In The End, Or At The Beginning

The day had finally arrived. Gilbert and I were leaving for Halifax. After my latest failed "adventure" I was careful not to use the word, but I knew that going to Halifax with Gilbert was bound to be an experience I would not soon forget. It was several days before the school year was to begin and I was excited about finding somewhere to live. I had been very fortunate up to that point by boarding where there was plenty of scope for the imagination. My college days were spent surrounded by caring friends and a prime environment for writing. I found myself doing little writing back then, though, and as I safely packed my precious memories into my trunk, I secretly hoped I'd have more time for writing in Halifax. I doubted it however; my time would be filled with grading papers, making wedding plans and spending time with my beloved. I made breakfast early that Tuesday morning while Diana sat at the kitchen table, cradling the newest addition to her family. We talked of hopes and dreams, of whims, of the follies of yesterday. I was so sad to be leaving her for another whole year, but I knew that when the summer returned, we would see each other again. My dear Diana also promised to visit in Halifax so that she might help plan the wedding.

I set the blueberry pancakes down on the table and poured two glasses of milk, one for myself and one for Diana. We were quiet for a few moments, a rare occurrence in our presence, but during those moments, both of us knew that no words were needed. We were thinking the same thing. The next time I sat at that kitchen table would very possibly be after I was married. The thought both mystified and enthralled me. How many times had I sat at that table before? How many secrets had been shared over countless cups of tea and desserts? It was not an empty silence that separated us, but rather a silence full of all of the things that didn't need to be said in order to be understood.

I ate slowly, taking in the visions before me; engraining the smells and the sights that filled the kitchen on my last morning at Green Gables. Marilla came down a few seconds later, "Anne, those pancakes smell wonderful" she said. She took a plate out of the cupboard and sat down next to me at the table. "You didn't have to make breakfast this morning though, you should have let me do it."

"Oh no, Marilla," I replied quietly. "I couldn't possibly. It is my last morning at Green Gables; the last chance I will have to make you breakfast for quite some time. Besides, it really was no trouble at all. Diana and the baby kept me company."

"Well eat a little quicker, Anne. You'll be leaving shortly and you must collect the rest of your belongings." Marilla looked sad, as she often looked on the mornings that I was to leave. Today however, I could tell that Marilla was in the same frame of mind as Diana and I. She knew that it would be quite a long time before I would again live under the roof of Green Gables.

"Marilla, are you feeling alright," Diana inquired. "You don't look well."

"I'm fine, Diana, thank you. I suppose I wouldn't look well at my age. But it certainly has nothing to do with my health. You are a dear though, thank you for being concerned."

I quickly finished my last pancake and headed to the sink with my dishes. I knew Marilla would never allow me to wash them. During my time at Green Gables, Marilla and I came up with a system which entailed that one person would make meal and the other would clean up. I nonetheless knew that I had to keep myself busy in order to keep my mind off of the goodbyes that were inevitable later that morning. I had such mixed emotions brewing inside of me. I was thrilled to my bones to be setting out with Gilbert for new places, but my dear kin in Avonlea would be torn from my everyday life once again. Marilla appeared at my side and took the soap covered plate from my hands. "Go on, now," she declared. "You must finish getting ready."

I walked up to my east gable, a room that had grown strangely smaller over the years, but had somehow grown more defined by the character I had added. Dried flowers were in vases scattered about the room. Pictures of Marilla and Matthew sat on my desk which was piled with paper, some pieces written on, most still blank. I always did love a blank sheet of paper, so empty, so ready for the ideas which would come to occupy its precious space. I collected the items from my desk and put them into my old carpet bag that I had brought with me to Green Gables so many thousands of days before. I looked out the window at the field and the forest that lay beyond the cold glass panes. I glanced at Katie, a friend that I hadn't needed in years, someone who once was the only person who knew how I was feeling. She had been replaced the first summer at Green Gables, and although I felt a small pang of remorse for keeping her distanced for so many years, I knew that it was just one more stepping stone along the road of growing up.

Suddenly I saw a girl with bright red braids running out toward the forest. A young girl with jet black hair was waiting there. I hadn't seen these girls in years; they took each other's hand as they ran off into the forest ready for anything beautiful, mysterious and magical that the world had to offer them there. Crimson locks emerged from the same woods, connected to a pale face and a thin figure. The girl was a little taller now, and walked beside a handsome young gentleman. They chatted and laughed over some secret under the pale moon. He handed her a flower, and although she didn't realize it at the time, it was at that moment that he also handed her his heart. The memory as well as the characters vanished into a white fog which took new shape as a carriage, with the young man seated in it. The girl, whose red hair had grown a few shades darker, stepped into the carriage. The two rode off through the snowy morning discussing their studies. Tears began to fill my eyes as memories flooded my mind. So many things that occurred, so many things that would never occur again, things that I wished would never occur again: the first few days after Matthew's death, countless tears shed over stories rejected for publication. That morning added to the list; my last morning in Green Gables, in my precious little room.

I wiped my tears away and threw the rest of my belongings into my bag. Gilbert would be arriving any minute with Fred, who had graciously taken the day off of work in order to drive us to the station. I turned away from the window, knowing that things would never be the same as they were at that instant. As I passed by my dear little bed, I ran my hand along the railing of the footboard. I stopped briefly and glanced about the room one last time. I walked toward the door and stepped into the hallway. Pausing momentarily I took a deep breath and closed the door behind me. I stood there in the hall at the top of the stairs for a moment longer. I closed my eyes, pushing all fear and doubts out of my head. Without looking back once, I made my way down the stairs where Marilla, Diana, Fred and Gilbert were waiting. All of my belongings were already loaded into the carriage. I hugged Marilla and said goodbye to Diana before climbing into the back seat. I sat silently as we drove toward the train station. I thought a great deal about the morning's events, and mentally composed what I knew would be my theme for my time in Halifax. The words came to my mind out of nowhere, and were stuck in my head the entire trip and it may possibly be the start of my career as a poet.

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how are dreams could come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's going to tear us apart

And life is a road and I want to going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you
With you

A/N: I wasn't always going to end the story with this chapter. But I realized what a turning point this is in Anne's life. I will tell you there will definitely be a sequel. And I will make sure that I have several chapters written before I start to post, that way you won't have to wait several months between updates. Hope you enjoyed this story! Be sure to review!

Disclaimer: The song At The Beginning is by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis, I had nothing to do with the creation of this masterpiece and therefore take no credit in it.