Ok…so this isn't a one shot… It's actually going to be my epic fic. So expect lots of chapters. Jeeze I hope I don't mess up, I really like the idea and I don't want to make it sound awful. Can I jus not that a lot of this is based of research, and although it mostly happened to females I think it could happen to male children too.

Dedicated to both my beta's, my Yami (Shinigami Tenshi) and Elsalhir- Erestar. Thank you so much for beta-ing for me, and for your support. I really appreciate it.

Oh and I had a B in my maths modular! I was soooo happy with it! I've only been in top set for a while, so I thought I was going to fail!

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I was, and always would be to my father, the biggest mistake of his life. It had been drummed into my 'thick head' from the tender age of five that I was unwanted, conceived by accident. Yet as unwanted as I was, my mother, a wonderful woman… or so I was told, refused to have an abortion. She had said that it was against everything she believed in and, unwanted or not, I was their responsibility.

She died two weeks after my birth. The headaches and fever started three days after I was born. Her temperature soared to 103 and stayed there; her lips became cracked and blistered. Soon her mind became cloudy and she was incoherent. The doctor diagnosed puerperal fever, and because it had been left untreated for so long there was nothing they could do to save her.

I think that if my mother was alive through my childhood then my life would have been good. Heck I know it would have been bearable! But she wasn't, and because she died I was also seen as bad luck- another excuse for my father to hate me, as I was the cause of his wife's death. Oh, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he didn't take her to the hospital to get treatment. No, it was all my fault.

Of course when I was growing up my Father wanted nothing to do with me, so with no-one to look after me and that my father was too busy, he invited my Aunt and his father to live with us so there was someone to look after me.

My Aunt Mei-ing was my mother's sister, older by three years, and she always held this air of respect. She treated me, not as a mistake or someone who brought bad luck, but like any other child she had come into contact with.

My Aunt was, and always will be, my surrogate mother. She worried about my meals, clothing, schooling and health. Due to her giving up her job to come look after me, an invisible silken handcuff was placed around her willing wrists, evaporating her chances of marriage and a family of her own. She was expected, as a woman of China, to sublimate her own desires to the common good of the family. In return the men felt honour-bound to protect and support them for the rest of their lives.

My grandfather was more of a father to me than my own, and even in my younger years I couldn't believe he was related to my father. He was a kind and gentle soul, and he loved me greatly.  I accompanied him on short walks, he taught me Chinese checkers, and he read me stories that were so fantastical that I often wished I could one day live in one of the perfect worlds in them.

Yet, however fantastical these worlds were and despite how hard I dreamed, the harsh reality was that I would never have the life I wished for. My reality was the constant beatings from my father, and despite how much my Aunt pleaded for him to stop, he wouldn't. She was a woman, second-rate citizen, lower than my father and he was head of the household. Thus making me, a nothing, his property… and he could do whatever he wished.

Your childhood is supposed to be carefree, a time when you can live through your naivety, play, make friends and generally have fun. I wasn't granted this. I wasn't allowed friends over, and I wasn't allowed to go to their houses. I left my friendships in school, and my bad family life at home. There they stayed, and I never once thought of trying to change it.

Ever since I started school I became fascinated with reading, it was -so to speak- my escape. Everything was left behind, and I roamed in the fantastic worlds that these gifted authors had created. I read anything, and everything; from fantasy to comedy, books on maths to encyclopaedias, thus resulting in my very quick learning capabilities.

At seven, and to most teachers' astonishment, I could complete mathematical sums that most grown adults would need a calculator to solve, and it was all worked out in my mind. I don't suppose I was surprised, my education was something I concentrated on… I saw it as my lifeline, my way of getting out of my hellhole home.

One such incident was during my class at Sheng Mao (Sacred Cat, I never inquired as to why the school was called that) Primary, we were all sat practicing times tables. The teacher asked us questions such as: 2x4, 6x6, 7x3, and 11x5. Of course at Sheng Mao we were expected to know these answers off by heart, and we chimed out the answers like it was water of the proverbial ducks back. 8, 36, 21, and 55 respectively.

Then our teacher, Mrs Chien, a wise woman with greying hair pulled up into a bun, the funniest cardigans, and the sweetest smile I had ever come across, in a moment of joking told us that…

"One day you'll be able to a sum like 13x379."

I remember the class erupting into a fit of giggles, and in a moment of forgetfulness, my façade of silence slipped and I gave out the answer.

"4927…"

I remember the silenced giggles, the look of surprise on Mrs Chien's face and I remember clearly the blush that heated my cheeks as she took out her trusty notepad and pen to check. The answer was right and that was when most of the praise started. It was unheard of a seven year old that could multiply 'big' numbers in their head. From that day forward I was given more advanced work.

I also remember my first day at Sheng Mao. I was around five I think and my Aunt Mei-ing was away on holiday. My grandfather, who could not drive, had no way of taking me there so after much deliberation I plucked up enough courage to ask my father for money to pay for the tram fare.

I can still picture the angry scowl on his face as he screamed at me for being as disrespectful and greedy as to ask for money. He told me I was perfectly capable of making the two-mile hike to school on my own and I had no need for the money.

I walked into Sheng Mao with a bloodied nose and blackened eye. Not exactly the best way to start the day, yet still I had to hold my head up high… I had to remember my dignity.

I made a few friends that day. A very bouncy little girl, with the most shocking pink hair and eyes. Her name was Mao, and I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that her name was part of the school. Next a green haired boy, Kiki, and a slightly podgy child by the name of Gao. I realised not to cross him when it came to food. The one I really connected with though was Rai. He was a clever child, around a year older than me. He lived in the local village, and we instantly hit it off. I did, and still do I suppose, look up to him as an older brother figure… God knows I needed one.

The day passed like a dream, and like a cat with milk, I lapped up all the knowledge being churned out by the teachers. I was disappointed when the day ended and I had to go home… well it wasn't home really.

A home is a house filled with love and kindness, mine was just a house. It always was, and always will be.

I felt sad as I watched all the parents come to pick their children up. They all seemed loved and wanted, I however had no one. There was no mother to hold my hand and walk with me, nor a father to scoop me up in his arms and carry me.

I had forgotten the way home too, and made a wrong turning as I left the school. This led me into a village that I had never seen, and was unfamiliar with. I wandered around, hopelessly searching for someone I knew. There was a lot of hustle and bustle, and even at that young tender age I knew they all had somewhere to go.

Thankfully I ran into Sei, my Aunt's friend, and she took me home. My father was indifferent to the fact that I had been away. I had sniffled out a question that was something like, why did you not care if I was missing? He screamed at me that if I had learnt the route I'd never have gotten lost in the first place. A terrible beating came after that, lashes from his belt, and fists flying at my hopelessly tired body.

The next day I asked Rai to teach me to read a map. I never got lost again.

Rai and I were very close. We were the best of friends… and he held such grand loyalty towards me. He protected me from the bullies in school; they picked on me for my girlish looks. I could have taken the beatings, I was so used to them that I would have been unfazed, and yet Rai stood by me and never let them raise a hand to me.

There was an incident when I was nine, I'd come into school with bruises, which was normal. Rai never believed the far-fetched excuses I made, and I suppose it was the final straw with his when I once again lied about them that day.

He followed me home. He knew of the rule of no friends, yet he was so worried he believed it his duty to check on me. I remember how horror stricken I had been when Aunt Mei-ing came to me to tell me Rai was at the door.

"Can't you ask him to leave?" I had asked.

"Sorry Rei, he knows you're here, and demands to see you," she had replied.

I knew father was at home, and I knew this would end in another beating. Yet I still went to Rai. We had unfortunately made a little too much noise with our conversation, and my father had bounded in at the sound of another child's voice.

I have imprinted on my mind the scowl he sent at Rai, and the shocked face of my friend as he had the door slammed in his face. My father had started shouting about my deliberate disobeying of his rules. He took off his shoe and hit me with it. It was not his favourite method of beating me, yet it was still effective in hurting me. Yet it wasn't the physical pain I cried out at, it was the mental pain. Knowing that Rai would surly be standing outside the door hearing every single one of my cries. My defences were stripped, and I knew for sure that he would realise my true family: unloved and unwanted by my own father.

My tears came this time, and I'm sure my father got some sick pleasure out of seeing them. Even after he stopped beating me and left me slumped in the hall the tears still came.

When something brushed against my hand I was surprised. It was Rai's handkerchief; he'd slipped it under the front door. I was unnerved by this kind gesture, and I will never forget it even to this day.

"You're a terrible father! I shall tell my own about this!" came Rai's voice from outside. I was touched by his loyalty to me, but he never told his father. I think he was too afraid of what my own might do to him.

That was almost like an unfulfilled promise, yet I would never blame him. He was too good a friend for me to mount something so trivial against him.

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That's it for now. The next chapter will cover a few more incidents in his childhood, and then bring you up to the present day.

Please review and tell me what you think!