Disclaimer: I am not Be-Papas, Software Sculptors, Viz/Animerica, Chiho Saito, or anyone else in any way connected with Revolutionary Girl Utena. I am only borrowing the characters for the purpose of this fanwork. No challenge of copyright intended.
Note: Some dialogue, by necessity, taken from the manga.
Cracking the Coffin's Seal
by Cerise Tennyo
I leaned against the wall outside the lecture hall, my satchel at my feet. In another three minutes, my lord, Saionji Kyouichi would emerge, trailing infatuated schoolgirls in his wake. I would hand him a chilled bottled soft-drink, the brand he preferred, and we would depart for the dormitory area. The frustrated schoolgirls would glare daggers at me and plot their inventive revenge.
The cut inside my cheek still ached from where my teeth had ground against the skin when he'd struck me earlier. I ached in other places, too, places only he would see, for so long as he was the Victor. And with the duels at their current stalemate, he would remain the Victor for the foreseeable future.
I am the Rose Bride. I follow the Victor. The Victor may do whatever he wishes with me. The Laws of the Rose Seal are absolute. This is the Will of World's End.
The door opened, right on schedule, spilling a group of laughing students into the hallway. I took the bottle from the satchel, twisted it open, and turned to face the doorway.
Kyouichi breezed out of the lecture hall. He ignored the drink, grabbing me by the arm. I barely had time to snatch up my satchel before stumbling after him. Some of the liquid slopped out of the bottle and over my hand. I had to trot to keep up with his long strides. We weren't heading for the dormitory.
"There's a new challenger," he said, not even sparing me a glance.
I pressed my lips together to keep from parroting the words in surprise. A new challenger? Perhaps President Kiryuu's impromptu Council meeting had done some good, after all. Or perhaps not. The only ones who might defeat Kyouichi were Kiryuu himself, or Juri Arisigawa. Kiryuu would not--yet--challenge his friend to a duel, and Arisigawa would only make her bid when she saw a chance for gaining her heart's desire. Perhaps Miki's chivalrous nature motivated him to make a challenge.
"Yes, my lord," I said, knowing what was expected of me. "I know you will win."
"Hmph." He tugged on my arm, forcing me to break into a near-jog to keep pace with him.
We left our bags, the mundane trappings of the school, in the enclosed rose garden. There, I selected Kyouichi's rose from a riot of scarlet blooms. By the time I'd separated it from the bush, the petals had shifted from red to green, one of the Rose Bride's smaller magics. Reaching for the challenger's rose, I hesitated. Who came to challenge the Victor? Whose heart, all unknowing, was to be displayed, its secrets wrapped in colored petals?
Closing my eyes, I thrust my hand into the rose bush. My fingers skimmed over silken petals, then curled around one flower. I plucked it free, opening my eyes to watch it change to reflect its wearer. Red...orange... gold...yellow...pink...white. A white rose, petals so pale they showed blue at the base.
No-one wore this white rose, the Prince's rose. Because the Prince is dead. You killed him. Witch!
"Anthy!"
Kyouichi's harsh voice jolted me out of my daze. Murmuring compliance and apology, I followed him out of the rose garden. The manicured grounds of the campus gave way to wild forest. We began our ascent to the dueling ground.
Between one step and the next, the magic skirled around us like a playful breeze. My uniform skirt lengthened, the fabric transmuting from work-a-day cotton to rustling matte pink satin. The Bride's crown rested atop my bound hair, solid gold and heavy as an albatross. I carried the Duelists' roses in gloved hands, itchy ruffles of pink tulle peeking out from the cuffs of my tight jacket.
I couldn't remember when the magic had altered my Gown to include that jacket, but it provided another welcome layer between myself and the Duelists who handled me. Womens' armor, made of stiff fabric and stays. One step above me, Kyouichi marched on, his snowy dress uniform immaculate. He anticipated another victory, I could read it in his stride.
I could read the roses. My jailers. My friends. My hope.
Kyouichi didn't look up when we entered the dueling ground. I noticed he never looked up at the Castle, scowling at me if I did. The Castle made him nervous. Fighting, he understood. Power games, cruelty, strength and submission, all those things fit well into Kyouichi's world. We were the only ones there.
"She can't even show up on time," Kyouichi scoffed. "Default or defeat, she's still going to lose. You're my Bride, Anthy."
"Yes, my lord," I replied, keeping my voice demure. She? The challenger was a girl? Not Arisigawa...even Kyouichi would not speak of the Beautiful Leopard so. Arisigawa was the only female student on the Council, though. Then who...?
I heard a gasp, turned my head a fraction of an inch. At first, I mistook her for a boy--she wore a boy's uniform jacket over walking shorts, both a...remarkable...shade of pink. The color almost matched her hair, which fell past her shoulders, thick, with a hint of a wave. She stared up at the Castle, her mouth open.
"This must be your first time," Kyouichi purred.
Oh, yes. He anticipated an easy win. The cage of swords around my heart ground tighter, hate answering hate. I looked down at the roses in my hands, keeping my expression blank as he derided the Castle. 'A mirage,' he said. A 'magic trick.' Magic soaked the very ground we walked on here, and he dismissed it. I'd endured ages of imprisonment for magic's sake.
Saionji Kyouichi, the walking illustration why I had no faith in Duelists. Still, he might serve some use. A delicate touch to invisible strings, and the questions I would have asked spilled from Kyouichi's mouth. I wasn't the only puppet standing on this dueling ground.
The Challenger responded with confusion. She wore the ring, but knew nothing of its significance here. The Rose Seal she bore spoke to her heart, not her vanity. Where did she come from? I wondered.
"Anthy! Prepare us!"
Taking my cue, I tucked the green rose into Saionji's breast pocket, then dutifully turned my face up for his kiss. Wet, sloppy, more a mauling of my lips than a gesture of affection. The prospect of a fight always heated Kyouichi's blood.
I turned to the Challenger. The white rose trembled in my hand. I tightened my grip to hide the weakness, grateful for the gloves that protected my fingers. A Duelist, yet not a Council member. I could not remember such a thing ever happening before.
I tucked the rose into the breast pocket of her jacket. The white rose, the symbol of my all-but-forgotten hope, pinned over the heart of an ignorant girl. I would laugh, if I could fit it in between screams. She started at my touch, spooked like a wild bird.
"The one whose rose is knocked from their breast pocket loses the duel," I explained. She just looked at me, then nodded.
I smiled as I drew my hand away from the white rose. Even if she knew nothing, it felt good to see that flower in bloom again. "Good luck to you," I said softly.
Grit crunched under Kyouichi's shoe and I realized, too late, my error. I had no time to brace myself before the current Victor struck me across the face.
She caught me. Her arms closed around me, supporting me. Warmth spread through me from her hands. The scent of the white rose surrounded us. From a distance, I heard Kyouichi ranting. I stammered out an automatic weak apology, a timid wisp of sound that made him feel strong. Her hands tightened on my shoulders as she moved me aside with gentle firmness.
"I don't know what's going on, but all I have to do is win, right?"
I heard steel and fire in her voice, and for one moment, I pitied Kyouichi.
Then I saw she carried only a bamboo practice sword.
No...oh, no... I thought I'd become inured to the mockeries of Fate, but this...this crossed from mockery into torment! I wanted to drop to my knees and weep. Instead, the weight of ritual drew my hands over my heart, sinking me deep into the well of power I guarded.
The power of Dios stirred in my heart, a calm sea whipping into a storm of rising power. How many times had I called for the power to 'awaken' for a bearer of the Rose Seal? It had never felt like this!
"Sword of the rose..."
A flare of heat, like a splinter of lightning, sliced through my living heart. Still, it kept beating, sending stubborn pulse after pulse through my body. I was the guardian, forbidden to set down my burden. Pain could be borne, must be borne.
"...the power of Dios that sleeps within me..."
It burned like a newborn star, surging against the cage of my body. It sought release, freedom, all the things I craved myself, all the things that made me a fitting lock for Dios' power.
"...answer to your master..."
The wave of power crested, breaking through the thin barrier of my flesh and bone. I held back the cry of pain, though once, long ago, I had wept from it. Here, under the castle, I could work such magics without harm to myself--but never without pain.
"..and show yourself, now!"
Kyouichi gripped me about the waist, taking hold of the hilt that rose up from my heart. The Sword of Dios wrenched itself from me, spilling light in place of blood. I felt every centimeter of the blade as it slid free, layering new wounds upon old, deep inside where they could never be seen. Kyouichi's grip tightened on me as the spilled power washed over him.
"The power to revolutionize the world!" he exulted, raising the Sword.
This time, I did fall to the stones as he released me--cast me aside, for what was I but the empty sheath? The folds of my gown cushioned my knees, and I caught myself. I put my hands over the aching place above my heart, my eternal thorn. From an immeasurable distance, I heard the duel begin. Summoning my will, I forced myself to stand.
The girl--I didn't even know her name!--met the Victor's attack with her bamboo sword. It should have sheared away at once, but by some miracle, it held. I pressed my knuckles to my lips. Kyouichi had struck me for wishing her luck. If I overtly interfered in the duel...
I am the Rose Bride, I reminded myself. I follow the Victor. The litany tumbled through my mind, a hash of empty words. Underneath the litany, a tiny voice I recognized at my own cried out, "Save me!" She wore the white rose. The Prince's rose. And wielded a wooden sword against the Sword of Dios.
Kyouichi mocked her efforts, her motivation, his verbal barbs meant to twist under the defenses of his opponent. Her wooden sword splintered, then snapped as the Sword of Dios cleaved through it. My own heart felt bruised, seeing the noble sword in his hands, turned to such a purpose.
"Answer me, girl!" Kyouichi demanded of the Challenger.
"--I was just doing this for my friend, Wakaba..." she said, all sharp defiance and honest confusion.
"Lord Saionji," I said, stepping forward and breaking custom, "it looks like she really doesn't know--oh!"
The slap made my ears ring and almost knocked my glasses off my face. I flinched back, bringing my hands up in a futile gesture of protection and submission.
"Shut up!" he roared. "You're my property, so keep quiet!"
My stomach churned, cramping around roiling anger. The heat of his displeasure beat against me. I withered under his angry gaze like a flower in the desert. I stumbled backwards to my proper place on the sidelines. I am the Rose Bride. I follow the Victor.
Kyouichi turned to the Challenger, a sneer twisting his features. To my surprise, the Challenger met him with another flare of defiance, gesturing to her still-intact rose. Kyouichi laughed, a harsh crow-caw of a sound. His stance shifted minutely, and the lethal edge of the Sword gleamed.
"I could...stain that white rose with your blood," he mused aloud.
I shuddered, hearing the lust that slithered through his words. Simple physical defeat never satisfied him, he had to break his opponents, crush them into the dust. This girl, this brave, naive sword-maiden, would end up ground beneath his heel.
I saw her raise her hand and touch the petals of the white rose. A faraway look misted her blue eyes. Whatever memory she summoned seemed to strengthen her, to renew her resolve. Her lips pressed together into a thin line and her eyes narrowed in concentration. She snapped into a perfect en garde stance, still holding that ridiculous stump of a practice sword.
"You mean to go on...with that little stick?" Kyouichi demanded, incredulous.
I caught a glimpse of fiery red hair from the corner of my eye. Student Council President Kiryuu, no doubt coming to observe the duel. The Challenger launched into her attack, her features set with determination.
I covered my eyes with my hand. I couldn't watch, couldn't bear to see the white rose fall. She had no chance, no chance at all.
"Your rose...is mine!"
The girl's voice!
I looked up in time to see emerald green petals scattering through the air. I drew in a sharp breath. For that split second, with the scattering of Kyouichi's rose and before I was claimed by the new Victor...for that tiny moment, I was free.
The Sword of Dios flew from Kyouichi's grasp, spinning in a bright arc overhead. Light gleamed along its edges, as if the blade had been dipped in lightning. The girl reached up her hand--
--and caught it.
Light ran down the blade, spilling over the hilt guard, glinting off of her Rose Seal ring. The air above her rippled, taking on a particular texture, a precise blending of light and shadow.
His cloak swirled over the new Victor, covering her with his mantle. His image seemed so faint, like a misty rainbow that hovered over dew-swept grass. A ghost of a shadow, but he was there! I pressed both hands to my mouth, but the cry escaped me, sharp with longing.
"Dios!"
He--no, the projection of Dios--reached down for the new Victor. The light pulsed like a living heart. I could feel the answering pulse within my own breast, the power entrusted to me flaring to new life. The light expanded, whiting out the entire arena. Dios' power burned within me like a small sun. I saw the image of Dios embrace the new Victor and sobbed with joy and pain. My Prince...awake and aware and reaching out into the world once more.
The light faded, perhaps drawn back into the Sword, or absorbed into the Castle. All I knew for certain was that the duels had a new Victor, one who could bestir Dios--and that I now belonged to her.
Her blue eyes met mine. Still confused, still uncertain. Of course. If she knew nothing of the duels, nothing of me, she didn't know what we were now, together. She started towards me, and I readied myself, clasping my hands, preparing my ritual speech. To my surprise, she held out her hands, the Sword lying across her palms.
"Here. It's yours, isn't it? I won it for you."
The habit of obedience led me to take the Sword from her. 'I won it for you.' What an odd thing to say. Then she turned and began to walk away. I held the Sword close, taking it back into my body. My head swam, a dazzle of light and a scalding rush of heat as the Sword re-sheathed itself within my heart.
I heard Kiryuu speak, asking the Victor her name.
"Utena Tenjou," came the brisk reply. By the sound, she was nearing the spiraling stairs, but my vision still hadn't cleared, I still couldn't move.
In the center of the dueling ground, sprawled where he'd fallen, Saionji Kyouichi continued to blink into the middle-distance. I wondered if he even realized that he'd lost, that I no longer belonged to him.
Free, whispered a tiny voice deep within my lacerated soul. Free of him, at least, and Dios, oh, Dios awakened!
I looked around just in time to see my new fiancee disappear down the stairs. She left me! I stared after her in something like outrage before starting after her. I hadn't taken more than two steps when a thought struck me. I looked back at Kyouichi. The new Victor was not here to protect me. What if he...?
"Go." Touga Kiryuu nodded in the direction of my departed fiancee. "I'll take care of him."
I didn't wait for further direction, but fled the dueling ground. I took the stairs two at a time, hoping to catch up with her. Halfway down the spiral, I felt the magic shift, turning my Bridal gown into the ordinary girls' uniform. The cool breeze felt glorious on my arms and legs.
I didn't see Utena Tenjou anywhere.
I hesitated, then struck out through the woods. I needed to get my things from Kyouichi's room. I had no great attachment to the things left there, but they were all part of the Game, props for my role. I took a shortcut across the campus, the footpaths obligingly shifting just enough so I didn't encounter too many other students. I couldn't run, here. Mousy Anthy Himemiya never ran, never drew attention, only blame. Girls who won't be princesses...
The Student Council Vice-President lived in an expansive suite in one of the bigger dormitories. He had the top floor all to himself. I went up the back stairs and let myself in, my heart racing beyond the demands of exertion. I didn't know how long Touga Kiryuu could distract Kyouichi. I wanted to be packed and gone before his shadow crossed the threshold.
A sudden realization froze me in my tracks. Just where was I to go? I knew her name, that was all. She wasn't a Council member, so she probably already had a roommate, in one of the regular dorms. I couldn't just show up at her door with my bag. Granted, it wouldn't be the first time a Victor made me sleep on the floor, but I couldn't involve an ordinary student in the intricacies of the Game. Other arrangements would have to be made.
Which meant going to my brother, ahead of our weekly assignation. Akio needed to know about this new Duelist, I told myself. He needed to know about the Sword. Such an incident justified my breaking our routine. Decision made, I opened the door to Kyouichi's suite.
"Chuchu!"I called as soon as I'd stepped in.
My friend's tiny head peeped out from beneath the bedspread. He'd learned to hide from Kyouichi. It saddened me to see him quiver and flee. Leaving the door ajar, I knelt down beside the bed and pulled out my bag.
"We're going to a new home, Chuchu," I said.
"Chu!" My friend scampered out of hiding, jumping up to balance on my shoulder.
I worked quickly, dismantling the 'bridal chamber.' I stripped the bed of its comforter and linens, taking a perverse satisfaction in leaving the bare mattress for Kyouichi to deal with. He had not allowed me the dignity of a solitary bed. As his Rose Bride, I slept beside him and saw to his body's comfort.
No longer.
I shoved the linens into a garbage bag. I would replace them with fresh ones once I knew what my betrothed expected of me. My clothes vanished into the oversized suitcase, mostly spare uniforms and underthings, the absurd nightgowns and caps. My movements became more frantic as I felt time slipping past. I had to be gone from here. I couldn't count on Kyouichi respecting the Laws of the Rose Seal when they no longer profited him. Utena Tenjou would not know to look for me, to rescue me.
The pictures came down off the walls, the vases and china wrapped in thick towels and packed away. I swept my books and papers from the desk into my satchel without bothering to sort them. It might be different this time, I thought, snapping the case shut. The new Victor--
Sharp pain corkscrewed through my body. I dropped to my knees, mouth open in a silent scream. I heard Chuchu's small cheeps of distress but could spare no attention to comfort him. This pain didn't come from Dios' sword, but from all the others, the cruel, twisting blades of malice, hatred, and rage.
I...had...forgotten...my place. The Witch could not aspire to hope. The Witch must bear the burden, in penance. By defying fate, the Witch forsook her right to be rescued, to be spared...anything.
I dragged myself to my feet. Pain throbbed in phantom wounds. Blood for power, the oldest of magics, strength through sacrifice. I would be strong. For my Prince. I had done so before.
I took the heavy bag by the handle and half-carried, half-dragged it from the vice-president's rooms. Chuchu rode on my shoulder. The door clicked shut behind me. I started for the stairs and never looked back.
* * *
No-one paid me any heed as I made my way to the Chairman's residence. My brother had taken it over as he had the campus, slowly, with such charm no-one ever stopped to question or wonder. The front door was unlocked. Akio scorned the trappings of regular security. What was there for him to fear? The worst had already happened, long ago, far away...
I left the heavy bag in the foyer. Taking the stairs up to the planetarium level, I reached the top just in time to see the last of the sunset bleeding through the windows. Akio stood there, looking out across the campus. In his red shirt, in the fading sunlight, he looked bathed in flames. He looked up as I entered, and frowned.
"Anthy," he said. "Why are you here?"
"He lost," I said, reaching out for him as I crossed the room. "She challenged him and she won!"
His frown changed to one of puzzlement. I could still surprise him. Still. "Who won?" he asked. "Arisigawa?"
I could see him thinking back, going over the memories of letters sent, wondering what instruction could have been mis-read to lead to this. So like Akio, too lost in his starry visions and shadowy webs to see what stood in front of him.
"No, Akio," I said, taking his hands. "Someone new. Someone not on the Council, but with a ring."
"What?" Akio's grip tightened on my hands, making the bones creak. I ignored the pressure and the pain, staring up into his eyes. "Tell me, Anthy. Tell me everything."
And I did. I recounted the duel, Kyouichi's defeat, every word exchanged. When I told him of the Sword's awakening, his breath hissed between his teeth, his eyes narrowing to slits. The irises glimmered like fire-struck emeralds.
"Yes..." He let go of my hands, moved away a half-dozen paces, then spun around to face me.
"Utena Tenjou...the mystery guest. You must return to her, Anthy. Woo this indifferent suitor." His expression grew stern. "The Rose Bride engages herself to the winner of the duels. Whatever the Victor desires, you must do."
Tears stung my eyes, the ache in my heart throbbing a-fresh. At the edge of what we'd struggled so hard for, he could still send me away, dispatch me like one of the letters. I swallowed back my feelings, remembering Dios. Dios, who had saved me. Dios who might still return. "Yes, brother," I whispered.
"The East Hall is vacant," he remarked. He looked back at me and smiled. "These are promising signs. Prepare it, Anthy. Make it a fitting place for the Rose Bride to welcome her betrothed."
I smiled back at him, basking in the rare display of warmth. Promising signs, indeed. I remembered how easy it had once been to make him happy, to bring out that smile. Wait--'prepare it'? No-one had lived in the East Hall since--well, the less said about then, the better. Feeling my smile stretch thin, I nodded like a doll and said, "Yes, brother. I will."
"I'll arrange the transfer," Akio said, starting towards his computer desk. "We need to isolate her from the regular students, just like the others."
"Yes, brother."
He looked back at me, a familiar expression of remembered tenderness and hungry anticipation. "And you...you'll stay with your big brother tonight, won't you, Anthy?"
I trailed after him, reaching up to take off my glasses and fold them away. "Of course, Akio." My voice sounded rougher, as if I'd been breathing woodsmoke.
I put my hand in his and let him pull me tight against his chest. I closed my eyes as his lips sought my throat, his hand sliding up along the line of my thigh, under my skirt. It would be different with my new betrothed, I reminded myself, curving my arms around Akio's neck. So, for now, I would cling to the familiar, no matter the thorns.
* * *
I woke before the sun rose, easing out of Akio's oversized bed. Akio lay sprawled among the rumpled sheet, his tousled hair framing his face. I touched his cheek, feeling flesh warm and smooth under my fingers. Asleep, he looked innocent again.
The ache in my heart swallowed all other pains, the way a solar eclipse ate other shadows. I drew my hand away, careful not to disturb him. I didn't know if it were his dream or mine I felt so loathe to disrupt.
I had work to do.
I dressed in my discarded uniform, checking a sigh at the wrinkles. I crept from the room, carrying my shoes. I had to clean the East Hall, or at least enough of it to give my betrothed a place to lay her head. Then I had to find her, and keep up the fiction of being a regular student. Just the thought exhausted me.
The Will of World's End... It moved my limbs, driving me out into the pre-dawn darkness. I went to the East Hall, lugging my bag. I had no time to appreciate the beauty of the fading night sky. Sunrise is over-rated, anyway. Instead of color and glory, the rich night grayed into morning. Dull. Drab. Starless. By going to the East Hall, I was walking straight into that brightening nothingness.
The inside of the Hall held shadows, its rooms cloaked in years of dust, dirt, and cobwebs. I found cleaning supplies and went upstairs. The room at the head of the stairs seemed most promising, so I set to work, scrubbing away layers of the time with the dirt. The students who had lived here left behind their old dreams and broken loves. If I paused to listen, I could hear whispers of screams, anger over lies and broken promises.
I didn't listen closely. I'd heard it all before.
By the time the sun fully rose over the campus, I'd cleaned the windows and walls of Room 21, swept the floor, and wrestled two mattresses into place. My muscles screamed for a long, hot soak in the bath, but I had to make do with a quick shower--after first cleaning the bathroom. Even then, the water ran weak, tepid, and rusty for the first few minutes.
I scrambled into a clean uniform, scraped back my hair, and snatched up my satchel. If I left now, I would make it to class on time. I put out a snack for Chuchu and fled back down the stairs. During lunch, I would stock the small kitchen, make the beds, hang the curtains... The list reeled on.
Other students strode along the footpaths as I made my way across campus. Most looked as sleepy as I felt. Class-A, Utena Tenjou's class, according to my brother, began with a lecture period. Perhaps I could sneak in a quiet nap then, or during math. It wasn't as if any of this material was new to me.
I reached the classroom and saw no sign of the pink-haired girl. Disappointed, I hesitated just inside the room--then saw her walk in. I bowed a greeting to another classmate to cover my lapse, then took my usual desk near the back of the room. From there, I had a perfect view of my new betrothed.
She drew attention from everyone. Her rose-colored jacket flattered her, its simple lines emphasizing her long limbs. Other girls trailed after her, wearing adoring expressions similar to the ones the kendo-groupies lavished on Kyouichi. Unlike the kendo captain, Utena responded to them with warmth and kindness. They reminded me of songbirds, chirping around a favorite tree.
When she thought no-one was watching, she rubbed the Rose Seal ring. It wasn't new, I saw. In fact, it looked worn from years of handling, older than the ones worn by the others. How long had she had it? I wondered. The Council members all got their rings when they arrived on campus. Where did she get it? And from whom?
The instructor called for attention, and we all took out our notebooks. Utena seemed a fair student, I thought, watching her take notes, but easily bored. She didn't sit still, but fidgeted with her pens, flipped through her notes, or looked out the window whenever the lecturer went off on a tangent.
I dropped off during math, dozing behind my textbook. The instructor never called on me. To the staff, I was only a name on the roster, a dim memory of being the acting chairman's sister. Invisible.
When class broke for lunch, most of the other students went outside. I hadn't prepared a meal for my betrothed, I hadn't even brought one for myself. I'd planned to sneak off and finish the housekeeping at the East Hall. But I couldn't resist lingering, watching Utena Tenjou from the classroom window as she walked in the sunlight.
A brown-haired girl ran up to Utena, calling her name, then launched herself at her. I tensed. Utena Tenjou was my betrothed. I would, of course, honor any previous commitments she'd made, but my claim was highest, decreed by the Laws of the Rose Seal, the will of World's End. My hand, resting on the windowsill, curled into a fist.
Utena just shrugged her shoulders, settling the girl into a more comfortable position on her back, voicing a good-natured complaint. Their bright voices floated up to the window. The brown-haired girl wailed aloud the news of Utena's transfer, seeming in real distress. Utena called her Wakaba. I recognized the name. Utena had challenged Saionji for her sake. For her friend. If not for Wakaba, I might still be Saionji Kyouichi's bride.
I shook my head, scattering the what-ifs and might-have-beens. The Rose Bride could not thrive on such thoughts. The Rose Bride must only think and do what pleases her betrothed and what serves the will of World's End. I slipped out of the classroom and made my way back to the East Hall. Cleaning, cooking, the gestures of servitude and compliance...these were the proper expressions of my role, not wasting time pondering near-escapes or envying the free.
No-one sat on the grassy lawn outside the East Hall, though the sun shone brightly. Ten years of vacancy had given the decrepit building a reputation for ghosts. Considering just what went on within the confines of this school, I found the concept amusing.
I trotted up the stairs, mentally wincing at the dirt and cobwebs. If I had time, I would tackle the stairs with a broom and polishing rag, but the room had top priority. Opening the door to Room 21, I found Chuchu beating the dust from the upholstered furniture by leaping up and down on the seat cushions. The furniture covers, once white, now gray from dust, lay in a heap on the once-clean floor.
"Thank you, Chu--choo!" A sneeze cut off my words, and I hurried to open the windows. The curtains belled and flapped in the breeze. Warm spring air rolled in, scattering the dust.
I covered my hair and set back to work. Bit by bit, the room's old beauty began to reveal itself. I spread clean linens on the bed, hung pictures on the wall. The few pleasures in my life came from moments like this, in the prism-burst of light from a mirror's beveled edge, or the perfect arrangement of flowers in a bisque vase. The objectified learned to appreciate beautiful objects. They were my only real company.
A lady's apartments had to appear just so. Lady Utena might live in ignorance of the Laws, but I knew what was required. I stuffed the furniture covers into the hamper, noting with dismay I would have to do laundry the next day.
The foodstuffs I'd ordered arrived, a wide assortment since I didn't yet know my Lady's preferences. I could recite from memory the favorites of every member of the Student Council, but Lady Utena kept her mystery. I gave the delivery boy my brother's credit card number then stowed the groceries in the tiny kitchen. Afternoon classes had ended a half-hour ago. Lady Utena would arrive any minute.
My nerves began to twitch, wrapping tighter. A new betrothed, a mystery, ignorant of the Game. It was not my place to solve puzzles, but the questions kept chasing each other through my mind. I put the kettle on and set out the tea service, seeking calmness through the commonplace task. When the kettle whistled, I warmed the teapot, then set the tea to steep.
I must never again forget my role. The one time I had stepped beyond the boundaries set for me, I had lost all that I held precious. Now...I was not the only one at risk. My brother relied on my help. The saved must become the savior, and if it cost me, that was only proper. Look at what it had cost him.
I am the Rose Bride. I closed my eyes, concentrating. The magic flowed more sluggishly here, away from the Castle and the dueling ground. I felt the shift, as if reality had taken a half-step to the side and shrugged. The familiar ripple cascaded over me, wrapping me in the soft, protective layers of the Rose Bride's dress. I felt the weight of the crown, the ritual golden adornments. Let my betrothed see only the Rose Bride.
My arms still felt cool. I opened my eyes.
"Chu! Chu! Chuuuuu!" My little friend bounced up and down, almost cracking his head on the table's edge.
I held out my hands, staring in amazement. The dress had altered again, without my conscious will. My skirts still hung in rich folds, silk instead of the heavier satin, and the jacket had vanished. A high collar pressed around my neck and silky tassels swung from the epaulettes to tickle my bare upper arms. A bride for summer, not winter.
Someone, or something, was re-weaving the fabric of the Game, through the thread of Utena Tenjou. I stared at my bare hands. A bride in this gown might dance, laugh, sing, rejoice at her union with her beloved. A bride dressed like this was not a doll to be admired and displayed, but a woman with a heart.
A woman like that...could not also be a prisoner of the roses.
Downstairs, I heard a door slam, echoing in the empty building. She was here! My concentration scattered, and I stood barefoot in the center of the room, dressed once more in my school uniform and apron. I poured the tea, taking care not to slop the hot liquid into the saucers, shooing Chuchu off the table. So much for my gracious welcome!
The polishing rags lay where I'd dropped them. I swept them up, the scent of lemon polish harsh in my nose. Footsteps on the stairs, a girl's voice.
"Oh, thank goodness, it is clean inside!"
"I'm sorry, Lady Utena!" I said, scurrying past her. "I'm almost done with the housekeeping!"
"Himemiya? What are you--this is my room!"
I stood up straight, clutching the polishing rag. My original intent scattered, I seized on another approach. Digging into the pocket of my apron, I produced a marking pen.
"Oh, I must have forgotten!" Stepping past her, I wrote my name on the whiteboard outside the room. It looked good, under hers, I thought. The characters worked together, forming a rough calligraphy.
I turned around to face her. "I'll be joining you, starting today," I explained. Clasping my hands together, I launched into my best impression of her friend's effervescent personality. "What else can I do for you? Tea is made, and--"
Sky-blue eyes stared back at me. "Is this some kind of joke?"
Despite myself, my heart trembled. I'd worked so hard... She liked it when Wakaba behaved like this, and she'd gone to the arena for her sake. Why wasn't she pleased when I acted the same way? I shifted gears again, desperate to find the right footing with my new fiancee.
"You must be tired," I said, stepping around her to peel off her jacket. She really was pretty, I thought. Well-muscled, but not intimidating like Arisigawa, with a tiny waist and small breasts. Being her servitor and comforter would not be a struggle. "I'll get you ready for bed."
To my surprise, Lady Utena sputtered outraged protests. I stood staring at her, her jacket clutched in my hands. What did she want? How could I please her? 'Woo this indifferent suitor.' I lowered my eyes, dismayed at my failure.
"Does it bother you, to have us with you?" I asked. If she sent me away...
"Well, I wouldn't say that--Wait. Us?"
I gestured to to where the tea service waited, fragrant steam rising from three filled tea cups. Lady Utena went to investigate. I didn't quite hold my breath, but clenched my hands together. Kyouichi had been cruel to my little friend, just for the pleasure of another way to hurt me. Lady Utena didn't appear to be of that mold, but those under the Rose Seal all had their flaws, their poisonous thorns.
She picked up the teacup, and peered over the table's edge. At first, she mistook Chuchu for a pet. When I gently corrected her, she smiled and offered him a biscuit from the tray. My little friend puffed out his chest, launching into an elaborate display. Lady Utena didn't laugh at him or express annoyance. Instead, she took his hands in hers, as if they were about to open a courtly dance.
"Hello, Chuchu. My name is Utena Tenjou. Would you be my friend, too?"
Chuchu made a garbled, squeaky response, intent on the biscuit. He vanished from sight, and Lady Utena finally took her seat. She still seemed bewildered by my presence, but accepting me for now. I sat down across from her and Chuchu scrambled into my lap.
"How nice, Lady Utena," I said, resting my hand on Chuchu's head. "Chuchu likes you."
I might like her, too, this duelist of the white rose. I might adore her, for being able to rouse Dios. In all the years of waiting, I had never thought that Hope would look like a rose-haired girl. One twist in the Game led to another and made a smooth pattern into a nest of tangles.
I remembered my old roses, the wild tangle of bramble and vine, the free air. So very long ago, so very far away.
I petted Chuchu and drank tea, and for the first time in ages, I thought about the outside world.
--end--