will make the world a better place? Why is he taking these, the golden ones from us, and letting the awful run wild? Why are the ones that no one likes, that no one wants, that no one cares about, that have no future, that maim and kill, that will not make the world a better place, why are these ones still alive? Why does our justice system let these murderers out, while keeping the ones we love and the ones that have done no wrong, caged in torment? No one ever said life was going to be easy. No one ever said life was going to be hard. The hardest part about living? It's seeing everyone around you happy, while you are sad. It's seeing everyone around you loved, while you are hated. It's seeing everyone around you belong, while you feel unwanted. It's seeing everyone around you find their way, while you are lost. It's lying on your deathbed, looking at the bright lights above you in the hospital room, and not knowing how much longer you can hold on. It's NOT being on your deathbed, but still not knowing how much longer you can hold on. It's dying inside a little more each day, instead of living a little more each day. It's feeling one step closer to death, not one step closer to life. It's having wrinkles under your eyes when you're barely a teenager. It's having a loss of sleep because of crying. It's wanting something you can't have. It's wondering why "God" chose you to be unhappy. It's wondering why you, who is most deserving, gets nothing, while the village ass gets everything. It's seeing the nice guys finish last, and the bad guys finish first. It's losing what's most precious to you. It's being used. It's being abused. It's being injured. It's being hurt. It's being sent to psychiatrist after psychiatrist and not getting any help. It's being threatened. It's being threatened to be put in a hospital. If someone feels worthless and unloved, why do you isolate them in a cold, white, uninviting room? If you've been hurt by someone, why would you hurt someone else in the exact same way that you yourself was hurt by? Why are "all men created equal?" when truly only the rich man is equal. Women are not equal, other races are not equal, the poor are not equal, so why do we still claim that all men are created equal? The hardest part about living? It's feeling worthless. It's feeling unloved. It's not knowing how your life will end. It's not knowing how you will ever go on. It's not knowing how to live your life. It's not knowing whether you are going to be alive or dead tomorrow. It's not knowing whether you will make it through the night. The hardest part about living is losing Cloud.