Um. Hi again, from me! Sorry this one took so long, I was practicing being
a Professional Procrastinator. Yes. So. Here it is. Chapter seven. I think
darkraven especially will like this one. Hehehehehe....
A Word to the Wise: India is NOT an island.
LEAVE REVIEWS! *twitch* *twitch* *goes into convusions*
Ch 7 Cucumber!
When the colors finally stopped swirling about his head, Mr. Potato-Head took a while to notice. Finally it struck him that the room really WAS purple. And there was a funny scent in the air. He sniffed. Was it, yes it was ...Lilac?
He inspected himself. Just as he suspected. Not an inch taller. "Rip off," he muttered about the EAT ME cheese.
Someone strolled down the narrow violently violet corridor. A man very reminiscent of the FBI agent Mr. Potato-Head had had the pleasure to meet earlier. Only.....there was a purple tint to his clothes and an odd odor surrounding him. Lilies?
The man saw Mr. Potato-Head and stopped, gawking with an open mouth. Losing his normal intimidating composure, he exclaimed, "DUDE! How did you get into the top-secret corridor of the top-secret building of the top-secret branch of the CIA?"
Mr. Potato-Head blinked.
The guy realized what he just said and growled, "You didn't hear that."
"Yes, I did"
"No, you didn't"
"Yes, I did"
"That's just what they want you to think!"
Baffled, Mr. Potato-Head asked, "Who's they?"
The man didn't answer. He merely took a piece of purple chalk from his coat pocket, drew a circle on the wall. The circle filled out, the colors hinting of another world through the shape. The man gestured pointedly at the circle.
"Where does that go?"
"Somewhere over the rainbow"
"I don't like bows"
The man grabbed a shiny object from his coat pocket. He thrust it in Mr. Potato-Head's face crying, "FEAR THE GARLAND!"
Mr. Potato-Head panicked, trying to evade the evil Christmas decoration. He hurried to his only escape - the hole in the wall.
He jumped through, relieved to have escaped the garland. Only then did he realize he had been tricked. "STUPID GARAND!" he yelled to the air rushing up at him.
He dropped roughly in front of a uniform brick building. In front of him was a stern lady with a tight bun and a boring grey suit dress. She was wearing that fake nice smile that only fools parents and standing next to a sign that read "WELCOME TO SCHOOL."
"NO! I"M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Screamed Mr. Potato-Head. The teacher kept smiling. "Why do you smile, lady? Everyone knows school is in the heart of hel-"
Behind one of the windows in the brick building, two teachers watched while sipping sugar-less carb-free caffeine-enriched alcohol-high coffee. They bemusedly watched Mr. Potato-Head yell at their poster board teacher. "How long till you think he figures out she's a piece of painted cardboard?" One asked the other. The other smirked and added more vodka to her coffee. "Oh, I'd give him till the end of the next period."
Outside, Mr. Potato-Head was ranting at the teacher. "Nightmares are created here! Science! German! *gasp* ALGEBRA!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Mr. Potato-Head made full use of his lungs as he ran top-speed away from the school at the thought of being forced to find the square root of x and y. He ran straight into a man in a pair of tight plaid pants, apparently made of spandex. The guy held out a hand to stop Mr. Potato-Head and spoke in a phony French accent with just a hint of a Turkish slur.
"Zat voice! Eet ees zo magneefeecant! Zo powarfool! Pleez, do eet ageen!"
"What, scream? Like this? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Mr. Potato-Head wasn't entirely sure what the French/Turkish guy was asking, but looking at the blissful picture on the guy's face as Mr. Potato- Head made full use of his lungs, he was pretty sure the guy HAD asked him to scream. What a weirdo.
"Come viz me! Talant like ziz cannot go undeescovaaared!"
Mr. Potato-Head followed the odd man, happy to be heading away from the dreaded school. He turned around for a last taunting smirk at the teacher. He made a face; tongue protruding and wiggling around, eyes crossed, and singing "NAH NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO!"
To his shock, a sudden wind knocked the teacher over, and she lay flat on the ground. Mr. Potato-Head's eyes grew wide, and he quickly looked around to make sure no one had seen. "I killed her," he whispered in awe to himself.
He hurried after the spandex-wearing man, past hordes of sign-wearing crowds, and into a building. Upon entering, a man handed him his own sign like the ones the people in the crowds were wearing. "That is your randomly chosen identification number," the man said in a bored voice. The sign said "Hi! I'm ONPOT." "Hey....Those are letters, not numbers," Mr. Potato-Head pointed out. "That's just what they want you to think!" Mr. Potato-Head blinked. Now where had he heard THAT before?
He took a seat on a bench filled with other sign-bearers. They too, had randomly chosen number: "Hi! I'm SOGAY" "Hi! I'm PYSCO" "Hi! I'm HORNY" and so on.
A girl came out with a bright yellow clipboard and called his "number". Mr. Potato-Head followed her into a brightly lit room with a small stage set up in front of a table. The table was occupied by none other than Larry the Cucumber, Bob the Tomato, and Bob the Builder!
"Welcome to Cucumber Idol! You sing, we tell you how bad you are! Got it? And if you aren't too horrible, and you win, you get turned into a CUCUMBER!" Larry the Cucumber exclaimed proudly.
Mr. Potato-Head asked, "Why would anyone want to be a cucumber?"
"SILENCE!" Larry jumped up and glared at Mr. Potato-Head. "Ok, ok, don't be such a sour pickle," Mr. Potato-Head grumbled.
"SING," Larry growled. The two Bobs just sat there smiling. Mr. Potato-Head went into an impressive alternate version of "My Heart Will Go On"
"Every other night in your dreams, I stalk you, I kill you! That is how I know who you are....Near, Far, Where EVER you hide, I will find you and take out my knife!"
He sang this in an incredibly high and girlish voice. Larry scowled at him and said, "Your voice sux, cucumber hater!"
Bob the Builder said merrily, "We can fix it!"
Everyone else in the room screamed "NO WE CAN"T!"
Larry maliciously pressed the EJECT button next to his chair. "Good bye, cucumber hater!"
The stage sprang up and shot Mr. Potato-Head up and through the ceiling. The stage bounced up and down on its uncoiled spring. Two workers rushed over, pushed it flat down on the ground and strapped the stage to the floor.
It looked as if nothing had happened. Larry smiled sweetly, composed himself and yelled "NEXT!"
And Mr. Potato-Head's Journey continues on......and he might just have a concussion from breaking through the ceiling.......
LEAVE REVIEWS! *twitch* *twitch* *goes into convusions*
Ch 7 Cucumber!
When the colors finally stopped swirling about his head, Mr. Potato-Head took a while to notice. Finally it struck him that the room really WAS purple. And there was a funny scent in the air. He sniffed. Was it, yes it was ...Lilac?
He inspected himself. Just as he suspected. Not an inch taller. "Rip off," he muttered about the EAT ME cheese.
Someone strolled down the narrow violently violet corridor. A man very reminiscent of the FBI agent Mr. Potato-Head had had the pleasure to meet earlier. Only.....there was a purple tint to his clothes and an odd odor surrounding him. Lilies?
The man saw Mr. Potato-Head and stopped, gawking with an open mouth. Losing his normal intimidating composure, he exclaimed, "DUDE! How did you get into the top-secret corridor of the top-secret building of the top-secret branch of the CIA?"
Mr. Potato-Head blinked.
The guy realized what he just said and growled, "You didn't hear that."
"Yes, I did"
"No, you didn't"
"Yes, I did"
"That's just what they want you to think!"
Baffled, Mr. Potato-Head asked, "Who's they?"
The man didn't answer. He merely took a piece of purple chalk from his coat pocket, drew a circle on the wall. The circle filled out, the colors hinting of another world through the shape. The man gestured pointedly at the circle.
"Where does that go?"
"Somewhere over the rainbow"
"I don't like bows"
The man grabbed a shiny object from his coat pocket. He thrust it in Mr. Potato-Head's face crying, "FEAR THE GARLAND!"
Mr. Potato-Head panicked, trying to evade the evil Christmas decoration. He hurried to his only escape - the hole in the wall.
He jumped through, relieved to have escaped the garland. Only then did he realize he had been tricked. "STUPID GARAND!" he yelled to the air rushing up at him.
He dropped roughly in front of a uniform brick building. In front of him was a stern lady with a tight bun and a boring grey suit dress. She was wearing that fake nice smile that only fools parents and standing next to a sign that read "WELCOME TO SCHOOL."
"NO! I"M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Screamed Mr. Potato-Head. The teacher kept smiling. "Why do you smile, lady? Everyone knows school is in the heart of hel-"
Behind one of the windows in the brick building, two teachers watched while sipping sugar-less carb-free caffeine-enriched alcohol-high coffee. They bemusedly watched Mr. Potato-Head yell at their poster board teacher. "How long till you think he figures out she's a piece of painted cardboard?" One asked the other. The other smirked and added more vodka to her coffee. "Oh, I'd give him till the end of the next period."
Outside, Mr. Potato-Head was ranting at the teacher. "Nightmares are created here! Science! German! *gasp* ALGEBRA!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Mr. Potato-Head made full use of his lungs as he ran top-speed away from the school at the thought of being forced to find the square root of x and y. He ran straight into a man in a pair of tight plaid pants, apparently made of spandex. The guy held out a hand to stop Mr. Potato-Head and spoke in a phony French accent with just a hint of a Turkish slur.
"Zat voice! Eet ees zo magneefeecant! Zo powarfool! Pleez, do eet ageen!"
"What, scream? Like this? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Mr. Potato-Head wasn't entirely sure what the French/Turkish guy was asking, but looking at the blissful picture on the guy's face as Mr. Potato- Head made full use of his lungs, he was pretty sure the guy HAD asked him to scream. What a weirdo.
"Come viz me! Talant like ziz cannot go undeescovaaared!"
Mr. Potato-Head followed the odd man, happy to be heading away from the dreaded school. He turned around for a last taunting smirk at the teacher. He made a face; tongue protruding and wiggling around, eyes crossed, and singing "NAH NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO!"
To his shock, a sudden wind knocked the teacher over, and she lay flat on the ground. Mr. Potato-Head's eyes grew wide, and he quickly looked around to make sure no one had seen. "I killed her," he whispered in awe to himself.
He hurried after the spandex-wearing man, past hordes of sign-wearing crowds, and into a building. Upon entering, a man handed him his own sign like the ones the people in the crowds were wearing. "That is your randomly chosen identification number," the man said in a bored voice. The sign said "Hi! I'm ONPOT." "Hey....Those are letters, not numbers," Mr. Potato-Head pointed out. "That's just what they want you to think!" Mr. Potato-Head blinked. Now where had he heard THAT before?
He took a seat on a bench filled with other sign-bearers. They too, had randomly chosen number: "Hi! I'm SOGAY" "Hi! I'm PYSCO" "Hi! I'm HORNY" and so on.
A girl came out with a bright yellow clipboard and called his "number". Mr. Potato-Head followed her into a brightly lit room with a small stage set up in front of a table. The table was occupied by none other than Larry the Cucumber, Bob the Tomato, and Bob the Builder!
"Welcome to Cucumber Idol! You sing, we tell you how bad you are! Got it? And if you aren't too horrible, and you win, you get turned into a CUCUMBER!" Larry the Cucumber exclaimed proudly.
Mr. Potato-Head asked, "Why would anyone want to be a cucumber?"
"SILENCE!" Larry jumped up and glared at Mr. Potato-Head. "Ok, ok, don't be such a sour pickle," Mr. Potato-Head grumbled.
"SING," Larry growled. The two Bobs just sat there smiling. Mr. Potato-Head went into an impressive alternate version of "My Heart Will Go On"
"Every other night in your dreams, I stalk you, I kill you! That is how I know who you are....Near, Far, Where EVER you hide, I will find you and take out my knife!"
He sang this in an incredibly high and girlish voice. Larry scowled at him and said, "Your voice sux, cucumber hater!"
Bob the Builder said merrily, "We can fix it!"
Everyone else in the room screamed "NO WE CAN"T!"
Larry maliciously pressed the EJECT button next to his chair. "Good bye, cucumber hater!"
The stage sprang up and shot Mr. Potato-Head up and through the ceiling. The stage bounced up and down on its uncoiled spring. Two workers rushed over, pushed it flat down on the ground and strapped the stage to the floor.
It looked as if nothing had happened. Larry smiled sweetly, composed himself and yelled "NEXT!"
And Mr. Potato-Head's Journey continues on......and he might just have a concussion from breaking through the ceiling.......