A/N: Please take this chapter as a peace offering for neglecting my duties as a writer and not updating for an especially lengthy period of time. I am guilty of sloth, one of the Seven Deadly Sins.... .. ... .
Sloths are cool!!!
ahem. ahem.... Here goes nothin'.
The Last Chapter
Dom was depressed.
So depressed in fact, that he drowned himself in a vat of tomato soup.
Kel was sad.
Her breastband was buried with him.
Kel bought a new one on sale.
The End.
Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha.... hem.......WHAT?!
You want the real chapter, don't you?
Oh well.
Here it is, then.
Geez.
Well, --I-- thought it was funny.
sigh
I have to go see my therapist.
The Thief Revealed
I was ready. This was it. The only way to rid myself of that plague of a breastband and all the guilt and shame and bad hygiene it brought with it. It would all be over by today, and I would once again be able to look Kel in the eyes. Freedom at last. It had taken a great deal of pondering to reach this point.
First, of course, I managed to drag a comb through my hair and get a shave, so I looked like my usual self. Kel had given me a relieved smile when she saw the change, but just between you and me, I think she kind of liked the bristle. Anyway, for the next few days, I occupied myself with thinking up of all the ways to get rid of the evidence. Burning it. Throwing it into the sea. Shredding it into little tiny pieces and letting them blow away with the wind. Feeding it to the hounds. Sewing it into a patchwork quilt. Even dying it pink and sending it to Neal as a gift from a secret admirer (which was very tempting). But the fact was, that would mean I was destroying Kel's property after flirting with her and stealing her lingerie, and these ideas became so unattractive to me that I was forced to think of some way to return the damned thing. That brought different ideas, the most promising of which I tried, with no success.
First, knowing that Kel liked to take walks in the palace gardens, I strolled along for an hour, keeping myself hidden until she happened along, at which point I planned to carelessly drop the breastband into her path and casually wander off, leaving her to find it and cry out her happiness at her reunion with her most prized piece of underwear. It was flawless. Flawless I tell you. And it would have worked if she had indeed noticed it, but instead, she walked right over it and left it lying in the path. I was forced to retrace my steps and discreetly pick up the undergarment, then scurry back to my rooms to formulate a new plan of attack.
I tried next hiding it in a book of old army records that Kel had been working her way through. However, Lord Wyldon found it first. His eyes went wide, then he looked cautiously around him before closing the book again and putting it quickly back on the shelf. He never even went near that section of the library again. I thought it would be a good idea to retrieve the breastband from the book lest it be discovered by someone else less honourable.
Finally resorting to less creative means, I tried to send it in a box signed "anonymous", but when I instructed the messenger that my identity was to be kept secret, he gave me a little sort of smile that suggested he might suffer from a small bout of amnesia on the job and tell Kel everything about her mysterious benefactor she wanted to know.
As if that didn't unsettle me, I caught him trying to open the box and have a little peak while I was out of the room getting my purse. I politely told him that his services would no longer be needed and promptly booted him out the door. Cursing, I set the box down on my desk and shook my head. You want something done, do it yourself, my father always told me. And this was no different.
Yes, that's right. I would have to boldly go where no man had gone before: into Kel's rooms.
Well, actually, men have been there before. Tobe, Neal, Merric, Cleon, Neal, Lord Raoul, Prince Roald, Kel's brothers, Kel's father, me, lots of other people.... Okay, so men have been there before for parties and meetings and stuff. And so have women for that matter. But that's not the point. The point is......... I forgot the point, but anyway, I was going to have to go into Kel's rooms. Uh, yeah.
Moving on.
Nearly everyone in Kel's hall in the palace belonged to the military in some way and therefore that meant that they were out drinking and carousing all they could while they were home, at a meeting or ball of some sort, or inside doing paperwork. This worked to my advantage. Lord Raoul was having one of his little parties in his rooms again and Kel was going to be there, as well as yours truly. Of course, I planned to stay a while, give some obscure reason for slipping out, then race to Kel's rooms, pick the lock (a little something I picked up, though from where I am not at liberty to say), put Kel's damned breastband back into her wardrobe, and skedaddle back to my rooms to busy myself with something with the appearance of importance. As I left the party, my stomach lurched with nervousness and I closely examined every shadow. I jumped at every noise and carefully made my footsteps soft. I had worn loose breeches so that no one would notice the lump of the breastband in my pocket, but I could feel it pressing against my leg and it made me feel guiltier than ever. As I reached her door, I pulled out my lock pick. The door was so easy to coax open I winced and decided to talk to Kel about maybe getting a better, more sturdy lock. I was just about to enter when I heard footsteps coming up the hall. I had just shut the door again when Kel came into view. Quickly, I crept into the shadows just beyond her rooms and walked out of them again, trying to appear casual. Casual Dom. The lady knight noticed me and gave me a surprised smile. "Dom, I thought you'd turned in for the night! What are you doing here?"
"Just getting some fresh air before bed." Oh yeah, I'm smooth.
"Don't people usually get fresh air outside?" asked Kel quizzically.
"Heh heh, well, I suppose so." Yeah. Real smooth. "Did you leave early as well?"
A grimace. "I have a raging headache. Couldn't stand the noise."
Concern was growing inside me. Even in the dim light, she didn't look so well. Better get her something. "Do you want me to nip down for a tonic?"
"OH, no you don't have to do tha--"
"Nonsense, it's nothing. I'll be right back." I made my way down to the kitchens, and after allowing myself a few moments to enjoy the satisfaction of being Kel's sergeant in shining armour, a new scheme formed in my mind. I would bring the tonic in to Kel and slip the infernal breastband into some nook or cranny, then exit the premises, Kel being none the wiser. And it made me feel much more honest than when I was going to break in. Everybody wins in this one. I get rid of the breastband, I'm happy, Kel gets her breastband, she's happy. Everybody's happy! Yay for happiness!
When I returned, I found Kel curled up on her bed, looking miserable. With the look she gave me you would have thought I played the harp, had acquired a halo, and flitted about the clouds in my spare time. I kinda like that idea, actually. Except for the 'flitting about'. For obvious reasons. I am, after all, a sergeant of the Own. Back to the story.
She sipped the tonic delicately as I sat beside her, grimacing and wincing the whole way through, but finally managing to get it down. "Thanks Dom," she said looking up at me from her slump, "I don't know what I would do without you." I forced a smile, but inside my stomach gave that nervous lurch again. We were so close, I could feel her breath warming my face. From this distance, her eyes seemed impossibly large, and I could see each individual fleck of green in them. The long dark lashes curling over to hood them made her look strangely seductive. Her lips were soft and moist looking. I wondered how they'd ta-
Kel got up abruptly, holding a hand to her head to stave off the dizziness that accompanied the suddenness of the action. "Whooo, what was in that tonic, huh? I think I'm getting a little overheated." She hurried into the other room the wash her face.
It was only after she came back that I realized I'd missed my chance to get rid of the breastband, and so I slipped my gloves out of my tunic and placed them on the floor just half under the bed where Kel wouldn't notice them.
We sat some more in uncomfortable silence until Kel stood up, eager to end this awkward meeting, declaring that she had to tell Buri she might not make it to her dinner party tomorrow. I gallantly offered to take the message myself, but she insisted on going, saying that a walk would do her good. I prevailed on her again to allow my assistance, but she refused again and I gave up.
We said our goodnights at the door, and I made sure I unlocked it on my way out. I watched Kel trudge along to Raoul's rooms, groaning and pressing a hand to her forehead miserably. I smiled fondly, and once she was out of sight, I waited about five minutes, just in case, then carried out my plan.
Kel was deeply regretting not letting Dom go to Buri for her. The throbbing ache just behind her eyes was threatening to drive her mad. It would have been so much easier, Dom trotting off on his mission and her curling into a ball onto her bed and succumbing to the effects of the tonic. Why hadn't she said yes? Dom was being so nice to her. But that's the way he was with all his friends. So compassionate. So sympathetic. So funny. So good-looking.
Kel was so lost in these thoughts that she bumped right into Buri. Once over the surprise, Kel recovered. "Sorry Buri, just off in my own world!"
"I know the feeling."
"Funny, you're just the person I was looking for."
"Am I?"
Kel quickly told her her news, and Buri was sorry she couldn't come but maybe another time and she would be missed because it was guaranteed that she probably wouldn't hear much sense spoken except from the queen but still that's only one person and so on. They had a short conversation, then Kel used her headache to save her once again and plodded back to her rooms feeling worse than ever.
When she arrived, she found that her key was not needed, as the door was already open. That's odd, she thought, I could have sworn I'd locked it. Her headache faded away to the least of her worries. She opened the door quietly and crept inside. No one in the front hall. She was probably just being overcautious, but you could never be too careful. There was a rustle from the bedroom. Kel took her glaive down from the rack and proceeded with more caution than ever. Peering into the room, she thought she saw the stooped form of a man over by the bed. Her feet made no sound on the soft rug as she ventured forward a few more steps in a crouch. She was raising the glaive just as the boards creaked under her foot and the man jumped to face her. The glaive came swooping down, catching him in the stomach and knocking the wind out of him. He stumbled back with a grunt, but Kel was on him in a second and they struggled for a moment, she trying to render him unconscious and he simply trying to regain his breath. By the time he could gasp "KEL!" they had both tumbled back into the wardrobe and it rained shirts, pants, dresses, and unmentionables, while a particular article in a sky blue flew high in the air and was lost in the confusion. Some moonlight filtered in through the window and Kel was able to see at last the 'thief' she was now lying on top of. "Dom! Wha... What are you doing here?"
Dom winced, feeling as if his ribs had been crushed to powder, and weakly held up his gloves with a grin. "Gloves."
Kel knitted her brows in concern. "Are you alright? I'm afraid I hit you pretty hard."
"Not that hard. Nothing I can't take."
Kel managed to help him to his feet, shoving the broken wardrobe door off of them and untangling them from the mess. They stared at each other, Kel wincing as her head ache returned with a vengeance, and Dom with a bruise darkening rapidly on his cheek. They stood in silence for a while amidst the chaos they had created on Kel's bedroom floor. Kel winced again and scrunched up her face, Dom hesitantly prodded his cheek. Their eyes met. The comedy of the situation became apparent. Slowly, Dom's lips curled into a grin. Kel let out a half snort, half laugh. They were soon in stitches, trying to support each other as the laughter threatened to split Kel's head open and crack Dom's bruised ribs.
The sergeant gasped for breath, clutching his ribs. "What a pair we are!"
"What a pair indeed!" Kel laughed, leaning forward onto his chest for support as she struggled to recover herself. The last few chuckles were just working their way out when she noticed he'd stopped laughing. Alarmed, Kel raised her head to see what was the matter, just as his lips met hers in a kiss. Or, at least, what she hoped was reality because, well, it goes without saying, a kiss from Dom was hardly something that happened everyday, and when it did happen Kel was rather inclined to think it one of her silly little daydreams, letting her imagination get away from her.
But it certainly was reality, because she could feel the warmth of his mouth and his breath, now coming quickly and unevenly. As if hers wasn't. Still, as he broke away, Kel had to give herself a few seconds to get a grip, and she was glad it came to her quickly, because in another moment Dom was leaning back for more and Kel forgot about pretty much everything.
She released her tight grip on his tunic to slide her hands over his broad shoulders and around his neck. The lady knight was just about to let her fingers sink into the sergeant's hair when she encountered something stuck to his collar. With some difficulty, she opened her eyes and drew her attention (if not her lips) away from Dom's kiss and examined the object.
Her blue breastband. Well, wasn't that always how it went, finding something when you least expect it. This was possibly taking it to the extreme. It must've gotten caught there when they crashed into the wardrobe. The damned thing was here all along. That made sense, didn't it?
Then, Dom's tongue flicked across her bottom lip and Kel closed her eyes again, flinging the breastband into the pile at their feet with everything else. What did it matter anyway? Now, it was finally time to run her hands through that hair.
The End. Thank GOD.
A/N: I don't know about you, but it seems like I write a lot about Kel beating Dom up by mistake. Or maybe it's just me, cuz I can only think of Branches and Trickery. I dunno. Poor Dom. Always getting the shit kicked out of him. Anyway, this one's done. Finally. On to A Tale of Two Cousins I suppose. Tally ho.