Confessions of a Shady Past
-Nigrescence
Consoling.
Paine sat alone on top of the ship, hanging her arms over the arch built to resemble a Seagull. She sighed and looked down as the wind stirred her hair and the clouds whizzed past her. Alone, outside the ship, in the asphalt of only wind and clouds, Paine felt free. But suddenly she began to feel constricted and Her thoughts began to wander, running in the direction she wanted to stay away from: Baralai.
Yesterday seemed so weird. On so many levels. Baralai was fighting against her, against her team, all in an effort to protect a monster that could destroy all of Spira. What drove him to do something like that puzzled her, and she could guess her actions had puzzled him as well.
Paine sighed.
There he was, standing just as tall as she could remember. He was always taller than her, quieter, more sincere than the rest of the Crimson Squad. Those were some of the qualities she liked most about him. His hair was always soft, not that she touched it or anything, she could just imagine what her fingertips felt like through his perfectly blanched hair.
Her lips curved once she laughed.
There he was alone on the bridge. The pale moon's kiss reflecting off of his frame. The stars twinkled just above his head. He truly was a sight to see, but that was something that she'd never really admit. Except to herself. Paine absent-mindedly shook her head. He said he'd wonder what it'd be like to sit with someone in the foreground of a waterfall with pyre flies in the dark under a moon.
Paine wondered also.
What would it be like to sit with Baralai in that setting? How magical would it be or get? Would he act on instinct? Would he kiss her fears away? Or would he shyly turn away like he'd done so many times before? If only she knew…If only she remembered.
With his sudden change, his disposition, she feared she'd never truly find out. Baralai had changed. But not completely. There was still the 'Lai she knew, within him. His concerned look when she drew her sword told him so. He didn't want to fight, she didn't want to fight. They both knew.
Among that, he'd held back from using all of his moves on her. A few times, he went to strike, but as she came to block his attack on Yuna and Rikku, he stopped suddenly and jumped back, narrowing his eyes. If he truly wanted to hurt her, he would have done so. But he didn't. He didn't.
Paine sighed and wiped a tear from her eye.
All she wanted now was for this to end. For her to go home. Baralai was out of reach, she hadn't found Nooj or even Gippal. Even though it's uncertain, she knew she'd eventually meet up with them again.
Slow footsteps approached from behind her and a hand gently fell against her shoulder.
Paine barely moved and tossed a glance over her shoulder at the blonde who stood behind her. Buddy came to her side and kneeled to her level with much of a concern look on his face.
"Paine? You alright?" he looked over the tears in her eyes. For someone like Paine, sulking like she was, was uncommon. "What's wrong? Paine?"
Paine straightened and dried her eyes. "I'm fine. Just… thinking."
"I hope it's good thoughts your thinking. Tears like that shouldn't be sad ones."
Paine really didn't have much to say to Buddy. She barely knew him. She really expected Rikku to be behind her, consoling her, but Buddy was there. He was male. Maybe he understood what was going on with Baralai. Baralai, too, was male.
"Buddy." Paine called, trying to suppress the shedding of tears. "How do you know… how do you know when you've lost someone? When a guy's gone bad? Or worse, when he's left you?"
Buddy looked her over and raised a hand to his head. He figured it had something to do with their last mission.
"Is this about that guy? At Bevelle?" Paine remained silent.
Then she shook her head. "No. A guy."
"Okay, then." Buddy confirmed. It was about the guy in Bevelle. Baralai. "Well, for one, when a man or guy leaves you, it's either because he found something more interesting or he's being led away. You know when you've lost him when he's no longer around. Or when he cannot relate. He's either gone bad by another's influence, or again, when something's become more interesting."
Paine collapsed into tears, raising her gloved hands to her face. Shocked, Buddy came to her side and kneeled down. He raised a comforting hand to her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay? Here, let me take you inside."
As Buddy went to help her up, Paine dug her face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably. She'd lost him. How, she was unsure, but she knew Baralai was taken from her forever. Buddy looked down on Paine, uncomfortable with the fact that she was grieving on him. Hesitantly, he pressed his hands to her back and held her close. The least he could do was comfort her as she cried.
"It's okay, Paine." He murmured in her ear. He began patting her back and took an earful of her cries. "Shh. It's okay."
Images of Baralai began to surface past her blinding tears and conjure in her dark subconscious.
There they all were, the Crimson Squad, sitting at the round table in the bar, laughing and smiling. Paine pressed a gentle hand to Baralai's shoulder and whispered a joke into his ear.
Again Baralai blushed as he looked over to her and she looked to him.
She could easily detect the love in his eyes and she could see his struggle to hide it. Paine settled for a playful smile as she looked over to him. It wasn't something she'd show unless she was comfortable around the others. And with her voyage around Spira as the Crimson Squad's personal recorder, she learned to grow close to them quite substantially.
Then there was a certain flashback that was left unwritten. The Kiss(1). It was innocent, unintentional, but amazingly good for their first try. One night while Gippal and Nooj were in the bar, drinking away at old stories that Paine wasn't up to hearing, Baralai led her away.
Down the corridor and into a private room in which he'd created, he let Paine go first. At the sight of jewels, rare to her eyes and foreign to others, Paine smiled in enlightenment. She ran a gloved hand over a few of them, and examine a few others, but those things weren't nearly as captivating as what Baralai had to show her.
He locked the door. He didn't want the others barging in.
"Paine," he called, taking her hands in his own. "Come. I have something to show you."
"Really? Like what?" she asked, letting him take her hands. He led her into a separate room that conjoined with the other. The lighting within this room was dim, and the window within it held a nice view of the ocean and stars. There was a small desk in one corner and a bed in the other.
"This is my private quarters." He answered, looking back to her with a sincere smile. "I come here when I want to write or get away from everyone. Like those days when I'd… I'd disappear. You know."
"I do." she nodded, stepping further into the room. She had let to remove her hands from his.
"Here." he murmured, stepping to a kohl-painted box with crimson jewels around it. It looked like a medieval parchment, used for one of the mistress' jewels. Baralai lifted the box for her to see. "I… I wanted you to have this. It's been with my family for quite a while. Before they- before sin-…you know."
"Only the women shared this ornament of trust and love." he said. Then he laughed. "But since I'm male, I could not have been given the pleasure."
Paine smiled.
Baralai peeled back the box's cover and exposed the dark crimson necklace. As medieval as its casing, the jewel was especially morbid-looking. Then pentacle of it was in a shape of a diamond. The ends of it were not pointy, but curved, and outlined in metal ripples.
Paine gasped. "That's beautiful, Baralai. But I couldn't- I mean, it belongs to your family."
"Nonsense," he answered in her ear. He positioned himself behind her and draped the unusual-looking necklace around her neck. Clasping it closed, he smoothed it out from her shoulders to her chest, peering over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't violating her in any way. "I kept it. There isn't a more beautiful woman that could wear it."
Paine absent-mindedly leaned her head to his as he leaned over her shoulder, and placed a hand on top of his as she marveled at the gift. Baralai drew in a soft breath and hesitantly moved his hand. Instead of removing them completely, he rested his hands gently against her shoulders.
"Are you happy?" He softy murmured against her ear. "Do you accept my offering of love and trust?"
Paine turned around in his grasp and looked into his eyes. More than anything. Did he need to really ask? She was taken with him from the day she met him. Although it took a while to show it, trying to keep up with her nonchalant attitude, she did allow some of her feelings to show.
She pulled her arms around him in a hug, catching him off guard. Baralai flushed and looked down on Paine as she sighed and tucked her nose within the crook of his neck. The contact was so close that he could feel her chest through his garments. Which produced a special feeling within him. Something he thought he'd never really feel. In response to the embrace, he wrapped his arms around her and leaned his head to hers.
"I accept 'lai." she murmured, shutting her eyes. All she wanted him to do was hold her. She wanted it. She knew he wanted it. "Thank you."
"That is the least of what I have to show you." He murmured, drawing her back by her shoulders. Looking over her face, noticing how pleased she was by his gift, he took her hands and led her to the small cot near the window. "We are coming across Peruvia Vast. And look over there."
Paine followed his hand as he lifted it to the west and saw the giant waterfall, spilling large amounts of soul into the dip below. Her face brightened.
"Pyreflies!" she smiled, turning to Baralai. He nodded and smiled back.
"Aren't they beautiful?" he asked.
"They are." she murmured, watching them as they floated in sparks amidst the water. Baralai watched her longing gaze. She was even more beautiful. He couldn't admit it out loud, he knew it'd seem awkward, but that was in the least. He was shy. He'd never say it. He relied too much on his insecurities to speak on it.
"Paine?" he called, still staring at her. Slowly turning to face him, Paine eased his heart with a smile.
"Yeah, 'Lai?"
"I…I think I-" his heart fluttered. Paine smiled even more and drew him to sit beside her. He looked as though he'd pass out any minute. And his face was red!
"'Lai? What's wrong? What is it?" She now looked concerned. Baralai turned away from her.
"I think…I think I- I mean, Paine, do you-" Baralai kicked himself for not speaking his emotions or clearly for that matter. Paine noticed the fight within his eyes and drew a hand to his head to brush away white hair from his eyes. His face fell into her grasp. The way her fingertips felt through his hair was mesmerizing, like when you graze that itch that's been picking at your scalp all day. If he couldn't say it, he had to show her. His words weren't as powerful as his actions.
As if prompted, Paine leaned her head against his in a comforting manner. The way friends do when one of the two are down in the dumps. Their hair entwined and their cheeks touched. Baralai's cheeks were completely flushed by the contact. He could smell her scent, see down her shirt, and her arms around him made him grow more uncomfortable. But it was all on good merit. Then almost involuntary he withdrew from her with his hands cupping her face. His eyes searched hers, sending her ringlets of stares that could tell her how he felt. She stared back at him and calmly smiled.
Then she did something she didn't think she could. Placing her hands over his, she lowered them until they fell against her waist, then trailed her hands along his hands to his chest pulling him closer toward her.
Their lips locked with one another, drawing in the silence. The only noise came from the soaring of the pyreflies as they danced along the bow of the ship and fluttered to the waterfall and back. Paine moaned into a kiss, falling back against the small cot with Baralai above her. He undressed her, she him. Each helped the other with the stubborn garments and uncooperative fasteners.
Paine thought of nothing more than the pleasure of his hands and mouth, the ecstasy of his body over hers. Inside hers.
It was perfect. He was perfect.
Afterward, they lay on their sides, cupped like spoons, hearts beating fast. Paine yawned and she felt Baralai smile against her hair. He dipped his nose to her neck, smelling her scent, then licked at her flesh to raise a love-bite.(1)
"We should go." He murmured.
"No." she answered, snuggling into him. "Forget about them. Lets… let's just stay here tonight."
He nuzzled her neck affectionately. "Are you sure?"
"I'm certain, 'Lai. So sure."
"Paine?" Buddy called. Paine came to with a start, collapsing into his chest with tears to match her sobs.
"Buddy," she sobbed, "Thanks. Thank you so much."
Buddy looked down on her. She had no reason to thank him. All he did was try to comfort her. He pulled her away by her shoulders and looked at her with much concern.
"Paine. I don't know much about what's happening here," he said, holding her away from him, "But all I have to tell you is go and try to keep him. This guy."
Paine nodded and wiped away at her eyes. As her hand rubbed her eyes, she smeared the charcoal mascara over her cheeks. At the sight of her fingertips, she gasped and saw the dark crud that covered them. Below her hand, she noticed the necklace against her chest and dissolved into tears once more.
As if her tears weren't enough, the goddesses above began to shed their tears as well, sending a violent shower of rain down on the pair. Buddy sighed and drew her into his arms, helping her up. If he had his jacket, he'd have covered her with it.
"Come on," he said, tossing his voice over the weather. "Lets get you inside."
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(1) If you would like a back-story regarding their onboard relationship, which will be more detailed than above, I'll be glad to give you at least 3 chapters of that. Maybe more. I refrained from giving more sexual content to save grace on our less mature readers. The PainexBaralai Flick, I suppose, will be rated NC-17/R for those that can handle adult behavior. I mean, C'mon, we don't stay young forever. And how do we know that Paine and Baralai didn't do something? Maybe they did. I'm here to tell it my way.