Stop Saying You Love Me
Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me, except for the oc's n stuff...oh...and the plot too. There's also this one part that I got from the story Faith by Dragongirl16. It's a wonderful story and I have this one part that is a little bit like Faith but I promise you that the rest will be totally different...so please don't flame me about that. I emailed her...but either I got the wrong address or she thought my email was junk mail or my computer is just dumb...so...like...ya...don't get mad at me or report me cuz I did try to ask for permission. ( My first HP fic...dunno if it's good or not....tell me in a review! Flame me...it's ok, but just tell me what I did wrong. ( (Harry & gang are going into 7th year).
Warning: THIS IS A DARK FIC. IT HAS CHILD ABUSE, RAPE, BEATING AND OTHERS. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT THESE THINGS, PLEASE LEAVE NOW. IT IS RATED R.
[Chapter One: When the World Finally Crashes Down]
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AN (reload): This has been beta read by my friend =D no new chapters but this chapter replaced...ya...I've already wrote ch4 but I'm waiting for my friend to proofread it...ya...so it might take a while cuz she's really busy. Thanks G.G!!)
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I still remember the world from the eyes of a child
Slowly, those feelings were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything
And knowing nothing at all.
Evanescence – Fields of Innocence
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Aug. 1
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All was quiet on this hot, sunny day. As much as the inhabitants of Privet Drive tried, no noises could be mustered to break the silence. However, Harry Potter welcomed the silence. He was lying on his so-called bed in his cupboard (Vernon threw him back in there ever since 6th year). His whole body ached. He was shirt-less because of the heat, and bruises and cuts were visible. He always had hard time breathing. Harry had always thought that the Dursleys wouldn't go any farther than to lock him up in a cupboard. Guess he was wrong. Ever since two years ago when Moody, Lupin, Tonks and the others "threatened" the Dursleys, Uncle Vernon got angry at Harry for telling the "freaky people" about them and started to beat Harry. Vernon usually used a rolling stick or umbrellas, but when he was really mad, he sometimes even used a frying pan fresh from the stove. Sometimes, Dudley would join in and punch Harry as if he was a punching bag. The only thing that was different was that Aunt Petunia would stand in the corner and huddle. Usually, Vernon then went insane and started to beat her too— with the excuse that she was the one who brought bad luck to this home (a.k.a Harry).
Currently, the Dursleys were out on a small vacation to Aunt Marge's house. On these days, Harry loved being alone, with the exclusion of Hedwig, of course. Perched alongside the teenager, the owl looked worriedly at her master/friend. He hadn't been outside for about two months and he barely ate anything. Her master was currently sleeping, but even there, he couldn't find any peace, for his dreams were filled with nightmares of Voldemort torturing and killing muggles and muggle-borns, even if Harry had already taken care of him a year ago. Still, despite the horrendous flashbacks in his sleep and his continuous beatings from Vernon, Harry never cried; the reason being that he was a Gryffindor—and Gryffindors were "supposedly" brave. But then he would remember the sorting hat's comments on how Slytherin would've suited him; Slytherin-- who were the opposite of Gryffindor.
Harry hated his role in the wizarding world and he still constantly felt the weight of the prophesy on his shoulders, even if it was fulfilled last year. He often wished that he were someone else, or dies, so that he could be with his parents and Sirius again.
The Boy-Who-Lived was slowly breaking...slowly losing hope.
He knew he still had Ron and Hermione, but what did they understand? They couldn't even see the threstrals. Plus, they hadn't even sent him any letters like they promised to, and it was already August. Only one more month till school began... one more month until he was free of the torture...
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Aug. 13
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The Dursleys came home late at night, just when Harry was beginning to get used to his freedom. But since it was about midnight, they just went directly to sleep. From his corner, Harry could tell that his uncle was in a bad mood by the way he walked. Nowadays, Harry was more observant of his surroundings because as the result of how his relatives treated him.
Concluding his observations, Harry decided not to disturb them for his own sake, despite the fact that he was hungry. Perhaps he would be able to steal something in the morning. For a second, Harry thought sadly about his parents and how disappointed they would be if they were still alive. They were probably rolling in their graves at the moment. I mean, their son had to STEAL something in order to survive. Sighing, Harry got up and crossed the room. Carefully lifting up a loose floorboard, he picked up a velvet box that Dumbledore gave to him last year. Inside was a beautiful ring with a lion engraved on the band, complete with a small, gleaming diamond on top. It was his mother's wedding ring, and Harry treasured it dearly. However, he was extremely careful with it, for if the Dursleys saw it, they'd take it for sure. Harry smiled wistfully before placing the box back under the floorboard, and went back to sleep.
Suddenly, he was transported back to a stormy night, with the familiar smell of decaying flesh.
He was back at the Riddle graveyard again.
Looking around, Harry caught a glimpse of Cedric's lifeless body. But then, as if manipulated by a higher force, the body rose, along with others that had died at the hands of Voldemort. Their mouths kept repeating the same thing over and over:
"It's all your fault...all your fault...you killed us..."
Shocked, Harry's eyes widened in fear at the accusing glances.
"No! Voldemort killed you! I didn't do anything!" He cried out, but the corpses didn't cease their advances at him. Harry dropped to his knees as they kept coming closer and closer.
"No...you could have saved us...it's all your fault...your fault..." their voices repeated, haunting and condemning.
"N-no... Stop!" Harry said weakly, "no..."
Then, Cedric's face was right in front of him. Harry could see his lifeless gray eyes staring at him. "Harry..." he started, but then Cedric's face melted into that of a pudgy one, scrunched up in anger-- Vernon.
"I'll teach you a lesson for waking me up!" his uncle cried, with a heavy stick in his hand.
Fully awake now, Harry realized that he had been screaming in his sleep—waking all his relatives up. Behind Vernon stood Petunia and Dudley outside the door; Dudley, with a gleeful expression on his face, and Petunia, with a bruise on her right cheek as well as a fearful glance. Guess Vernon took his anger on her too, Harry thought. He could almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
"This'll teach you!" Vernon raised the stick, but before he could land a blow, Harry spat in his face.
"Why you...!" Vernon wiped the saliva off his face and threw the stick to the side with a burst of anger. Tightening his fists, he lunged towards Harry, punching and kicking. "You...ungrateful...little...brat!" he shouted. Dudley let out a cry of joy at the violence; while Petunia fainted as blood came gushing out of Harry's re-opened cuts.
"I'll finish with you tomorrow! When I'm done with you, you'll wish that you'd never been born!" He threw Harry to the floor and the teen hunched up into a ball. The pain was intense, but he held his tears, for weakness was just what Vernon wanted, and Harry wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.
Turning his head, Harry saw Vernon and Dudley pick Petunia up and leave. He heard the door slam, followed by the sound of locks clicking into place. A tired feeling settled inside Harry, even though he had just gotten up. The black-haired adolescent stood up and took out some stolen bird food hidden in the closet. He poked it into Hedwig's cage.
"Even if I have to suffer, it doesn't mean you should." He whispered, smiling at the owl. Then all was dark.
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Aug. 16
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"WAKE UP BOY!" Harry felt a cold hand slap his face, then he felt the coldness of the floor and realized he was lying on the floor with no shirt on. Vernon was leaning over him with a VERY big stick and a purple face.
"Wake up you stupid idiot boy! You did this didn't you? You used your...freaky magic and did this!" Vernon's face was getting purpler by the second and his throbbing veins could be clearly seen.
"What...?" Harry was confused for a moment, but then realized something bad must have happened for Vernon to blame it on him.
"Don't you 'what' me! I know you did it! Petunia is now in the hospital because of you! She had a heart attack!" Harry was alarmed. It must've happened when she fainted yesterday, he thought with a silent shock.
"No...I didn't do anything!" His body shook visibly. He tried to stop, but it was of no use.
"You're shaking! That means you're guilty!" Vernon's face started to crack into an extremely evil grin that slowly grew until he was laughing hysterically.
"Well too bad for you; I'll just take all my anger out on you!" Harry flinched as Vernon raised his hand. But instead of the usual beating, Vernon did something he unexpected: He ripped off his trousers with a quick yank. Harry's eyes widened.
"No..." he whispered as Vernon reached over to tear off Harry's boxers too. "No..."
Then Vernon slipped out of his own boxers, relieving himself of all clothing. Harry's heart began to beat faster and faster as a sick feeling entered his gut.
This wasn't happening...
"NO!" Harry got up and ran towards the door. Despite his Quidditch training, the lack of food had weakened his strength, and it was no difficult task for Vernon to block the door with his body.
"Don't even think about it!" he growled. Harry tried to back away, but Vernon just grabbed him and threw him onto the bed with a strong jerk.
"Now you'll pay for all you've done to us!" Vernon wore a sickening gleeful expression on his face and began to laugh hysterically again. Then, he was on top of Harry.
"Get ready," and then he slammed in. Pain shot through Harry's body from the impact, and his eyes watered. It hurt so badly, and the continuous repetition of Vernon's "movements" and the accompanied groaning, disgusted Harry. He felt like he was going to die from all the pain and humiliation.
Then let me die, he thought, I can't take it anymore! Then as Vernon started to move in again, everything went black...
When Harry finally woke up, it was dark outside. His whole body ached, and the whole room smelled like the dirty deed that had occurred. He felt dirty, as if no matter how much he washed and scrubbed, the dirt would never come off. His body felt cold. His bed had never really held blankets, and he was still pretty much the way Vernon left him: naked.
Harry curled up into a ball and despite his promise to himself, he started to cry. Silent tears streamed down his face. He didn't dare cry out loud, afraid that Uncle Vernon might wake up and do that "thing" again. He hated this. Hated it. He wanted to destroy everything, but he got a hold of himself. He got up, wincing at the soreness of his hips, and opened the floorboard to take the ring out. Hugging it to himself, the tears continued to come. Everyone must be disappointed, he thought bitterly. Disappointed that he was crying; showing signs of weakness.
"Hedwig, I'm so stupid— I'm so... I just wish that I could just...go somewhere...faraway...," Harry whispered. His owl looked back at him, as if she understood what he said. Harry lowered his head to kiss the ring in his hand, and then put it back again. After that, he fell back onto his bed and fell asleep.
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Aug. 28
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The raping continued everyday and what was even worse was that Dudley also came to do it too. Aunt Petunia was still in the hospital. She had developed a sickness that, when a workout was too extreme, could lead to death, for the disease made her heart beat harder than usual.
Harry was as broken as ever, but despite his daily obstacles, he still kept himself together for Ron and Hermione. But then, something happened that made him lose even that reason for living.
One day, Vernon barged into his room with a stack of paper. At the sight of him, Harry had tried to get as far away from Vernon as possible, but instead of doing the usual "deed," Vernon threw the papers at him and barked, "Here! That...freaky school of yours sent their letters with...that...stupid owl."
Harry winced at the loud sound of the door slamming, but got up and picked up the letters. Flipped through them, he saw one without the Hogwarts crest on it. It was from Ginny (this part is the part I was explaining about in the author's notes above). Harry was surprised. He hadn't gotten a single letter from his friends the whole summer, and now only Ginny-- not Ron or Hermione, sent him one? Carefully opening it up, he saw tear stains of them. Hoping it was nothing bad, he started to read.
Dear Harry,
I hope your summer was okay with the Dursleys. Anyways, I'll just get right to the point. Mum and Dad...umm...were captured by some Death Eaters. They were tortured before being killed. I miss them a lot and, well...the Ron and the twins thought that it was al your fault. Remember when you had that vision of Dad getting bitten by the snake? They thought that you should've had a premonition about the killing, and warned them before hand. Ron also somehow convinced Hermione to believe him too (they started going out and she is now staying with us for the rest of the summer). That's why they haven't sent you any letters this whole summer-- they hate and despise you now. But I don't, so you can trust me. I just wanted to tell you to be careful when you get to school. Who knows what other people they managed to convince.
Your Friend Forever,
Ginny
Harry looked at the letter in disbelief. First Uncle Vernon, now this? He felt tears well up in his eyes again. Strange. He seemed to be crying a lot these days. Harry lay down on his bed and buried his head in his "pillow" made of Dobby's old socks.
'Maybe I should go to Diagon Alley early; I wouldn't be able to miss them then.' he thought.
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Aug 29
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Today, Harry got up early, despite his bad health and went downstairs with his trunk. Yesterday, he told his uncle that school will start early and that he needed to go Diagon Alley today. He got hit for accidentally saying a "magic" word but that was ok compared to the pain in his heart. He also got punished that night for not telling Vernon earlier. Luckily, The Dursleys were going into town today to see Aunt Petunia so they agreed. Since Dudley was too big to fit in the front seat (ever since Aunt Petunia left, he stopped on his diet.) he had to sit in the back seat. And since Dudley complained that it would be to "squishy" (used in a cute voice) with Harry in the back seat, Harry was thrown into the trunk with his stuff. What seemed like hours, Harry finally was let out. He went to the wall, tapped some bricks and it opened into Diagon Alley. He checked into the Leaky Cauldron and went to sleep.
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Aug. 30
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He knew the Weasleys came to Diagon Alley on the last day, so he came a day early, knowing that he had to make sure he finished his shopping by the day's end. What he didn't expect was that they decided to come a day early too. When he walked out of Gringotts, the first person he bumped into was—Ron.
"Sorr—oh. Potter," Ron sneered. Shocked, Harry could see true hatred in Ron's eyes. Fear began to rise, for he'd never seen anger in Ron's eyes unless it was directed at Malfoy.
"Um... hi Ron." Harry stumbled while trying his best to sound normal. But Ron only pushed him, causing the black-haired teen to fall to the ground in his weak condition.
"Who said you could call me by my first name? You murderer!" Harry was shocked and even more shocked when he saw Hermione come up behind Ron, her eyes looking at him with the same kind of eyes. Then the twins also appeared behind Ron, and picking Harry up, they pinned him against the wall.
Devastated, Harry couldn't muster enough energy to move. He stared blankly as Ron punched him over and over again in the stomach and face. The actions reminded him of Vernon and he felt like crying, but this time, he held it in.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing Weasley?" Blaise Zambini who had turned a corner and saw "the Golden Wonder boy" being beaten up by his own best friend, immediately stopped.
"Stay out of this you slimy Slytherin! Go back to the hell hole you came from!" shouted Ron.
Blaise, who was already pissed off, took his wand out and pointed it at the four people.
"Let him go..." The red-haired boy looked at the wand wearily. Blaise might've not been the best dueler, but he did know some nasty spells.
"Come on guys, let's go."
Once they disappeared, Blaise stuffed the wand back in his pocket and went over to Harry, who was now lying on the ground. Blaise smirked as he thought of how vulnerable Harry looked. A plan began to form in his mind.
Maybe I have some use in him.
"Hey, Harry! Are you okay?" Blaise asked, trying to sound genuinely worried. Harry stared wide-eyed at him.
"B-b-bl... Blaise?" he stuttered, "Wha--?"
"Shh...it's ok, they're gone!" Harry was confused. Blaise Zanbini—a Slytherin...was...smiling...at him? Dang, the world was getting stranger and stranger.
"Harry, tell me where you live. I'll take you home." Blaise was acting freaky (after all—Blaise and nice didn't really seem to go), but Harry gave in. "The Leaky Cauldron...Room...13..." (No way was he going back to the Dursleys.) He tried to thank the other, but the day's events had taken their toll on Harry—and once again, his vision blackened...
When Harry finally came to, he looked around. He was back in his room in the Leaky Cauldron. Struggling to sit up, he stopped when his body ached in pain halfway up.
His stomach and head felt horrible, as if he'd been punched a million times...but then, he remembered-- he HAD been punched, by Ron, nonetheless. Harry struggled to hold in the tears that had been threateningly to flow the day before.
"Hey!"
Harry jumped at the voice. "Wh-who is it?" He squeaked, and his anxiety heightened as Blaise came in with a tray of food.
"What are you doing here?" Harry shouted hysterically. What was going to happen next, he asked himself.
"Relax," Blaise smiled. "I'm here to help!"
"What?"
"Don't you remember? I saved you from your 'friends.'"
Suddenly, the previous day's events flashed back, and Harry remembered Blaise's entrance.
"Friends..." Tears came again.
"Ron...George...Fred...Hermione—what happened there?" Blaise looked thunderstruck.
"Wait! Don't cry! It's okay! Everything will be alright." Blaise sat down on the bed and helped Harry up, holding the other boy close. Harry stiffened a little, but then relaxed slightly, reminding himself that this wasn't Vernon.
"Shh, It'll be okay, I swear..." Blaise said, though his face was masked with a smirk that Harry couldn't see.
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SSSSOOOOOO....what do you think?? Anything you want to tell me-- your thoughts and stuff, please don't hesitate! Constructive criticism welcome! Meaning no "you suck," or "I hate your stories," because number one: that ISN'T constructive! That said, thanks!
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And ONCE again...Thanks G.G!!! you know who you are...(of course you do) I love what you added! And I'm sure the other people out there do too! =D
-- Cassie