Gaara... and Love
I want to know what love is --Foreigner (it's a lame song from the 80's, kids)
I want you to show me
I want to know what love is
I know you can show me...
One day Gaara was walking through the wilderness. The wilderness was bleak. There wasn't anything particularly remarkable about it. It was bleak and lonely. Like Gaara's lonely heart. Oh, my, he is so lonely.
Suddenly Gaara happened across Hinata. Hinata was sitting on a log. She sniffled. She was sad.
Gaara stared at her. Hinata looked up, her white eyes wide with shock. "Oh, it's G-gaara of the D-d-d-dessert!"
"That's desert," Gaara corrected. "Desert."
"Y-y-y-yeah," Hinata nodded. "Wow, I was so petrified of you during the Forest of Death part of the Chuunin exams. In fact, I almost threw up watching you kill those Rain ninja people. But somehow now you aren't scary."
Gaara made his best scary face. The Meg-Ryan-scrunchy-nose one he makes during the Naruto 2 Game. "How about now."
Hinata looked and then shook her head. "No... you look clinically insane, and like you want to eat me, but that's not scary."
Gaara felt upset. "Whyever not!" He was trying his best, here! She could at least get scared.
"It's actually rather sexy. And besides," Hinata replied, "I have TEH ANGST."
Gaara's eyes widened. That was scary. "What happened to you this time?" Bad stuff was always happening to Hinata. It was like she was some kind of magnet for tragedy.
"It's my horribly cruel awful family," explained Hinata. "You know, I never ever complained about it before-- in fact, I had kind of accepted it as my lot in life. And besides, they are right about me being weak. But for some reason now all I feel was the need to whine. I mean, I'm not whiny at all, I'm very strong and I keep my feelings to myself, and here I am whining!" She took a deep breath and prepared herself to express her deep deep unhappiness with eloquence. "It's just not faaa-aaaiiirrr!"
"Tell me what's wrong, baby," Gaara said softly, sitting down next to the white-eyed girl. "I'll be your hero."
So Hinata poured out the whole horrible awful sad sad story.
"So let me get this straight," Gaara said, looking at his diagram, which he had drawn with his finger in the dust on the ground. "Your dad and his dad are identical twins."
"Yes."
"So if you and he were to get it on it'd be, genetically speaking anyway, like sleeping with your half-brother."
"Yep. That's about the size of it." Hinata wiped her eyes. "So I decided to run away, even though I have the family's secret techniques and everything, you know. I figure I'll run off to Wave country, and jump off the Naruto bridge. It'll be oh-so-tragical."
Gaara looked at the small girl beside him. "You know, I never really noticed you at all before and I couldn't really care less about you. Except for when you were bleeding during your fight with your cousin. That was cool. I got rather... excited."
"Thanks," Hinata said, staring sweetly into his eyes. "Gaara-chan... my little pudding pop..."
"Yes?"
"Gaara..." she murmured, stroking the tattoo on his forehead, "do you know what love is? Do you want me to show you?"
She leaned closer and stroked his cheek tenderly. Gaara looked up, in surprise at the girl's soft, gentle touch. Her pale eyes were so mournful and melancholy. Her lips were pale, cold pink. Suddenly one thought, and one thought only consumed him. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to... he just wanted to...
He closed his fist. "DESERT FUNERAL!"
"Eep!" was the last sound MarySueHinata made, before she was squished. The blood squirted like ketchup. It was satisfying.
"You're no Hinata." Gaara stood up and called his sand back to the gourd on his back. "And I hate Foreigner."
THE END