Eight Ways of
Torture
Chapter 2!!
THE HORROR!!
(After confronting Sephiroth at the Forgotten Capital, Cloud and his friends go to Ghost Hotel in Gold Saucer)
Barret: Why the hell did we meet up here?! The only person that likes it here is Vincent!! (Vincent aims his gun at Barret's head, Barret nervously inched away) And why is Aeris' skinny ass self here?! (Aeris starts to poke the hanged man at the desk)
Cloud: Guys listen, no complaining!! (everyone assembles ) So far, we know Sephiroth is heading to the Promised Land, but he doesn't have the Black Materia... Does anyone where the Promised Land is?
Aeris: OH!! I know! I know! I know! I- (Vincent pulls out his gun) Ok, I'll be quiet now..
Cloud: Ok.... so the plan is we'll meet in Icicle Inn, maybe they will know about the Promised Land.... (Cloud continues on and on, until the party falls asleep)
Cloud : So that's the plan!!! (spots everyone asleep) Damn it all!!
(Cloud starts his revenge..... bwhahahaha!!!!
1. He takes Yuffie's shuriken and hides it in the kitchen drawer.
2. He takes a cup of water and sticks Aeris' hand in it.
3. Cautiously with salad tongs, Cloud places a pink teddy bear and places next to Vincent.
4. He takes a sharpie and writes on Barret's gun-arm.
5. With a sewing kit, Cloud sews a heart on Cait Sith
6. Taking Aeris' ribbons, Cloud ties the bows in Red's head and puts curlers in his hair
7. With Aeris' make-up, Cloud gives Cid a make over and writes "Floozy" on his forehead with lipstick.
8. And last but not least, Cloud takes Tifa's favorite bra and stuffs it in the freezer.
Cloud : That should do it!!
The next day, Cloud waits in the kitchen for his party to wake up
Cloud : A B C D E F G, gummy bears are chasing me. One is red, one is blue, one is stuck inside my shoe. A B C D E F G-
(Tifa walks into the kitchen) Goddamn!! (startled) Good morning Tifa...
Tifa : Hey Cloud!! I see you're practicing your ABC's again! (She walks up to the freezer and slightly opens the door) I'm in the mood for pancakes- (she discovers her bra) WHAT IS MY BRA (she slams the door) Doing in the freezer!!
Cloud : I don't know!!!!
Tifa : Don't make excuses, and how did you know this is my favorite bra!!?
Cloud: (blushes) Well, I bet you wouldn't have mind if Sephiroth took your bra, you'd be just fine with that!!!
Tifa: (blushes) Don't bring him into the picture!!
Cloud: See! You're blushing!! (Vincent walks in, tearing the teddy in two) Besides, it was Vincent!!
Vincent: Pink and cuddly are evil combinations.. (throws the shred to the ground)
Tifa: I can trust Vincent!! (Everyone wakes up, furious at Cloud)
Yuffie: WHERE IS MY SHURIKEN!!!!? (Cloud points to the kitchen drawer, she fumbled through and took it) Don't you dare steal my shuriken AGAIN!! (Her shuriken point was one inch away from Cloud's face)
Cait Sith : He tried to make me look cute!! (points at the sew on heart)
Red: You think that's bad (shows everyone his make over) I have bows on my ears!! (He shakes off the curlers and bows off him)
Barret: Look at whut that bastard wrote on my gun-arm!! (They all read, "You damn loser, you don't even have enough fscking balls to go back to your home town!!") I'll go Metal Gear Solid on his white ass!!
Aeris: I don't know what happened but I'm soaked!! (She was drenched in water)
Cloud: I only used a cup of water! What did you do?! (Aeris had a blank face)
Aeris: I don't remember.... (Suddenly, they heard Cid scream, they all hurry to the bathroom)
Barret: What the hell's wrong?! You didn't think Psycho was coming for you again, did you?!
Cid: No (He had his face covered) I'm starting to mutate, just like from "The Fly"!!
Vincent: Quit complaining, I'm worse.
Tifa: Mutating? That's a new one... And you know "The Fly" goes under the category of "Sci fi" not "horror"
Cid: Really?! Damn, then I've only seen 23 scary movies this week (Cid removed his hands and showed everyone his face)
All: Floozy.. (reading his forehead)
Cid: And I am not!!
Aeris: We should choose someone else to be the main character other than Cloud!! (Cloud flicks her off)
Tifa: The plot would be messed up!!
Red: That's a risk we'll hafta take!! (Cloud sighs) I call a meeting!
Everyone nodded and sat around the kitchen table, Cloud sitting at the far end of the table
Barret: Cloud, the spiky headed bastard, is guilty of torturing your companions...
Cloud: Oh my god... this is stupid. (Aeris giggles and Vincent, who sat beside her, glared in disgust)
Barret: We sentence you not to be the main character anymore! (Everyone gasped)
Cloud: So? (He got up from his chair and left. Vincent, who found the head of the stuffed bear he ripped, threw the head at Cloud) Very funny...
Red: So Cloud has been voted off the tribe... ("Survivor" music in the background)
Cid: "Survivor"... what a good movie!! (sniff)
All: "Survivor" is a TV show!!!!!!
Cid: Then why is it sooooo long?! Answer that students!!!!
(Vincent throws the teddy bear arm at him)
Cait Sith: Any body wanna be the main character?! (everyone remains silent)
Cid: (heroic music in the background) (He takes a deep, but confident breath) I'll be the main character.
Barret- Sit down!! You are disqualified, you have no damn talent at all you fool!! (Cait Sith coughs "Black Simon", Barret threatens to shoot him) Any more? (Aeris jumps up)
Aeris: I wanna be the main character! I wanna ! I wanna! I wanna! I- (Vincent takes out his gun, places it towards her head, and pulls the trigger)
Vincent: Ok, another one disqualified, any other volunteers? (Everyone shakes there heads)
Tifa: Maybe Vincent can be that main character, I know I can't...
Vincent: Being the leader also isn't my style.. (Tifa goes down the row)
Red: I need anger management... sometimes.. (Cait Sith moves away from Red)
Tifa: Barret?
Cait Sith: No way!! He's a gangster!!!
Barret: Dammit! I'm the leader of the terrorist group against Shinra!!! (points to Cait Sith) But he works for Shinra!! Hell, we can't trust him!!
Tifa: Shut up!! (she turns to Yuffie) Yuffie?
Yuffie: Being the main character will endanger my shuriken 46 more!!
Tifa: So that's a no? (Yuffie grasps her shuriken)
Barret: What the hell!! Just make Cloud the main character again!! (Everyone agrees) Cloud! Get your spiky headed white ass down here!!
Cloud: Dammit! (He walks down stairs) I was watching the Family Guy Special!!!
Cid: You're the main character again!! But no more screw ups! One more time and we'll beat you and call protest against SquareSoft!!
All: Who the hell are they?
Cid: They created this damn game!! (walks up to the screen) You hear that?! You suck SquareSoft!!!
AT SQUARESOFT INC.
Dude 1: Oh great, this is new.. (watches FF7 characters protest)
Dude 2: Why the hell are game character protesting?
Dude 1: Life these days are just screwed.. (He turns on the new and "Jackson: A Child Molester?" flashes on the screen)
Dude 2: Life is screwed.. It's too late for us.. (He takes the remote and turns it to Family Guy) Hey look! The Family Guy Special!!
Both: Life is good!!!
BACK IN THE GAME
Red: I don't think they can hear us.....
Cid: But they can always hear us.......( Everyone stares) Soooo, who wants to watch Family Guy? (Aeris comes back to life)
Aeris: Family Guy, where?!
Vincent: Target practice (He pulls out his gun and shoots her in the stomach)
Yuffie: Ten points!!! (Cid turns on the TV and the new on Michael Jackson came on)
Cid: AHHH!!! (Cid jumps away from the TV) The HORROR!!! (A picture of Jackson flashed on the screen)
Cloud: It's ok Cid! Michael Jackson will never come for you!!
Cid: That's what they all say.....before it's too late!!
Tifa: That's it!! No more "Nightmare on Elm Street" for you!
Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Will Cloud and friends found the Promised Land? How does Cloud know about Tifa's favorite bra, and will Sephiroth find out too?! And is Michael Jackson Cid's new fear!??!)
Cid: Real life is sooo scary..... (Beetle Position)
THE END..FOR NOW
What a weird episode, I was watching Family Guy while writing this....hehehe...
Michael Jackson is gonna be the next Freddy Krueger!!!!! I warn you all!!!!!!
NEXT EPISODE: "So, You've been to Hell and back, SHUT UP AND JOIN THE LINE!!!" This episode is when Cid drives everyone and the Highwind, (God, "Black Hawk Down" all over again...)