I am beyond awesome. I have had two updates on this story in a little over a month. I am so dedicated (ish). La-x has been a bizzatch, so I have an excuse. Anyways, here's the chapter!

"This is beyond cliché," I said over the loud sound of the wind rushing past my head. "I mean seriously, how could Crystyna mistake a murderer for Elladan?"

We had passed out of the city (not without strange looks from the guards) and were riding over the field towards the river. Elrohir had gone back to the halls to tell Elladan and Aragorn what had happened. I knew there would be hell to pay when we got back, and not just from Crystyna.

"Well, Laura, you should not be complaining, since it was your idea to do this in the first place," Legolas pointed out matter-of-factly. "And you do not have to yell, I'm right behind you." We had transferred over to one horse, since mine was being a jerk.

"Well you need to speak up, then, because I can hardly hear- AUGH!" The horse came to an abrupt stop at the bank of the river, making me loose my balance and fall off. Legolas sighed.

"Laura, stop goofing around. This is not a light matter."

I glared at him as I brushed the dirt off my rear end. "Well, excuse me, I was unaware that all the horses in this place are out to kill me."

I looked around, and didn't really like what I saw. It was rather spooky. We were on the edge of Osgiliath, which still looked deserted after many years.

"Why are we stopping here? Couldn't we go somewhere, oh, I don't know… a little less terrifying?" I kept as close to the horse as was physically possible.

"I told Elrohir that we would me him and Aragorn at this spot. Besides, you have nothing to fear; no one ever comes here when they're in their right mind."

At that same moment a piercing shriek filled the air. In less than a second I was back on the horse and gripping Legolas for dear life.

"OhmygodI'mgonnadie!" I wailed.

"Laura, calm down! You look like you've seen a ghost. It was only an owl." He pointed at a nearby dead tree, where, in fact, there was no owl, let alone a bird of any kind. His hand fell back to his side rather quickly.

"Just an owl, huh, Legolas? Yeah, sounds like that owl wants to eat our souls," I mumbled. Legolas rather rudely told me to shut up and steered the horse a bit farther away from the possessed tree.

Ten minutes after that little incident, Aragorn and the twins came thundering up on their horses. Aragorn didn't look like a king anymore; he had gone back to his old Ranger look.

"Well, we should be thankful that you used to be a Ranger, shouldn't we, Elessar?" Elladan said as they dismounted.

"I suppose so," he replied with a smile.

"Do I get special privileges to keep calling you Aragorn?" I asked him.

"Oh, I suppose, but only because you knew me before I was Elessar," Aragorn said.

"Sweet."

"Perhaps we should spend less time talking and more time trying to find Crystyna," Legolas suggested. "Who knows what those men are doing to her…"

"The guards told us that she and the men with her rode to the river and then went upstream into Osgiliath," Elrohir explained. "They lost sight of them after that."

"I can see the tracks," Aragorn announced. "They are definitely leading towards the buildings."

"So we have to go back towards the scary tree," I said, looking pointedly at Legolas.

"If you do not want to go, you can stay here with the horses," he said over his shoulder. Aragorn was already striding away quickly, almost bent over double as he looked at the ground.

"Sounds more fun then going to my possible doom," I called back.

"Very well. Stay here with the horses. Alone." He started to jog away, then stopped. "I shall ask Aragorn if you may get special privileges to be buried nearer to the halls…"

It took a moment for that to seep in, then I quickly knotted the reins around a shrub and sprinted after the others.

We followed Aragorn all the way up to the edge of Osgiliath. He came to a halt at the edge of the city, where the path turned from dirt into cobbled stones.

"The hoofprints stop here, but you can tell that they kept going up this road," he told us.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Well, there are no tracks leading to either side of the road to indicate that they went around, and also you can see some mud on the stones." He pointed at the ground, where the minutest little piece of mud lay.

"Um, okay then…"

Everyone drew out their weapons. I, on the other hand, had nothing to defend myself with, and therefore decided that I'd just hide behind one of the elves.

"I can tell they are not far from here. I smell the smoke from their fire, and I could feel vibrations in the ground."

"Right," Elladan said. "When we find them, should we attack immediately or stay back?"

"Stay back, and let me talk to them," Aragorn insisted. "I may be able to talk them out of doing anything foolish."

Aragorn was right: it only took us about two minutes to find Crystyna. Apparently these were not the most brilliant kidnappers in Middle Earth, or they probably wouldn't have made such a big fire. Or so much noise, for that matter.

They were hiding in an empty building, which had partly fallen in many years ago; two whole walls were missing. We crouched down behind a waist-high wall that apparently separated had been taller at one time as well. Inside we could see the bandits sitting around the fire in a semi-circle. There were only seven of them. I scoffed. Taking them out would be simple pimple. They were all talking, drinking, and laughing, except for one. He had his hood up, and was completely silent. As far as I could tell, he didn't talk at all, and if anyone said anything to him, he simply nodded or shook his head. Perhaps he was the leader. The other bandits seemed sort of afraid of him.

Poor Crystyna was sitting in a corner, her ankles and hands bound tightly together. The strange thing was that she didn't seem all that scared. In fact, she almost seemed like she was enjoying herself. She seemed quite interested in the hooded man. Oh god, if this whole thing didn't get the point across, I may just have to hurt her.

"All right," Aragorn hissed to us. "I will expose myself first-"

He was interrupted by my uncontrollable giggling. Legolas slapped his hand over my mouth.

"-I will go out first and talk to them," he continued, rolling his eyes at me. "Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas, you all stay behind me, but be ready in case any fighting occurs. And Laura… um… well, just try to stay out of the way."

"What, you don't want me to expose myself to them, Aragorn?" I said, trying not to laugh. Elladan told me to shut up.

"No worries," I said confidently. "I'll just hang back behind Elrohir. But don't fret, my pretties. I'll be there for moral support. No way will I ditch you guys." I grinned at Legolas' dry glare.

Aragorn stood up straight, "exposing" himself to the bandits. I had no idea how he was going to convince them to give Crystyna back to us.

"Greetings, my friends," he called. Oh, I guess that will work. "I am Lord Elessar, king of Gondor."

The bandits just looked at him, then started howling with laughter. Aragorn looked back at us over his shoulder, and the three elves popped up as well, their bows drawn and ready. Immediately the laughter ceased.

"Please do not make this more difficult than it has to be," Aragorn said calmly. "All we ask is that you give us the lady back."

"Oh really?" called one of the bandits. He seemed like he might be the leader's right hand man. "I'm quite sure we don't agree with you, sir." He whistled. Out of nowhere, at least twenty more bandits popped up at random places. We were completely surrounded.

"Oh. Shit," I squeaked. I was about to go back on my promise to not run away.

"Now ye see, even if you were King Elessar, that doesn't really affect us much," the man continued.

"Then I am afraid we will have to take her back by force," Aragorn answered. He signaled to Elladan, who shot an arrow right past the bandit's face. He looked entirely unfazed. "You see, my good man," Aragorn continued, "you may out number us, but we have three elves on our side."

"Oh really?" said a smooth voice. I looked around, and saw that the hooded man was standing up, clutching a long wooden bow in his left hand. "Some of my brethren, then, perhaps?" He reached up and pulled off his hood, revealing a very handsome face (I might even go so far as saying that he was as hot as the twins), long dark hair, and two very pointed ears.

"Whoa," I managed to choke out. The three elves had astonished expressions on their faces. The elf walked closer to us, casually resting his bow on his shoulder.

"You are looking at the most dangerous group of men in this part of Middle Earth," he said in his suave voice. It made me shiver. "I have trained all of them to be as good at shooting as any elf. We do not give back what we have taken, let alone things that willingly came to us." His eyes slid over to meet mine, and he smiled. Well, it was more of a smirk, but come on. We were talking to one badass sexy elf, my friends.

"And what is a young lady like you doing with these four?" he asked, almost sympathetically. I melted. It was easy to see how this guy had charmed Crystyna. It probably didn't take much. He smiled again. "You and your friend are quite lovely, despite the fact that you are human."

See, I would have been offended, but I was trying rather hard not to pounce on him and start licking his face, or something equally as weird.

I managed to tear my eyes away from him and looked sidelong at the others. Their eyes were narrowed, and they had definite "bring it on, bitch" looks plastered on their faces. Aragorn was holding his sword (apparently he had exposed himself, teehee), and Legolas had a knife in each hand. All thirty-something of the bandits were slowly closing in around us.

"It is a pity that we didn't get to talk more," the elf said, turning away from me, "but-"

ZING.

An arrow flew past my head and embedded itself into the elf's thigh. He crumpled to the ground, muttering in Elvish (probably cussing, actually). I looked behind me and cheered. The other five elves that had come with us from Ithilien were standing behind us, bows drawn and arrows strung. I grinned and waved at them. They acknowledged me with smiles.

"All right! Now let's go kick their…" I faltered when I turned around. Almost all of the bandits had disappeared, and those that were still visible were skittering away into the dark, leaving the hot bad elf behind. "Well, that was kind of lame…"

Elladan had already jogged over to Crystyna, who hadn't uttered a peep through out all of this. She stretched her arms and legs.

"Thanks, Elladan," she said, bestowing a flirtatious grin in his direction. When she turned back to face me, her eyes were enraged and her eyebrows had made a sharp V on her forehead.

"YOU HOOCH!" she screeched, coming at me in a full sprint. I managed to utter a small squeak before she plowed me to the ground. Before I could get away, she sat on my stomach and pinned my arms down. I would have made an innuendo joke about her being happy to see me, but I was more concerned about getting out of there alive.

"I almost died back there! I can't believe you set it up so that I'd get kidnapped! Do you have any idea what they were saying? They were telling me all the things they wanted to do to me, which I was planning on saving for my wedding night!" I grimaced at the thought. "Although, that elf is pretty hot." She glanced over her shoulder and waggled her eyebrows, then glared back down at me. "You so owe me, missy."

"Um…how about I be your slave for three days?" I wheezed, trying to breathe. She looked thoughtful, then smirked down at me. I knew immediately that I'd regret it.

Crystyna made me give her a piggie-back ride all the way back to where the horses were, which was about a quarter of a mile. By the time we got there my legs were about to fall off, and when she finally got off of me (not before making me let her stand on my back to get on the horse), my back wouldn't straighten out. I knew then that I would have rather been stuck in a room with ten horny orcs than continue being her slave girl.

After being enslaved for three days, I finally was set free and no longer had to give Crystyna a foot massage every morning. However, there were some pluses to those three days (and no, that doesn't include the one hour "lunch break" she granted me each day.) Aragorn discovered that the elf was exiled from his home in Lothlorien many years ago for some unknown reason. Probably for being too sexy and rivaling Galadriel's, er, "beauty." Aragorn ordered that the wound in his leg be healed, and that he be treated kindly in his lovely cell, and that when he was cured, he would be released somewhere in the middle of Rohan to fend for himself with a warning that, if he ever caused more trouble, he would regret it. (I think he ended up getting eaten by cannibals or something anyway.)

A week after the Crystyna Incident, as it was now called, and after my back would start staying straight without my effort, everything was back to normal, i.e., boring. I rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn (well, 9:30, anyway), got dressed in my normal clothing (which was now a dress, unfortunately), and stumbled on down to the kitchen. By now everyone was sick of waiting for Crystyna and I to get up for breakfast, so they ate at around 7:30 each day.

I tottered into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing my eyes. The cooks greeted me by name, since I had started showing up daily.

"Toast again today, Laura? Or how about some fruit?" Flora, the rotund, sweet old lady, asked.

"No, no toast. Fruit is too sweet. Hmm…" I suddenly got a craving for Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or Lucky Charms, or Froot Loops… ahhhh. "Do you have cereal around this place?" I asked. They gave me blank stares.

"What is…see-real?" the male cook, Fard, said with a perplexed look. I struggled for a way to describe this must-have breakfast food.

"Well, it's like… oats, flour, corn, and grain, and you grind it up and mix it together… hm… sugar, most of the time, too. I think they bake it, but I can't be sure. You serve it in a bowl and pour milk on it." The cooks glanced at each other.

"Well, we've never heard of it before," Fard explained, "but I think I understand what you mean. It will take about fifteen minutes to make, though."

I almost hugged him. "That's fine. I'm going to be down in the stables, so just call me when it's ready. Thanks so much, you guys."

I strolled down to the stables, sharing my good mood by waving at people (even those I had never seen in my life). Most of them just ignored me anyway. I fed Duke a handful of hay and talked to him (yes, I talk to my horse). There were a few scrawny dogs running around that I played with while I waited for breakfast.

After half an hour, I still hadn't been called up, and my stomach was growling loudly. I was about to give up and maybe eat some of Duke's hay when I heard someone come into the stable. Flora waddled in, holding a steaming bowl in her hand. Er…

"So sorry that took so long," she apologized, "but we couldn't find the flour." I sat down on a hay bale as she handed me the bowl with a proud smile. My grin faded when I looked into the bowl. This was definitely not cereal.

If it looked like anything, I'd have to go with graham crackers, minus the little perforation things. There were four or five thin sheets of… something lying in the bowl, each about the size of a dollar bill. They were right out of the oven, because they were still steaming. There was about a centimeter of milk poured into the bottom, and a thick layer of undissolved sugar.

"Um, Flora," I said cautiously, "this isn't quite what I had in mind…" I trailed off as the proud smile was immediately replaced with an insulted and hurt frown. I quickly corrected myself. "I mean, it's even better than what I had in mind! This looks fantastic."

The smile reappeared. "Well, go on and try it! If you like it, we may make it for everyone else in the morning as well." I looked at the sand-colored slabs. That was about the last thing I'd want to put in my mouth.

"Er…well, it still looks kind of hot, you know, so…"

"Oh, go ahead and try it."

"No, no, I'll wait-"

"NOW!"

I snatched one of the crackers and took a small bite out of it. Indeed, it still was hot. And it tasted like dirt. Literally. I tried to make my grimace into a delighted smile.

"Mmmmm, tasty," I said, hiding my gags. Flora beamed and then walked back up towards the halls with a confident air.

As soon as she was gone I spit the stuff on the stable floor and covered it with dirt. "Nasty," I muttered. I tried giving one of the pieces to Duke, but he laid his ears back and tried to bite my hand. The response from the dogs was no better. I put the bowl on the ground, and after sniffing it for about three seconds, they tucked their tails between their legs and backed away growling.

After ten minutes of attempting to force feed the "cereal" to some sort of animal (with no results), I heard someone coming towards the stables again. I assumed it was Flora. With nowhere to hide the stuff, I chucked it out the other end of the stable and slammed the door closed. I was relieved to see that it wasn't Flora, but Legolas.

"The cooks want their bowl back," he said. "Why do you have milk all over your dress?"

"Don't ask," I told him.

"Right." He didn't look surprised. I don't blame him. "Oh, and someone has arrived that would like to talk to you. Someone you haven't seen in quite a few years."

I wracked my brain to think of who it could be. I gaped when I realized who my admirer was. "Haldir?" I screeched. Without waiting for an answer, I bolted past him and back up to the hall.

"Er, well…actually," Legolas tried to say, but I wouldn't listen. I sprinted up the stairs, threw open the doors to the Hall, and stared.

"Oh my god," I gasped.

"Oh my beard," the visitor replied, looking worried. I screeched and dashed up to where the throne was. Before I got there, however, I tripped on my dress. I fell to my knees and slid the rest of the way up to him, knocking him onto his back. I leaned over the man and beamed at him.

"'Sup, Gimli?"

Awww, another reunion! How cute! This chapter is dedicated to the awesomely awesome Katie Beth aka Son of Watt, because her birfday is tomorrow (May 5). I WUV OO, WATT! Pencil! Lampshade! OH MY GOD, his tail is molesting Legolas!

Mucho lurve,

!Laura