Standard disclaimers apply
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Author's notes; This fic is written to Dido's song, "White Flag." I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it; it reminded me of a situation such as the one potrayed.
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[i]I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that,
But if I didn't say it well, I'd still have felt it, what's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder, or return to where we were, but....[i]
She stood, tears spilling down her face openly. Her jade green eyes gazed openly at him, every emotion clearly written across them. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"
"Don't say that, Misao," his voice came softly, vaccant of emotion and warmth, and yet holding a tinge of dispair at her words. Of course he could see that she loved him; it was easier to ignore it, pretend her love didn't exist, then to acknowlege her feelings. He closed his ice blue eyes, letting the scent of his green tea waft up towards his face. He breathed in deeply, relishing the peace the scent gave him.
"Why not?" Misao demanded, barely choking back a sob. "Why not say how I feel?" She dropped to her knees before him, hands hitting the stone floor in front of her. "Why can't I say how I feel? Why can't I let you know how much I love you?" Darks spots started to appear on the stones between her hands, stains and blemishes from the tears dropping from her eyes. "I can't bury my emotions. I felt this! I feel this love for you deep in my heart! I can't deny it any longer!"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Okashira," Aoshi said softly, allowing her title as leader to distence himself from her further.
"I'm not trying to make your life harder!" Misao exclaimed softly. "I... I never said that we had to -"
"Time changes people. Maybe once a love between you and I would have been possible; however the choices we have made. The roads that we have traveled, alone or together, have changed us. We're no longer children and that is all there is to it."
"I don't want to go back to where we were... but...." Her voice trailed off and she looked towards the ground sadly. "But I don't want this to be where we... and everything that we can be... ends. I want us to travel more roads together..."
[i]I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
"There is no future for us!" Aoshi said sharply. "Give it up already!" His voice took on harsh tones, not wanting to but intending to make her sad and angry. She needed to give him up; however, being gentle would accomplish nothing.
"Don't be a fool," she whispered, tears exausted. She stared at the cool gray stones with the darker splotches of tears. "You think that I'm going to give up? I couldn't give you up any easier than I could give up breathing, laughing, talking, living! You're a part of me that I will never surrender!"
He shook his head slightly, marveling at her quiet resolve. There was no more bluster, nothing childish about her anymore. In that moment, he saw her as the young woman she had become. His chest tightened and he stood, mouth grim with his decision.
She looked up rapidly, seeing him walking toward her with a surety to his step that she hadn't seen in years. "Aoshi-sama," she breathed, the sight of him stealing her breath and all remaining words.
"The past is set in stone, actions that I have taken... they cannot be forgiven. I won't allow them to be forgiven," he said. He was standing to her side now, eyes focusing on a patch of cloudy sky outside the Zen Temple.
Her eyes widened as he started walking again, heading down the steps at an even pace. She spun, reeling from the shock of his departure. It would be too much to loose him again. Only she would have to watch him leave this time.
[i]I know that I left too much mess and destruction to come back again,
And I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you can't talk to me again,
And if you live by the rules of it's over then I'm sure that that makes sense, but....
I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
"Shinamori-sama!" she called out, sprinting after him. "I know you think that you caused too much mess and destruction to come back to me." Her words felt rushed and hurried, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was him not leaving, not walking away for her forever.
He paused on the last step, not looking back at her; he wasn't moving though and that was all she needed to continue.
She tilted her head towrds the ground, focusing on a jagged crack in the step she was standing on. "I know that I cause nothing but trouble, I always have." Her eyes welled up with tears again. "And you don't have to talk to me again," she breathed reluctantly, trying to keep tears from falling from her eyes again.
"Aa," Aoshi murmured, nodding his head slightly.
Her knees trembled at the sound of his voice. Somewhere deep inside, she was hoping that he would disagree with her. That he would tell her she was wrong... "So it's over? That's the rule you're going to live by?" she asked.
He nodded his head slightly again. A murmur of raindrops accented his words gesture, falling in time with his head.
"I see," Misao murmured, turning her head towards the gray skies, letting the raindrops mingle with the tears she couldn't stop. "It doesn't change how I feel. I'll never give you up... never..."
He started walking again, moving deliberately along the path back to the Aoiya. "If it's your rule... then I'm sure that makes sense," her voice trailed after him, sounding broken by the raindrops. He half-turned, looking back at her.
[i]And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still,
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue,
And you will think that I've moved on.[i]
She had sank to the stone steps, unable to support her weight with the crushing finality of his descision. "Will you be... all right?" he asked awkwardly. He took a single step back towards her and then stopped, halted forever by the smile she gave him.
"I'll be fine. So long as you don't leave," she said, tears streaming down her face and a strangely content smile playing across her face. "We'll meet casually, in the hall on the way to breakfast... at festivals, in the training hall..."
"Misao," he let her name slip past his lips and took a step towards her.
She was looking at the crack again. "And even if you leave, we'll meet again, I'm sure. And everything that I feel for you now... I'll still feel it then." Her smile faltered slightly. "And I'll let it pass - bit my tongue - and..." She looked up at him. "We should get out of the rain. Okina-san won't like us very much if we get sick."
He hesitated then nodded. "Aa." He turned his back to her and started walking again.
"You'll think that I moved on," she murmured softly. "But that will be a lie. I love you. I love you always."
"What was that, Misao?" Aoshi called back to her, stopping and turning to look at her again.
"Nothing," she chirped, sprining to her feet and rushing to catch up with him. She fell into step beside him, for once not trying to catch his attention. Some things were final... some wounds didn't heal. And some roads had to be taken regardless of personal feelings. Aoshi had choosen to travel alone... and she had made the only choice that she could. She would follow him, always and forever.
[i]I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
~~Owari~~
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Thanks for reading,
Kissa-chan
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Author's notes; This fic is written to Dido's song, "White Flag." I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it; it reminded me of a situation such as the one potrayed.
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[i]I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that,
But if I didn't say it well, I'd still have felt it, what's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder, or return to where we were, but....[i]
She stood, tears spilling down her face openly. Her jade green eyes gazed openly at him, every emotion clearly written across them. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"
"Don't say that, Misao," his voice came softly, vaccant of emotion and warmth, and yet holding a tinge of dispair at her words. Of course he could see that she loved him; it was easier to ignore it, pretend her love didn't exist, then to acknowlege her feelings. He closed his ice blue eyes, letting the scent of his green tea waft up towards his face. He breathed in deeply, relishing the peace the scent gave him.
"Why not?" Misao demanded, barely choking back a sob. "Why not say how I feel?" She dropped to her knees before him, hands hitting the stone floor in front of her. "Why can't I say how I feel? Why can't I let you know how much I love you?" Darks spots started to appear on the stones between her hands, stains and blemishes from the tears dropping from her eyes. "I can't bury my emotions. I felt this! I feel this love for you deep in my heart! I can't deny it any longer!"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Okashira," Aoshi said softly, allowing her title as leader to distence himself from her further.
"I'm not trying to make your life harder!" Misao exclaimed softly. "I... I never said that we had to -"
"Time changes people. Maybe once a love between you and I would have been possible; however the choices we have made. The roads that we have traveled, alone or together, have changed us. We're no longer children and that is all there is to it."
"I don't want to go back to where we were... but...." Her voice trailed off and she looked towards the ground sadly. "But I don't want this to be where we... and everything that we can be... ends. I want us to travel more roads together..."
[i]I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
"There is no future for us!" Aoshi said sharply. "Give it up already!" His voice took on harsh tones, not wanting to but intending to make her sad and angry. She needed to give him up; however, being gentle would accomplish nothing.
"Don't be a fool," she whispered, tears exausted. She stared at the cool gray stones with the darker splotches of tears. "You think that I'm going to give up? I couldn't give you up any easier than I could give up breathing, laughing, talking, living! You're a part of me that I will never surrender!"
He shook his head slightly, marveling at her quiet resolve. There was no more bluster, nothing childish about her anymore. In that moment, he saw her as the young woman she had become. His chest tightened and he stood, mouth grim with his decision.
She looked up rapidly, seeing him walking toward her with a surety to his step that she hadn't seen in years. "Aoshi-sama," she breathed, the sight of him stealing her breath and all remaining words.
"The past is set in stone, actions that I have taken... they cannot be forgiven. I won't allow them to be forgiven," he said. He was standing to her side now, eyes focusing on a patch of cloudy sky outside the Zen Temple.
Her eyes widened as he started walking again, heading down the steps at an even pace. She spun, reeling from the shock of his departure. It would be too much to loose him again. Only she would have to watch him leave this time.
[i]I know that I left too much mess and destruction to come back again,
And I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you can't talk to me again,
And if you live by the rules of it's over then I'm sure that that makes sense, but....
I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
"Shinamori-sama!" she called out, sprinting after him. "I know you think that you caused too much mess and destruction to come back to me." Her words felt rushed and hurried, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was him not leaving, not walking away for her forever.
He paused on the last step, not looking back at her; he wasn't moving though and that was all she needed to continue.
She tilted her head towrds the ground, focusing on a jagged crack in the step she was standing on. "I know that I cause nothing but trouble, I always have." Her eyes welled up with tears again. "And you don't have to talk to me again," she breathed reluctantly, trying to keep tears from falling from her eyes again.
"Aa," Aoshi murmured, nodding his head slightly.
Her knees trembled at the sound of his voice. Somewhere deep inside, she was hoping that he would disagree with her. That he would tell her she was wrong... "So it's over? That's the rule you're going to live by?" she asked.
He nodded his head slightly again. A murmur of raindrops accented his words gesture, falling in time with his head.
"I see," Misao murmured, turning her head towards the gray skies, letting the raindrops mingle with the tears she couldn't stop. "It doesn't change how I feel. I'll never give you up... never..."
He started walking again, moving deliberately along the path back to the Aoiya. "If it's your rule... then I'm sure that makes sense," her voice trailed after him, sounding broken by the raindrops. He half-turned, looking back at her.
[i]And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still,
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue,
And you will think that I've moved on.[i]
She had sank to the stone steps, unable to support her weight with the crushing finality of his descision. "Will you be... all right?" he asked awkwardly. He took a single step back towards her and then stopped, halted forever by the smile she gave him.
"I'll be fine. So long as you don't leave," she said, tears streaming down her face and a strangely content smile playing across her face. "We'll meet casually, in the hall on the way to breakfast... at festivals, in the training hall..."
"Misao," he let her name slip past his lips and took a step towards her.
She was looking at the crack again. "And even if you leave, we'll meet again, I'm sure. And everything that I feel for you now... I'll still feel it then." Her smile faltered slightly. "And I'll let it pass - bit my tongue - and..." She looked up at him. "We should get out of the rain. Okina-san won't like us very much if we get sick."
He hesitated then nodded. "Aa." He turned his back to her and started walking again.
"You'll think that I moved on," she murmured softly. "But that will be a lie. I love you. I love you always."
"What was that, Misao?" Aoshi called back to her, stopping and turning to look at her again.
"Nothing," she chirped, sprining to her feet and rushing to catch up with him. She fell into step beside him, for once not trying to catch his attention. Some things were final... some wounds didn't heal. And some roads had to be taken regardless of personal feelings. Aoshi had choosen to travel alone... and she had made the only choice that she could. She would follow him, always and forever.
[i]I will go down with this ship,
And I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love... and always will be.[i]
~~Owari~~
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Thanks for reading,
Kissa-chan