Author: Bumblebee

Date: 1/12/01

Category: Digimon

Rating: PG for the situation, maybe a few swear words?

Archiving: Sure, just ask me first! =)

Summary: Tai realizes that, after a nasty breakup with Sora, he has to find a way to either get her back or get over her.

A/N: I found this song in my dad's old record collection this week… ;) I read the lyrics, and for the next twenty-four hours I couldn't get this idea out of my mind. So, I'm taking a break from Awakenings 02: Nothing to Win, Nothing to Lose (tentative title, for all you Awakenings followers…) to write this! I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: None of the characters used in this fic are mine. They belong to the creator of Digimon, Digital Monsters. Also, the song used is "Girls That Don't Exist", sung by the Records and written in 1977 by Will Birch and Richie Bull. I added the last line of the song to "finish off" the fic.

An song-ficcie by Bumblebee

Tai could still hear her voice in his head, screaming at him over and over. "Tai, I can't live like this!" she had screamed at him. "Why can't you understand?" And he didn't know. Why? Why was he so afraid?

What was he afraid OF?

Was it the fear of losing her? The fear of being alone? The fear of love?

Whatever it was, he was going to get over it. He was going to get her back.

He remembered what he had done…

"Where are you going?" he had asked.

"Out," she had said. "I'm going to the movies with Mimi and Matt."

He remembered that he had felt angry, why hadn't he been invited? He nodded, and kissed her on the cheek.

"Fine," he had said. "Leave me, all by myself. All alone. You always do, you know."

She had turned then, her eyes curious, yet angry too. "What do you mean?"

"You're leaving me. You've left me by myself every night this week. I haven't even talked you for a week, Sora."

"Damn you Tai," she had shouted. "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to make me feel guilty? Are you trying to control me? I can't live like this! Why can't you understand?"

"What do you mean?"

"You can't control me, Tai. I know you too well. I know all your little tricks, I can almost read your mind, Tai Kamiya. So don't try your mind games on me, Tai. I really don't have time."

And then Sora had stormed out. That had been two days ago. And Tai still didn't know where she was. But he would find her, he knew it.

So Tai had gone out looking. He checked with Mimi, and with Matt, but neither of them had seen her. They hadn't had plans for anything, so where could she be?

But why had Sora said they were going to the movies?

What had she been planning?

Or had she just been formulating a way to get away from him? A complicated plan, every last detail precise. Because Sora had always paid attention to details.

So Tai walked.

He walked and walked, trying to clear his head from the thoughts that were beginning to overtake the sane and normal thoughts.

She wasn't really in love with you, Tai. She was using you…

"No," he said aloud. "No."

Yes, Tai. She was using you. You gave your heart to her. Stupid move, really.

"No, that's not true."

You gave your heart away, and she took it. Tai, someone can take your heart and never give it back. They can hold it over your head for the rest of their life, never returning it. And then, when you get it back, it's like there's a hole in it, a piece missing. And that, my friend, is gone forever.

Tai began to run, trying to drown out that nagging voice in the back of his head. But he couldn't run far enough, fast enough, long enough.

The damage had already been done.

He thought he saw her everywhere after that. Her face appeared on a magazine cover as he passed a newsstand. The autumn leaves falling from the trees were the exact shade as her hair. And he saw a girl of about sixteen who looked just like her. Until she turned around, with a summer tan and eyes the color of the ocean. And her hair was a little too dark.

So he kept running. He had to find Sora, tell her that he was sorry, tell her that he loved her.

And that's when he realized it.

He loved her. He didn't have a "crush" on her; it wasn't any form of teenage infatuation. He loved her. As in we'll-be-together-forever love.

And after hours of fruitless searching he knew what she was worth. As soon as he found her, he'd never let her go.

And if he didn't find her… well, he didn't want to think about that.

The thought was just too scary.

But after five hours of running, searching, missing, loving, he still hadn't found her. And he was wondering… what would his life be like without her?

Boring, repetitive, monotonous. She was a light in the darkness that was Tai Kamiya's existence. Her smile brightened, her laugh reached deep into his soul. She was there whenever he needed her, wanted her, called her.

And now she wouldn't be.

The thought chilled his insides, twisted his stomach into shapes he didn't know existed. She wouldn't be there anymore.

Tai couldn't hold out for much longer as he collapsed onto a wooden bench in the park. He gasped and wheezed, trying to force air back into his lungs.

But even the most innocent places, like the park, held horrible memories.

Picnics in the summertime, snowball fights in the winter, soccer games in the fall, rainy-day walks in the spring. Remnants of a past that had ceased to exist towards the present.

He couldn't stand his pain for much longer. At that moment, Tai Kamiya put his head in his hands as a solitary tear drifted down his cheek.

He had always been the strong one, never to worry or cry. But now everything had changed.

Tai didn't know how long he sat on the bench. But when he eventually looked up, the sun was setting, throwing beams of light across the ground. There, illuminated in the late afternoon light, he saw a vision. Something he'd never expected to see again.

There was Sora, walking towards him.

She looked like Sora, talked like Sora, smiled like Sora. And her eyes were red, as if she had been crying.

"Sora?" Tai whispered, his voice hoarse from hours of grieving for what he believed to be lost. Sora's smile, no matter how weak and teary it seemed, lit a flame of hope in his heart.

The vision moved with ultimate grace to the bench and sat down. "Hey," she whispered.

Tai reached out and took her hand. "I thought you were gone," he said, his voice raspy. "I had almost lost hope."

Sora smiled weakly. "I left in a fit of temper, and when I realized what I'd done, I almost collapsed. And then, I thought about it, and, well… how do I say this?"

"I don't know."

Sora grinned. "I realized I loved you. Like really love. Not just friends, not just buddies. Real love. And I…"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah…"

"Because I had the same realization. I love you."

"I love you too. Anyway, let me finish. I was so depressed, I knew I had lost you. And I wanted to die; I was that miserable. But, I couldn't lose you. So I came back to find you."

"Really?"

"I'm sorry Tai. I know that isn't really sufficient, but…"

"Don't apologize. There isn't any reason. It's half my fault."

"Why?"

"I didn't want you to leave, without me. I was so afraid…"

"That I would leave?"

"Yeah. And after you were gone, I wandered, I walked, I ran. Anything to get your voice out of my head. But it didn't work very well. And if I lost you…"

"I know."

Tai entwined his fingers in hers. "But I learned one lesson today. Never give up on love, it'll find you anyway."

Sora grinned. "I like the sound of that. Never give up on love..."

=) Bumblebee