If I can't have her, neither can you!
Summary: Lilly had a sad life until a mystery man popped up. The only thing is, he's hiding something.
Spending my life away as I please
Last time: "You know me," said James softly, "Always here to help…" Lily smiled and snuggled her face into his chest.
"…And never here to be loved," He whispered to himself.
"Mmmm, you smell like peppermint, my favorite." James smiled roguishly and squeezed her tenderly.
"Come on, let's get you to bed, you look exhausted."
"Mmmm, thank you Jamie." Lily said, looking up into his face once more and smiling.
"For what?" He asked, looking down at her. They stood at the base of the girls dorms and Lily finally pulled herself from his grip.
"For everything," She leaned in to kiss his lips, but James turned his face and she got his cheek instead.
"Goodnight Lily."
&&
"Hey Lily, we need to talk." Lily nodded and followed Tom to a more secluded part of the school.
"So what did you want to talk about?" She asked nervously. Tom sighed scratched the back of his head.
"I don't like how much time you're spending with James, it feels like you're replacing me with him."
"But James is my best friend; he'll never take your place, never. I promise you."
"I still don't like when you're around him so promise me you'll never socialize with him again!" Lily gasped and clutched at her heart.
"What! Tom, you can't honestly ask me to dot hat, it's absurd."
Tom scowled, "Why not, why won't you be with me only?" Lily rubbed at her throbbing forehead and sighed.
"I can't do this." She said softly, looking up into Tom's dark eyes, "I'm sorry, but I really can't do this."
"Do what?"
"This!" Lily said, indicating the both of them, "This relationship, our relationship. I don't think we'll work. I'm really sorry, but I'm calling it off, I think I'd be better with James." She said, her bottom lip beginning to tremble as she placed her hand on his upper arm.
She knew what a broken heart was now, and she couldn't believe she was actually doing it to herself. Lily began to cry as Tom ripped his arm out of her grasp.
"Please Tom, try to understand." She sobbed. Tom grabbed his head in his hands as a wracking headache surged through it. This wasn't meant to happen. He wanted to grow old with her, it wasn't fair! He was finally happy and things were falling apart!
"I thought we were perfect for each other!" He shouted angrily. Lily slumped to the ground and began sobbing loudly into her hands.
"I'm sorry," She whispered miserably, "but I don't think we are." Tom slammed his fist into a nearby wall and laid his head on the concrete as his hand, now throbbing, began to bleed.
"Why James?" He asked hoarsely. Lily looked up at him through puffy e yes and wiped at her runny nose.
"Pardon?" She asked timidly Tom's temper began to rise again and he lashed out towards her, grabbing her arms in a vise like grip, he shook her.
"WHY JAMES!" He shouted. Lily began to cry again, not only from the increasing pressure on her thin arms, but also from terror. She'd never seen Tom this angry in all the time she'd known him.
"Because Tom, I've fallen in love with him." She whispered lamely. Tom let go of her suddenly as the fresh pain, ripped through his insides attempting to get to his heart. He felt as if a gust of ice cold air had been thrown on top of all of it and it had completely frozen over the spaces that were left warm. Now there was nothing. He looked down into her wet green eyes and made a bark of a laugh, nothing like what Lily was used to.
"Get up woman." He hissed. Lily stood up on trembling feet and locked her with the cold, solid ground beneath her feet.
"Look at me!" He ordered. Lily looked up into his eyes to see that they were no longer a misty green, but a cold gray stone. She began to shake in fear.
"Frighten you do I?" He asked cockily, as he circled her mockingly. Tears began to fall from her emerald eyes as she closed them in misery.
"You're not yourself." She whispered to him. Tom stopped in front of her face and bent down close; their noses were almost touching.
"Pardon, I'm not myself?" He asked dangerously. Lily took in a shaky breath and shook her head slowly.
"You're not being yourself. The Tom I know is kind and compassionate." She said once again. Tom laughed evilly whilst tilting his head back as the sound emitted around the room.
"The Tom that you know…is fake. He is a character that I have invented to act on our stage. An imaginary being, if you will, that I have given access to prance around, making amuck of things and playing with girls hearts. He had to be sweet in order to win 'Fair Lillian's' heart, because this character of mine, the one I have made up, was created for one purpose, and one purpose only. Would you like to know what that purpose is?" When Lily said nothing, Tom continued.
"This character of mine was created to achieve the impossible…he had to shag Lillian Evans." Lily looked up at him through her charcoal lashes in horror.
"I've yet to put that Tom to his task, I think I'll do it now." Lily screamed as he leapt on her and pinned her to the wall.
"Don't scream," He said harshly as he teasingly began to rub his hand up her thigh, "You'll only make it hurt worse." Lily continued to scream and kick and cry. Why Tom had almost undressed her completely…
Lily tumbled out of bed and began to tug at the blankets that were cutting of the circulation in her body. All the while she continued screaming.
Nyla came rushing to her side and pulled her friend from the scarlet and gold duvets. "Shh, shh, it's ok Lil's, what's the matter?" Lily looked around franticly and Nyla starred at her friend in shock.
Lily looked at her friend, her eyes searching the girls face. "Who are you?" She asked franticly. Nyla raised a blonde eyebrow at her friend.
"It me, Nyla Melcany, your best friend since primary school; we live right next door to each other." Lily studied her face and then fell into her friends arms sobbing.
"Oh Nyla, I'm so scared, wait, where's Tom?" She asked suddenly. Nyla raised her eyebrows once more.
"Probably in his bed sleeping; it is after all two in the morning." Lily looked around to see all of the other seventh year girls starring at her sleepily from the end of their four posters.
"Two?" She asked softly. All of the other girls nodded. "Oh," said Lily lamely, "I'm sorry for waking you all up; I just had a terrible dream." All of the girls nodded and then grunted and groaned as they got themselves comfortable for the last few hours of sleep they could get.
&&
"Oh no!" Lily heard someone cry. She started from her sleep and yawned loudly before sitting up, much to her dislike.
"Nyla, are you ok?" She asked, pulling herself from her warm covers. Nyla cried out again and slumped to the floor in the corner. Lily rushed to her side and rubbed at her friends back.
"What's the matter Ny? Did something happen?"
Nyla sobbed and began to try and speak, but nothing could be deciphered over the blubbering she was making, so instead she threw a crisp pink letter at her friend and continued to cry.
Lily recognized the paper immediately. The letter was from Nyla's older sister Evangelic, who was 21 and out of school. Lily unfolded the paper and began to read the contents.
Dear Nylana,
How are things at school? I hope they're going well. Things back here where I am have been hard, which is why I am writing to you. Nyla… Mama, Papa, and Grandma have passed.
I'm sorry to inform you this way, but I do not have much time to tell you. They had rented a muggle car for the day, blast those things, and we're going on a picnic to Canterbury. They were about an hour or so from it when a Lorry from the opposite lane ran into them. Merlin knows what the driver was thinking, but what ever it was, it cost them their lives.
Maybe, well maybe you should think about coming home. I know you'll be coming to the funeral, but maybe it is best if you drop out of school and come to help me at the house. The finances will be rising and I don't have enough money to keep the house up and raise my son by myself. Brooklyn says that he'll come back to help, he's even bringing his wife and the kids.
I know if will be hard to adjust to, but I think we can do it; we just need to stick together.
Please write back soon with your reply, I did not relish writing this.
With all my love
Your sister
Evangelic
Lily looked up from the letter and frowned. Eva was asking Nyla to drop out of school! What was she thinking, there were only months left, she couldn't afford to drop out of school; that could really damage any prospects of a good job.
Another thing that surprised her was that Brooklyn was coming back. They hadn't seen him in years, he'd run off with a muggle woman just after Hogwarts and they'd gotten married. Now he was coming back?
Poor Nyla, this must have really hurt her, all of this information, the last of her family was dead, aside from her brother and sister.
"Oh Nyla," Lily said softly, cradling her friend in her arms, "I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say to make it better." Nyla moaned in pain and wrapped her arms around her friend in desperation.
"Do you know what makes this all even worse?" Nyla suddenly bawled. "I never told mum and dad I was having a baby. My daughter will never know her grandparents." Lily soothed her friend.
"How could Eva be so selfish? How dare she ask me to drop out of school, if anything I should stay so that I can gain the proper education to get a better, higher paying job when I finally do graduate. Brook and she can do just fine for another couple of months, they're big people, and they're capable of running things with out me. Merlin, they're older than me, Brook is 24 and Eva is 21, do they really, honestly think they need me!"
"I don't know Nyla; I really wish I had the answers for you."
Nyla stood up confidently and threw the letter in the bin. "Yes well, I'm not dropping out of school. Eva and Brooklyn can manage on their own perfectly fine until I've graduated."
"Good for you Ny!" Lily cheered, hugging her friend. "I hope you don't mind Nyla, but I need to talk to James today, I have to explain something to him, and he has some explaining of his own to do."
Nyla smiled and hugged her friend once more. "No, I don't mind, I need to tell Sirius anyways. I think he deserves to know that he won't be meeting his future in laws…" Nyla chocked down a sob and wiped furiously at her eyes. "But I would like you to come shopping with me tomorrow, I need to get Samera some clothing."
Lily nodded and grinned. "Naturally, what kind of a best friend would I be if I didn't help you go baby shopping?" She smiled once more and went down to the grounds to find James.
She stopped just beside Hagrid's hut and saw the four marauders talking to Hagrid himself about goodness knows what. "Jamie?" James turned around and waved playfully at her.
"Hey Lil's, come here!" lily walked over to the group and smiled up at the giant.
"'Ello Lily, you're lookin' rather lovely his mornin'"
"Thank you Hagrid," Said Lily blushing, "You four wouldn't mind if I borrowed James for a little while would you? I need to have a chat with him."
Sirius began to make kissing noises and the group laughed. "Yeah sure Lily, you can have a 'chat' with Jamsie poo." Lily gave him a soar expression and dragged James off by his hand.
"Ooo, look guys, She grabbed his hand!" The boys cackled loudly and Lily hurriedly rounded the corner.
"Merlin your friends frighten me sometimes." James laughed and followed her to the other side of the lake to site down.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" He asked casually, sitting down. Lily sat down beside him too and dusted off her hands.
"Well, mostly I want to discuss last night and apologize." James looked out over the water and scratched the back of his head.
"I'm sorry about last night Jamie; I suppose I just got caught up in the moment. I wasn't meant to, you know, try and kiss you."
James sighed and smiled. "Don't worry about it; I only turned away because I knew you would regret it in the morning." He said softly. It hurt him to say that, it hurt to think it, but it was the truth. Besides, he would rather have Lily's friendship then nothing at all.
"Yeah…" Said Lily softly, "I also apologize for my behavior for this past year; I've been acting so odd lately. I promised myself I would try my hardest not to be like the teenage girls out there and I've only succeeded in being just like them. It's scary really, and I've just dragged my entire group of friends into the mess I've made, even my boyfriend."
James smiled and kissed her forehead, "Well don't worry, I understand."
Lily hugged him and stood up. "I have to go now; I've got some studying to do before tea." James nodded and waved goodbye to her.
Lily walked through the school hallways and towards the kitchen to grab a treat before retreating to her room. "Lily!" Lily turned around and smiled up the stairs into her boyfriends face.
"Hiya Tom, what are you doing down here?"
"Well, I saw you with Potter, and I didn't like the feeling I got." Lily grinned slyly and walked over to Tom, lacing her fingers threw his hair.
"We're you jealous?" Tom scoffed and looked away angrily.
"No," He said stubbornly. Lily laughed and turned his head towards her.
"Yes you did, you were jealous you silly boy." Tom pulled her hands from his hair and frowned.
"I wasn't jealous!" He hissed. Lily frowned and folded her arms in front of her chest.
"What's wrong? Have you still got the green bug?"
"I wasn't jealous and I'm still not. I just don't like the time you're spending with Potter, he's a bloody git." Lily snorted angrily and looked away.
"You know, I really don't understand you Thomas, you know he's my best friend and I would never do anything with him that I would do with you. Why are you so angry suddenly?"
"I'm not angry!" Tom yelled. Lily laughed and looked down the hallway, rolling her eyes.
"No, of course your not, and the bright color in your cheeks and edgy tone in your voice is something natural."
"Forget it, I'm not in the mood to talk about this now, just stay away from him; hear me?" Lily rolled her eyes again and walked away.
"Whatever Tom, you're not my mum."
(James' POV)
James stared out over the lake and watched as the water rippled with the gliding movements of the squid. He squirted some water into the air and began to swim on his back.
What a boring day. He could just go back to his friends and Hagrid and plan the next big prank, but honestly, he didn't want to. Recently their pranks had become slightly boring. Either that or he was just distracted, focused on something else.
So James lay all the way back onto the moist grass and closed his eyes, succumbing to the peace of his surroundings. "Potter." James opened one eye and looked up into the angry face of Riddle.
"So much for peace," James mumbled; sitting up slowly and straining his neck to see.
"You've got some nerve Potter, trying to take my girlfriend from me." James frowned, eyebrows knitted together.
"What are you talking about? She's like my sister." Tom snorted and looked away agitatedly.
"You two are just the same aren't you? Lying through your bloody teeth; I see the way you look at each other, and best friends, as you say, don't look at each other that way."
James sneered up at Tom and stood. "You don't know what you're talking about, if you're trying to say we fancy each other then you've got it all wrong."
"I'm not saying fancy, I'm saying love, and I don't like that you're in love with my girlfriend!"
"I'm not in love with Lily, she's my best friend! You couldn't tell love if it slapped your bum with a wet towel and screeched about how it's a fried tomato. You've never loved anybody; it's a human feeling, one which you don't seem to be able to feel."
The vain in Tom's forehead pulsed angrily and he threw his fist forward, connecting with James' jaw.
"Ow, you bloody eejit, what the heck do you think you're doing!"
"Giving you what you deserve you wanker. Who do you think you are, trying to analyze my feelings and tell me how things are with me? You don't know what's gone on in my life, you've got no idea."
"And you know what's gone on in my life?" James bellowed. "You automatically know how I feel about everything? You think you're just the big one, the almighty? Telling me that I'm in love with Lily, you've got no idea how I feel."
James panted angrily, and took a deep breath before resuming his rant. "For six years I've loved her, and for six year I was a bloody prat, doing everything I could imagine to impress her and failing miserably. Then the one year I finally wise up and figure out how to be sensible and stop being a prick long enough to gain her friendship and acceptance, you come along and steal her heart from me just like it was a simple task and you would have to be a complete divvy not to be able to do it! I've worked so hard to be with her, I've done EVERYTHING I can think of to make her see that I'm deserving of her love. She is the most wonderful person I've ever met and in the end all my efforts amount to nothing because you, some random bloke, you just turn up and snatch her from right out of my grasp. I love her and I hate you for taking her from me!" James suddenly threw his fist forward to and it collided with Tom eye.
The two boys' rage built up and they tried to their best efforts to make the other hurt as much as physically possible. "James, riddle, no! What are you doing!" James could feel four pairs of hands clamp themselves around his arms and pull him away from an also struggling Tom, whose arms were being pinned back by Hagrid.
"What the bloody...What was going on 'ere?" Hagrid asked gruffly.
"He started it." James grumbled, finally releasing himself from the grasp of his friends and dusting himself off, then mopping his bloody nose.
"Did not," Argued Tom, trying desperately to release himself from the half giants grasp, but Hagrid seemed to have more reason then one for gripping Tom's arms so tightly.
"Don' matter who started it, jus' as long as it's over now. Mind you, I'll be tellin' Dumbledore, but fer now, you boys should all be gettin' back to the school." The five boys nodded stiffly and the Marauders dragged a reluctant James away to the school.
"What were you thinking James? We could hear the two of you bickering from all the way across the grounds. What made you so angry to lose your temper like that?" Sirius asked, grabbing his friends arm. James wrenched his arm away from his friend and continued to stomp up to the school.
"It was just a whole bloody mess, but basically, Riddle thought he knew me so he went mad and I went mad."
"Well James, were you acting like you knew him?" Remus asked. James blushed and shrugged slightly.
"Maybe a little, but I wasn't telling him his whole life history or anything, I just said he'd never loved anyone and wasn't capable of human feelings." The group of boys bit back their laughter and disguised it with disapproving frowns.
"James, we know you love Lily, but you want what's best for her don't you?" James nodded reluctantly. "Then let her go, if she's yours, she will come back."
"Are you saying I should let our friendship die!"
"No!" Sirius quickly said, "I'm saying, let your love for her go, and if she ends up coming back then she's yours forever. I learnt that from your mum." James smiled and sighed as they stood outside the portrait hole.
"I suppose you're right."
"Of course I am."
"So, yeah, I'll try it I s'pos. Maybe I'll even…apologize, if it makes her happy."
"Good boy!" The group walked through the portrait hole and sat down in the couches by the fire.
"James!" Lily gasped when she came down the girls' staircase. "What happened to your face?" James gave her a soar expression and walked over to her.
"Riddle and I got in a fight."
"What, Why!" James shrugged and looked away.
"We just said some stuff that made the other angry and so we got in a fist fight." Lily frowned and stomped her foot angrily.
"Why can you two not stop being angry with each other for one moment in your life, if not for yourself, then for me!"
"Well, I was thinking of apologizing…"
"Good, because you're going to do it right now, the both of you are!" Lily grasped his wrist and dragged him from the room. As soon as the three other boys were sure that they were gone, they burst into ruckus laughter.
"Did you see the look on her face!" Sirius gasped. "Absolutely priceless, James needs to get in trouble more often!"
(James and Lily)
"Lil's, do you really have to come with me? It's kind of embarrassing!" Lily smirked and turned to him.
"That is why I'm going to enjoy it so much, now come on!"
The two continued to grounds and glanced around when they had made it there. "There he is!" She grabbed his shirt and tugged him across the lawn to where Tom was sitting, grumbling angrily to himself and picking at the grass.
"Thomas, get up please." Tom looked up and then stood, glaring at James, whose face was just as bruised and bloody as his.
"I want the two of you to apologize to each other, and after that I won't be talking to either of you for a week, understand?"
"What!" They both yelled. Tom was livid, James could see it, but he didn't care. Tom deserved it. Ok, so did he, but it didn't change the fact hat he was going to blame all of this on Tom in his head.
"Do you want it to be a month?" Lily asked innocently. Both boys grumbled and stuck out their hands for the other to shake.
"Sorry about the fight Riddle…"
"Yeah, yeah you too Potter, sorry." Lily smiled and patted the both of their heads.
"There now, that wasn't to hard was it. Well now I'm going to see Nyla, talk to you two in a week ok?" James and Tom's mouths both fell open and they both grabbed for her arms.
"Wait, no, I thought you were kidding." Said James urgently. Lily laughed and shook her head.
"No, I was far from jokes. See you boys." Lily waved cheekily and walked away. James and Tom looked at each other and glared.
"I'm taking back my apology," Said Tom bitterly.
"Yeah, well fine, so am I," Said James, spinning around angrily, and stomping away.
&&
Lily woke the next morning to the bright sun light streaming through her windows and Nyla's face peering at her through the curtains.
"Morning Lil's, are you looking forward to shopping today? It is a holiday week after all, wouldn't want to waist it would we?"
Lily rolled her eyes and yawned. "Morning Nylana, I'll be up in a moment, go down stairs and wait for me."
"Only if you promise never to call me Nylana again," She said tartly.
"But it's your name..."
"Of which I hate." She smirked and left the room, her blonde curls bouncing.
"Ug," Lily groaned. She stood up, showered and dressed in her favorite baby blue jumper and plain blue jeans. She pulled on her favorite trainers and then examined herself in the mirror. She deemed herself acceptable and then skipped down the stairs.
"I'm ready Nyla, we should probably get something to eat first though; you are after all eating for two." Nyla grinned and reached up her hands to her friend.
"Help me up please Lily. Thank you, Merlin; it's getting harder and harder to stand up by myself every day." Lily smiled at her friend and they went down to breakfast.
"Morning lads," Lily said to the marauders, save for James, who glanced at her and then back down at his food guiltily.
"Morning Lily, morning Hun," Sirius said, kissing his girlfriend sweetly on the lips.
"What are you two lovely ladies doing this fine morning?" Remus asked, grinning slyly at Lily, who in turn blushed. She supposed she hadn't completely stopped fancying him.
"We're going shopping for baby clothes today, would any of you like to join us?" The boys laughed but Peter suddenly perked up and raised his hand as if her were in lessons.
"I'd like to go Lily, it sounds fun." Lily smiled and reprimanded the other boys as they laughed at his enthusiasm.
"Just because Peter is coming doesn't make him any less of a bloke, you know that, one day you too will be shopping for baby clothes Sirius, Samera is after all your daughter too, so I'd stop laughing now if I were you!" The boys suddenly turned their laughter on Sirius who blushed and tried to quiet them.
"Right, well we'll be going now!" Chirped Nyla, she stood up, kissed Sirius' cheek and led Lily and Peter from the great hall into Hogsmead.
"It's a lovely day." Lily commented as they stepped from one of the shops and Nyla cooed over a dress that she had just bought.
They stopped by the ice cream parlor and sat down, Lily eating a pecan mint ice, and the other two eating fudge cake cream.
"This was really lovely Lily, I'm glad that we did this. I've been feeling really left out recently and so I'm glad that we had some bonding time."
Lily smiled and clutched her friends' hand. "So am I, I've been so busy with Tom lately that I haven't had any time for anything else really."
"Speak of the devil..." squeaked Peter. Lily and Nyla turned around and spotted Tom, but he wasn't by himself… he was with Lorena.
Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading my new chapter. Wow, I can't believe it, but the story is winding down fast! I won't tell you what's in store, but I will tell you that I now have only 10 chapters left to write! Can you believe it! I will also let you know that the gang's graduation chapter is in 3 chapters! WOOT, I can't wait for you to see what actually happens in the end. Now, I'm forewarning you, this is not going to end happy and sappy and stuff like that, if it did it wouldn't be a Harry Potter prequel, so just be prepared. Oh, and can you believe how long this chapter is! I'm sure when I actually put it on fanfic it will be shorter, but on word it is 15 pages!
R&R! PLEASE!
D. Avery