Author: Me Brittany

Title: If You Could Have One Thing

Rating: R obviously

Disclaimer: I own the world! Muwhahahahaha! No I don't own anything but the ideas.

Spoilers: OotP

This is my first ever fanfiction, ever. So please be nice but try and help me a bit with the reviews. Also I might not be that fast with updating since I'm also writing a SS/HP and a SS/OC right now but I will try my hardest. Thank You!

I don't think I have ever been so depressed or sad in my life. Just a few days ago I lost the only person I could ever say was family. The scene just kept replaying over and over again in my head. The shocked look on his beautiful face. The way he feel behind that horrid curtain.

"Harry are you alright?" My best friend Ron asked. We were packing our clothes getting ready to leave Hogwarts for the summer. I just nodded. We both knew I was miserable. I was although going to stay at his house just until I was stable again. What know one knew though was that I would never be stable again, not without him.

"Come on mate, lets go." Ron said and placed his hand on my shoulder. I once again just nodded. We dragged our trunks down into the common room. Hermione was sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace. I knew her and Ron were sad too, but me and Sirius had something special. He was someone I could go to, talk to. Hermione stood up and walked over to me. She dropped into my arms and for the first time since I had last seen Sirius I cried, we cried.

"Harry I can't believe he's gone." She sobbed. I looked up at Ron and he was silently crying. I handed Hermione over to him, knowing it would be better if they had each other. I would have normally gone to Sirius for comfort and that thought brought more tears.

"We should probably get going." Ron said and I nodded again. I hadn't talked to anyone since I had gotten back to the school. '

All the way home on the train I was silent, as usual. Hermione would let a few tears slip and Ron stared off into space, holding her hand. I wish I had someone to hold my hand and comfort me but that someone was dead, and he wasn't coming back. I need to face the sad truth.

After awhile the train came to a halt. I got out and followed Ron out. We walked through the barrier and Ron's parents were standing there. Mrs. Weasley suddenly burst into tears and ran towards me.

"Harry...Oh Harry...you poor poor thing. Oh and I was always so mean to him." She sobbed all over me. Finally Mr. Weasley came to my rescue.

"Dear let the poor boy breath." He smiled at me sadly. I saw no reason for him to be smiling. What was there to smile about? Ron and Hermione were saying good-bye, kissing and whispering things to each other. I turned around jealous already. He finally decided that it was time to go. He blew a kiss to Hermione and we were off. When we got there everyone was quiet. Ginny walked up to her room as did me and Ron to his.

"Harry, are you sure your alright? You didn't even say goodbye to Hermione, and you aren't talking to anyone. If there's anyone you can talk to it's me." But he was so wrong. I finally gathered up the courage to say my first words since those days of Sirius's fate.

"No, I can't talk to you Ron. The one person I could talk to his dead, gone. Isn't coming back." I said my voice cracked from the days of not using it. He looked at me bewildered.

"I'll just leave you then." He said a little offended.

"No, I'm sorry Ron. You understand right. I just...I miss him so much." I said and tears streamed down my face. He walked over to me.

"I know Harry, I know. We all do. Sirius was... he didn't deserve that. I know that you really did love him, but Harry...he's gone. I wish I didn't have to say that but he's gone." Ron said slowly. I didn't want to believe him but I knew it was true. I wanted to believe that any minute he would burst through the Weasley's door smiling as if nothing happened, and he would walk over to me and give me a hug and say that nothing was going to happen and that everything was going to be alright.

"Ron, I just I miss him so much. I don't know if I'll be able to live without him." I said through my tears. "I never even told him how much I love him." I said and completely broke down. Ron then all of a sudden got up and walked out.

"I'm going to leave you be Harry." He said sadly and shut the door. I sat there and stared at the door for a while then decided to try and sleep, even thought I knew that would be impossible. I hadn't sleep since...since that day. I lay down fully clothed and shut my eyes. Memories came flooding back.

I remembered when I first met Sirius. Skinny, underfed, all around awful looking. I remember how I almost killed the closest person to me because of what other people said. I was so excited when he asked me to leave the Dursley's to come and live with him, until Peter broke loose again, how I had to save his weak form from the dreaded dementors. I remember all the advice he gave me for the Triwizard tournament. I remember seeing him again at the Order of the Phoenix headquarters, looking so much better and healthier, happier. And the dream I had of Voldemort threatening to kill him, but Sirius wouldn't because of me. And the curse his cousin put on him as he fell to his death. He was always there for me.

"Sirius I just wish you were here." I couldn't stay here where all of these people could never amount to the love of Sirius. I slowly grabbed a small bag and shoved a few articles of clothing into it. I put some jeans a black t-shirt and a long billowing black cloak. I put my wand into my pocket, put the bag on my shoulders and walked out of the door. The Weasley's were all sitting with there back facing the door so it made my leaving much easier. I opened the door and shut it with a small click. I decided to go to the Order of the Phoenix headquarters, or in other words Sirius's home. After some time I made it. I walked up and the house appeared. I drug my feet up to the front door and slowly opened it. Remus Lupin was sitting on one of the sofas.

"Harry! What are you doing here?!" He shouted and jumped up from the couch and ran over to me. His eyes were red and puffy, he did just lose his best friend, but that was all they were, me and Sirius were much more.

"I..I couldn't stay in a house were there was so much love." I whispered. He nodded and suddenly grabbed me.

"I know Harry. He was important to all of us."

"He didn't deserve to go, he wasn't done here, he left me!" I shouted and feel onto the floor."He left me!" Remus wrapped his arms around me and tried anyway he could to comfort me.

"It wasn't his plan, I'm sure he didn't want to leave you here."

"I know. I just need to go for a little bit." He smiled weakly at me and nodded. I slowly walked up the stairs and turned to go into the guest through and kept walking. I walked into Sirius's old bedroom. I climbed into the bed and inhaled the scent of the pillow. It smelled exactly like him. I pulled my glasses off and slowly drifted off the sleep for the first time since that night. I was woken up by someone shaking me lightly.

"Harry...Harry please wake up. It's me, I'm back." I knew that voice better then my own. I shot up and looked around, but everything was blurry. I swung my arms around and felt him, his soft skin.

"Sirius? Oh god Sirius." I pulled him towards me, tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm just a little late." He gently placed my glasses on after a while. I looked at him and smiled.

"I..I thought you were dead." He laughed roughly.

"So did I. I just woke up. I don't know how I'm alive, all I know is that I am. I don't care how I was saved." I looked up into his twinkling dark brown eyes.

"I'm glad your here Sirius. I finally have someone to go to, to talk to, to lo..." I stopped in the middle of my love word. I blushed a deep red. Sirius didn't know how I felt about him, how I really felt about him. I twisted around. "I'm sorry." I whispered and walked into the bathroom. I sobbed and sobbed. He'd think I was gross. He was my fucking godfather, twice my age. He could be my father and I wanted to be his lover.

"Harry you better open this fucking door. This is my house and you better listen to me." He growled and pounded on the door.

"Don't you think I'm gross." I sobbed and hiccupped at the same time.

"Harry...just come out. It's okay. We can talk this over."

"But I don't want to talk about it."

"If you can't talk to me about it who are you going to talk to." That made me shut up. I slowly got off of the toilet seat, I walked over to the door and opened it up. Sirius was leaning up against the door jam. I looked up at him my eyes were glittering with tears. And to my surprise so were his. I leaned up against him and breathed in.

"I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore." I whispered into his shirt. His hand went to the back of my head and slowly rubbed the back of my head.

"Harry, please don't talk like that. Just, I need to think about this." I nodded. He walked me over to the bed and sat me down. I got under the covers and laid my head down into the pillow. He pulled my glasses off.

"I'm glad your not dead, Sirius." He smiled down at me.

"I know Harry, I know." That was the last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep.

Sirius P.O.V.

I sat there and watched his beautiful form slowly move up and down, from his breathing pattern. He was so small and innocent, but at the same time he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, gently so he wouldn't wake up. I slowly got up and walked all the way downstairs, Remus was still there.

"How's he doing." He asked softly. He had explained to me how Harry was when he had first arrived.

"Much better." I lied. I needed to think about what Harry had said to me. I had loved him since I had first laid eyes on him. He looked just like my best friend, except for those eyes. Those were his gorgeous mother's eyes. A perfect combination. But I was supposed to be a fatherly figure to him, not a lover.

"That's good." Remus said and broke my trance. I nodded and smiled up at him.

"I think I'll be going now. I know it's a little soon, but don't worry. I think you and Harry have a lot of catching up to do." He said and winked at me.

"That we do." I smiled and we embraced. He walked out the door to leave me to deal with these weird emotions. I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I didn't know what to do. My heart was bursting with love, but my mind told me it was wrong. But how could it be wrong if he felt the same way? I needed to tell him how I felt about him. I'll take him out then when we get home I'll tell him. It will be perfect. After a while in my trance I heard a small voice from behind me.

"Sirius." I heard Harry whisper. At his voice I stood up and spun around to see his glowing green eyes, and his ruffled black hair. He smiled childishly up at me.

"How'd you sleep Harry?" I asked softly and walked up to him.

"Fine, good as I could. Is Remus still here?"

"No, you just missed him, but don't worry he'll be back."

"That's good." He giggled, then turned red. I laughed at him and looked up at me confused. Talk about weird.

"Harry I was..um wondering if maybe you wanted to instead of eating here tonight if you wanted to go out somewhere tonight. I understand if you don't want to, I mean you've got a lot to deal with at the moment." He looked up at me, his eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"Yea, I'd like that a lot."

"That's good." I whispered. We just stood there staring at each other.

"Well I better go get ready then." He said and turned around and walked upstairs.

"That went smooth, hey Sirius." I jumped and spun around. Severus Snape was leaning against the now open front door. We had surprisingly became very close friends. I grinned at him. I hadn't seem him since I had...fallen.

"Severus!" I said and walked up to him. We embraced.

"Seems as if you have yet again gotten away from deaths hands."

"Surprisingly." I said and he laughed.

"So you have a hot date. And when I say hot I mean hot." He smirked at me. I shoved him.

"Don't you even hit on my god-child..."

"...and boyfriend." I tried to hide my grin but nothing got past him.

"He is not my boyfriend. We just haven't seen each other and I thought it would be nice to bring him out."

"Still doesn't mean he isn't hot."

"Hey he's mine keep your slimy hands off of him."

"Hmm Harry Potter and the infamous Sirius Black. Never would have seen it coming."

"What about Harry Potter." I heard an angelic voice from the stairway. I turned around and my breath got caught in my throat. He had a pair of midnight black pants on and a dark hunter green turtleneck on with a cloak a color to match his pants that went past his feet. I could tell he had attempted to tame his hair but it was still as messy as ever.

"Erm..you look great." I said breathlessly and he blushed.

"Hello Harry. You look better since the last time I saw you." Severus said. He had been talking with Harry for a while and after that...night Severus watched over him.

"Hm so do you Severus." He said and quickly embraced him.

"So I heard you and Sirius are having a big night tonight."

"Haha. If that's how you want to put it, sure." He laughed and glanced at me. I smiled at him.

"Well I guess I better go get ready then."

Severus P.O.V.

I watched as Sirius walked up the stairs. I looked at Harry again.

"You really love him don't you?" I asked him. Me and Harry had gotten pretty close.

"You can tell that much?" He asked me. He still acted like he did when I saw him when he was 11.

"If it's not love I don't know what it is."

"Yea I do. But when I kind of let it slip he looked a little I don't know scared, confused, angry. I don't want to do anything that will ruin me and his relationship." My heart broke for this small boy.

"Don't worry. I don't think Sirius could ever ruin what you guys have, even if he tried." Harry tried to laugh, but he wasn't very successful. He was scared, and believe me I could tell if someone was scared.

"I know, doesn't mean he couldn't try." I frowned at him.

"Stop worrying Harry. Everything will be fine. Believe me I've known him for years. He never walks away from anything."

"Thanks Severus." He smiled at me.

"You guys better have fun tonight. Don't worry I've got a little something for you guys after." I said and winked at him.

"Well when you two are done chatting I'd like to leave." I saw Sirius coming down. He didn't look half that bad. He had an outfit on just like that only instead of a green shirt it was royal blue. His hair was down and ruffled.

Harry P.O.V.

Sirius looked amazing. He walked up and hugged Severus and whispered something to him.

"As I said before you two have fun." He smiled and briskly walked out the door. Sirius turned and looked at me straight in the eyes.

"Hi Harry." He whispered.

"You look great." I said. He smiled at me.

"Well thank you. And as I said before, you look stunning." I blushed.

"Thanks." I murmured.

"You ready to go?" He asked.

"Well of course." I answered formally and we both laughed.

"Let's just walk. It's right down the street from here. But you might want to get a scarf, it's pretty chilly."

"Okay that sounds good." I grabbed a black scarf, as did Sirius and we were off.

"You and Severus seemed pretty close."

"We are." I answered. Our arms were swinging at the same time and our hands brushed against each other. I looked up at Sirius and his eyes were twinkling. I grinned back up at him. I grabbed his hand and we intertwined fingers, and he didn't even pull away. I walked up closer to him, and he didn't walk away. I was hoping that was a good sign. But I wanted to be closer. I pretended to shiver, even though I was perfectly fine.

"Harry are you okay? Are you sick?" He asked a little frantic.

"No I'm just a little cold that's all." I answered, I was an awful liar and that was one of my secrets Sirius knew.

"Mhm." He answered with a little playfulness. He pulled his hand away and replaced over mine shoulder. I snuggled up against him and wrapped my other arms around his waist.

"This is better." I whispered.

"That's good." After a while of walking we made it to the little pub we were going to eat at. Nothing fancy. We walked inside and it was dark and smoky. Me and Sirius walked to the very back of the pub into a small booth.

"I know it's not much, but I don't think it would be a good idea if I was out in the open as much right now."

"Yea your probably right." I answered. I liked this better anyway. We both ordered water, we didn't want to get carried away.

"Harry, your 15 right?"

"Yep, but almost 16." I added just like a 5 year old about to turn 6. We both laughed. From under the table he inched his hand forward and slowly grabbed my hand. He looked up at me as if to ask if it was okay. I smiled at him to say it was fine. We ate in silence, but every so often we glanced at each other and smiled. After a while of comfortable silence we decided to go home. Sirius looked quite nervous about something and kept looking at his watch.

"Hey you okay?" I asked him. We were walking back home and our fingers were intertwined.

"Hm? Oh yeah just want to make sure its not past your bedtime." He joked and I pushed him softly.

"How would you know MY bedtime?" I asked him jokingly.

"Because I'm your guardian and that means I get to decide your bedtime."

"Hm is that so?" I asked him in the cutest voice I could muster.

"Yes it is so." He said and laughed and nudged me slightly. "Harry can I tell you something?" I glanced up at him and he looked terrified about something.

"Are you sure your okay Sirius?" I asked a little panicked.

"Yes I'm fine Harry. Do you remember how I said I would have to think about what you said before?" He asked me, staring down at the ground.

"Of course." I answered and looked at him. He lifted his head up and stared down at me. Before I knew what was happening he was leaning down and I was leaning up until our lips met. I shut my eyes and scooted closer to Sirius. He reached his hand down and cupped my cheek. I wrapped my arms around his next and pressed my lips against his in a bruising kiss. The need for air overcame us and we separated. He looked down at me and his eyes shimmered. I looked back up at him and smiled shyly.

"Wow." He said breathlessly. I nodded and leaned in again. I couldn't keep my lips off of his. He pulled away and laughed. "I think we better get going." He said and I nodded dumbly. We started walking and I got as close to him as I could and wrapped my arms around his waist. We kept walking and finally made it to the Black's secret house. There was a dim glow coming from the windows.

"I guess Severus is gone." I muttered to myself.

"He better be." Sirius growled under his breath.

"And why is that Mr. Black?" I asked sweetly and batted my eyelashes at him.

"Because your just so damn cute and I want you for myself." He growled. I

shivered and Got on my tiptoes to kiss him. Our lips meet in a breathtaking kiss right outside the hidden house. We both broke apart breathing deeply. I smiled up at him and a light pink rose to my cheeks.

"Maybe we should-"I broke off panting.

"-go inside." Sirius finished off for me. I smiled at him and let him lead the way. He opened the door for me and my breath caught in my throat.

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Next Chapter: Harry and Sirius get a little closer, but they are not quite there yet. Also Harry meets up with Ron and Hermione and there are some confrontations

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