Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, places etc.
This is just a one off very short story. I am only writing this because I am bored. Ahem. And it IS Mary- Sue. I am not ashamed.
Mary Sue the Evil Pigeon Beheader
Mary Sue (look, she even has the name) was not a very popular person.
She was ugly, hairy, and a horrible person in general.
When she was bored she took her fencing sabre and went to the park to behead pigeons. People stayed away from her because she was unstable and had been known to mutilate people that annoyed her.
Mary Sue knew that everyone thought of her as a mentally unstable pigeon beheader with a big sharp stick, but didn't care because she was in love with a pirate.
She was in love with Captain Jack Sparrow.
Mary Sue idolised him. She spent many hours in her room with her hands in from of her attempting to copy that funny swaying movement Jack does that Orlando Bloom (oh no, I mean Will, don't I? Oopsie! ) copied.
She fell over a lot. Since she never remembered to put pillows behind her, Mary Sue had a bruised head. This did not make much of a difference to her image, as she looked deranged anyway.
As a part of idolising her pirate, Mary Sue had done her hair in the same way, as well as dressing just like him. She did not bathe very often either. In general, Mary Sue was not a very nice person to be around.
Anyway, Mary Sue was walking along the road one day, leaving her normal trail of dead wildlife behind her singing her happy killing song. This is how it went:
I murder and plunder, I torture and kill, Kill birds, me hearties, yo ho! I kidnap and ravage all birdies that hoot, Kill birds, me hearties, yo ho!
Yo, ho, yo, ho, killing wildlife's for me!
And so on. (You can carry on making up alternative words, but I have a short attention span so won't do it for you. Mwahahahah.)
Anyway, as this twisted individual continued her trail of destruction, she somehow magically passed through a gateway to ... (drum roll and magic flash that nobody but her notices) ... Captain Jack Sparrow's ship, the Black Pearl.
Now amazingly enough, Mary Sue had suddenly changed from an ugly, spotty, hairy and smelly girl to a gorgeous tanned blonde with a perfect body and huge ... assets.
Anyway, she wandered around until she realised she was on the Black Pearl. She automatically thought,
"Wow, I am incredibly a gorgeous person with huge ....assets, on a ship with my one true love! This must be one of those brilliant things on Fanfiction that some person has written. Jack Sparrow will instantly fall madly and deeply in love with me! Brilliant!"
Mary Sue, with an incredible amount of talent, found her way straight to the deck where the captain was.
"Hello, Captain Jack Sparrow, I'm Mary Sue. Can I stay on your ship for a bit?"
The Captain looked the girl up and down with amusement. He seemed about to speak, when that annoying girl he liked who was on the ship (You know, the one I can't remember the name of!) groaned and said.
"Another one? I am getting so sick of them. Its always, 'Ooh, look, a stowaway, but she's gorgeous. I won't kill her. She has to sleep in my room for some reason.' And then you make me disappear, and then fall in love with her. Can't you just shoot her this time? If that doesn't make those bloody writers stop, then we can carry on like we did before."
"Oh, OK" said Captain Jack Sparrow and shot Mary Sue.
THE END
There. Wasn't that fun? Reviews, flames, anything accepted! (Actually, a flame could be quite fun!) Come on, you know you want to!
This is just a one off very short story. I am only writing this because I am bored. Ahem. And it IS Mary- Sue. I am not ashamed.
Mary Sue the Evil Pigeon Beheader
Mary Sue (look, she even has the name) was not a very popular person.
She was ugly, hairy, and a horrible person in general.
When she was bored she took her fencing sabre and went to the park to behead pigeons. People stayed away from her because she was unstable and had been known to mutilate people that annoyed her.
Mary Sue knew that everyone thought of her as a mentally unstable pigeon beheader with a big sharp stick, but didn't care because she was in love with a pirate.
She was in love with Captain Jack Sparrow.
Mary Sue idolised him. She spent many hours in her room with her hands in from of her attempting to copy that funny swaying movement Jack does that Orlando Bloom (oh no, I mean Will, don't I? Oopsie! ) copied.
She fell over a lot. Since she never remembered to put pillows behind her, Mary Sue had a bruised head. This did not make much of a difference to her image, as she looked deranged anyway.
As a part of idolising her pirate, Mary Sue had done her hair in the same way, as well as dressing just like him. She did not bathe very often either. In general, Mary Sue was not a very nice person to be around.
Anyway, Mary Sue was walking along the road one day, leaving her normal trail of dead wildlife behind her singing her happy killing song. This is how it went:
I murder and plunder, I torture and kill, Kill birds, me hearties, yo ho! I kidnap and ravage all birdies that hoot, Kill birds, me hearties, yo ho!
Yo, ho, yo, ho, killing wildlife's for me!
And so on. (You can carry on making up alternative words, but I have a short attention span so won't do it for you. Mwahahahah.)
Anyway, as this twisted individual continued her trail of destruction, she somehow magically passed through a gateway to ... (drum roll and magic flash that nobody but her notices) ... Captain Jack Sparrow's ship, the Black Pearl.
Now amazingly enough, Mary Sue had suddenly changed from an ugly, spotty, hairy and smelly girl to a gorgeous tanned blonde with a perfect body and huge ... assets.
Anyway, she wandered around until she realised she was on the Black Pearl. She automatically thought,
"Wow, I am incredibly a gorgeous person with huge ....assets, on a ship with my one true love! This must be one of those brilliant things on Fanfiction that some person has written. Jack Sparrow will instantly fall madly and deeply in love with me! Brilliant!"
Mary Sue, with an incredible amount of talent, found her way straight to the deck where the captain was.
"Hello, Captain Jack Sparrow, I'm Mary Sue. Can I stay on your ship for a bit?"
The Captain looked the girl up and down with amusement. He seemed about to speak, when that annoying girl he liked who was on the ship (You know, the one I can't remember the name of!) groaned and said.
"Another one? I am getting so sick of them. Its always, 'Ooh, look, a stowaway, but she's gorgeous. I won't kill her. She has to sleep in my room for some reason.' And then you make me disappear, and then fall in love with her. Can't you just shoot her this time? If that doesn't make those bloody writers stop, then we can carry on like we did before."
"Oh, OK" said Captain Jack Sparrow and shot Mary Sue.
THE END
There. Wasn't that fun? Reviews, flames, anything accepted! (Actually, a flame could be quite fun!) Come on, you know you want to!