Author's notes: The final part in my series on the team's childhood, focusing on Hiei. I'm not really pleased with it. This one's much darker than my others. I hadn't wanted that to happen, but Hiei just makes light and fluffy difficult. Bah. This is also more dialog oriented, which I wasn't going for either. Oh well. It's somewhat hopeful at the end, and foreshadows his eventual relationship with the team. I'm considering making these the prelude to something more, but that's up in the air for now. YYH belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi/Shueisha, Studio Pierrot, and so on.

Warnings: Blood, gore, angst, just not happy things.

Bless, Curse
A Yu Yu Hakusho Memory Fic by Kitsuneko

Hiei groaned and dislodged his sword from the inert body at his feet. His arms and hands, as well as his weapon, were slicked with blood and gore, and perspiration rolled over the chubby contours of his face. Attempts to wipe them away proved useless, only creating streaked patterns in red and brown.

"Good work, kid. Lesson's over for today. Go get dinner." Hiei grimaced at the older demon, his instructor, his captor. He could not sheath his sword like this, so he carried it in the tight drip of his still-small hand. He had to go through the dining hall to get to the back of their base, where he could wash in the river.

The air inside was smoky and heavy with sweat, almost rancid. This conspired with the yellowed lighting to make him lightheaded and sick. A broad hand, calloused and cracked from exposure, grabbed his wrist as he passed, pulling his arm to the level of the corresponding mouth and the thick tongue that snaked across his filthy arm. Hiei jerked back swiftly and ducked away, head down as he burrowed through the crowded room.

The river was frigid, fed by the glaciers further south, and his arms became painfully numb as soon as they were plunged beneath the surface. He scrubbed quickly with senseless fingers to remove the caked and drying blood. A figure dropped to sit beside him, but he steadfastly ignored it, concentrating on the last traces that remained under his nails and across his elbows. He only looked up when he reached for his sword, then moved to dip the blade into the swift water.

"What do you want?" His voice was high, not yet changed with age, but had adopted the occasional break. The demon next to him was one of the resident killers. He was a young adult, fit and handsome, with long hair streaked in charcoal gray and ashen brown, and pale eyes that seemed silver. A pair of smooth horns grew from his hairline, above his eyes, over the curve of his skull.

"Hello to you too, kid."

"Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Can't you see I'm bored?" That cut the conversation for a few tense minutes, while Hiei wiped the blood from his blade and scrubbed at the hilt.

"Why do you stay here if you hate us this much?" It was out of the blue, but the demon had some way of making it seem perfectly logical. Hiei idly noted that it was charm. He didn't like it.

"Because I want to be strong. So I can kill all the koorimes. Then I'll come back and kill everyone here."

"Ah, yes, that. Well, I just ask that, when you get to me, make sure it's sharp and fast."

"You wouldn't stop me?" He sounded like a confused child. His attitude still needed work.

"I don't much care about dying. I'm too apathetic."

"You're what?" The other demon snickered and Hiei suddenly felt ignorant.

"It means I don't care enough. I've done plenty of crap in my time. I can't say I won't deserve it. Besides, you have a cause and more people should have one. I won't mind being killed by someone like that."

"Ch'. If you're that way, why don't you just kill yourself? Why should I do it for you?"

"You just said you would kill us all. Do you have something against doing things that people want?" Hiei was silent. "You're still a child. How can you be so- so much like the rest of us?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're old inside. How does that happen to a person?" Hiei considered this for a long time in silence. The other waited, motionless but for the slender fingers that plucked blades of grass next to him.

"Some things are more important. If you're young, you can't do things. Everyone controls you. I want to be free to do what matters to me, instead of what others think I should do. And I don't want to depend on anyone."

"Then, I hope that, someday, when you're done with those things, you find someone you depend on, who can take care of you and makes you do all the unimportant things." With that, the demon left, without a look back. Hiei felt like he had just been blessed and cursed at the same time.