Future Imperfect

Charmed ficlet

Humor

Disclaimer: If we owned anything this would not be it.  Although we do live a semi-charmed kind of life. (Yeah right….)

Summary: Being blunt can create some…interesting…misunderstandings. Piper, Leo, Chris, Phoebe and Prue.

Spoilers: Up through most recent episode. (Feb-26-2004)

Gideon found out that Piper was pregnant with her second son.  He has lost his patience and is out to kill her. To save his and Piper's life, Chris makes a last ditch effort to save both their lives.  He plans to take her to the past, but only at a point in time where Gideon doesn't see Piper as a threat. Needless to say, Chris made a mistake, he sent them to a time when Prue was still alive and Leo and Piper were only a few months away from being married.

The Charmed Ones and their whitelighter, Leo, were in the attic looking up a demon in the Book of Shadows, you know, their usual Saturday night activity. In a flash of bright light and what sounded like a vacuum cleaner, a very pregnant Piper fell onto Chris, startling her counterpart and sisters.

The pregnant woman stared at Prue and then asked Chris in a testy voice, "Where did you orb us?"

Chris winced, and answered, "The spell was only supposed to take us away from…" he glanced at the Charmed Ones of the past and amended his sentence, saying, "The Elder who wants you dead."

"So, when exactly are we?"

"You're me…and you're…." the past and very not pregnant Piper stammered in astonishment, gesturing at her twin's belly. That was as far as she got however, because the demon they had been looking up appeared.  Today's baddie was wearing the most ridiculous clothes and resembled greatly a deranged rabbit the size of a horse.

"Whoa," said Piper freezing everything but the thing's head, "I don't remember seeing you." She turned to the Charmed Ones, "Do you need any information from him?"

The three shook their heads dumbly.  "Okay," Piper said turning back to the demon and casually blowing up.

"You blew him up!" Prue said, momentarily playing the part of Captain Obvious.

"How did you…I…you do that? I can't…" past Piper trailed off in confusion.

"Yet," Chris muttered.

"Well," Phoebe said trying to figure out a way to dispel the tension, "that's one less spell for me to write."

"Who are you?" Leo asked Chris, looking between him and the pregnant Piper.

"I'm Chris, her whitelighter," he said pointing.

"Why isn't Leo our whitelighter in the future—you are from the future, right?" Prue asked in an add tone that was somehow defiant and utterly confused at the same time.

"Because he isn't a whitelighter anymore," Piper answered testily, not bothering to answer the second half of Prue's question as it was obvious.

"What about…" Phoebe started, but was cut off by Chris, who suddenly realized it probably wouldn't be a very good idea to let them know too much about their own future, and said so.

"Ok, then, how about questions about you. Are you single?" Phoebe said, eyeing Chris, conveniently forgetting Cole.

"Phoebe! Don't even suggest that! It makes me sick to my stomach!" Piper said, placing a hand on her belly, as it truly did make her feel queasy (but then, everything made her feel queasy when she was pregnant). She, not so subtly, moved in between Phoebe and Chris, to stop her sister from getting any more ideas.

"I was engaged once," Chris said rather more quietly, glancing at Piper in front of him and then to the ground.

Piper shook her head and got back to the most important subject—the reason they were in the past.  "So, how long do you think it will take him to track us?"

"Not nearly as long as I'd like it to, but you are not allowed to fight him." Chris said seriously.

"Come on!" Piper retorted with a small smile on her face, "I'm invincible, super-witch, you know?"

"It's not like with my brother, things are different," Chris insisted.

"Brother?" Prue asked, half to remind them that there were other people in the room who were confused and half because she was wondering how this guy's brother was involved in any of this.

"My brother causes problems," Chris said moodily.

"He has never caused real problems for me. I love your brother! I am going to fight, whether you like it or not."

"Piper, don't you dare. Not after all the hard work I put into making sure you got pregnant in the first place!" Chris put a hand on each shoulder, holding her at arms length, "I will not allow you to risk that baby!"

Leo's jaw dropped. Past Piper blushed furiously and the other two sisters' eyes were popping out of their heads.

"You what?!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Chris turned to Phoebe and, momentarily forgetting he was speaking to a Phoebe of the past, "Well, you were the one who was going to give her the love potion and the aphrodisiacs so she would do it!" Phoebe looked like she had just swallowed her teeth at that comment.

"That's what those aphrodisiacs were for!?" the pregnant woman said in a menacing tone.

The past Piper, rather embarrassed and very fed up, tried to freeze Chris before things went any further—but of course it didn't work.

"Always knew Piper had a thing for whitelighters," Prue muttered.

"Piper, you know I can't be frozen," Chris said exasperated, "it's not like I'm the first half-whitelighter in the family."

"And while we are on the subject—she told me you wished for Jeannie-Phoebe to make us sleep together!" Piper fumed, still upset about the aphrodisiacs.

"I only did what I had to do to survive. And do we have to discuss this now, in front of them?" Chris said pointedly, glancing at their nonplussed audience.

At this point, Piper had to sit down to ease some of the queasiness in her stomach.  Piper pointed at her six-months swollen stomach and said, "You're the reason I'm in this predicament, remember?"

Leo looked between Chris and Piper, trying to figure out if he was supposed to cry or throw Chris out the window.

"Piper," he said in a quiet voice, gaining the attention of the arguing visitors, "Why did we break up?"

"You left us," Piper said in a sad voice looking back to Chris.

"And all I got was letters." Chris muttered.

"Were we married?" Leo asked, trying to puzzle out who the 'us' was that Piper was talking about.

"Yes, we were," Piper answered reluctantly.

"Then why did you marry him?" Leo asked in desperate confusion, pointing at Chris.

Piper blinked, "Marry?" she looked at Chris perplexed, as the question sank in. Both of them realized what Leo had said at the same moment and scurried as far away from each other as the attic would allow with horrified and disgusted looks on their face.

Piper was trying to figure out what to say when Chris piped up, managing to say, "Whatever problems I might have, an Oedipus complex is not one of them!"

Piper nodded vigorously, "We are not even going there. You guys have sick minds!"

A.N. This is what happens when one roommate is struck by a crazy plot bunny and introduces the fluffy little thing to her roommate.  Then they both nurture it until 2:30 in the morning. 

This is co-written with Spirit of Eowyn's wonderful perfect beautiful ingenious roommate kateydidnt (http:/ / www. Fanfiction. Net /~ kateydidnt   [take out the spaces]). Can you guess which one of us typed this?

Watch out for the deranged pink fluffy rabbits! (Wait…didn't we kill that particular demon in this story…)