To be or not to be

By Saloni

A/N: Ok…this is my first fic so…I hope you enjoy reading it!

Summary: Kagome is sixteen years old, she goes to high school and isn't happy at all with her life, but

what happens when she's ready to give up on it? To be or not to be that is the question…

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of the related characters.

Chapter one – Past memories

The raven-haired girl sat in this comfy old chair smoking up her cigarette…her dewy brown eyes starred at nothing in particular. She seemed like thinking about something very important and it seemed to put a lot of pressure on her. However you call it she was depressed.

Her desk was a mess…lots of papers, books, pencils, and clothes. On the wall in front of her hang a pinboard with lots of pictures. Her bed was all messed up and you could see it on her face she hadn't been sleeping well.

She was sitting in that dark room of hers for hours now and she still couldn't figure out what her problem was.

Did she and her family just have a fight?

Was she grounded? NO! Why? She was getting along quite well with mom and grandpa.

Souta, her little brother was getting on her nerves sometimes when he ravished up her personal things and tell mom everything she'd do…but that wasn't it. And Kikyou, her stepsister wasn't even worth mentioning…

So what about her friends? She had lots of friends!

Yeah…Sango, she was just great! She could talk to her about everything, she understood her every single thought and problem…but still why didn't she call her? A hole week had already passed and no sign from Sango. And then there was…nobody. Nobody!

Why didn't she realize this before? She had no friends at all! No one there to give her some piece of advice or to comfort her when she was down…

But she was always down. Since the day her dad died she was constantly hiding her feelings and emotions.

She couldn't laugh anymore, have fun with her friends and family or even talk openly to people.

Since that fucking day she was a living vegetable…

FLASHBACK_____________________________________________________________

She was only eleven when the tragic accident happened.

Kagome was coming home from school and preparing for the school festival in the afternoon.

She was getting ready for her role in "Cinderella" a theatre play by the school theatre group.

Kagome had the lead role and worked very hard on it.

"How do I look mommy?" she asked, her eyes sparkling like two little stars.

"You look wonderful honey! We are so proud of you!" her mom said while piling Kagome's hair in a bundle on the top of her head.

" Will daddy get there in time? I mean I know he has a lot of things to take care of and this is his last trip before my vacation but I really want him to see me play!"

"He'll be here sweetheart, don't worry…" her mom said patiently.

END OF FLASHBACK_______________________________________________________

A tear rolled down her pale face as her memories came into her head. Her cigarette was already burning down the filter, when she came back to her senses she stashed it into the ashtray and got up only to fall back into her seat.

What's happening to me? She asked herself. Maybe I'm smoking to much…

But did it matter? No…her life was boring and unsatisfying anyway and her health ..well she didn't care about that at all…

She slipped under the bedcover and fell asleep In a sec.

DREAM SEQUENCE________________________________________________________

" Weee mom did you see me? I was so so good up there! Everybody was applauding!" Kagome ran into her mom's open arms, which hugged her like she was the precious thing she ever had.

Kagome remembered her mom running out of the hall and returning after a few minutes, so she asked her what the emergency was.

Her mom couldn't look up to her and she saw tears running down her face.

Grandpa had already left the feast and her dad still wasn't there…

"So mom…where is daddy? Why didn't he come? He promised! He never missed any of my school representations…" Kagome was very angered and also a little bit scared.

Now something definitely was wrong, her mom burst out in tears and hugged her little Kagome to her chest.

"Oh…chibi Kagome… I'm so so sorry, it shouldn't have been like this, not today… oh my God!"

Her mother now kneeling next to Kagome yelled, her head looking up the sealing, hoping someone might hear her prayers.

Kagome was frightened, she sensed something was wrong…no, she knew what happened. She just didn't wanna hear the truth coming from her mom's lips.

"Kagome…" Her mom said with a horrifying look on her face, "your dad isn't coming…he took a long trip and wont be coming back very soon…"

She couldn't tell her sweet little Kagome that her dad just had a terrible accident and that the doctors tried to save his life but he gave in and was now gone forever.

That moment she felt her whole world fall apart.

Her mother was lying to her and they both knew Kagome wasn't six years old and wouldn't buy her lies.

"He's gone?…Ok…then we'll wait for him to come back right?"

Kagome had fake smile on her face. She knew the truth but didn't want to embrace it, she was very sad.

She was thorn apart, confused and she could also feel the pain of her family inside her.

That moment her mom was getting further and further away from her and eventually disappearing into the dark.

Now she was all alone yelling her mom and dad's name out loud fearing of loosing them both.

END OF DREAM SEQUENCE____________________________________________________

Kagome woke up all sweated and full of tears in her eyes. She couldn't take it anymore, she had this dream almost every night and every time she went to sleep for… how long? Almost four years.

This was too much! Kagome got out of bed and fell kneeling on the floor.

" I can't take it anymore! Please God just take me now!!! " She yelled as loud as she could but nothing happened… and then the phone rang.

"H-hai?" Kagome wiped the tears that gathered in her eyes and wondered who was calling.

"Hello? Kagome-chan, is that you? I can't hear you speak louder!"

"Yes for hells sake it's me Sango! What do you want?" Kagome asked a little annoyed, but happy.

"Geesh! What's up with you today? Sango asked very curious.

"Nothin'… Just had a bad dream that's all…"

"Wanna hang out?"

"Hum…well…I don't know…" Kagome just didn't feel like hanging out, she really felt miserable and didn't want to fuck up Sango's mood.

"Oh come on Kagome! You haven't walked out of that filthy room of yours for five freakin' days now, I bet it really stinks like cigarette smoke in there…"

"Well none of your business Sango! I'm not coming out!" She wasn't to sure about that though .

She was complaining about Sango not calling her but here she was asking her to get out of that hell she was living in and she wanted to have some fun!

"Kagome? Kagome! Are you listening to me?" The girl asked very annoyed.

"Ok ok I'll meet you at that café down the river…Gaijin's right? 5:00 PM?"

"Yeah! Sure! I'll be there…but don't be late Kag-chan or I'll punish you severely!" and with that Sango hung up.

What did she mean? I'll punish you severely, wasn't she already punished enough?

Her family wouldn't talk to her except grandpa, she had no real friends except Sango, her school grades were getting smaller by day, her bitchy stepsister Kikyou who mom adopted after her dad died was making fun of her every day and she hated her so badly because they looked so alike.

And on top of it all NO guy ever liked her… well except that stupid geek Hobo or…Hojo…who was sending her poems which she couldn't even understand because he was always using these stuck up words…

After she got dressed she put on some make up to hide the purple semi-moons and Baggies under her eyes. Then she went out of the house without saying goodbye to mom and grandpa.

She walked down the streets staring at the concrete, not noticing it started to drip.

She was only wearing a black top with the Anarchy symbol on it, black shorts and a pair of black combat boots.

Rain started to pour down on her but she didn't care. She lit up a cigarette only to realize it was getting wet, so she tossed it away.

"Ah…I didn't like those god damn cigars anyway… So why the hell am I smoking? Oh yeah…I remember, I started smoking one year ago, the stress was just too much."

She was now crossing a large high bridge over the river.

Now everything was piling up in her head. All her problems, worries and she came to the conclusion she just wasn't happy…

And then it hit her. Her idea was simple and just… brilliant.

She stopped right in the middle of the bridge. Studying everything around her.

Cars were passing by, sidewalk- empty.

Kagome looked at her watch realizing she said to meet with Sango in a half an hour. She didn't care.

All she cared about was…nothing. She leaned over the railing and what she saw scared her a bit, the stream was flowing downwards like crazy…it seemed to be in a hurry to get somewhere…but she wasn't she had a half an hour time to decide…she knew it. To be or not to be, that is the question.

You'd be surprised at how many things a person can think about in a half an hour! Kagome practically rolled all her life in front of her eyes and knew her life wasn't that special or interesting at all. She had a few "glorious" moments but that happened in her childhood.

She thought about the world and how nobody out there would give a fuck if she died throwing herself of that bridge and drowning the ice-cold water.

A slight mocking smile lit up her face at the thought that in sixteen years she didn't even learn how to swim.

By the time she finished apologizing to her family for what she was about to do it stopped raining.

She was soaking as she put one foot up the railing. She instantly felt light breezes brush her hair of her face and she was getting shaky. And no, it wasn't because of what she was about to do, she was really cold.

In a moment Kagome had both feet up the railing and was trying to hold her balance.

She then yelled out what seemed to be the last words of her life.

"If you think I'm gonna be a coward, dodge this!!" she screamed from the top of her lungs to no one in particular and was about to let go when a grumpy voice calmly said to her "Yeah you are wench! "

Humans are so weak…

A/N: evil cliff I've left you there…*starts laughing like a witch* REVIEW people and I might just update sooner for you…cause I'm such a lazy person. And don't flame me for my writhing style I'm new at this.