Title: In Between
Author: cantinera
E-Mail: [email protected]
Spoilers: Duh. There are.
Summary: POV from Wendy after she comes back.
Content: Wendy/Peter
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or any dialogue used from the film. I do not intend any harm, nor shall I make a profit.
Feedback: Love it.


As I sit here, looking into the void, waiting patiently, I know the truth, but I try to ignore it. The word 'Never' pops up in my mind, hearing your voice speak it, and I know it is true, but that does not stop me. I still wait for you.

"Come with me, we'll never... never have to worry about grown-up things again."

"Never is an awfully long time."

So much has changed since you went back while I stayed. I have grown older, but you probably have not aged a day. I am growing up now, going to a place you dread. It is a confusing place, this in between world. You and I started visiting it when we met, but we weren't quite there yet. We still believed in never growing up and remaining children, but I felt the pull. I came back to age, but you stayed. Never is an awfully long time, but you did not mind.

I did. Now I face what never would not have brought me; it scares me. I am changing, growing up, learning new things, feeling new feelings, missing the comfort of childhood, but still, wanting to move on. I am confused. I do not know which way to go, so I stay in limbo, where I reside right now. I probably should move forward, but a part of me still does not want to let go. Childhood is still inviting.

I have changed, though, I cannot fool myself. I am not the girl you first met. I am a woman now, at seventeen. My family wants me to marry soon, always trying to find the suitable man for me. I am not sure how I feel about that, so I sit here, by the window, waiting for Never to end, for you to come back, take me away to join you in Never, escaping the possibilities of the adult world. Bring me back to that safe place where we dwelled, the confusion only starting, not taking hold.

Never, please end soon.

It will not end, though. I am aware of that. At least not for you, the boy who could not leave Never, wanting me to stay with you. It was tempting, but I could not stay, for it was too late. I was already growing up and the in between is not a place I wanted to stay. The innocence was leaving me, as it was you, and we were not just children anymore. We started realizing that. Even if you did not want to believe it, you knew it, too.

Feelings do get more complicated the older you get. As I grow up, I see this. We were still at the beginning then, not fully aware of what complications would happen. It was all new to us. The kiss in the corner of my mouth had just formed, lingering until I was ready to give it to someone else.

And then I met you. I wanted to give it to you. You appealed to my secret kiss and the child within, making me want to come with you. You represented the in between I felt and wanted to leave, making Never sound so tempting. Yet, leaving the in between here only preserved it since I was already there. Maybe I would have forgotten, but a part of me did not want to. The woman within, with her kiss, wanted to be out just as much as the child, wanting an adventure. Both were there, within, and you appealed to both. You appealed to me.

I went with you because you promised me what I wanted, to never grow up. And yet I went with you because you made me feel what it was like to grow up. You made my stomach dance. I felt like I have never felt before. It was a discovery, inside and out. I realized how frightened I was to discover this, so I ran towards you, the one who could help me. The one who could make me ignore it, yet make me embrace it. You offered me everything I feared and wanted, so I came with you.

You were a boy; I was a girl. It never mattered before, but now I recognized the difference. And you did, too. It frightened you like it frightened me. You felt. You did not want to, but you felt like you never felt before. You wished for me to tell you stories about love, an attempt to keep the feelings remote. So I did as you wished. But it did not work, did it?

You felt as I felt, but we were too young to be fully aware of it. We embraced Never, not knowing that it was not to be. Never was not ours. We were growing up. We were experience feelings.

And the confusion was preserved, which I could not take.

As a child, I wanted to not grow up, but I also wanted my mother. As a woman, I wanted to kiss, but it was not clear. Nothing was clear to me.

Nor was it clear with you.

I did give you my hidden kiss, that day. And I know you felt too, since I could feel. You responded to it. It meant something to you, as it did for me. I intended everything I said.

The thimble was yours.

Always yours.

Nobody can take that away from you.

And I will not forget you. I promise that.

I sit here, waiting by the window, not forgetting you. I know you are still out there, not aging like I do, holding on to Never like I could not.

Forgetting me like you forgot everyone else.

As I move on, I face adult worries. Will I be old and lonely? Will I find love again? But you, in Never, are not worrying, but forgetting.

I somewhat envy that.

Yet, in a way, I do not. For the memories mean a lot to me. The passing of first love, my first kiss, the discovery and the change – these all hold such importance to my heart that I do not regret growing up, for they give me a perspective on these things I otherwise could not have.

I am glad I left Never, even if I had to leave you.

You will always remain within my heart, my stories and my memories. You will remain my first love.

I hope you do not forget everything, Peter. And I did not forget you. I could not. Please at least remember that.

But I have to grow up now. I have to move on. I must close the window this time, for good.

Goodbye, Peter.

Enjoy Never.