(A/N) Okay, this is my first try at a really long chaptered fic so be
gentle. It's set during the marauder era although I am also working on a
Draco time fic this is the one I've been concentrating on most. I want to
thank all you guys who have reviewed my other work. It really helps! So
everyone feel free and please do review this time!
Love from Wildmoonflower.
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CHAPER ONE: Blue as blue
The night came quickly for Remus Lupin, he loved the day. When it was daytime he could pretend that he was just like anyone else. But when the night arrived with it came the moon and that reminded him. He wasn't like everyone else, he was a werewolf, a creature hated and feared throughout the world. His happiness, he believed ended each time the sun set below the mountains.
He sat in a large chair in the common room, a small honey-haired figure looking for all the world like he was trying to sink through the red fabric and into the chair itself. The half moon cast silver light here and there but most of the common room was in shadow. In one of these shadows, by the far wall Sirius Black stood watching his friend. Sirius was concerned about Remus, each day he saw the younger boy withdrawing further and further from the rest of the world. He longed to help him but didn't know how. Sirius was no good at that kind of thing; he was good at practical jokes and flirting with the girls, not comforting friends in pain.
With a small sigh Remus curled further into the chair and Sirius was startled out of his thoughts. Casting one last look at his pale friend Sirius turned and headed back up to the dormitory.
"Hey!" James said as he came in. "Where were you?"
"Nowhere" Sirius answered slipping back under the warm covers of his bed and curling into them. They were warm and Sirius quickly felt sleep tugging at his mind.
"You weren't nowhere," James said, annoyed. "You were somewhere."
"Night James." Sirius mumbled before drawing the curtains on his bed.
With a sigh James Potter flopped back down onto his pillows. What in the world was going on with Sirius?
++++++++++
The next morning Remus arrived late to breakfast, he paused as he found his friends staring at him. "What?" he asked nervously. Sirius shrugged and James passed him the toast. Remus took it without a word, it was raining outside and Remus was soaked to the skin. "Were you outside Moony?" Sirius asked him, just noticing his normally dry friend's bedraggled appearance. Remus nodded and took a drink. He didn't like his friends questioning and right now both Sirius and James had that sort of 'what is going on with Remus' look in their eyes. He closed his amber eyes to block out their stares and calmly sipped his drink.
He had been outside, in the forest earlier that morning. The rain had fallen around him, crystal droplets falling from the silver clouds like tears. Dripping through the emerald leaves and landing with soft splashes on the muddy ground. Sometimes they had landed on him, trickling down his honey and silver hair, resting like diamonds on his eyelashes and soaking his Hogwarts cloak. They had felt refreshing, cool relief to his forever burning skin. Stretching his long pale arms out he had twirled, the crystal drops falling faster and faster, the wind picking up speed and swirling emerald and amber leaves about his spinning form. Up above the clouds had rumbled and the lightning cracked white-gold across the sky but Remus had not cared. He had kept on spinning, his long fingers wet with rainwater, his hair turning into tails down his back he had kept on spinning, and spinning...he had been free.
"Remus?" came James's worried voice, interrupting his thoughts. Startled, Remus's amber eyes snapped open fear flickering across their golden surface for an instant before regaining their normal calm. "Are you okay?" James asked his brown eyes looking confused.
Remus nodded, "I'm fine...fine" he said before standing abruptly. "Now if you will excuse me, I need to go to the library before class." With that he left the great hall, Sirius, James and Peter staring at his retreating figure with puzzled looks on their faces.
++++++++
The Library was empty, the library was always empty. That was why Remus liked it so much; he could enjoy the silence and the solitude. Being alone was something he had been used to since he was a child; it was still new to him having James and Sirius around all the time. When he was a child his parents had been distant, they had never wanted a child and one who was a werewolf? Well they had decided that it was best to keep such a child hidden from the outside world until the time came for him to attend school. He had spent most of his days in his father's musty old library reading all sorts of books from muggle fiction to advanced spell books.
That was why Remus felt so comfortable in the school library, it reminded him of home. He chose a book and sat down at one of the tables. He looked to see what he had picked. Remus sighed, written on the cover in scratched gold writing were the words 'Werewolf Lore- a Guide to Dark Creatures'. With a sigh he pushed the book away and lay his head down on the hard surface of the table. Closing his eyes he gently drifted off to sleep.
In his dream Remus was lying down, his arms resting above his head. Blinking he opened his eyes slowly taking in the bright sunlight. Finally his eyes were wide awake and he studied his surroundings. He was lying in a field. A field of bright dazzling green grass, as pure a green as you could ever find. The sky was blue, as blue as, well blue. It was the very essence of the colour, there was no other way to describe it. And the sun, the sun was closer than it should be, Remus knew that. But it wasn't burning him, it was just warm, he felt warm and happy. With a cry of laughter Remus leapt to his feet. The grass reached nearly to his waist and Remus ran through it letting the silky tips brush the ends of his fingers as he moved. Then Remus felt something hit his shoulder gently. Looking around he saw a pink blossom petal resting on the grass. Picking it up Remus stroked his thumb over it relishing in the feel of its cool softness. Then more began to fall until it was raining blossom petals. Remus held his slim arms out and smiled as the petals drifted over them. He made a strange picture this small, fae like boy standing in a bright green field, covered in pink petals, a smile on his face and a weight lifted from his shoulders.
A loud bang ripped Remus from his dream into reality. In fright his head snapped up and he found himself staring into a pair of slanted silver eyes. Blinking Remus took in the rest of the figure in front of him. A pale, aristocratically pointed face, long white-gold hair and black Hogwarts robes with the Slytherin emblem sewn onto them. "M...Malfoy!" Remus exclaimed clambering hurriedly out of the seat. While Lucius was only one year older than him, Remus still feared the blond Slytherin seventh year. Everyone did, it was something that Lucius expected. However Lucius sighed as he watched the honey haired Gryffindor, a pale eyebrow rising on his face.
"You don't have to leave Lupin. I just thought I should wake you and see if you felt like going to class at all today." Lucius drawled in his upper class English accent.
Suddenly Remus forgot his fear and a panic overtook him. "How many classes have I missed?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"Well," Lucius drawled. "Since I'm assuming you've been here since breakfast then I would say you've missed about four. Its lunchtime now you know."
In frustration Remus tugged at his still damp hair, how could he have missed so many classes? Then the wetness of his robes hit him with a sudden shock and he started to shiver.
"Honestly," Lucius sighed. "You Gryffindors are all idiots!" The blond Slytherin opened his schoolbag and pulled out a dark green jumper. "I'll lend you this." He told Remus, handing the younger boy the warm jumper. They were about the same size so Lucius was sure it would fit. "You can bring it back to me tomorrow."
Remus studied the Slytherin for a few seconds, trying to determine if the boy had cursed the jumper or not but eventually he accepted. Motioning for Lucius to turn around he began to take of his robes and the wet shirt underneath.
"Oh honestly Lupin! Who would want to look?" Lucius scoffed as he turned around anyway.
When Remus had finished changing he stuffed his wet clothes into his bag and slung it ungracefully over his shoulder.
"You look better in green." Lucius said with a smirk, "Perhaps you should have been a Slytherin Lupin."
Remus blushed and thanked the older boy for his jumper before he left the library quickly, hoping to catch his friends at lunch.
++++++++
The Great hall was crowded when Remus reached it. He entered slowly, glancing around the Gryffindor table for a few minutes before he found his friends. They were sitting at the opposite end from where he was standing, laughing uproariously about something. Probably a joke Sirius and James had played on someone. Remus still felt like an outsider with them sometimes, they were all so carefree with no problems and he well, he wanted to be that way but he wasn't. With a sigh Remus made his way down to the empty seat beside Peter.
"Hi." James said as he sat down. Remus nodded at them in greeting, he hoped they didn't ask him where he had been. He didn't want to explain that he had fallen asleep in the library.
James studied his friend for a few seconds before deciding to leave the matter of Remus's disappearing act for later when they could be alone. He needed to talk to Remus he decided. Something was definitely up; it wasn't like Remus to skip class.
Sirius however was still staring at his small, shy friend. "What happened to your robes?" he asked. Remus blinked as if surprised by the question but then he answered. "They were wet."
"I see," Sirius said. "So you just decided to pop on a Slytherin coloured jumper then?"
"Leave it Padfoot." James said with warning in his voice, they could question Remus later but now, at the lunch table with everyone listening was not the best time.
"No!" Sirius said. He was concerned about his friend. Remus had to understand that he couldn't just disappear and come back wearing Slytherin jumpers and not expect to give an explanation. "Let him tell us now!"
Remus took on a kind of panicked expression, his large amber eyes flickered from Sirius to James to Peter to Sirius looking for some kind of help. Then he visibly shook and stood. Pushing his chair back he ran out of the hall leaving his friends very confused for the second time that day.
But someone else was also watching his hasty departure from the Great Hall. It was Lucius just entering the hall for his Lunch. His liquid silver eyes narrowed as he watched the shy Gryffindor run past him.
++++++++
Remus ran out the Great hall, he ran out of the entrance hall and down the steps leading to the castle grounds. The storm was still raging outside and the wind sent leaves hurtling past him, the rain stung his face as he ran. He ran and ran, as far as he could get his feet to carry him. Eventually he collapsed beside the lake tired, cold and just plain worn out. Lying flat on his back in the mud he stared up at the grey sky not even shivering as the rain fell harder and harder down on his delicate form. Every so often lightning would flash across the sky illuminating the world below. Remus smiled and then closed his eyes. At the next crack of lightning he screamed, a scream which seemed to go on forever fuelled by his pain, his loneliness and his hatred of the world. A scream he thought no one else heard. But someone did.
Lucius Malfoy stood a little further off from the figure lying in the mud. The wind whipped his white-gold hair around his milky-white face as he watched. He had never thought about Lupin much before but now it seemed that that boy was seriously in need of a helping hand, and so Lucius admitted to himself, was he.
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End of chapter one.
(A/N) okay please review. Remus is obviously in pain right? I know I haven't exactly told you the reasons yet but they come in later chapters. I know this one was kind of short but the next one will be longer. So please review and keep the author happy!!
............................................................................ ....................................................................
CHAPER ONE: Blue as blue
The night came quickly for Remus Lupin, he loved the day. When it was daytime he could pretend that he was just like anyone else. But when the night arrived with it came the moon and that reminded him. He wasn't like everyone else, he was a werewolf, a creature hated and feared throughout the world. His happiness, he believed ended each time the sun set below the mountains.
He sat in a large chair in the common room, a small honey-haired figure looking for all the world like he was trying to sink through the red fabric and into the chair itself. The half moon cast silver light here and there but most of the common room was in shadow. In one of these shadows, by the far wall Sirius Black stood watching his friend. Sirius was concerned about Remus, each day he saw the younger boy withdrawing further and further from the rest of the world. He longed to help him but didn't know how. Sirius was no good at that kind of thing; he was good at practical jokes and flirting with the girls, not comforting friends in pain.
With a small sigh Remus curled further into the chair and Sirius was startled out of his thoughts. Casting one last look at his pale friend Sirius turned and headed back up to the dormitory.
"Hey!" James said as he came in. "Where were you?"
"Nowhere" Sirius answered slipping back under the warm covers of his bed and curling into them. They were warm and Sirius quickly felt sleep tugging at his mind.
"You weren't nowhere," James said, annoyed. "You were somewhere."
"Night James." Sirius mumbled before drawing the curtains on his bed.
With a sigh James Potter flopped back down onto his pillows. What in the world was going on with Sirius?
++++++++++
The next morning Remus arrived late to breakfast, he paused as he found his friends staring at him. "What?" he asked nervously. Sirius shrugged and James passed him the toast. Remus took it without a word, it was raining outside and Remus was soaked to the skin. "Were you outside Moony?" Sirius asked him, just noticing his normally dry friend's bedraggled appearance. Remus nodded and took a drink. He didn't like his friends questioning and right now both Sirius and James had that sort of 'what is going on with Remus' look in their eyes. He closed his amber eyes to block out their stares and calmly sipped his drink.
He had been outside, in the forest earlier that morning. The rain had fallen around him, crystal droplets falling from the silver clouds like tears. Dripping through the emerald leaves and landing with soft splashes on the muddy ground. Sometimes they had landed on him, trickling down his honey and silver hair, resting like diamonds on his eyelashes and soaking his Hogwarts cloak. They had felt refreshing, cool relief to his forever burning skin. Stretching his long pale arms out he had twirled, the crystal drops falling faster and faster, the wind picking up speed and swirling emerald and amber leaves about his spinning form. Up above the clouds had rumbled and the lightning cracked white-gold across the sky but Remus had not cared. He had kept on spinning, his long fingers wet with rainwater, his hair turning into tails down his back he had kept on spinning, and spinning...he had been free.
"Remus?" came James's worried voice, interrupting his thoughts. Startled, Remus's amber eyes snapped open fear flickering across their golden surface for an instant before regaining their normal calm. "Are you okay?" James asked his brown eyes looking confused.
Remus nodded, "I'm fine...fine" he said before standing abruptly. "Now if you will excuse me, I need to go to the library before class." With that he left the great hall, Sirius, James and Peter staring at his retreating figure with puzzled looks on their faces.
++++++++
The Library was empty, the library was always empty. That was why Remus liked it so much; he could enjoy the silence and the solitude. Being alone was something he had been used to since he was a child; it was still new to him having James and Sirius around all the time. When he was a child his parents had been distant, they had never wanted a child and one who was a werewolf? Well they had decided that it was best to keep such a child hidden from the outside world until the time came for him to attend school. He had spent most of his days in his father's musty old library reading all sorts of books from muggle fiction to advanced spell books.
That was why Remus felt so comfortable in the school library, it reminded him of home. He chose a book and sat down at one of the tables. He looked to see what he had picked. Remus sighed, written on the cover in scratched gold writing were the words 'Werewolf Lore- a Guide to Dark Creatures'. With a sigh he pushed the book away and lay his head down on the hard surface of the table. Closing his eyes he gently drifted off to sleep.
In his dream Remus was lying down, his arms resting above his head. Blinking he opened his eyes slowly taking in the bright sunlight. Finally his eyes were wide awake and he studied his surroundings. He was lying in a field. A field of bright dazzling green grass, as pure a green as you could ever find. The sky was blue, as blue as, well blue. It was the very essence of the colour, there was no other way to describe it. And the sun, the sun was closer than it should be, Remus knew that. But it wasn't burning him, it was just warm, he felt warm and happy. With a cry of laughter Remus leapt to his feet. The grass reached nearly to his waist and Remus ran through it letting the silky tips brush the ends of his fingers as he moved. Then Remus felt something hit his shoulder gently. Looking around he saw a pink blossom petal resting on the grass. Picking it up Remus stroked his thumb over it relishing in the feel of its cool softness. Then more began to fall until it was raining blossom petals. Remus held his slim arms out and smiled as the petals drifted over them. He made a strange picture this small, fae like boy standing in a bright green field, covered in pink petals, a smile on his face and a weight lifted from his shoulders.
A loud bang ripped Remus from his dream into reality. In fright his head snapped up and he found himself staring into a pair of slanted silver eyes. Blinking Remus took in the rest of the figure in front of him. A pale, aristocratically pointed face, long white-gold hair and black Hogwarts robes with the Slytherin emblem sewn onto them. "M...Malfoy!" Remus exclaimed clambering hurriedly out of the seat. While Lucius was only one year older than him, Remus still feared the blond Slytherin seventh year. Everyone did, it was something that Lucius expected. However Lucius sighed as he watched the honey haired Gryffindor, a pale eyebrow rising on his face.
"You don't have to leave Lupin. I just thought I should wake you and see if you felt like going to class at all today." Lucius drawled in his upper class English accent.
Suddenly Remus forgot his fear and a panic overtook him. "How many classes have I missed?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"Well," Lucius drawled. "Since I'm assuming you've been here since breakfast then I would say you've missed about four. Its lunchtime now you know."
In frustration Remus tugged at his still damp hair, how could he have missed so many classes? Then the wetness of his robes hit him with a sudden shock and he started to shiver.
"Honestly," Lucius sighed. "You Gryffindors are all idiots!" The blond Slytherin opened his schoolbag and pulled out a dark green jumper. "I'll lend you this." He told Remus, handing the younger boy the warm jumper. They were about the same size so Lucius was sure it would fit. "You can bring it back to me tomorrow."
Remus studied the Slytherin for a few seconds, trying to determine if the boy had cursed the jumper or not but eventually he accepted. Motioning for Lucius to turn around he began to take of his robes and the wet shirt underneath.
"Oh honestly Lupin! Who would want to look?" Lucius scoffed as he turned around anyway.
When Remus had finished changing he stuffed his wet clothes into his bag and slung it ungracefully over his shoulder.
"You look better in green." Lucius said with a smirk, "Perhaps you should have been a Slytherin Lupin."
Remus blushed and thanked the older boy for his jumper before he left the library quickly, hoping to catch his friends at lunch.
++++++++
The Great hall was crowded when Remus reached it. He entered slowly, glancing around the Gryffindor table for a few minutes before he found his friends. They were sitting at the opposite end from where he was standing, laughing uproariously about something. Probably a joke Sirius and James had played on someone. Remus still felt like an outsider with them sometimes, they were all so carefree with no problems and he well, he wanted to be that way but he wasn't. With a sigh Remus made his way down to the empty seat beside Peter.
"Hi." James said as he sat down. Remus nodded at them in greeting, he hoped they didn't ask him where he had been. He didn't want to explain that he had fallen asleep in the library.
James studied his friend for a few seconds before deciding to leave the matter of Remus's disappearing act for later when they could be alone. He needed to talk to Remus he decided. Something was definitely up; it wasn't like Remus to skip class.
Sirius however was still staring at his small, shy friend. "What happened to your robes?" he asked. Remus blinked as if surprised by the question but then he answered. "They were wet."
"I see," Sirius said. "So you just decided to pop on a Slytherin coloured jumper then?"
"Leave it Padfoot." James said with warning in his voice, they could question Remus later but now, at the lunch table with everyone listening was not the best time.
"No!" Sirius said. He was concerned about his friend. Remus had to understand that he couldn't just disappear and come back wearing Slytherin jumpers and not expect to give an explanation. "Let him tell us now!"
Remus took on a kind of panicked expression, his large amber eyes flickered from Sirius to James to Peter to Sirius looking for some kind of help. Then he visibly shook and stood. Pushing his chair back he ran out of the hall leaving his friends very confused for the second time that day.
But someone else was also watching his hasty departure from the Great Hall. It was Lucius just entering the hall for his Lunch. His liquid silver eyes narrowed as he watched the shy Gryffindor run past him.
++++++++
Remus ran out the Great hall, he ran out of the entrance hall and down the steps leading to the castle grounds. The storm was still raging outside and the wind sent leaves hurtling past him, the rain stung his face as he ran. He ran and ran, as far as he could get his feet to carry him. Eventually he collapsed beside the lake tired, cold and just plain worn out. Lying flat on his back in the mud he stared up at the grey sky not even shivering as the rain fell harder and harder down on his delicate form. Every so often lightning would flash across the sky illuminating the world below. Remus smiled and then closed his eyes. At the next crack of lightning he screamed, a scream which seemed to go on forever fuelled by his pain, his loneliness and his hatred of the world. A scream he thought no one else heard. But someone did.
Lucius Malfoy stood a little further off from the figure lying in the mud. The wind whipped his white-gold hair around his milky-white face as he watched. He had never thought about Lupin much before but now it seemed that that boy was seriously in need of a helping hand, and so Lucius admitted to himself, was he.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
End of chapter one.
(A/N) okay please review. Remus is obviously in pain right? I know I haven't exactly told you the reasons yet but they come in later chapters. I know this one was kind of short but the next one will be longer. So please review and keep the author happy!!