It was a rotten day.

Of course, for Gears, most days were somewhere on the scale between "rotten" and "lousy". Once in a while they slipped over into "slagging hell" and even more rarely they improved to "not bad", but today...

Well, today was rotten all right. He'd woken up from his recharge cycle with a glitch in his hip servos which had given him hell all morning. Then his mid-day energon ration had sat wrong in his fuel tank, giving him static surges. And, to top it all off, the weather had taken a turn for the cool-and-damp, causing his stabilizers to frizz like they always did. Engrossed as he was in contemplating his "life sucks, then you rust" view of the universe, perhaps it's no surprise that he was figuratively caught with his hood open when Grimlock came barreling around a corner in high dungeon.

The behemoth barreled into the mini-bot with an absent "Out of my way!". Given the Dinobot outweighed Gears by a factor of at least five, it was inevitable that he would come out the worse for the confrontation. The Autobot found himself thrown against the wall with a resounding clang and fell to the floor, leaving him with a whole new list of complaints to obsess over. His processor had just finished inventorying the damage done to his aft when the sharp tap-tap-tap of lighter footsteps came down the hall. Gears looked up to see Spike round the corner at a sprint. The human skidded to a stop when he caught sight of the mini-bot.

"Oh! Hi, Gears. Did you see..."

"An overgrown iridium iguana come barreling through and stomp my aching circuits into the ground without so much as an 'excuse me'?" Gears snapped.

Spike cringed a bit. "Well...yeah."

"He went that way," Gears said, jerking his thumb in the right direction as he hauled himself to his feet.

"Thanks, Gears," the human said absently as he resumed his pursuit. Gears frowned sourly then resumed cataloguing his grievances with the universe in general. Someday, he intended to present Primus with a detailed list of all the irritants, annoyances and outright catastrophe's he had endured and demand to know why him.

"Grimlock!"

"Go away! Me Grimlock no want to listen to stupid story anymore."

Spike groaned silently as he tried to catch his breath. Things had been going so well. They'd made it to Lonely Mountain with little incident. After his little payback with Sunstreaker (the Lambo had practically gone into hiding after the pictures of Elfking Thrandul the Golden had made the rounds of the base), Spike had managed to keep the Dinobots' playacting mostly within bounds. Knowing the chaos likely to ensue when they reached the chapter "Fire and Water" where Smaug attacked Lake Town, he'd gone to Wheeljack for help. The engineer had set up an obstacle course on the far side of the volcano. When the chapter had been read and the Dinobots started to argue over who would get what part in their version, Spike had been ready with the suggestion that they have a race through the course to decide. First place got to be Smaug. Second got to be Bard the Bowman. Of course, he then had to go back to Wheeljack and ask if he could whip up a giant bow and arrow for Snarl to shoot at Grimlock with, but, on the whole, things had gone off without too much annoyance for the other Autobots.

But now, they had reached the debacle over the treasure of Lonely Mountain, in particular the Arkenstone. And Grimlock had not taken well the news that his hero, Thorin Oakenshield, was ready to go to war over a shiny rock.

"Come on, Grimlock," Spike pleaded as he walked over to the sulking giant. "It's only a story. And you've liked it so far."

"That before Thorin get stupid!" the Dinobot growled. "Fight over rock. Grimlock liked Thorin. Tolkien stupid. Why he make story that make me like Thorin, then he do this?"

Spike sighed and leaned against the wall. "Well, Grimlock, answer me this. Do you know why humans tell stories?"

The Dinobot looked down at the boy, indignant. "They fun."

"That's part of the reason," Spike allowed. "But there's something more. We tell stories to also teach lessons. I mean, it's one thing to tell someone that this is right and this is wrong. But it somehow seems to take better when we're told that as part of a story, and we can see why that is."

"Lesson?" Grimlock scowled. "What me supposed to learn from stupid rock?"

"Not the rock itself," Spike explained patiently. "I agree. The Arkenstone is a lousy thing to fight over. But it really isn't the rock that causing the fight. It's Thorin's greed and pride. That's the lesson that the story's teaching. How greed and pride can lead to terrible, terrible things."

"Well, Thorin should know better!" Grimlock protested. "Him leader. Should not make dwarves fight for stupid things."

"Well, Thorin's only a person," Spike said, shaking his head sadly. "That's just the thing. All leaders are just people. And people make mistakes."

"Me Grimlock leader. And me Grimlock no make mistakes."

"Oh, really?" Spike cocked his head to the side as he looked up at the Dinobot with a wry half-smile. "I seem to remember a little incident involving cybertonium."

Grimlock stood silent for a moment, obviously at a loss. "So me make one mistake," he said grudgingly.

Spike quickly smothered a chuckle and shoved himself away from the wall. "Come on, Grimlock," he cajoled. "Let's get back to the story. Sludge was kinda upset when you stormed out. Besides, Gandalf is about to show up again."

That caught Grimlock's interest. "Gandalf? Where wizard been?"

Spike grinned impishly at the T. Rex. "If you wanna find out, you have to listen to more of the stupid story," he said in a sing-song voice.

"Okay, okay," Grimlock said testily. "Me listen to story."

The two of them set off down the hall, Spike jogging to keep up with Grimlock's rather leisurely pace. Spike began to breathe a sigh of relief as they neared the Ark's entrance. Although, perhaps it was a little too soon to relax.

"Prime!"

Grimlock had caught sight of the Autobot leader down an adjoining passage and abruptly turned to intercept. Spike swore silently and swerved to follow. "Prime! Me Grimlock have something to say to you."

Optimus Prime paused and turned. "Yes, Grimlock?"

The Dinobot stalked up to the commander and poked him in the chest with a finger. "Me Grimlock say Dinobots no fight for stupid reason! And you no try to make Dinobots fight for stupid reason!"

Optimus was rather nonplussed. He looked briefly down at Spike who rolled his eyes and shrugged helplessly. Then he turned back to Grimlock.

"You have my word, Grimlock. No fighting for stupid reasons."

"Good." With that, Grimlock turned on his heel and continued on his way. Optimus looked back down at Spike.

"Do I even want to know?"

"I don't think so," Spike answered. "Though, when I start college this fall, I think I'll definitely major in psychology."

Prime stood just inside the Ark's main entrance and watched the tableau before him. Despite his words to Spike earlier, he was rather curious as to the reason for Grimlock's peculiar outburst. So he lingered just out of sight and listened to the story as it progressed. He managed to deduce most of the motivations of the building tensions between the factions of elf, dwarf and human in the story, and listened in fascination as the sudden plot twist of the goblin army was introduced.

I suppose every culture has a variation of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", he mused as the Dinobots became more and more excited at the narration of the battle. He found himself mentally charting the course of the battle, contemplating borrowing Spike's copy of the book to use its maps to get a more accurate idea of the terrain, and assessing the various battle strategies. And, when the chapter ended abruptly with Bilbo being knocked unconscious, he smiled beneath his face mask as the Dinobots clamored for more.

"Okay, okay, just give me a second," Spike admonished. The human took a quick swallow from his water bottle and turned to the next chapter. "When Bilbo came to himself, he was literally by himself. He was lying on the flat stones of Ravenhill, and no one was near..."

"What!?" Slag protested. "What happen to fight! Slag want to know what happened with battle."

"I'm getting to that part," Spike said patiently. "Just hang on."

The young man returned to his reading. When it was revealed that the battle ended while Bilbo was unconscious, there was another rumble of protest from his audience which was quelled by a glare from Grimlock. Prime held his own curiosity in check. He had not studied human literature as much as other Autobots, but he had a feeling this particular device was leading to something significant. He wasn't disappointed. The narrative took them to Thorin Oakenshield as he lay dying from his wounds. The Dinobots were completely silent and still as the King under the Mountain and Bilbo said their goodbyes.

"Bilbo knelt on one knee filled with sorrow. 'Farewell, King under the mountain!' he said. 'This is a bitter adventure, if it must end so; and not a mountain of gold can amend it. Yet I am glad that I have shared in your perils - that has been more than any Baggins deserves.'

'No!' said Thorin. 'There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West. Some courage and some wisdom, blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. But sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell.'"

Whatever came next was drowned out as the Dinobots sent up a keen of grief, startling Prime and nearly making Spike fall off his rocky seat. As the human regained his balance, he spotted the Autobot leader standing in the shadows of the entrance. Optimus gestured with his head, asking silently if the human wanted help with his charges. Spike glanced at the Dinobots, then back at Optimus and smiled sadly, shaking his head "no". I think I can handle it, he mouthed, and settled back to wait. Optimus backed off silently and went back to his interrupted duties.

Indeed, he thought sadly. It would be a merrier world if we valued simple happiness over power or wealth. It is a pity more beings will not realize this.

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as he reached the last three pages of The Hobbit. It had taken some time and talking to get the Dinobots calmed down after Thorin's death the day before. With the sole exception of Grimlock, the Dinobots had serious issues with Tolkien killing off one of their favorite characters. Spike had thought with half-amusement and half-frustration that it was lucky the author was dead or else the Dinos would be hunting him down, demanding a re-write. That option closed to them, Spike was stuck with the task of doggedly explaining to them that happy endings weren't always a given in either stories or real life - especially in real life. Through it all, Grimlock had remained silent, seemingly lost in thought, but giving Spike an occasional, penetrating glance as the human argued.

In the end, the Dinobots gave their grudging acceptance and settled in to hear how the battle had ended. Spike had left them later that evening mapping out how they were going to do the Battle of Five Armies. This morning, when he returned, Mt. St. Hilary was surprisingly intact...although Ironhide had some pointed things to say to him about being recruited to play Beorn the Skinchanger.

"...'You are a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I am very fond of you; but you are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all!'

'Thank goodness!' said Bilbo laughing, and handed him the tobacco-jar."

Spike closed the book with a silent sigh and looked up at the Dinobots.

"That it?" Sludge asked. "That end of story?"

"Afraid so, guys," Spike said as he stood up and stretched his back. "As they say, 'all good things must come to an end.'"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," a smug voice purred from just behind Swoop. Mirage's form flashed into visibility.

"What you mean by that?" Swoop asked. "There more hobbit stories?"

Awww, crap! Spike thought as he realized what Mirage was out to get a little revenge of his own. The Autobot spy smiled with patently false innocence and turned to the pteranodon. "Didn't Spike tell you? Tolkien wrote a sequel to The Hobbit."

"Sequel?" Grimlock asked. "What this sequel?"

"Oh, you'll love it, Grimlock. It's called The Lord of the Rings," Mirage said with relish. "Bilbo's ring turns out to be the trigger to a war that engulfs all of Middle Earth."

"That's right," Spike broke in, desperate to regain control of the situation. "Turns out that old Necromancer Gandalf went after in Mirkwood was a little more than he seemed."

The Dinobots turned as one to look down at the human.

"Slag say you read us Lord of Rings!" Slag demanded. Spike's heart sank as he saw all his free time for the next year begin to vaporize. But, suddenly, an idea came to him.

"I'd love to, Slag, but you guys know I'm going off to college in a couple months. This book is so long, I don't think we can get it done by then." He turned to Mirage with a sweet, innocent smile of his own. "You know, Mirage, since you're so interested in Tolkien, maybe you could read Lord of the Rings to them."

If it had been physiologically possible, Mirage would have blanched as the Dinobots turned back to him with measuring looks. However, he did look like someone had hit him across the back of the head with an I-beam, and he started glancing around frantically for an escape route.

"I...ah...How could my storytelling skills possibly compare to yours, Spike?" he said, starting to back away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a patrol to make."

Mirage vanished before the Dinobots could close in. As he heard the invisible Autobot transform and speed away, Spike shook with repressed laughter. Oh, he'd probably read Lord of the Rings to the Dinos as well, but why not let Mirage sweat a bit on this?

Mettle not in the affairs of humans, he snickered silently. For we are subtle and can be very clever when it comes to payback.

The End

Author's notes: Quotations from:
"The Return Journey", page 274 of The Hobbit
"The Last Stage", page 288