"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

Chapter 4: For something completely different

This is Tenten here, reporting to say that the plan to spread rumors about the beloved Sasuke has now been in effect for three full days. In this time period, each girl was assigned to tell each of her own teammates about the "news" she had received. I reported to my own team of the rumors I had heard about Sasuke and his definite involvement with our social leper, Naruto. Neji, as usual, seemed like...he didn't care at all. He told me that ninjas shouldn't belittle themselves with gossip, then didn't say another word the rest of the day. I think that's his way of saying –

-This is Yamanaka Ino reporting to say that Tenten should hurry the hell up with her explanation!

All right, I'm going. Rock Lee and Gai both cried tears of…something that Naruto and Sasuke had given in to Youthful Powers of Love and found Happiness and Joy. That's all for my report.

This is Yamanaka Ino, reporting again with a quick update on what happened when I reported this dastardly news to the world. Shikamaru snorted and asked how the hell I knew that and Chouji responded by continuing to eat his food. That is all.

This is Hyuuga Hinata, reporting that Kiba-kun said that Naruto and Sasuke were "Weird," but that he also "Almost saw it coming." And Shino-san said nothing…I don't even know if he heard me.

Sakura read over the reports and shook her head. "Does no one but us even care that Konohagakure's most eligible and handsome bachelor, with a fan club that unites beautiful ninja (male and female alike) from every village in existence might possible be GAY?"

Ino shrugged, "Actually, the Male Chapter of SLA had quite a celebration over the rumor. And besides – he's too good looking to be gay. He OWES himself to the female race. To me, specifically."

Sakura shot Ino a dangerous look – words like that weren't supposed to be uttered at an SLA meeting. Sasuke belonged to all of them here.

Tenten saw the danger and interrupted, "Sakura's right though – Sasuke Lovers Anonymous unites more shinobi than even the chuunin exam. Almost every village has at least one member. Not to mention the outlaw ninjas that have joined."

"Well, aside from the outlaw ninja…whom the Hokage probably wouldn't like helping us out too much, we have an excellent army prepared," Ino said, getting excitied now, "I mean, if we ralied that whole army…"

"But why would we need to?" Hinata interjected softly, "I mean, we know Sasuke-kun's not…that way…"

"Yeah, its just Sasuke that doesn't know that!" piped up Tenten. All the girls turned and stared at her for a moment. "Um…I mean….its Sasuke watching time!"

"SASUKE WATCHING TIME!" squealed Ino and Sakura together. Their differences and serious talk forgotten, the girls raced out the door to find their object of misguided affection. Tenten and Hinata followed behind, though with less enthusiasm.

"Tenten, do you really think Sasuke is…"

"Gay? Yeah, I really do. I've been watching him for years…the kid irons his clothes, underwear included, everyday. He uses more product in his hair than I do and not too mention, with us girls chasing him left and right, I'm pretty sure we've traumatized him off the female race for good."

"Then…why are you still a member?"

"Oh easy! I want to be the first to know who little Sasuke gets his first big-boy crush on. I even started the betting pool on it. You want in?"

Hinata shook her head quickly, her face turning a bright red. She couldn't believe Tenten wasn't really obsessed with Sasuke afterall – she was just here to see him hook up with another guy!

But you're just here for the Naruto watching…whispered a voice in the back of her head.

"Now, I personally made a bet that Sasuke and Neji would get together, but now that he and Naruto have gotten so close…"

"Neji!" Hinata was startled out of her secluded thinking, "N-Neji-san would…he would never…."

"Oh my gosh, I forgot he was your cousin! I'm sorry Hinata!"

Hinata's head was really spinning now. She knew of older ninjas who were…like that, and she knew it was a perfectly acceptable way to live your life. She gave them the same polite nod she gave everyone else in the village. And if Sasuke-kun chose to be that way, well, its not like they were friends anyway. Their relationship wouldn't change at all. And if Naruto….well, that would be a disappointment, but Hinata knew she would still be friends with him.

But Hinata didn't know how she would react if Neji-san….

"Will you two hurry up!" Sakura called from up ahead, "We spotted him!"

Tenten and Hinata hurried up and caught up with the rest of the group. A group of guys, Sasuke included, had gathered in one of the training areas. Ino was closer, listening in, but where she stood, Hinata could not hear what they were saying. But Naruto was speaking, so she was keen to find out. She moved closer.

"This meeting of Girls Suck Anonymous, or, the GSA, will commence immediantly! We are here to welcome our newest member to the crew…Uchiha Sasuke!"

The crowd didn't applaud. They were too cool for that.

"Hey, Ino, are you getting any of this?" Sakura asked.

"Only a bit…I need to get closer. Its some sort of club, I gather…a GSA he said. And Sasuke is the newest member. Hey, what do you think GSA stands for?"

"Garden Stone Appreciators?" Sakura guessed.

"Girls Suck Anonymous?" was Hinata's guess.

"Gay-Straight Alliance." Tenten said confidently, "And look at the crew down there…its pretty obvious I'm right."

The girls turned to watch the scene below.

"Hey guys, come on! Give Sasuke a better welcome than that!" Naruto called to the group, throwing his arm around Sasuke.

("Oh my God, Tenten is right!" Sakura whispered loudly.)

The crowd was still too cool to applaud for anything Naruto said.

"All right then, roll call!" Naruto said, undaunted, "Aburame, SHINO!" He yelled dramatically.

Shino stared at him. Naruto could see he was sitting there, just fine.

"Aburame, SHINO!" he called again, still staring at Shino, waiting for him to say "here". Shino stared at him.

"Ok, Shino must be absent!" Naruto yelled, dramatically marking the roll sheet. "We'll move on…Akimichi, CHOUJI!"

"Here!" Chouji called, spraying the back of Neji's head with chips as he yelled. The older teen, digested, moved over one seat, wiping the back of his beloved hair.

"NARA, SHIKAMARU!"

"You can see me sitting here. You don't have to yell my name," Shikamaru pointed out.

"NARA, SHIKAMARU!"

"….Here."

("Oh great, both my teammates. Well, hopefully, Chouji's just here because he goes everywhere with Shikamaru," muttered Ino.)

"Hyuuga, NEJI!"

"Hn."

("Oh no…" said Hinata softly. "All right!" whispered Tenten, excitedly. She had a bet with Lee about Neji on this.)

"I'll take that as a here! Now…UCHIHA, SASUKE, who HATES WOMAN!"

"Here, dobe."

"ALL RIG – HEY!" Naruto glared at Sasuke for a moment, then turned back to what he was doing. "UZUMAKI NARUTO!" He paused for dramatic effect, "HERE!"

"NOW THE MEETING OF THE GSA CAN BEGIN!"

But unfortunelty for the girls, Naruto stopped speaking at this point and the others, minus Shino, began to talk. Without Naruto's loud shouting, (who was really the only one they could hear from that distance), the girls had no idea what was going on in that meeting, without moving dangerously close.

"We need a new plan," Ino hissed, "We need to get into those meetings!"

"Well, let's look at who didn't show up…" Sakura said logically.

"…Kiba and Rock Lee." Tenten said.

"Our choice in life partners has been narrowed down to Kiba and Lee?" Ino griped, "Oh man, I'd rather spend my life with Shikamaru, than settle for one of them!"

"Looks like Shikamaru not an option…" Sakura said, looking down at the group.

"We could ask a teacher to go," Ino said, a little unsure, "Iruka-sensei might fit in, he seems the type, no offense."

"We can't ask a teacher!" Sakura said, "It has to be one of us. Not me though…What boy has pink hair?"

"Not me either…Neji-san will recognize me," Hinata added logically.

"It ought to be Tenten," Ino said, "I have two teammates down there who could recognize me, and she only has one. Plus, its just Neji and he doesn't acknowledge your existence anyway."

"I don't mind," said Tenten honestly. It would give her a chance to speed along her betting pool.

"So its decided then!" Sakura said.

This is Tenten, reporting our plans. I, in a clever disguise, will infiltrate their group and try and figure out from the inside out what's going on, and try and convince Sasuke not to be gay. This will be my toughest mission yet, but we're in a code red here and someone has to get us out of it! This is Tenten, from SLA, signing off.

Author's Note: Um…better late than never?