by Komillia ([email protected])
A/N: Thanks go to Sarah Mclachlan's song Stupid, which inspired me to write this and another work in progress. Read and let me know what you think since I'm working on other unsent letters from other HP characters.
October 5th, 1995
Dear Percy,
Do you ever lay all alone in your bed at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering why things turned out so differently from what you had imagined? Cold in a warm bed and sighs instead of contented smiles. Does the feeling of power keep you company at night or love you during the day? It is what you have sacrificed it all for. Family, friends... even me.
I do not know why I am writing a letter I will never send, a letter that you will never receive or keep with your in your pocket. There are a million things that I would like to say to you, yet I am limited to paper sheets and ink.
I miss you. It is the most important thing that I have to say. I miss you terribly. I miss sending owls back and forth with our letters, exhausting them until they grew angry and protested. I miss that lazy and hot summer, that day when you came over to meet my parents and that walk we took in the evening. I do not think I ever told you how much that walk meant to me. We spoke of the future, watched the stars and spoke of the promising future. You spoke of a job at the ministry, I spoke of one at St Mungo's as a healer. It never occurred to me that perhaps we should have thought and spoken of a future together. I always assumed that it... we were going to last. I assumed that love was enough.
Perhaps you never felt that love was as important as I felt that it was. Perhaps the will to prove yourself had always been the most important thing to you. You never said it out loud but I knew. The desire to rise above the average person, to prove those who laughed at your because you were a Weasley wrong. I write, "were a Weasley" because in your heart you no longer are one and it is only a surname to you. It was neither your family nor I who came to this conclusion. It was you and you alone. Not only did you desire to rise above the average person, but to rise above your family as well. Where did the love for them go? Was it so easy to cast away such strong bonds? Or did anger and desire fuel you with the power to do so? Then... was it the same thing that caused you to leave me?
I still cannot fully understand why. Was I in the way of your plans and ambitions… a mere distraction? Have all those years we have spent together meant so little to you? They must have for you to so easily move on while I remained standing, crying and mourning. You left me behind and with a false smile I told you that it was "Okay". But it was never okay and it never will be.
Sometimes it is such a burden. To smile, be friendly and nice in front of others. To listen to others' pains and problems. Then... coming home to an empty flat, sitting by the window and watching the stars alone, waking up in the middle of the night and knowing that there is no one next to me. No one to kiss, to hug and to be with. Do you ever feel like that? I do not know why I keep going on. I do not know why I keep pretending in front of others. I cannot even figure out why I hold on to memories of our happier days, why I still hope that this is not the end for us.
I know I am a fool. A fool for crying, pretending, longing and not wanting to let go of you. Even a slightly lesser fool could see that you are no good to me. But a fool I remain because deep inside I still hope that you will come around… that you will see all those important and precious things that you have turned your back on. Perhaps then you will embrace and treasure those things again. Until then, I will be right here waiting for you.
Forever yours,
Penny