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Eliwood: Arena fighting is fun! If you're not Erk……

Arianna: Not too long ago, I had to help a friend get her shirt off.

The Guys: WOAH.

Latisha: Not like that, people!

Arianna: We were getting ready to go swimming and she had her suit on under her clothes and she couldn't get her shirt off because it was too tight. I just want to say that if you can't get the shirt off, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WEARING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Okay, now I'm gonna jump off my box and start the story.

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DISCLAIMER: We the people, of the world of Arianna, hereby hold this truth to be self-evident. We don't own 'Fire Emblem.' Or a history textbook. So don't sue us if we happened to take a few words from a famous document to write this disclaimer. We weren't aware of it, we swear.

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Love me, love me! Say that you love me. Fool me, fool me. Go on and fool me. Love me, love me! Pretend that you love me. Leave me, leave me. Just say that you need me!

"Lovefool" by The Cardigans

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-: ERK'S POV :-

(A/N: My arm just started twitching for no reason…..is that normal?)

"WHY?"

Thunk.

"WHY?"

Thunk.

"WHY?"

Thunk.

That's the sound of me banging my head repeatedly on a tree. Not good for my head, and probably not good for the tree, but I had high hopes of knocking myself out so I could evade what I faced the next day.

-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH PRISCILLA?" Raven yelled, suddenly stepping out of the shadows and startling Priscilla and myself so badly that her ladyship quickly withdrew all the support she had been lending my poor, drunken body and I fell right on the floor. Funny how every time I encounter Raven, I wind up on the ground.

"Lord Brother!" she cried, "I was just helping Mage Erk to his room! You see, he had been drinking-"

"WHAT KIND OF ESCORT ARE YOU, GETTING DRUNK WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KEEPING WATCH OVER YOUR CLIENT!" he yelled. I climbed to my feet, and although I wobbled a bit, I stayed up.

(A/N: Can you wobble like a weeble?)

"Calm down!" Serra screeched, although I'm not sure if it was to defend me or to defend her title as the loudest person in the group, since Raven was proving to have quite a loud yell. Either way, she failed, for he only became angrier and thus, yelled louder. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt, and as my feet left the ground I became keenly aware of the fact that I am not the tallest man there ever was, oh no I am not.

"I SEE THROUGH YOUR ACT, MAGE! YOU'RE JUST POSING AS THE NOBLE ESCORT TO GET CLOSE TO PRISCILLA! IT ENDS HERE!" he shouted, right into my face, and if I was able to speak at that moment I probably would have made some smarmy comment about mints and bad breath, but thankfully, I could not. I was too busy being a pathetic mage who's about to get punched but can't do anything about it. But just as Raven raised his fist, salvation came in the form of a big, angry, lord wearing magenta nightclothes (which he would later swear were red, but I promise you, were not).

"What's going on out here?" Lord Hector shouted, storming into our little scenario. He looked about as happy as a drunk who had finally passed out to quickly be reawakened by cantankerous rough-housers. In other words, he looked like I did when I woke up at the tavern. GRUMPY.

"Do not interfere in my affairs, Lord of Ostia!" Raven snapped, dropping me and turning his burning gaze to Hector. I crawled my way to the wall, not caring how foolish I looked in doing so. It was now Angry Hector against Angry Raven, and I wasn't sure which was worse. But I am now, for I gave it some thought, and I have realized that Raven is much, much worse. Why? Because he kills people he's mad at, and Lord Hector doesn't. Usually.

"Well, I wouldn't have to if they weren't waking me up in the middle of the night!" was Hector's reply, walking up to Raven to look him straight in the eyes. Hector proved to be a mite taller than His Lordly Angriness, giving him a bit of an advantage in this war of words and glares. Hard to stare someone down when you have to look up at them, after all. They just stood there for a long, tense moment, and finally Raven reluctantly broke away first.

"I apologize for disturbing you." he said, his voice considerably lowered. "I have matters to settle with this mage." At 'this' he pointed at me, ruining any dreams I had of having been forgotten. "I'll finish with him outside."

"I have a better idea." Hector said, and I looked at him with hope, thinking he was about to save me from certain death. "Why don't you settle this tomorrow in the arena? We're heading for the docks and there's an arena near there." Hector suggested and I almost passed out right then and there. This was way too much stress in one night for me. Raven nodded and walked over to me, actually extending a hand and pulling me to my feet.

"Alright. I challenge you, Sir Erk, to a battle in the arena at the port of Badon." he said and shook my hand, forcing me to accept. I just stared in horror.

"But….I…eh…" I tried to protest, but for once I was at a loss for words. Raven released my hand and walked back to whatever dark corner he had crawled out from, not saying another word to anyone still standing at the scene.

"I….I'll be going back to my room, now." Priscilla said, and as she left her face looked a little pale in the bad lighting of the hall. Hector left too, leaving just me and Serra.

"Well," she chirped, way too cheerful about the situation I was in, "You're pretty messed over now, aren't you, Erky?" I fell to my knees, hands clutching at my head, and let loose a roar of frustration that was bound to have awoken anyone who had managed to sleep through everything else.

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Thunk.

I hit my head one last time before sliding to the ground, resting my throbbing head against the cool bark of the tree. We had arrived late into Badon and had to immediately look for lodging, so I was spared one more day before my inevitable doom.

"That can't be good for your hangover, ya know." said a voice I was coming to find comfort in, yet loathe at the same time. I closed my eyes for a moment before flipping around to face Serra. My back rested against the tree trunk, and I had my legs curled up close to my body, with my arms flopping lazily to my sides.

"I am not hungover." I replied, but even as I said it my head gave an angry throb. Serra waggled a finger at me, if 'waggle' is even a word. Kind of a silly word if it is one.

"That's what I tried to tell the head cleric the morning after my birthday party last year, but you know what she said? She preached to me about how alcohol is bad and it's wrong for a person of Elimine to get drunk! But I hadn't gotten drunk! Well….I did take a few sips…but that was only because the other clerics in the convent had bought a lot of wine for my party, and I would have felt bad not drinking any of it! So, I was actually doing a good thing, see? And anyways, I never got drunk! I was perfectly un-drunk when Bethany dared me to take my clothes off and run into Ostian castle! I just did it because it was a dare! We were playing truth or dare! How could I refuse to do a dare at my own party? So, anyway, when I ran into the castle the first people I ran into were Lord Hector and Matthew……" Serra told this whole story with much gesturing. I just watched and carefully tried to determine when would be the best time to interrupt her before I heard more than I would ever want to hear about Serra. That very important time was now.

"Serra, shouldn't you be getting back to the inn?" I said, and Serra stopped her rambling mid-story.

"Why? And if I should, shouldn't you, too?" she asked, making a good point (for her), but I had my reasons not to return that night.

"No thank you, I'd rather not die until at least tomorrow." I replied. Serra tilted her head, observing me for a moment, and then she sat down beside me. A bit too close for my tastes, actually, but I didn't move away.

"You're not gonna lose to him. You're not gonna die tomorrow." she said, as much to herself it sounded like as to me. She said it in a surprisingly soft tone of voice.

"Thank you for your support, but I've had my math classes and I believe that mage plus mercenary equals dead mage." I said, dryly. I started thinking of things I needed to get done before I died. Do I have a will? Do I even need one? Most of the things I referred to as 'mine' were actually Lord Pent's. Which made me think, how would Lord Pent and Lady Louise react to news of my death? Would Lord Pent be disappointed that I could not hold my own against a sword user, despite all that he had taught me? Maybe-

"You're going to win." Serra's voice said firmly, breaking me from my dreary thoughts. I turned my head to look at her and was startled to see that her face was very close to mine. Her eyes were burning with a mix of excitement and determination that I do not believe I had ever seen in her. "We'll even the odds. I'll help you win!" she declared, grinning like a madwoman. I scooted myself a ways back from her.

"Er, that's quite alright, Serra…..no thanks." I said. I could not envision any way that Serra could help me. Only ways she could impair me, embarrass me, and, to use her word from the night before, "mess" me over. She crawled over to me so she was back in my face, and then she sat up so that she was sitting on her feet and ankles. She put a fist up by her heart, which she must have thought made her look fierce. It's rather hard to look fierce, though, when you have pink hair. Instead it made her look, I'm reluctant to admit, cute.

"Trust me! I've got a plan! We can beat him, Erk!" she said. And sitting there with her face right in mine, looking into her eyes that were lit up with emotion, aware of her optimistic smile, how could I say no? I agreed to let her help me.

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-

The next morning, I made my way to the arena alone. I didn't want anyone with me if I suffered a breakdown on the way there. Which was completely possible seeing as even though Serra had sworn to help me, I was convinced I was going to die. Even though it was early in the day, the sun was already on full-blast. The heat would help the cremation of my dead body along nicely. I wiped at my face and my palm was covered in sweat. There are disadvantages to being a mage. All the clothing can get quite stuffy. I could only hope that we would never have to trek through any desert areas……assuming I lived, anyways. The Lords and the Lady were not going to be at my battle with Raven. They were looking for a ship to take us to the Island of Valor. But the rest of the small army….would surely be there…..

"Hello! Hello, Erk!" I heard someone calling to me. I stopped staring at the sun and looked around. It's probably not too good to stare at the sun for long periods of time anyhow. Once the little colored spots stopped hindering my vision, I realized there was a Guy in front of me. Yes, a Guy. The Guy.

"Hello, Fred." I greeted him, sticking to my little joke from the night before. Now that we were in the light I could see that his hair was not black, but a dark green, like Lady Lyn's and, gag me, Rath's.

(A/N: HA! How do ya like that save?)

"It's not Fred, it's-oh, never mind. I wanted to apologize for last night. It wasn't very kind of me to leave you stranded like that! Sacaens usually try to be-hey! You have purple hair! I couldn't tell with how dark the hall was last night." he said energetically (that last part he said was a dreadful RDOO) not seeming to be slowed at all by the intense sun. I wondered for a moment if all Sacaens are so unaffected by high temperatures. It must come with spending so much time on wide, open plains.

"You're a mellow one. Yes, my hair is purple." I confirmed with a little amusement. "And don't worry, it's al-"

I stopped. I thought back.

Since Guy hadn't helped me when I asked, I had to continue alone on my way down the hall. And since I continued, I ran into Priscilla. And since Priscilla is kind, she helped me. And since she was helping me, Raven-

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" I suddenly shouted, realization striking like-like-like a big, striking thing. Guy stepped back in surprise.

"Um, I said I was sorry." he said, nervously. Like I would let him off that easily!

"IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST HELPED ME I WOULDN'T- " I began ranting, but was cut off when he put a hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Hm! I apologized, and I would really not like to fight about this……but, if you are really so angry…" he said, drawing his sword a little ways out. He looked hesitant, like he wouldn't really use his sword on me, but I decided not to chance it.

"Oh, forget it." I snapped, and swooshed right by him. Yes, swooshed. It's a dramatic cape movement that Pent taught me when I first started training to become a mage. All mages wear capes so that when they need to walk somewhere while showing emotion, they can flip their cape out so it makes a swooshing noise, thus making their movement dramatic and striking. "I don't need two swordsmen out for my blood." I finished. Guy waited a moment, than jogged up to walk with me.

"What do you mean another?" he asked, actually sounding concerned.

"I'm fighting a mad man in the arena today. He challenged me after he found Lady Priscilla with me in the corridor. He assumed things, but really she was just helping me to my room." I explained, stressing the last part and then looking at Guy's face. I got my desired effect. Guy thought for a bit, then-

"O-oh…" he said, guiltily. He hung his head. And ran into a wall. That's what happens when you put your head down and don't watch where you're going. So take a lesson home from Guy's little mistake, kiddies, and don't not watch where you're going. "Ow…." he grumbled, whether from his collision with the wall or my extremely bad grammar in my previous sentence of thought, I'm not sure. I looked at the wall and then upward to where there was a large sign that filled me with dread. The sign said 'ARENA' in big, threatening letters. I had arrived at my destination of death. Next stop: Afterlife! Don't get your cloak caught in the automatic closing doors on the way out.

"Well, this is goodbye, Fred." I said as morbidly as I could. I think that 'Fred' at the end ruined the effect, though. I strode through the wooden doors, trying my best to look brave and sure of myself, but my body was betraying me by shaking slightly. I walked up to the desk. A rough-looking man stood behind it, glaring at me through one eye. The other one was covered by an eye patch. "Excuse me. I'm here to fight the mercenary Raven." I said, my voice, surprisingly, not faltering. He looked me over with that one, mean eye.

"Hold on." he said and began flipping through some papers. As I stood there my nerves began to act up again, so I decided to try some friendly conversation. Not my brightest idea, since this guy did not look like a friendly person, which would make it rather impossible for him to be capable of a friendly conversation.

"So….how'd you lose your eye?" I asked and pointed helpfully, incase he didn't know where his eye had been. He didn't even bother looking up as he roughly replied:

"I didn't lose it." Then he flipped up the eye patch with his left hand, his right hand still going through papers, to show a perfectly alright eye, if a little scary looking.

"Oh." was all I could think to say. What do you say to a guy about his missing eye that isn't really missing?

"Mercenary Raven versus Mage Erk, right?" he asked, finally looking back up. I only nodded for the mention of the upcoming fight sealed my throat with fear. "Your entry fee is already paid. You may enter." he said and unlatched a door behind him. I nodded again and opened the door to reveal a long, cold hallway. I walked in. The man slammed the door behind me and latched it again, giving me quite a scare. I swallowed hard and walked swiftly, wanting out of this tunnel as quickly as possible. My thoughts began to race along with my heart as I realized how close I was to the actual fight. What if the plan Serra and I had concocted failed me?

"Then I'm a dead man." I said, stopping to state this out loud to myself. It echoed through the corridor and even though it was my own voice that said it, it chilled my very bones. I began running. Despite the fact I had been purposely hurrying, the light at the end came all too soon. I slowed to a walk and straightened my back. I would walk into the arena with my head held high. Raven could not intimidate me into looking cowardly! I drew close to the door and put my hand on the handle. The handle was as cold as my hand was. With a sudden burst of courage I flung open the door and was greeted by the crowd. Screams and threats and taunts and cheers suddenly surrounded me. I forced my legs to move forward until I could see him, my opponent. Raven was standing tall, looking very at ease. He must have been in many arena battles already. I, myself, had watched a fight or three, but this would be my first time as a participant. I walked to my mark, now facing Raven. I tilted my head back and kept my eyes on his. He was glaring, and I glared right back. I wished again for the ability to cast Fire spells out of my eyes. Or Thunder spells would work, too. I'm not that picky. The referee stepped up beside us.

"Now, I want a good, dirty fight." he said, chuckling, and the crowd roared. "If you surrender, throw both arms in the air, palms out. If your opponent is rendered unconscious, you win. Otherwise, you fight to the death." I knew for certain that Raven would not surrender. "Ready?" the ref asked. I saw Raven nod.

"That guy's hair is purple!" I distinctly heard a voice call out in the audience. I twitched from the obviousness.

"Is that even a guy?" another voice responded and some people laughed.

"Oh, shut up! His hair is a lot more handsome then that wyvern's nest you call hair!" screeched the recognizable voice of Serra. I smiled very slightly, a bit comforted by her support. I nodded my head for the ref, refusing to move my eyes even as I felt that Raven's might burn mine right out of my head with their fiery intensity. I was reminded briefly of the sun outside. Would this be the closest thing to a last glimpse of it I would ever see?

"BEGIN!" the ref yelled and ran off to the sidelines. The crowd bellowed out again, but my ears were already starting to tune them out until they were a low buzz in the back of my head. Raven and I stalked each other around in a circle, waiting. We both knew that in order for me to get a hit in I would have to back away from him far enough to have time to cast a spell. He was waiting for the moment that I would turn and run to pounce on me with that dooming blade of his. Little did he know….

"HE'S CHARGING HIM!" someone yelled out in shock as I ran as fast as my legs could carry me right at the intimidating swordsman. Most people say that at moments like that everything slows down. Well, like Lowen's hellish onion bagels it does! Everything was moving with such a blurring speed that I almost missed my one opportunity to get an upper hand. I saw the look of arrogance Raven gave me, and heard the berating of the crowd. For one moment I greatly feared I had been abandoned. But then I heard her. Oh, that beautiful voice of my angel of salvation!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Serra at the highest octave of her high-pitched voice. I felt the room resonate and recoil at the piercing sound. But I had been prepared, not to mention rather immune to her screams by now, and I didn't even flinch. And in one blessed moment that I will forever see in my memory for the rest of my life, Raven flinched and covered his ears. And I blasted right by him, ducking under his arm. I charged a few feet back, then spun around and quickly cast a Fire spell, setting the back of his shirt ablaze. He roared and shouted his most cutting curses. His hands smacked at the back of his flaming shirt to no avail. Finally, he gave in and ripped the shirt off. The women in the crowd went crazy. All this in just one, frightening, exhilarating, stunning minute. But because of that one minute, I now stood a chance at survival. When the angered, now shirtless, Raven whirled around to face me, he looked like a mad bull preparing to charge. The thought made me laugh out loud. Then I thought of how I had charged him like a bull and how a bull would probably charge Raven because of his red hair. I went into a fit of hysterical laughter. All the tension had to have been getting to me.

I was abruptly sane again, though, as soon as I saw that my adversary was running at me with his sword, ready to chop my pitiful purple-topped head from my body for the embarrassment I had wrought on him. I tried to run, but he was soon upon me and bringing down his blade. With the speed of a desperate man I waited until the last possible second and then jumped to the side. I believed that Elimine was with me that day, for once again did Raven fumble. His sword hit the ground where I had been standing with so much force that it cracked and pieces of it shattered, making its sharp edge become dull. I smiled conceitedly, thinking Raven was now weaponless, but he only looked at it a moment then flipped it over so that he was now holding a large, blunt object. Me, being the semi-intelligent being I am, took these precious moments to get myself to the other end of the arena. I began chanting my spell enthusiastically. The end of this was near! I could feel it! I COULD WIN THIS! I-

"The sky is blue." Raven shouted to me. I stopped my chanting.

'Did he….just….say…?'

"Lions and tigers and bears go RAWR!" Raven shouted, louder and more forceful than before. He might as well have punched me in the gut. I fell to my knees.

"What's wrong with him?" someone in the audience called out.

"He's obviousness intolerant. He suffers from RDOO Disorder." I heard Serra answer.

(A/N: Not an official diagnosis, and not a real disorder, as far as I know. If you believe you have this illness either contact your local psychiatrist or stop hanging around stupid people.)

"Really? Cool!" someone shouted. "There are fish in the ocean, a pegasus can fly, dogs have ears!" he said, laughing merrily as each phrase he said brought me closer to the dirt ground. Others began joining in.

"Water is wet!"

"Birds go 'tweet'!"

"Nuts taste nutty!"

The whole crowd was laughing now, enjoying my reactions to their words. I looked up from my painful position to see Raven standing over me with a sadistic glint in his eyes and a creepy grin.

"Bartre is stupid." he said, softly at first, and then repeated it loud enough to rattle the ceiling and my poor, abused brain. "BARTRE IS STUPID!"

It was the last thing I heard. The finishing blow.

I fainted into blackness.

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-: OUTER POV :-

Erk awoke and opened his eyes. At first, he didn't know what had happened, but then the aching in his body reminded him of the fight and the horribly devastating RDsOO. He was amazed to find himself alive and checked his body for any wounds. Besides the fading bruise from Raven's punch days before, he was fine. So he began to wonder just how exactly he escaped unscathed and fully alive from the arena battle since when he had last been among the awake he had been in a dire, and inevitably losing, situation. Looking around, a bit groggy still, he made out through the darkness some shapes of furniture. Eventually his eyes found the outline of a door with light behind it. Seeing no point in just sitting around, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. Then he strode out the door, dreading what he might find. To his surprise, he saw his companions sitting around in what appeared to be Badon's tavern. They all looked perfectly normal.

'Or as normal as this group gets, anyway' he thought dryly to himself, glad to see he had not lost his odd sense of humor.

"ERK!" Serra practically screamed when she noticed the mage standing near the opening to the hallway that connected the bar and rooms of the tavern. She jumped to her feet, knocking the table she had been sitting at and spilling Matthew's drink all over him, and rushed over to him. "Ohmigosh, Erk!" she said excitedly "It was a draw! You didn't lose! Well…you didn't win, either, but you didn't die!"

"Wh-what?" he said, startled. "How did I not lose? I passed out!" he said, not realizing that that was actually a rather obvious statement he just made. I mean, Serra knew quite well that he passed out, yes? But I digress.

"Yeah, but at the same moment you passed out, Bartre got mad about the insult to his intelligence and hurled his ax at Raven! Luckily, the ax hit him sideways so he wasn't killed, (Erk 'hmmphd' at that) but it knocked him out! And since you were both unconscious at the same time, the ref declared it a draw!" Serra explained, smiling happily. Erk looked around for confirmation on this unbelievable story. Finding Raven sitting in the corner, looking just as disgruntled as Erk felt and rubbing his head where a large welt was, Erk realized that Serra spoke the truth. He felt….happy. He felt very happy, indeed! So happy that he could of kissed Bartre at that moment! Luckily for Erk, and for the less strong-stomached of us, and maybe even Bartre himself, the ax man was nowhere to be found at the time.

'Probably the closest Bartre will ever come to getting a kiss.' Erk chuckled to himself.

(A/N: Little does he know…..)

"Well, what did I tell you, Serra? Nothing to worry about! I survived. Really, last night you were so fretful…" Erk said, walking over to join Lucius at his table with a hop in his step and a smile on his face. Serra followed, outraged.

"What? You were the one who was all 'I'm going to die! Waaaaah! Poor me!' "Serra exclaimed, doing an actually accurate impression of Erk from the night before.

"You know, Serra, I'm not even going to argue with you today!" Erk responded, eerily cheerful. (It was only eerie because "Erk? Cheerful? C'mon!")

"Hm." Serra sniffed. "Yeah, sure. You're not going to argue with me because you know I'm right!" she said haughtily and walked back to her table with Matthew, who was being laughed at because his soaked pants made it look like he had had an 'accident'.

"Serra!" he called after her, and she glanced back. "Thank you." he said shortly, but with true feeling. For once his words were not laced with sarcasm, and Serra could hear that he truly meant it. She gave a warm smile and sat down at her table. Erk sat at his. "Hello, Lucius! How are you this lovely day?" Erk said, happily helping himself to some of Lucius' biscuits that were sitting on the table. Lucius smiled in return and was about to reply but was cut off by a grumpy voice.

"You're in my seat." Raven growled, not too thrilled to once again be talking with Erk so soon after their little feud. Erk surprised him by jumping to his feet, a smile still on his face.

"Oh, pardon me! You can have it back! You know why? Because you have a giant bump on your head and I don't! Haha!" Erk said merrily and ran out the door, grabbing a few more of Lucius' biscuits on the way. Raven stared after him a moment, contemplating giving chase and sticking his sword through the stupid mage's stupid, uninjured skull, but the lump on his head gave another painful twinge and Raven decided to just sit down.

"Hello, Lord Raymond! Feeling better?" Lucius asked, concerned. Raven just grunted and snatched the rest of Lucius' biscuits.

"Hey, Lucius!" Serra came over to his table. "Did you see where Erk went?" she asked, devouring the few, surviving biscuits. Lucius, noticing this, was overcome with one of his rare bursts of anger.

"Do I look like the muffin man?" he demanded, gesturing to his now empty plate. Serra chewed for a moment, looking thoughtful.

"Actually….these are biscuits, not muffins." she somehow stated through a mouthful of the non-muffins. Lucius closed his eyes with a pained look. Defeated, he pointed wearily in the direction Erk had gone. "Thanks!" Serra chirped, dashing after the mage, leaving Lucius to stare mournfully at his once occupied plate.

--

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"What is going on?"

Outside the tavern, Erk had stumbled onto the odd scene of a burly pirate taunting the young lords.

"We're going to play tag with these pirates." Eliwood answered Erk. "If we can get to the leader of the pirates, who is over by the docks, then they will give us free passage to the Dread Isle." He explained all this as if it were as common a thing as going to the market to pick up some fresh milk. Erk stared at him for a moment, but then the last of Eliwood's words registered in his mind.

"Dread Isle? Weren't we going to the Island of Valor?" Erk may not be a vocabulary whiz, but he was dead certain that 'Valor' and 'Dread' did not have even a slightly similar meaning.

"It's Valor's nickname." Hector said. Erk quirked an eyebrow.

"Cute." he remarked sarcastically. "So I'm guessing that if we have to beg a free trip off of some pirates, this island we're going to is not the locals' favorite vacation spot?" Hector just smirked and, infuriatingly enough, patted Erk on the head.

"Don't worry, Erky boy, we're tough enough to survive." he said. Erk winced at the degrading nickname, wondering how Lord Hector had come to learn his name in the first place. Then, with a sinking feeling of dread, he remembered Sain's talk with Hector about Serra's little "rumor".

"Guess what that mage down there was saying about you and Serra?"

The Green Knight's words to Lord Hector echoed in his mind and made him grimace from a mix of embarrassment and anger. Hector, noticing the look on Erk's face, realized he must have remembered that Sain had told him all about Erk's misled concerns. He strode off, but not before saying: "Oh, and Erk, if I ever do get married, you're not invited to the wedding." Erk huffed. He figured he would be able to survive the severe emotional pain of not being invited to Lord Hector's wedding. But he silently swore to himself to enact some sort of revenge on Sain before this little escapade was through.

"Erk!"

He looked up to see Serra running towards him. Behind her the rest of the group was beginning to emerge from the tavern and prepare themselves for this strange game of tag and war. The tactician was already speaking her ideas to Lord Eliwood, and Lord Hector soon joined them with the recently retrieved Lady Lyn.

"Serra-" Erk said as the cleric drew near, "I have a bad, BAD feeling about this."

"It'll be fun!" Serra said, smiling maddeningly. Erk checked his list of things that are fun and verified that playing children games withviolent pirates that are locowas not on it. It was not even on the list of things that are mildly fun but can quickly become boring. Scrolling down through his mental lists he finally found it to be on the list of things that are highly dangerous and are usually only attempted by people who are slightly touched in the head and have been watching too many reruns of 'Viva La Bam'. Not that Erk would have any idea what 'Viva La Bam' is, let alonewhat a'rerun' might be, but if they did have such a thing in Elibe that would be the kind of people to play this game they were about to partake in.

"Oh, yes…..tons of fun…" Erk muttered.

--

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-: ERK'S POV :-

Arianna, being the compassionate towards physically weak magestactician that she is, had sent me with the small group that had to bust their way right through the very center of the pirate platoon. I'm not sure if that's proper usage of the word platoon, but pirate platoon has a catchy sound to it. Having battled many a brawny, brainless, big-headed pirate to get to my current position near the arena, I was not intimidated in the least bit by the man in front of me. He was the pirate from earlier who I had heard making jabs from afar at the lords. He wore a bandana around his head like most of the other pirates, only his was a different color. Having, as I said, fought so many pirates, I was far past tired of the stupid battle phrases and threats they uttered and ready for this all to be over. And so, this unfortunate pirate before me became the target of one of my occasional rants.

"Sir Pirate, I have struck down many of your mates, and I am not afraid of you. You may think you are a big, tough man, you may very well be a big, tough man, but to me you are nothing more than another ape-faced brute who has dared to get in my way. I will now defeat you with the power of my Anima magic, showing you that strength of body does not necessarily ensure victory. Any last words?"

"Yeah. The Captain is over there." the pirate said, pointing helpfully to where, sure enough, a man was standing by the docks who looked just rugged enough and just crazy enough and just old enough to be this band of brutes' captain.

"Right. Thanks…" I said lamely, the fire I had had from my enthusiastic speech now a mere pile of dimming ashes.

"You're welcome, barnacle brain." the pirate responded, returning to his post. To be fair, he did not say 'barnacle brain', but the peculiar pirate lingo that he used was not the most sensitive of words and so I shall not be repeating it and jeopardizing the rating of this story. I went quickly towards the captain, ready to end this little game. However, before I had made it close enough to speak to the man, a voice called out behind me.

"O-oh! Look out!" said the voice, and I turned to see a man on horseback charging at me with a large spear that he no doubt intended to skewer me on like a piece of overcooked beef.

"You're about to die. Scream if you must." the spear-equipped man said to me in a short and smooth way. Watching my death charging towards me, I froze to my spot. My eyes spun out of control, and when my gaze had finally resettled itself it rested on the arena. Instantly, my courage was renewed. I had faced Raven! I had faced pirates! This new foe was nothing!

………..nothing but a person carrying a big, scary spear and quickly rushing towards me on a horse. Eep. Nevertheless, I fought back. I dove out of the way and the man had to yank roughly on the reins and bring the horse back around for another shot at 'pin the spear through the mage'. Just when the man was upon me again, a big, black hole opened up and sucked the man in—horse and all. I stood gaping. Was it normal for black holes to randomly rip open and pull people into their dark, endless abysses?

"Are you alright?" said a well-educated sounding voice. It was the same voice from earlier that had called out the warning to me. I turned around to see a man in shaman clothing. He had a monocle and……and….

"Err…is there something in my hair?" the man said, running a hand through it nervously.

"You-! YOU HAVE PURPLE HAIR!" I yelled, not caring how loud I was. Oh, the joyful feeling of discovering you are not alone in this world! Granted, Florina had purple hair as well, but she was a girl! This was a man who stood before me with glorious, wonderful, beautiful hair of purple! I grabbed at his hair to make sure it was real.

"W-what's the matter?" the man said, pulling my hand away from his head. He seemed alarmed to have a complete stranger touching his hair. I let go and grabbed onto my own hair, lifting up a lock of it for him to see.

"Look! Purple! My hair is purple as well!" I cried out happily. The man was now looking at me like I was a lunatic and probably thinking that he should have sent me into the swirling pit of hellish blackness as well.

"Yes….so it is…." he said, taking a few tentative steps back from me.

"I can see we will be great friends." I warmly said, but for some reason, this made him retreat further.

"Righto. Well, I must be going." hemumbled and quickly ran the opposite direction from me.

"Wait! What is your name?" I yelled after him.

"Canas!" he called back, not even slowing his pace a notch. I realized I might have just scared the hell out of this Canas, but how happy I was to find another man with purple hair! If only I had known at that time that soon I was to meet some other purple-haired men with less friendly dispositions….

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-: SERRA'S POV :-

"I'm bored!" I complained out loud for the umpteenth time, knowing well that it was grating on every one of Lord Hector's (and probably everyone else's) nerves. If I didn't know that it annoyed people, why would I have even bothered complaining?It's only fun to complain when there's someone around to hear it!"Can't we take a break? Why'd we have to take the long way around?" I whined in my whiniest voice.

"Serra, if you do not shut that never-closing hole in your face that you call a mouth, I will shut it for you in the most painful way I can think of." Lord Hector threatened, his last nerve just having been snapped like an old guitar string.

"And what way would that be?" I asked sweetly. But before Lord Hector could attack me, we came to the docks at long last. "Yay!" I cheered and ran ahead of the others. I found the other half of our group that had been sent through the middle. They were standing by Captain Fargus looking a bit roughed up. And while their faces showed disgruntlement, it was nothing compared to the people who had been in my group.

"It was horrible, Lord Raymond, horrible!" Lucius was moaning to Raven. "She just kept whining and complaining and complaining and whining and I got the most horrible, violent thoughts! But then I felt unclean and feared Elimine becoming angry so I had to resist acting on those thoughts! But then she whined again and-"

"Quiet, Lucius." Raven interrupted. "Be grateful you didn't have to fight any pirates."

"But her voice! Her complaints! They were surely worse then any pirate!" Lucius insisted. I stuck my tongue out at him in response to the insult. Glancing around, I spotted Erk talking rapidly to a scholar looking man with purple hair. Erk seemed quite enthused for once, while the other man looked to be merely tolerating whatever Erk was saying. I wondered what was making Erk so happy to be talking to this guy. Maybe if I learned the secret, Erk would be happy to talk to me? Not that I care, of course, if Erk wants to chat with me. It would just be nice to have a pleasant conversation with Erk, for once….

"Get on board my ship, lads and lasses!" the pirate captain ordered.

"Ship!" Guy repeated, seemingly distraught by this for some reason.

"Like, duh!" I said condescendingly to him, "How else would we be getting to an island?" Guy was now holding his head while shaking it. As we began walking up the boarding plank, Guy looked very miserable.

"What's so bad about a boat, Guy?" Lyn asked, concerned by his sad state.

"I get seasick…" he admitted and the whole army seemed to groan in unison.

I saw Erk wisely cover himself with vomit protection wear—-his cape.

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Erk: Wow! A chapter that ends with no cliffhangers or loud shouting!

Arianna: Hello, folks. I need to make this short because I really ought to be in bed right now. Ya see, tomorrow we, as in my family and I, are leaving for our annual beach trip.

Ivan: Um….then shouldn't you be packing?

Arianna! –dashes off-

Latisha: Well, Canas time!

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Q&A

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:Chaos Knight Malik: So, is Raven going to punch Erk in the same spot for heavy bruises, or a classy blanket of bruises? Also, is Priscilla going to wind up with Guy, Heath, or are you gonna pull a fast one on us, change the genre to tragedy or angst and make this fic an Erk+Priscilla and Serra+Lucius?

Canas: Wel…. –lifts up Erk's shirt-

Erk: HEY!

Eliwood: Well…you did molest his hair…

Erk: I did not molest…

Canas: Looks like Erk only has the one bruise. And Arianna commented that the chances of this becoming an angst story are comparable to the chances of her ever enjoying band camp, but the idea is an interesting one.

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BIG THANKS TO: Lemurian-Girl, Aeros Fujita, Timmycheese, MiSs JoVaNNa, Inferno-Hero, SacredBlade, Chaos Knight Malik, Redwyrm, RWT, Rose-Wisteria, ThyCrimsonPirate, and all readers!

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Arianna: -from inside a whirlwind of clothing and suitcases- Bye!

Erk: Au revoir.

Ivan: Sayonara.

Eliwood: BYEBYE!

All: …..

Eliwood: ….hm?

Arianna: See you in some other portal of the world-wide web!

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