Chapter 8: Ha ha, Hooker
*Yugi and Ryou are locked in an intense arguement over "I can't believe it's not butter!" when Malik comes screaming into the room*
Yugi & Ryou: *look at each other*
Ryou: Hey there, Malik? Er...buddy? Seems you're a little upset there...
Malik: *sniffles and nods while biting the head off one of Ryou's Justin Timberlake dolls*
Yugi: SO WHAT HAPPENED, BITCH!?
Ryou and Malik: O_O!!
Yugi: =^__________^=
Ryou & Malik: *Sweat drop nervously*
Yugi: * looks at Malik* Scone, love?
Ryou: -.-_-. - ...anyway. Malik, do tell us what happened.
Malik: *hiccups and swallows one of the doll heads* Marik won't talk to me anymore! His lips are somewhere in his soul room, but they're not saying anything!
Yugi & Ryou: *lean in* ZOMG!
Malik: Uh huh, *hiccups* the last thing he said is he get me back.
Yugi: Awww, piffle head! *pats Malik's head* ?Do you think he will get free from his soul room and key up your Harley and pee on all your pairs of leather pants that one time I was really drunk and Yami dared me to do it, because he hates you both?
Ryou: *hides the fine China and other stereotypical British paraphernalia*
Yugi: I mean – do you think he will get free from his soul room? ^_^;;
Malik: No, *sniff* though that did happen to my Harley once, *starts to bawl worse* but I don't think I'll ever know who did iiiiiiiiiiit!!
Yugi: *face plants onto scones*
Ryou: *face plants onto fine China* *internally bleeds*
Malik: If he doesn't pull himself together, I'll have to be a whole, and I can't be one of those law abiding, one partner having prudes!!
Pegasus: Well, why not?
Yugi and Malik: O_O!!
Yugi: He's still here!?
Ryou: *glares at cage* Yes, Bakura has taken a liking to him, even more so once he found out my distaste for his terrible suits and haircuts. *holds up glass eye* Hey! See this? Huh? See it!? You open your mouth again I'm feeding it to Malik! *holds eye over Malik*
Malik: *starts panting and yipping with excitement*
Pegasus* Curls in a ball and glares over his shoulder* *Makes hungry Chewbacca noise*
Ryou: Damn, he's hungry *gives Pegasus a wine glass and dark red champagne bottle* Here, you little bleeder
Malik: What the hell? You only have to feed him alcohol?
Ryou: No, actually, it's blood.
Yugi & Malik: Blood!?!
Ryou: Anzu's blood to be more exact
Yugi: What the fuck, man?
Ryou: Hey, he only drinks virgin's blood and she is the only virgin dumb enough to get caught in everything single trap that enters into Bakura's twisted mind! I'm sorry but when you fall for the sign "NOT GAY BISHIES, IN DARK WAREHOUSE ON THE LEFT" you have it coming!
Yugi: That's fu—wait. SHE'S a virgin?
Ryou: Yep.
Malik: Ahahahahahahahahaah! How the hell is that even remotely possible? Isn't she like...a Z-cup or something?
Ryou: She goes to a high school where every single good looking guy is gay, and any other "not part of the main cast", loser is a perverted, raping freak whose face and body resemble fat, aged cheese. It's more like she's going to be a nun. Or dead, if Yugi ever gives up that last little homophobic charade of "being in love with her".
Malik and Ryou: *snicker*
Yugi: Hey! I do love her!
Malik: Yeah, as a fag loves his hag.
Ryou & Malik: *break down cackling on the floor*
*blast of Shadow magic crashes through the floor, and up into the ceiling*
Bakura: *from the living room* Shut up! I'm trying to watch T.J. Hooker!
Malik: Please, yami-Ryou, Shatner's acting sucks harder than you!
* A pissed off raccoon flies and K.O.'s Malik in the face*
Bakura: He's still not as bad as your English voice actor, you anorexic, model wannabe!
Pegasus: *snickers*
Malik: Shut up! *blasts Pegasus' hair to the shadow realm*
Pegasus: *screams hysterically and faints*
Yugi and Ryou: *jump up* WTF!
Yugi: Malik! How the hell do you have shadow magic! You're not a yami!
Malik: *starts to cry again* I knoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
Ryou: Than how did you do that! Unless! Malik....are you in Marik's body right now?
Malik: *starts to cry harder and squeals* Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!
Yugi: Than what's your problem? Why aren't you out terrorizing the world?
Malik: I can't think of anything...
Ryou: *face plants onto more fine China* What? That's the only problem?
Malik: *throws down hankie in a huff* Well what do you expect? My yami is completely mental! What hasn't he done? What could I possibly do to top the bitch!
Yugi & Ryou: ....Fair point
Yugi: Forget Marik, than! We have a hikari in full control of a MIA yami! We could pull this shit on anyone!
Malik & Ryou: ZOMFG!
Malik: Who should we do next?
Yugi: *grins maniacally* Kaiba.
Ryou: ROFLCOPTER!
Malik: Let's do it then!
Yugi: YEA-er...Ryou? Bloods leaking out of your nose
Ryou: Ignore it.
Yugi & Malik: OKAY!
Bakura: *still Hookering* I SAID, SHUT UP!