"Gifts"
Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy (Grr, Arg!) own all. I'm just a big stealer! Hehe.
– Dawn is 16; Buffy jumped and never came back. Sweet Dawn/Spike friendship fiction with a special little twist. Read it and get your take on it! Parts are a little dark, so read with caution. Please review. Please. Please. Please. - - - -
Dawn sat by her open window, listening to the night outside 1630 Rovello. She knew that Spike was outside, the summer breeze carried in the heavy smell of his cigarettes. Dawn didn't move, or let on to the fact that she knew he was there. She closed her eyes, and breathed in the scent. She rested her head against the window frame, just letting the night surround her, content with not having to think about the world. She opened her eyes sleepily when she heard him climbing the trellis up to her window.
Dawn smiled, using only the corner of her mouth. "Hey." She said. "Hey." He echoed back, smirking at her. "Did you not get the memo that there is now a front door at the Summer's residence?" Dawn said, not moving from her spot by the window. "I must have missed that one. Being that the last few mailmen ended up food, they stopped coming for some odd reason." "Ahh," Dawn cooed, lazily.
Spike looked at her lethargic position, and frowned to himself. "I just...like coming this way is all. You know damn right I hate every one of those superhero characters downstairs. If it weren't for the chip-" Spike cut himself off when Dawn looked up sharply. She didn't look mad, just interested in what he was going to say. "If it weren't for the chip, what, Spike?" Spike looked at Dawn for a minute, and smirked evilly. "You don't want to know, Bitty Bit." "Spike-"Dawn was cut off when someone knocked on the door.
Dawn sighed and slowly dragged herself off of the chair and to her bedroom door. She opened her door a crack, and it was immediately shoved open and she was enveloped in a monstrous Xander hug. "Dawnie!" Xander said, a little too enthusiastically. "Xander!" Dawn said, flipping her wrist dramatically. Xander beamed, completely missing her sarcasm. After a moment's silence, Dawn prodded, "So...what's the emergency?" Xander's grin turned to a frown, and he protested, "Emergency? Dawnster, I just came over to say-"Xander paused and looked at Dawn's body language. Her eyebrow was cocked dangerously, and her arms were crossed. "Uh-huh?" Xander sighed, and then beamed at Dawn again as if she had done an amazing trick. "That's my girl," he crooned ruffling her hair, "always too smart for old, aging, Xander. There's a new vamp nest downtown that we need to go eradicate. I'm taking Willow with me."
Dawn nodded, and asked, "What about Tara?" Xander looked at her, as if expecting her to figure it out on her own. When she said nothing, he said, "Tara...wants to stay home." "You mean she was voted to baby-sit me, right? Well no worries, Spike is here." Dawn chided, bitterly. "No, Dawn I- Spike is here?"
For the first time, Xander looked up and saw Spike sitting, in plain view, on the edge of Dawn's bed. Spike grinned and waved cheekily at Xander, wriggling his fingers around. Xander didn't say anything, but his smile became a tight frown. He pulled Dawn farther away from Spike and murmured in a low voice, "Dawn, I want Tara with you, okay? Just tonight? I'm sure Captain Peroxide has other roosts to haunt." "Actually, no," admitted Spike, standing up. "I overheard a pair of Goblins talking about that vampire nest downtown, and I came here to tell you about it. There aren't more than three of 'em. But me being the valuable member of society that I am, I came to get you." Xander scowled at Spike, and rolled his eyes. "Well, we thank you Spike, but we have our own sources and don't need you around any of the Summer's women." Dawn stepped in front of Spike, her arms crossed over her chest again. "Xander, if you have a problem with Spike you can leave. I invited him in, not you." Xander looked at her shocked. Before he could say anything in protest, Willow came in closely followed by Tara.
"Hey sports-fans ready for some-"Willow trailed off when she saw the odd scene before her. They figured out what was going on at once by the way Dawn was giving her "I'm independent" look. Awkward silence filled the room, and Tara stepped forward. "Well, Xander," she said, emphasizing his name with meaning that none of them missed, "If Spike doesn't mind, he can stay here with Dawn, just to keep her company, you know, because she, uh-" Tara looked at Willow for help, and Willow finished with, "Dawn's perfectly capable of staying by herself now, but if Spike wants to keep her company then that's up to the two of them."
Everyone turned to look at Spike, and while Dawn's back was turned, Xander, Willow and Tara made pleading faces at Spike, and he smirked. "'Course I'll stay with the 'Nibblet. Can any of you even try to remember that I hate you all? She's the only one I can bloody stand."
"Well...thanks, Spike." Willow said. Spike winked at her. Willow kissed Dawn on the head, and nodded at Spike. She took the sleeve of the still-in-shock Xander who, after Dawn's outburst, had said nothing, and lead him out the door. Tara turned to Dawn and gave her a hug saying, "I know it's hard lovey. One day you'll be all grown up before you even know it." She beamed at Dawn after imparting what she thought was quite moving advice. Dawn stood there, infuriated. Then she smiled falsely and said, "So, what's the deal?" Tara smiled wider, thinking she had made Dawn feel worlds better, and said, "Nest downtown. If it gets too late, we'll just stay in a hotel down there. If that's okay with you." Dawn looked at Spike, and he nodded. "You'll call if anything happens?" Tara nodded. "I'll have Willow call after we eradicate the nest, just to check up. Okay?" "Kay." Dawn said. Tara kissed the top of her head, nodded at Spike, and left.
Dawn walked slowly past Spike and threw herself onto her bed. She buried her face in one of her pillows and let out a scream. Spike said nothing, just watched her. When she was done, she sat up on her bed and held her pillow to her chest. "Feel better?" Spike asked, sitting next to her. "Yeah. It feels good to do that sometimes. I don't have super strength or anything, so I can't hit anything. I resort to screaming into my pillows. How bad ass am I?" Dawn grinned up at Spike and he smirked at her. "Well, at least you could still hit things if you really wanted to." At Dawn's look, he finished, "True, true it might not hurt the enemy so much, but at least your brain wouldn't explode like mine." There was a silence for a while, and Dawn fell back on her bed, laughing.
"What?" Spike said, smiling at her random outburst. "Nothing...nothing I just had this image of me going all matrix on a demon." Dawn said, wheezing. "I can see, ha, ha! I can see me making all these dramatic "Hi-Ya!" noises in slow motion, and go for the punch, and when it finally makes contact, the demon doesn't even move. It just stares at me." Dawn held her stomach with both arms, and Spike chuckled at the image. "I can see it making one of those cartoon sound effects like, "boink!" or sommat." He said, beginning to join in the laughter. Dawn laughed even harder at this. "With my .05- mile per hour punch? It would be more like, "Dink!" Ha, ha!" They laughed for a while, and when their laughter began to wind down, Dawn snorted and started laughing again.
Spike just shook his head at her, and felt foolish for laughing at something so stupid. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him, wiping tears away. "I'm gonna go downstairs, there's a "Passions" marathon on in a few minutes. You wanna come?" Dawn shook her head, and said, "Nah, I'm sick of T.V. You go have your "Passions" time." He smiled at her, and left the room closing the door behind him. He grinned when he heard laughter erupt from inside the room as soon as he left. It was good to hear Dawn laugh, even over something as stupid as cartoon sound effects. Dawn's world was so complicated, and he was glad that she could keep the innocent side of her that saw the funny side of the little things. She wasn't a tight-ass like the general population of Sunnydale. Dawn brought out a different side to him that he didn't know he had. Thirty years ago, Spike would have never thought he would be sitting in a 16-year-old's room, giggling on her bed with her over something so stupid. But that's how things were with Dawn, at least during the rare intermissions between apocalypses.
All the people that Spike had ever cared about had made him change himself for them. Had made him feel like less of a person. Told him he wasn't good enough, or that he was beneath them. Spike had tried so hard to change himself for their happiness. Then there was Dawn, who to be honest, annoyed the bloody hell out of him at first. He didn't understand how she could get under his skin so deep, and why he even cared. But he did. She got to him, and he knew he loved her. He knew that she meant more to him than any human or monster he had had a relationship with during his entire existence, because she never tried to change him. She accepted him for who he was, and always listened to his stories with patience, but never judgment. They had formed a bond that no one understood, and everyone took the wrong way. Neither of them cared.
Spike sat in the living room. "Passions" was playing on the television but he wasn't really watching a word of it. He had an inner battle raging inside him. He felt guilty for leaving Dawn upstairs by herself. He didn't want to miss his T.V. show, but knew he wasn't taking in a word anyway. He sighed, and clicked off the television. He went back upstairs to Dawn's room, and knocked on her door. "Yeah?" She said, in no particular tone. Spike opened the door and sat down at her desk chair. Dawn was sitting by her window again, her head resting against the window frame, looking into the night sky. "You hungry, 'Nibblet?" Spike asked. "Not so much," she said, non- chalantly.
Spike frowned, and scooted his chair opposite her, so he could look out the window too. "What's so interesting out there, Dawn?" Dawn smiled, and looked up at him. "The sky. I never really looked at it before. I mean, really looked at it, and there's so much to look at. It's beautiful." Spike looked outside at the night sky, and they sat in silence for a while. After a few minutes, Spike took her arm and said, "C'mon." "Where are we going?" Dawn asked, suspiciously. Spike didn't say anything all the way downstairs, just led her along. He stopped at the coat closet, and brought out two large blankets. At Dawn's questioning look, he said nothing, just winked at her. She grinned, and he pulled her out the back door.
"The back yard? That's where our little field trip is?" Dawn said, giggling. Spike winked at her again, and began laying one of the blankets out on the grass. "Well you were looking at the sky, why not look at it outside? I am over 120 years old, I could teach you a thing or two about astrology." Spike sat down on the blanket, and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her down next to him. He lay down flat on his back, still holding her hand. Dawn did the same, feeling a little nervous and not really knowing why. "You know, I could never see the man in the moon," Dawn admitted. "I always saw a ship, like one of those old time Spanish Galleons with the big sails. But I never saw a man." Spike grinned and peered up at the moon. "That's just the non-conformist in you, luv. You paying attention?" Spike said, glancing over at her. Dawn giggled and said, "Yes. Where's the big dipper?" Spike smiled and said, "If you find Polaris, you can find all the other constellations." "...And Polaris is the North Star, see? I'm a sharp cookie." Dawn said, jabbing him in the ribs. "Yeah, or you just saw it last night in that "Muppet Treasure Island" movie." Dawn was silent for a minute. Then said, "So anyway, about the constellations..." Spike grinned, and showed her how to find the main constellations, and where their names came from.
"Well, I certainly feel enlightened and educated." Dawn said, semi- sarcastically. "How do you know all this, anyway?" Spike looked at her, and said, "When I was a human, when I was still William, my passion was poetry, but my favorite study was astrology. When I was your age, I would sit in my room for hours, just staring and plotting and mapping." Dawn listened to him, not knowing what to say. After a while of her silence, Spike became uncomfortable and asked, "What's wrong?" "Nothing," She said, turning so she could look at the side of his face, for he was still looking up at the sky. "I've just never heard you talk about who you were before. I never wanted to ask, and I never thought you would bring it up." Spike turned and looked at her. He began, "It's hard to talk about. It's all a bit confusing to be honest. Separating who I was then, and who I am now and where the line of humanity lies."
Dawn looked down, and was a little surprised to see that they were still holding hands. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, thinking about what he had said. She felt him looking at her, and she looked up at him. "What are you thinking, Nibblet?" Spike asked. "Just about what you said...the line of humanity. For a long time, I thought that I was evil. I caused everyone around me pain, and I was built to end the world. I was programmed to be something unholy. You told me that I wasn't evil, and I didn't have a choice in all the bad things. I think...stop me if I'm being naïve Spike, but, I think it's kinda the same with you. I mean you weren't evil when you were human, and then Drusilla turned you, and you didn't have a choice, right? I mean, when you're turned, you're kinda programmed to kill. But now...you've proven to me that you have more humanity in you than most humans, so you can't be evil."
"Dawn, one bloody person that I've cared about and taken care of out of my 120 year resume of death and torture doesn't exactly tip the scale." Spike said, a little bitterly. Dawn was taken aback at his tone, and whispered quietly, "I just meant that it wasn't my fault, and I don't think it's your fault either." She turned away from him, so that she was lying on her back once again. Instead of replying sharply, Spike thought about her words for a few minutes. He squeezed her hand, rolled on to his back and said, "Maybe, 'Nibblet."
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Dawn began to shudder a little from the growing breeze. Spike sat up and pulled the extra blanket across them. Dawn looked over at him gratefully, and snuggled in to him, resting her head on his chest. Spike chuckled, and Dawn positioned herself so she was looking at him, still lying across him. "What?" she said, grinning. "You. You trust me way too much, after all the horror stories I've told your young ears. And here you are, lying on me like I'm a family dog or something." Dawn cocked an eyebrow at him. "Trust you too much?" "Yeah." "Alright then," Dawn said, making to move off of him. Spike snaked his arm around her, and held her there. "But," he said grinning, "Your trust is ever so appreciated. At least someone around here trusts me." Dawn smiled and laid her head back down, looking at him. "With my life, kid. You know that." She said, grabbing his other hand and subconsciously playing with his fingers. He smiled and let her do it, liking the attention. "Right, because compared to your glorious 16 years, I'm a bloody infant." Spike said, sardonically. "Well, techniquely, I am like ten-billion-trillion- zillion-bagillion-and 40 something years old so-"Dawn stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned at her, saying nothing.
They lay in silence for a while, Dawn still playing with Spike's fingers. After a while, Dawn whispered, "Spike?" "Mmm?" He purred, his eyes closed. "Are you asleep?" She breathed. "Yes, because I generally talk in my sleep." He said, opening his eyes and grinning. "Spike?" Dawn began again. "Yeah?" He asked. Spike could feel her heartbeat increase, and knew that she was nervous about what she was about to ask. "If you..." She paused, "If the chip was out now, what would happen? Would it be like, when Angel lost his soul, and he tried to kill us? Or would you be the same? Or-"Dawn trailed off, lost in the frightening possibilities.
Spike thought for a moment, looking at the sky. "I don't know 'Nibblet. It wouldn't be like Angelus, because I don't have a soul to lose," he paused, "So, I guess every choice I would make would be my own. But I don't really know." He closed his eyes, not wanting to have this conversation, but not being able to avoid it. Dawn didn't say anything for a minute, just traced his palm with her fingers. "Do you want it out?" She asked. Spike sighed deeply, even though he lacked the necessesity to do so. There was no easy way of answering this one. "Dunno, Pet. I don't want to be a neutered vampire all my life." Her heart was pounding at this point, and he could smell her emotions, though she kept her demeanor calm. "You know what you said upstairs, what you were about to say when Xander walked in? You said, 'If it weren't for the chip I'd-'...but you didn't finish. Did you mean... if the chip had never happened or if the chip was out right now?" Spike opened his eyes, looking at her in disbelief. He knew he had always said he had hated the scoobies, but he could never hurt anyone related to Dawn in anyway. "Dawn, I wouldn't hurt any of the soddin' scooby gang. They are all you've got left luv." Dawn looked at him and said, "No, I've got you. You know me better than any of them do. You're more of a family than they are, you're more of anything than I've ever had...I was just wondering." "I meant if the chip had never happened." Dawn thought for a moment, and then asked matter-of-factly, "If the chip had never happened, who would you have killed first?" "Jesus, Dawn!" Spike said, exasperated. Dawn gave him a small smile, but didn't say anything. Spike sighed again. "Will. She is so powerful, it would have been my wet dream to drain a witch with that much magic." He stopped and looked at Dawn. She didn't look disgusted, just intrigued. "Then who?" She asked. "Xander, but just because he is so bloody annoying. Then Buffy." "Buffy last because she's the slayer?" Dawn asked. "Buffy wouldn't have been last 'Nibblet, you would have been."
Dawn looked at him, her face not showing any kind of particular emotion. Her heart betrayed her though, pounding in her chest, thudding powerfully against his own. "Why me?" Spike didn't look cocky or pleased with himself as Dawn had expected him to be. He looked at her sadly and then closed his eyes. "Buffy would have been like the main course for me, my 3rd slayer. You would have been my desert." "But I don't get it, why did I get special desert privileges?" Spike frowned and looked at her face. Her blue eyes looked so innocent to him. Some things he couldn't share with her, some things weren't for her to know. Some things she shouldn't understand. "Tell me." She said, searching his face. He looked at her, and admitted sadly, "Because you're the virgin, Nibblet." Dawn just looked at him, biting her lip. He continued, "The blood of a virgin is different, it's sweeter and it's not tainted. You're innocence would have been intoxicating, and there's other reasons why a monster would want a virgin besides blood lust."
Spike expected her to get off of him, but Dawn didn't even let go of his hand. Instead, she stopped playing with it and just held it close to her chest, not looking at him. "I'm sorry Dawn," he whispered, "I think that was a little much for you." Finally, she looked at him and said, "Spike..." Her tone was serious, and her heartbeat went off again, giving her away. "If you wanted me...I want you to have me. If it would make you happy, then it would make me happy too. I want to make you happy..." Dawn had tears in her eyes, though her voice was even and sure. Spike sat up, so that he could look at her better. "What?...Dawn," "No, Spike I'm serious. You mean so much to me, If..." She faltered, searching for the right words, "If I let you drink from me, your chip wont activate. If I let you...take me, in that way, it wouldn't activate either. If I can't give you anything else, I want to give you me, please." The moon shined on Dawn's beautiful face, tears now falling down her cheeks. Spike pulled her into his lap gently and wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Dawn," he began, "You don't need to give me anything to show me how much you care about me." "But I want to show you, Spike. I trust you." She said, in all honesty. "Then why are you crying?" He asked. "It just means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me." She breathed, resting her head against his shoulder. "Then, Dawn, instead of you giving me something...I have something to give you."
She looked up, and he put a hand to the side of her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. He then pulled away a little bit to see her reaction. She sat there with her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open. Spike smiled, and leaned back into her, kissing her full on the mouth this time. He gently pulled her bottom lip between his, and ran his tongue along it. Dawn opened her eyes and looked at him, embarrassed. He pulled away a little bit, and smiled at her. "I don't..." she started, but as soon as she did his mouth was back on hers. Holding the side of her face, He began to slowly kiss her mouth again, waiting for her to respond. She finally did, and he smiled, taking her hand. Spike ran his tongue along her bottom lip again, and she parted her lips for him. Spike deepened the kiss, massaging her tongue slowly and intimately, letting her adjust to him. Dawn found herself winding her fingers in his hair and pulling him in closer to her. Spike pulled her body in closer to his, continuing his slow exploration of her mouth.
Dawn didn't know what to do with her hands, she couldn't think, what was she supposed to do with them? What did they do in movies? Dawn tried to move her hand that Spike was holding. She wanted to touch him, feel him, anything. He held on to it tight. He never quickened the slow pace he started with, showing her intimacy, instead of lust. He held her hand for that reason. He didn't want this to be about anything except him showing her how much she meant to him. Slowly, he removed his tongue, and kissed the corner of her mouth where he had first kissed her. He then pulled away, smiling.
It took her a minute to open her eyes. He sat there, watching her. When she did open her eyes, they were full of gratitude and love for him. He could tell that she understood his meaning by the way she looked at him. "Thank you," she said shyly. Spike grinned at her and tweaked her nose. "Just want my girl to know how much she means to me." He lay back down on his back, and Dawn lay down with him. He held her hand and listened to her breathing grow steady as she lay there sleepily. With her last deep breath before sleep came, she whispered softly, "Wow."
- - -
Hope you liked that. I thought it was cute. Give me feedback; I don't know if I want this to be a one-shot, or what. I was possibly thinking about having it be a prequel to "I Miss You". Hmmm...FEEDBACK!! Review!!!
Love you all so much!!
*~Bri
Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy (Grr, Arg!) own all. I'm just a big stealer! Hehe.
– Dawn is 16; Buffy jumped and never came back. Sweet Dawn/Spike friendship fiction with a special little twist. Read it and get your take on it! Parts are a little dark, so read with caution. Please review. Please. Please. Please. - - - -
Dawn sat by her open window, listening to the night outside 1630 Rovello. She knew that Spike was outside, the summer breeze carried in the heavy smell of his cigarettes. Dawn didn't move, or let on to the fact that she knew he was there. She closed her eyes, and breathed in the scent. She rested her head against the window frame, just letting the night surround her, content with not having to think about the world. She opened her eyes sleepily when she heard him climbing the trellis up to her window.
Dawn smiled, using only the corner of her mouth. "Hey." She said. "Hey." He echoed back, smirking at her. "Did you not get the memo that there is now a front door at the Summer's residence?" Dawn said, not moving from her spot by the window. "I must have missed that one. Being that the last few mailmen ended up food, they stopped coming for some odd reason." "Ahh," Dawn cooed, lazily.
Spike looked at her lethargic position, and frowned to himself. "I just...like coming this way is all. You know damn right I hate every one of those superhero characters downstairs. If it weren't for the chip-" Spike cut himself off when Dawn looked up sharply. She didn't look mad, just interested in what he was going to say. "If it weren't for the chip, what, Spike?" Spike looked at Dawn for a minute, and smirked evilly. "You don't want to know, Bitty Bit." "Spike-"Dawn was cut off when someone knocked on the door.
Dawn sighed and slowly dragged herself off of the chair and to her bedroom door. She opened her door a crack, and it was immediately shoved open and she was enveloped in a monstrous Xander hug. "Dawnie!" Xander said, a little too enthusiastically. "Xander!" Dawn said, flipping her wrist dramatically. Xander beamed, completely missing her sarcasm. After a moment's silence, Dawn prodded, "So...what's the emergency?" Xander's grin turned to a frown, and he protested, "Emergency? Dawnster, I just came over to say-"Xander paused and looked at Dawn's body language. Her eyebrow was cocked dangerously, and her arms were crossed. "Uh-huh?" Xander sighed, and then beamed at Dawn again as if she had done an amazing trick. "That's my girl," he crooned ruffling her hair, "always too smart for old, aging, Xander. There's a new vamp nest downtown that we need to go eradicate. I'm taking Willow with me."
Dawn nodded, and asked, "What about Tara?" Xander looked at her, as if expecting her to figure it out on her own. When she said nothing, he said, "Tara...wants to stay home." "You mean she was voted to baby-sit me, right? Well no worries, Spike is here." Dawn chided, bitterly. "No, Dawn I- Spike is here?"
For the first time, Xander looked up and saw Spike sitting, in plain view, on the edge of Dawn's bed. Spike grinned and waved cheekily at Xander, wriggling his fingers around. Xander didn't say anything, but his smile became a tight frown. He pulled Dawn farther away from Spike and murmured in a low voice, "Dawn, I want Tara with you, okay? Just tonight? I'm sure Captain Peroxide has other roosts to haunt." "Actually, no," admitted Spike, standing up. "I overheard a pair of Goblins talking about that vampire nest downtown, and I came here to tell you about it. There aren't more than three of 'em. But me being the valuable member of society that I am, I came to get you." Xander scowled at Spike, and rolled his eyes. "Well, we thank you Spike, but we have our own sources and don't need you around any of the Summer's women." Dawn stepped in front of Spike, her arms crossed over her chest again. "Xander, if you have a problem with Spike you can leave. I invited him in, not you." Xander looked at her shocked. Before he could say anything in protest, Willow came in closely followed by Tara.
"Hey sports-fans ready for some-"Willow trailed off when she saw the odd scene before her. They figured out what was going on at once by the way Dawn was giving her "I'm independent" look. Awkward silence filled the room, and Tara stepped forward. "Well, Xander," she said, emphasizing his name with meaning that none of them missed, "If Spike doesn't mind, he can stay here with Dawn, just to keep her company, you know, because she, uh-" Tara looked at Willow for help, and Willow finished with, "Dawn's perfectly capable of staying by herself now, but if Spike wants to keep her company then that's up to the two of them."
Everyone turned to look at Spike, and while Dawn's back was turned, Xander, Willow and Tara made pleading faces at Spike, and he smirked. "'Course I'll stay with the 'Nibblet. Can any of you even try to remember that I hate you all? She's the only one I can bloody stand."
"Well...thanks, Spike." Willow said. Spike winked at her. Willow kissed Dawn on the head, and nodded at Spike. She took the sleeve of the still-in-shock Xander who, after Dawn's outburst, had said nothing, and lead him out the door. Tara turned to Dawn and gave her a hug saying, "I know it's hard lovey. One day you'll be all grown up before you even know it." She beamed at Dawn after imparting what she thought was quite moving advice. Dawn stood there, infuriated. Then she smiled falsely and said, "So, what's the deal?" Tara smiled wider, thinking she had made Dawn feel worlds better, and said, "Nest downtown. If it gets too late, we'll just stay in a hotel down there. If that's okay with you." Dawn looked at Spike, and he nodded. "You'll call if anything happens?" Tara nodded. "I'll have Willow call after we eradicate the nest, just to check up. Okay?" "Kay." Dawn said. Tara kissed the top of her head, nodded at Spike, and left.
Dawn walked slowly past Spike and threw herself onto her bed. She buried her face in one of her pillows and let out a scream. Spike said nothing, just watched her. When she was done, she sat up on her bed and held her pillow to her chest. "Feel better?" Spike asked, sitting next to her. "Yeah. It feels good to do that sometimes. I don't have super strength or anything, so I can't hit anything. I resort to screaming into my pillows. How bad ass am I?" Dawn grinned up at Spike and he smirked at her. "Well, at least you could still hit things if you really wanted to." At Dawn's look, he finished, "True, true it might not hurt the enemy so much, but at least your brain wouldn't explode like mine." There was a silence for a while, and Dawn fell back on her bed, laughing.
"What?" Spike said, smiling at her random outburst. "Nothing...nothing I just had this image of me going all matrix on a demon." Dawn said, wheezing. "I can see, ha, ha! I can see me making all these dramatic "Hi-Ya!" noises in slow motion, and go for the punch, and when it finally makes contact, the demon doesn't even move. It just stares at me." Dawn held her stomach with both arms, and Spike chuckled at the image. "I can see it making one of those cartoon sound effects like, "boink!" or sommat." He said, beginning to join in the laughter. Dawn laughed even harder at this. "With my .05- mile per hour punch? It would be more like, "Dink!" Ha, ha!" They laughed for a while, and when their laughter began to wind down, Dawn snorted and started laughing again.
Spike just shook his head at her, and felt foolish for laughing at something so stupid. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him, wiping tears away. "I'm gonna go downstairs, there's a "Passions" marathon on in a few minutes. You wanna come?" Dawn shook her head, and said, "Nah, I'm sick of T.V. You go have your "Passions" time." He smiled at her, and left the room closing the door behind him. He grinned when he heard laughter erupt from inside the room as soon as he left. It was good to hear Dawn laugh, even over something as stupid as cartoon sound effects. Dawn's world was so complicated, and he was glad that she could keep the innocent side of her that saw the funny side of the little things. She wasn't a tight-ass like the general population of Sunnydale. Dawn brought out a different side to him that he didn't know he had. Thirty years ago, Spike would have never thought he would be sitting in a 16-year-old's room, giggling on her bed with her over something so stupid. But that's how things were with Dawn, at least during the rare intermissions between apocalypses.
All the people that Spike had ever cared about had made him change himself for them. Had made him feel like less of a person. Told him he wasn't good enough, or that he was beneath them. Spike had tried so hard to change himself for their happiness. Then there was Dawn, who to be honest, annoyed the bloody hell out of him at first. He didn't understand how she could get under his skin so deep, and why he even cared. But he did. She got to him, and he knew he loved her. He knew that she meant more to him than any human or monster he had had a relationship with during his entire existence, because she never tried to change him. She accepted him for who he was, and always listened to his stories with patience, but never judgment. They had formed a bond that no one understood, and everyone took the wrong way. Neither of them cared.
Spike sat in the living room. "Passions" was playing on the television but he wasn't really watching a word of it. He had an inner battle raging inside him. He felt guilty for leaving Dawn upstairs by herself. He didn't want to miss his T.V. show, but knew he wasn't taking in a word anyway. He sighed, and clicked off the television. He went back upstairs to Dawn's room, and knocked on her door. "Yeah?" She said, in no particular tone. Spike opened the door and sat down at her desk chair. Dawn was sitting by her window again, her head resting against the window frame, looking into the night sky. "You hungry, 'Nibblet?" Spike asked. "Not so much," she said, non- chalantly.
Spike frowned, and scooted his chair opposite her, so he could look out the window too. "What's so interesting out there, Dawn?" Dawn smiled, and looked up at him. "The sky. I never really looked at it before. I mean, really looked at it, and there's so much to look at. It's beautiful." Spike looked outside at the night sky, and they sat in silence for a while. After a few minutes, Spike took her arm and said, "C'mon." "Where are we going?" Dawn asked, suspiciously. Spike didn't say anything all the way downstairs, just led her along. He stopped at the coat closet, and brought out two large blankets. At Dawn's questioning look, he said nothing, just winked at her. She grinned, and he pulled her out the back door.
"The back yard? That's where our little field trip is?" Dawn said, giggling. Spike winked at her again, and began laying one of the blankets out on the grass. "Well you were looking at the sky, why not look at it outside? I am over 120 years old, I could teach you a thing or two about astrology." Spike sat down on the blanket, and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her down next to him. He lay down flat on his back, still holding her hand. Dawn did the same, feeling a little nervous and not really knowing why. "You know, I could never see the man in the moon," Dawn admitted. "I always saw a ship, like one of those old time Spanish Galleons with the big sails. But I never saw a man." Spike grinned and peered up at the moon. "That's just the non-conformist in you, luv. You paying attention?" Spike said, glancing over at her. Dawn giggled and said, "Yes. Where's the big dipper?" Spike smiled and said, "If you find Polaris, you can find all the other constellations." "...And Polaris is the North Star, see? I'm a sharp cookie." Dawn said, jabbing him in the ribs. "Yeah, or you just saw it last night in that "Muppet Treasure Island" movie." Dawn was silent for a minute. Then said, "So anyway, about the constellations..." Spike grinned, and showed her how to find the main constellations, and where their names came from.
"Well, I certainly feel enlightened and educated." Dawn said, semi- sarcastically. "How do you know all this, anyway?" Spike looked at her, and said, "When I was a human, when I was still William, my passion was poetry, but my favorite study was astrology. When I was your age, I would sit in my room for hours, just staring and plotting and mapping." Dawn listened to him, not knowing what to say. After a while of her silence, Spike became uncomfortable and asked, "What's wrong?" "Nothing," She said, turning so she could look at the side of his face, for he was still looking up at the sky. "I've just never heard you talk about who you were before. I never wanted to ask, and I never thought you would bring it up." Spike turned and looked at her. He began, "It's hard to talk about. It's all a bit confusing to be honest. Separating who I was then, and who I am now and where the line of humanity lies."
Dawn looked down, and was a little surprised to see that they were still holding hands. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, thinking about what he had said. She felt him looking at her, and she looked up at him. "What are you thinking, Nibblet?" Spike asked. "Just about what you said...the line of humanity. For a long time, I thought that I was evil. I caused everyone around me pain, and I was built to end the world. I was programmed to be something unholy. You told me that I wasn't evil, and I didn't have a choice in all the bad things. I think...stop me if I'm being naïve Spike, but, I think it's kinda the same with you. I mean you weren't evil when you were human, and then Drusilla turned you, and you didn't have a choice, right? I mean, when you're turned, you're kinda programmed to kill. But now...you've proven to me that you have more humanity in you than most humans, so you can't be evil."
"Dawn, one bloody person that I've cared about and taken care of out of my 120 year resume of death and torture doesn't exactly tip the scale." Spike said, a little bitterly. Dawn was taken aback at his tone, and whispered quietly, "I just meant that it wasn't my fault, and I don't think it's your fault either." She turned away from him, so that she was lying on her back once again. Instead of replying sharply, Spike thought about her words for a few minutes. He squeezed her hand, rolled on to his back and said, "Maybe, 'Nibblet."
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Dawn began to shudder a little from the growing breeze. Spike sat up and pulled the extra blanket across them. Dawn looked over at him gratefully, and snuggled in to him, resting her head on his chest. Spike chuckled, and Dawn positioned herself so she was looking at him, still lying across him. "What?" she said, grinning. "You. You trust me way too much, after all the horror stories I've told your young ears. And here you are, lying on me like I'm a family dog or something." Dawn cocked an eyebrow at him. "Trust you too much?" "Yeah." "Alright then," Dawn said, making to move off of him. Spike snaked his arm around her, and held her there. "But," he said grinning, "Your trust is ever so appreciated. At least someone around here trusts me." Dawn smiled and laid her head back down, looking at him. "With my life, kid. You know that." She said, grabbing his other hand and subconsciously playing with his fingers. He smiled and let her do it, liking the attention. "Right, because compared to your glorious 16 years, I'm a bloody infant." Spike said, sardonically. "Well, techniquely, I am like ten-billion-trillion- zillion-bagillion-and 40 something years old so-"Dawn stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned at her, saying nothing.
They lay in silence for a while, Dawn still playing with Spike's fingers. After a while, Dawn whispered, "Spike?" "Mmm?" He purred, his eyes closed. "Are you asleep?" She breathed. "Yes, because I generally talk in my sleep." He said, opening his eyes and grinning. "Spike?" Dawn began again. "Yeah?" He asked. Spike could feel her heartbeat increase, and knew that she was nervous about what she was about to ask. "If you..." She paused, "If the chip was out now, what would happen? Would it be like, when Angel lost his soul, and he tried to kill us? Or would you be the same? Or-"Dawn trailed off, lost in the frightening possibilities.
Spike thought for a moment, looking at the sky. "I don't know 'Nibblet. It wouldn't be like Angelus, because I don't have a soul to lose," he paused, "So, I guess every choice I would make would be my own. But I don't really know." He closed his eyes, not wanting to have this conversation, but not being able to avoid it. Dawn didn't say anything for a minute, just traced his palm with her fingers. "Do you want it out?" She asked. Spike sighed deeply, even though he lacked the necessesity to do so. There was no easy way of answering this one. "Dunno, Pet. I don't want to be a neutered vampire all my life." Her heart was pounding at this point, and he could smell her emotions, though she kept her demeanor calm. "You know what you said upstairs, what you were about to say when Xander walked in? You said, 'If it weren't for the chip I'd-'...but you didn't finish. Did you mean... if the chip had never happened or if the chip was out right now?" Spike opened his eyes, looking at her in disbelief. He knew he had always said he had hated the scoobies, but he could never hurt anyone related to Dawn in anyway. "Dawn, I wouldn't hurt any of the soddin' scooby gang. They are all you've got left luv." Dawn looked at him and said, "No, I've got you. You know me better than any of them do. You're more of a family than they are, you're more of anything than I've ever had...I was just wondering." "I meant if the chip had never happened." Dawn thought for a moment, and then asked matter-of-factly, "If the chip had never happened, who would you have killed first?" "Jesus, Dawn!" Spike said, exasperated. Dawn gave him a small smile, but didn't say anything. Spike sighed again. "Will. She is so powerful, it would have been my wet dream to drain a witch with that much magic." He stopped and looked at Dawn. She didn't look disgusted, just intrigued. "Then who?" She asked. "Xander, but just because he is so bloody annoying. Then Buffy." "Buffy last because she's the slayer?" Dawn asked. "Buffy wouldn't have been last 'Nibblet, you would have been."
Dawn looked at him, her face not showing any kind of particular emotion. Her heart betrayed her though, pounding in her chest, thudding powerfully against his own. "Why me?" Spike didn't look cocky or pleased with himself as Dawn had expected him to be. He looked at her sadly and then closed his eyes. "Buffy would have been like the main course for me, my 3rd slayer. You would have been my desert." "But I don't get it, why did I get special desert privileges?" Spike frowned and looked at her face. Her blue eyes looked so innocent to him. Some things he couldn't share with her, some things weren't for her to know. Some things she shouldn't understand. "Tell me." She said, searching his face. He looked at her, and admitted sadly, "Because you're the virgin, Nibblet." Dawn just looked at him, biting her lip. He continued, "The blood of a virgin is different, it's sweeter and it's not tainted. You're innocence would have been intoxicating, and there's other reasons why a monster would want a virgin besides blood lust."
Spike expected her to get off of him, but Dawn didn't even let go of his hand. Instead, she stopped playing with it and just held it close to her chest, not looking at him. "I'm sorry Dawn," he whispered, "I think that was a little much for you." Finally, she looked at him and said, "Spike..." Her tone was serious, and her heartbeat went off again, giving her away. "If you wanted me...I want you to have me. If it would make you happy, then it would make me happy too. I want to make you happy..." Dawn had tears in her eyes, though her voice was even and sure. Spike sat up, so that he could look at her better. "What?...Dawn," "No, Spike I'm serious. You mean so much to me, If..." She faltered, searching for the right words, "If I let you drink from me, your chip wont activate. If I let you...take me, in that way, it wouldn't activate either. If I can't give you anything else, I want to give you me, please." The moon shined on Dawn's beautiful face, tears now falling down her cheeks. Spike pulled her into his lap gently and wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Dawn," he began, "You don't need to give me anything to show me how much you care about me." "But I want to show you, Spike. I trust you." She said, in all honesty. "Then why are you crying?" He asked. "It just means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me." She breathed, resting her head against his shoulder. "Then, Dawn, instead of you giving me something...I have something to give you."
She looked up, and he put a hand to the side of her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. He then pulled away a little bit to see her reaction. She sat there with her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open. Spike smiled, and leaned back into her, kissing her full on the mouth this time. He gently pulled her bottom lip between his, and ran his tongue along it. Dawn opened her eyes and looked at him, embarrassed. He pulled away a little bit, and smiled at her. "I don't..." she started, but as soon as she did his mouth was back on hers. Holding the side of her face, He began to slowly kiss her mouth again, waiting for her to respond. She finally did, and he smiled, taking her hand. Spike ran his tongue along her bottom lip again, and she parted her lips for him. Spike deepened the kiss, massaging her tongue slowly and intimately, letting her adjust to him. Dawn found herself winding her fingers in his hair and pulling him in closer to her. Spike pulled her body in closer to his, continuing his slow exploration of her mouth.
Dawn didn't know what to do with her hands, she couldn't think, what was she supposed to do with them? What did they do in movies? Dawn tried to move her hand that Spike was holding. She wanted to touch him, feel him, anything. He held on to it tight. He never quickened the slow pace he started with, showing her intimacy, instead of lust. He held her hand for that reason. He didn't want this to be about anything except him showing her how much she meant to him. Slowly, he removed his tongue, and kissed the corner of her mouth where he had first kissed her. He then pulled away, smiling.
It took her a minute to open her eyes. He sat there, watching her. When she did open her eyes, they were full of gratitude and love for him. He could tell that she understood his meaning by the way she looked at him. "Thank you," she said shyly. Spike grinned at her and tweaked her nose. "Just want my girl to know how much she means to me." He lay back down on his back, and Dawn lay down with him. He held her hand and listened to her breathing grow steady as she lay there sleepily. With her last deep breath before sleep came, she whispered softly, "Wow."
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Hope you liked that. I thought it was cute. Give me feedback; I don't know if I want this to be a one-shot, or what. I was possibly thinking about having it be a prequel to "I Miss You". Hmmm...FEEDBACK!! Review!!!
Love you all so much!!
*~Bri