Warning: Unauthorized reposting is not tolerated. Harry Potter copyright respective owners. Storyline and Creativity herein copyright FireValkyrie: Miss T. Vaughn S. For archiving information and express permission to archive elsewhere, please contact me at horrormoviebufy at yahoo . com or slytherinsnakequeensupreme at yahoo . com. There is no acceptable excuse for unauthorized postings as I am quite reachable. If this story is found on any other site except fanfiction . net, please contact me. Thank you!

This story is just for shits and giggles, so please don't kill me for Harry Potter blasphemy. My sister and I were just bored one night, and she dictated as I wrote, making me the main character(and no, my name is not Linda. she is my sexy alter personality:), and this was the product of our madness. It's probably better read at night when you're so tired, everything's funny, as was when we were writing it, and we were laughing our asses off.

Please do not judge my other work by this story if this is your first time reading me. I know it reads like crazed woodchucks on crack, but it was fun. I do this type of thing often, and I think others should too. Just remember, it's all in good fun. please check out my other stories as well as my sister's: forceofhobbit. Okay, enough with the shameless self-promotion.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his buddies, but I was convicted of Severus stalking and acquitted of raping Sirius...but hey, it's not rape if it's consented giggles heh heh heh. Okay, so he's hiding in my closet, let's get on with it.

IN ALL HER GLORY

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Linda. She was by no means an ordinary girl. She had a lot of pent up anger and frustration. All her life, Linda learned by example. She was getting so angry and frustrated with the menial little dorks around her, she couldn't stand it. So when one day, she heard about Lord Voldemort with all his deal, she thought to herself "Hey man, that's so cool! I gotta try that!" So she went to this recruitment meeting where they were giving recruits dark marks. She saw her friend Kato there. Kato showed Linda her dark mark. She said "Look what I just got! He took his wand and he put it on me and it's there forever! It's imprinted with his own personal magic!" Linda looked at the dark mark and stared blankly at Kato. She suddenly noticed how silent the room around her was. So Linda said the first thing that came to her mind. "Oh no you di'n't! He nasty!" Kato looked down at her arm and said "You're right, that is nasty!" and off they apparated. Linda knew Voldemort was a nasty biz-atch, but she still liked the idea of a ring of followers doing their lord's bidding. So, learning by example, Linda decided to start her own cult, except she called her cult "The Death Munchers" and gave out T-shirts. All of them got tattoos that read "If all my friends joined Linda's cult, then I would" except Linda had their tattoos in a place where no one could see them.

Every Friday they had a beer blast down at the river bottom and recruited new members. Everyone thought Linda was so boss that she even allowed death eaters to join. But the only way to pledge their allegiance to Linda was with strict, painful hazing...or a sacrifice of one mango. Linda was in the middle of consuming one such mango sacrifice when she decided she wanted to rule the world.

Meanwhile...

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his chambers when he violently shivered. "I wonder what that could be?" Just then, his potions master Professor Snape came bounding into the room. "Professor Dumbledore, I've just found out that there is a new evil mastermind! Far more powerful than Lord Voldemort!"

"What? Who?"

"The one you call...Linda."

"What? Linda? I remember her. We used to have mad beer blasts down at the river bottom...except for that one fateful day when..." and Albus sort of trailed off. Snape was silent for a moment. //What the?//.

"What do you suggest we do about it, Headmaster?"

"Well, you've been an excellent spy this far. I want you to become a Death Muncher and see what her plans for World Domination are...she would be into that sort of thing..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Snape said. "Luckily, in order to avoid a painful hazing, all I need is a mango."

"You're shit outta luck!" yelled Dumbledore. "All we have are papayas."

"What?! But without a mango, I have to go through painful hazing-"

"Sorry, I can't hear you!" Dumbledore had his wand to his head dancing around. Snape slowly backed out of the room and walked sulkily back to his quarters.

"Stupid Dumbledore...make me get painful hazings..." he mumbled. Once he got back to his quarters, he used floo powder to transport himself to the river bottom. When he stepped outta the fireplace, he felt so good he didn't know what he was worried about. "What was I thinking? It's just painful, painful hazing." Then he saw some big guy with a leather jacket and cut-off sleeves giving people their hidden tattoos, and that made him snap right outta it. He turned around and looked at the fireplace. Low and behold, it was a giant bong. Then he saw what he was looking for. It was Linda. It was Lord Linda. It was Lord Linda in all her glory. "Ewww..." Reluctantly, Snape walked up to Linda.

"What's with the clothes, nark? Be free!"

"Uhh..right. I came to join your Death Munchers.

Linda looked Snape up and down. "Excellent..." Snape was just glad Linda's hair was that long. "Have you brought your mango?"

"Uhh...no. All we had were papayas."

"Well, it's time for your hazing then." Linda dragged Snape behind a large tree and she hazed him...over, and over, and over again.

Snape was still screaming when he got back to Hogwarts. He was getting quite a few stares from the students in the halls. If anyone said anything to him, he just turned his head in their direction and continued screaming. (A/N:this is the third damn time I've read this, and I'm laughing my ass off!) Still shrieking like a schoolgirl, he knocked on Dumbledore's door. Dumbledore was greeted with a scream as he opened the door.

"Professor, what's wrong?" Screaming. "Tell me what happened." More screaming. "Why are you screaming?" Even louder screaming as he suddenly remembered why he was screaming. Suddenly, he was silent and fell to the floor.

Madam Hooch was standing there, holding her broom like a bat. Staring down at Snape, she yelled, "Keep your pale-ass mouth shut! Some of us are tryin' to teach!"

"How long exactly has he been screaming?"

"Too damn long."

"No, really. How long?"

"Well, let's put it this way. We heard him screaming before he got here. From the fireplace."

"Are you shittin' me?"

"Dawg, you trippin'."

"Word." Then Snape started in with the sleep screams. They took him to Madam Pomfrey. "Do something about this," and they left for the day.

Dumbledore returned later that evening. Snape's face was contorted and frozen with what appeared to be a scream. "Did he fall asleep like that?"

"Actually, he's still screaming. All I could do was put a silencing charm on him. Apparently, the horror he's seen is far too powerful for modern magic to overcome."

"Linda..."

Okay, hope you enjoyed our brief interlude of psyched out madness. Tell me what you thought. Maybe I'll add more. It's always fun to see what kinds of reactions these stories get. Heh hehe heh.