Notes: I hope it's not too confusing. Basically how it goes is like this: starts with a flash forward, then has a part centered around Tezuka/Tezuka's POV, then goes to a part centered around Fuji/Fuji's POV, then at the end links it all back together again. It also kind of has a cliffy ending ; Very sorry. I was planning to continue it past that point, but then it just seemed like I needed to stop there, so I did. By the way, when I am talking about how it Fuji's fault that Yuuta left and everything, keep in mind that that is not what I personally think, I was just trying to show how Fuji blames himself for it like that, and thinks of himself like that. Please leave a review.
Crying Smile
"Why do you smile?"
"Because otherwise I would cry."
Tezuka remembers the day that Fuji Yuuta left home. It was the 1st day that Fuji actually played seriously during a practice. No one got a point against him that day, not even a Regular. Tezuka didn't play.
After practice was over and everyone else had left and everything was taken care of and done with for the day, the tennis captain went in to the locker room to change before going home. He found Fuji sitting there, in the dark with the lights off, staring at the palms of his hands out in front of him, seemingly lost in thought.
Tezuka eyed him carefully, but proceeded with changing back in to his school uniform. Only when he had finished and turned around with this racket bag slung over his shoulder did the other boy speak.
Everyone thought he was wonderful; all of the other children always said and complained about how they envied how easy everything came to him. A prodigy, they called him, a genius. But did any of them ever stop and think about the outright boredom, and loneliness, that came from Fuji's being this way?
There were no challenges, not in his life. Everything came easily. Whether it was school work, photography, tennis, or even knowing just what to say to each person to make them happy or mad, none of it mattered, because it almost instantly came to him.
He had started tennis because he was bored, too. He had seen it played once on TV, thought it looked interesting, and persuaded his parents to buy him a racket, actually hoping for a challenge for once.
He was disappointed. Yes, he enjoyed playing the game; enjoyed crushing his opponent, but there was still no challenge. Tennis was just another one of his 'gifts'.
His parents were happy with his grades and achievements over all, but they were also often times displeased with their ever smiling son. He never showed a passion for anything, and when he at least found something that held his interest, it wasn't the type of things they wanted. Why photography, they asked him, why tennis? Why don't you become more interested in science and medicine, Syuusuke? Become a doctor, or maybe a lawyer. Bring pride to our family name. We all know you're fully capable, so when you fail, you will have only yourself to blame.
But it didn't matter what they thought, anyway. The only one Fuji really cared about, besides maybe his older sister, Yumiko, was his little brother. Yuuta's opinion was the only one that mattered in his mind. They were best friends, and he would protect the little brother forever.
But that was the one thing he was incapable of. The one thing he failed at. He brought his, and his little brother's, destruction upon his own head, where it came crashing down like a cold bucket of ice water, waking him up from the dream to live the reality. He had thought that Yuuta would be proud of his achievements, but instead they had only ended up hurting him. He would have quit if he had known this would happen, would have not done as well in everything on purpose, would have given up tennis if he had been able to see into the future and know that it would drive them apart.
Though, would he really have? No, he knew the answer himself. Tennis was interesting, to say the least, and there were those rare and wonderful times when he actually played an opponent that challenged him. The games where that happened were few and far between, but what they gave him, that challenge that he continuously craved so much; that was worth sticking around for.
No, he knew in his heart and mind that he was too selfish to give something like that up, even if it would have kept his precious little brother from ever saying the words: "I hate you."
Why, then, did it hurt so much? If he knew that he had brought this upon himself, then why, when Yuuta had turned back to glare at him with a challenge in his eyes before stepping out of the door and leaving him behind that morning, had he wanted to grab him and hug him and not let him go?
Fuji had been mad that day, truly mad for the first time in a while. Mad at himself, mad at tennis, mad at Yuuta even. He had played the others, even the non-Regulars, with a bit of his true strength that day. In the locker room, he had changed slowly and silently, only speaking when he told Eiji to go on ahead with Oishi today. Soon everyone else had left, except for Tezuka, who was still inside the school working on a bit of paperwork for the club. The dark-tan haired boy picked up his bag, walked to the door and turned off the lights, only to realize that he didn't want to go home. Didn't want to go home to a house without Yuuta, and parents that he knew blamed him for their youngest son's departure.
So he had turned around and gone back to sit on the bench in the middle of the empty and dark locker room, dropping his bag with the big SEIGAKU logo to the side and looking at his hands, for once letting his smiling mask drop, wondering why it had to be this way, why he had to be this way.
He heard Tezuka come in, heard him pause in surprise at seeing him there. But Fuji didn't move, didn't show any signs of even acknowledging his presence, because inside, he felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a coming truck. Tezuka was there, seeing him unmasked and vulnerable. He wanted to stand up, swing his bag over his shoulder again, and make some comment so that it seemed like he had merely been waiting for the other boy.
He had taken the time while Tezuka changed to get himself together. When the captain had finished and turned around again to look at him, he had lifted his head and smiled his normal smile at the taller boy. He had then said casually, as if it wasn't a big deal at all, "Yuuta started at St. Rudolph's today."
Tezuka had simply stayed silent, waiting for him to say more.
"I'm sure he'll get much, much stronger, now," Fuji continued, "Ah, I can't wait to play him once he has." The prodigy stood up. "Well, I suppose I should get home. My parents are working late again and neesan is at a friend's house so I'll need to make dinner." He turned to leave.
"Fuji," Tezuka said, not having moved an inch. The other boy stopped, unable to disobey the commanding tone in that voice. Instead, he turned back to Tezuka, smiling facade once again in place.
"Why do you smile?"
The sudden question caught Fuji off guard; he actually opened his cerulean colored eyes to blink in surprise for a moment, mask almost slipping off before he grabbed at it and put it firmly back in place. Scrunching his eyes up once more and smiling again, he answered calmly, "Because otherwise I would cry."