Adieu

"I stand alone,
And watch you fade away
Like clouds.
High up and in the sky,
I'm strong,
And so cold,
As I stand alone.
Goodbye,
So long,
Adieu..."

"Adieu" Yoko Kanno, {Cowboy Bebop OST 3}

She told herself she wouldn't look back. She'd promised him she wouldn't, so she'd keep going til she got to the end.

Of course, she never really clarified where the end was: her house; her school; the end of the week; month; year; heck, even the end of her life, if one wanted to get morbid about it. As it was, she lasted about three steps out of the tunnel, then she spun around, ignoring her parent's exclamations of the joke that was done to their car. Her parents pulled her out of her reverie, though, bundling her into the car so that they "wouldn't be late for the movers". Chihiro pushed the dried bouquet from her friends to the floor of her seat, and turned around to watch the smiling figure disappear from sight. Her parents were chatting as though nothing had happened, saying something about how it would be a big step going to a new school. Not really paying attention, she replied with "I think I can handle it", never taking her eyes off the rounded stone.

As they traveled around the curve that would make the smiling figure fade from sight altogether, she could almost swear she saw it wink. Squinting through the last gap in the trees, she blinked in astonishment. Was there a silhouette of someone coming through? Or were her eyes playing cruel tricks on her? She squirmed in her seat, attempting to catch one last glimpse of the building, but to no avail. They were coming back to the main road now, and her parents were telling her to turn around and buckle herself in. She did so, but only because she knew that it would keep them from nagging her again.

The car rolled towards their new house, as even as her father eased it to a stop, she had yanked off her seatbelt and was fiddling with the door's lock. She burst though the door and dashed off in the direction from which they'd come. Ignoring the shouts of her parents, she hurried down the driveway and took off at a run for the hill's slope. From there, she could get her bearings, find the dirt path, pass by the funny little houses, and to the place wherever Haku was waiting for her.

Because it had to be him, right? Who else would follow after her from the spirit world? She'd convinced herself during that eternal rest of the trip up to the house that she had in fact seen a shadow moving in the cave's darkness, and she was determined to find out. If it was Haku, well, she would jump him. If it wasn't, she'd go and throw a fit before the person that had the audacity to NOT be him. If it wasn't, s/he'd get an earful from her before she'd push past them and run through the windy tunnel, dash across the sea of grass, weave her way past the buildings meant to lure the unwary, and clamber into the bath house proper. There she'd hunt him down, ransacking every room until she found him, and then she'd jump him. She wouldn't let him go until she either had made him return to her world with her immediately or until she made it clear to him she never return home, wanting to stay there with him forever. Satisfied that this was a good plan, she quickened her pace as much as she could.

She smiled as her legs pumped, getting her closer and closer to her destination. She could almost see him sitting in his room, see him turn in surprised delight and open his arms to welcome her into his embrace. She'd throw herself into it, the smell of running water and newly fallen rain would envelope her senses as she breathed in his scent, and they would sit there forever, together again. He would be surprised, and maybe a little angry, but she knew that once she explained, he would understand-

She stopped the instant she could see down the hill to where her family had been just moments ago. Panting, she looked about incredulously, ignoring the sudden cold fear that seized her heart. She closed her eyes, telling herself that when she opened them again, everything would be fine. Eyes shut, her others senses picked up on the world around her. Crickets sang above the hum of traffic, the laughter of children breaking their melody as the wind changed. Newly cut grass tickled her nose, and she could smell a barbeque cooking hot dogs and hamburgers somewhere nearby. The air was thicker with the summer heat up here; in the woods, the trees had taken it upon themselves to shade the creatures living within, soaking up most of the humidity as well. Blinking in the bright light, Chihiro opened her eyes once again.

It was gone. That was the only way she could describe it- no road, no funny little houses, nothing. Oh there were houses there, yes, but nothing to guide her back the from whence she'd come. She faintly heard her mother calling her, and she looked over her shoulder to gaze in complete bewilderment over in the direction of her parents. She couldn't really see them, so shell shocked was she.

They were oblivious to the fact that they'd been gone for days- the movers had come, and used the key her parents had provided for them to put the things into the house. Nothing seemed amiss to them; they'd probably already forgotten that they'd taken a "shortcut" and hadn't found their house at all, but something so much better... Her mother tried to wave her back to the house, no doubt to make her help bring some of the things in from the car, but her father had put a hand on her mother's shoulder. Barely, she could hear him say something about 'letting Chihiro explore a little before helping out.' She smiled gratefully, if somewhat distractedly, then turned her attention back to the disaster before her.

The houses' bright colors blazed garishly at the bottom before disappearing under the trees and out of sight. Telling herself that she only needed to go a little further down the hill before she spotted the track, she began to make her way down the hill. She never took her eyes off the houses or the forest, eyes searching for the only two things that would make her happy at that moment: either the dirt road, or a certain green-eyed, black haired river spirit. Specifically one named Kohaku, the one she'd seen not more than ten minutes ago, the one she'd sworn her love to, the one that returned that heart's pledge. The one that she'd play barnacle with for the rest of her life if she- when she found him, never letting go.

She rubbed her eyes when she arrived at the first of the ugly houses, wondering why it was that her eyes were beginning to tear up. It had to be the newly cut grass affecting her allergies, or maybe it was the brilliantly blazing canary yellow siding on the house. Undaunted, she made her way into the trees, determined to find one or the other of her quarries. Through brush she hadn't remembered seeing as they passed through before, she fought her way towards what she felt must have been the right way. On and on she pushed, struggling as the very forest seemed to fight her advance.

Looking left and right, she searched for any sign of the spirit world, or any one of that place. She looked up and down the trees, behind logs, even under rocks. But everywhere she looked, she found the same thing: nothing. No paper birds, no radish spirits, no creatures making their way to the bath house, no handsome dragon god waiting patiently for her.

She wanted to see him again, even if only for a minute! She... she hadn't really even said goodbye... She'd just run off, happy with her defeat over Yubaba, and she hadn't even thought to tell Kohaku goodbye and she couldn't wait to see him again. Why? Why hadn't she parted properly, saying til we meet again, or I'll see you later? Why hadn't she told him how much she couldn't wait to see him again, and that their parting would be sad, but hopefully short lived? If only....

She spent several hours wandering through the trees, and although she could have gone all night without sleep to search even more, her father had come after her and half-dragged her back to the house for dinner-an order of takeout. Then, before she could sneak off once again, her mother roped her into helping unpack the things in the kitchen so that the next day they wouldn't have to order out again. Chihiro was exhausted by the time they had finished, protesting only half-heartedly when her parents sent her to bed. She fell into a deep sleep, and couldn't remember anything of her dreams except for a wide expanse of grass, and green eyes that would haunt her when she awoke the next morning.

~~~~~~~~~

Life slowly began to take the shape of normality. School was fine; she did alright, and she'd met some girls that were pretty nice, even if they didn't hold a candle to past friends. But her life seemed somewhat dull. Oh, she'd go to the woods everyday after school, searching for that elusive dirt path or the clusters of little shrines. Heck, even a misplaced radish would have been something she'd have gotten excited about.

But as time passed, her memory began to fade; with no reminder other than what she'd written down in her diary, the spirit world seemed to be more and more a childhood fantasy that she'd made up when she was younger. As she grew older, she eventually wrote it off as a silly story she'd created to ease the adjustment of moving from her town of birth to her new home. Although she couldn't explain those four weeks that her family had mysteriously vanished at the time of their move, she knew there had to be a reasonable explanation. And the pretty hair band that sparkled even at the darkest of times? She'd gotten that from one of her old friends; she couldn't remember who, but it didn't really matter, it was just a silly little hair tie. She would never have gotten rid of it though, not for anything in the world, though if asked why she wouldn't be able to respond with something believable.

All of her childhood fantasies had a logical explanation to an 18 year old Chihiro; everything from her odd habit to sign her name "Sen" sometimes to the daily ritual of wandering aimlessly through the woods down the hill from her house. If she thought long and hard enough, she'd be able to explain any of these tendencies. The only thing she couldn't explain was why she could never look at a guy and accept him for who he was; she couldn't explain how, whenever she was approached by someone asking for a date, she'd turn him down flat out. And she certainly couldn't explain why she'd always expected the guy to have brilliant green eyes (although she'd try to reason with herself that she just had a fetish for guys with unusual eye color).

As she walked home with her friends after a day of tests, studying and abysmal cafeteria food, she was in the middle of making fun at one of their professors when she felt something in the air shift, and the scent of newly fallen rain sent a shiver down her spine. Looking up, she saw the sky was clouding over, but bright patches of sun still peeked out before running to hide behind another cloud. She frowned, wondering if it was going to rain- she hadn't heard anything on the news about any showers, but those definitely looked like thunder heads off in the distance. Her friends didn't seem to notice her reaction, they all began to complain that it was going to rain on the baseball game that night and all of their efforts to show off for the guys would be ruined by the rain. Chihiro murmured something in agreement, although when her friends stopped in front of her house to ask what time to pick her up that night, she hesitated, once again inhaling the scent of fresh water. She made up the excuse of not feeling well, and her friends reluctantly said goodbye, thinking she just didn't want to get wet.

She opened the door to her house, slipping out of her shoes and shouting "I'm home!" before going up to her room to change. As she began to dress into something grungy, she stopped, pausing to catch her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled by the hours of the day, her body drooping a little. She had a sudden urge to go out to the woods now, in spite of the impending rain. Whenever she'd felt (and looked) this tried before, a little romp through the woods would always perk her up a bit. She changed out of her sweat suit and got into something that would make it a little easier to go tromping in the woods, then dug out an umbrella from the back of her closet. As she leaned down to scoop it up, her hair fell in her face, obscuring her view. Grumpily, she went over to her dresser to dig through the drawer with her hair bands. Pulling one out, she fastened the purple tie and hurried out the door, intent on beating the rain.

She pulled on her shoes again, muttering under her breath as she laced them up again. Her mother appeared from the kitchen, looking surprised. She wiped her hands on a cloth and watched her daughter getting ready to go out again (and she was apparently disgruntled about it too, which was odd). She leaned against the doorframe as Chihiro stood up, picking up the umbrella as she headed for the door.

"Chihiro, it's going to rain! Are you really going out?" Chihiro threw a smile over her shoulder as she pulled open the door.

"Yeah, but only for a little bit. I can beat it, I just want to get some air." Her mother mentally shrugged and headed back into the kitchen to finish dinner.

"Just make sure you don't get soaked. We can't have you sick for your exams."

Chihiro ran out the door, jogging down the driveway and onto the street. She'd long ago learned that the easiest path into the woods was off the main road at the bottom of the hill, and while she'd usually go that way, today she wanted to get there and get back as soon as possible. She eased her way down the steep hill and headed into the trees, careful to keep her umbrella close at hand in case the heavens opened up.

She slowed her pace once she'd found the path she'd inadvertently created through years of daily use. She stopped, closing her eyes and inhaling the heavy scent of the woods around her. Pine needles that had been crushed under her feet hung in the air, but there was a slight breeze that brought that promise of rain as well. She smiled, though she kept her eyes closed. Already, she could feel the stillness of the forest calm her nerves, soothing her tired body and spirit with it's peace seeping into her. Her friends always laughed when she told them about the zen-like calm she'd always experience when in the company of the woods, but as she stood there, she didn't care what they said. It was just her and the natural world around her; no school, no tests, no one else.

And that was when she heard it.

Blinking, she started from her reverie, certain that she'd been mistaken. She looked in the direction the sound had come from, confused. She'd traveled these woods for almost eight years now, and not once had she ever heard or seen evidence of a stream. She stood silent again, waiting for the sound, and sure enough, there was the distinct babbling of a stream somewhere nearby. Curiosity piqued, she left her path and followed the sounds of the running water. Using the umbrella as a machete, she fought her way through the thick underbrush, pace quickening as the noise grew louder. Throwing her weight against one particularly feisty bramble bush, she surged forward only to trip on a downed branch and stumbled forward, splashing into a wide stream.

For a moment, she simply stood there, staring at the water that was soaking her jeans and tickling her toes. Something screwy was going on, she was sure of it. There hadn't been a stream here for all the years she'd been coming here, and there certainly wasn't one here yesterday. She sighed, knowing that rescuing her jeans was a lost cause, so she waded over to the bank to sit on a rock that was very conveniently placed. She plopped down, and undid her shoes, pulling the sopping sneakers out of the water and laying them on the rock beside her. She blinked in utter astonishment as the stream babbled merrily away, and tried to sort out her thoughts.

One: Streams do not magically appear and disappear. There had to be some logical explanation. It might make her head hurt trying to think of one, but she was sure that she could explain it... eventually.

Two: the air had a slight chill to it, so by all rights her feet should be numbing over. But the water was warm, brushing against her skin like warm hands tickling the soles of her feet. Weird, but maybe there was an explanation for that too. Like, maybe it was... eh, ok, that was another one she'd have to ponder over at some other time.

Three: the sun was shining here. This made her blink the most, her mind trying to work out how she'd missed that at first. The sun was brilliant, in fact; dazzlingly bright and warm against her back. The light played on the water, turning it to crystal and making the pebbles under the rushing water seem to sparkle like jewels. She thought maybe it was just a lucky clearing of clouds, but it would pass soon enough. It didn't, though. She sat there for over fifteen moments, waiting for the rain that she could freaking hear and smell, but nothing came. she stewed on her rock, splashing her feet as her brain tried a desperate attempt to figure things out. When it begged for respite, she flopped back onto her rock with a sigh, closing her eyes.

Maybe she was really asleep, dreaming she'd gone for her walk? That would make sense; she was hearing and smelling the rain through her window, and the warmth was coming from the covers on her bed. She smiled, as this made perfect sense to her. Now, all she had to do was wait until she woke up. It wasn't a bad dream really, but it was so realistic it was kind of scary. The sooner it was over, the better she'd feel.

What she did feel was something smooth press against her foot, and she sat up to peer into the water, suddenly wary of any creatures that might be inhabiting the waters. At first, she didn't see anything with the reflected light bouncing back into her face, so she leaned over and groped along the stream bed, fingers roaming over gravelly rock and pebbles before they contacted something larger than the other masses in the water. She grabbed at it and brought it out, shaking her hand free of water as she peered down at the thing in her lap.

She'd call it a rock, except that it thinner and slightly curved- if she'd seen any evidence of animals in the water, she'd swear it was a scale, but no fish of that size or color could possibly be in this stream! Although she had this feeling that she'd seen something like it before, she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She'd never seen any stone that was so beautiful; the aqua color glistened in her hand, and as she titled her hand this way and that, veins of deeper green ran up and down the length. She was reminded of the jewel "tiger's eye", but that was golden, and this looked as though it had been formed from the water itself. It was light, and the surface had a fluidity that no tumbled stone could ever hope to attain. She brought it closer to her face, turning it to look at the back.

She gasped, for there on the back of the object was a single kanji. She whispered the word even as her mind threw up its hands and refused to even take a shot at explaining this one.

"Sen." Her head shot up as she heard a deeper voice say it with her, and she almost jumped out of her skin to see a boy sitting across the stream from her, looking at her with an expressionless stare. Well, he wasn't a boy, her mind noticed appreciatively. He had to be a bit older than her, maybe early twenties or thereabouts, and he was certainly easy on the eyes. Eyes. Chihiro noticed with a start that they were a brilliant green.

She felt something stir within her; a memory trying to grope its way to the light, or maybe her imagination telling her that he was the reason she'd never gone on any dates that led to anything. Her mind didn't care at this point, it was teamed up with her heart, the two of them on a crusade to convince Chihiro that there was such a thing as love at first sight, and that she'd just opened her eyes for the first time on a keeper. Chihiro ignored the many thoughts racing through heart, head and body, deciding she should probably initiate conversation of some sort.

"Uhh... I'm sorry, does this belong to you...?" She held out the smooth gem, mentally kicking herself for sounding like a complete idiot. He shook his head, although his gaze didn't waver from her face. She stared back at him, feeling like he was expecting her to say something, and her mind was racing for something witty to ask. What she came up with was

"Do I, uh, know you? You seem very.. Familiar." To this, she caught the trace of a smile, although it was quickly replaced by an even more intense stare. She felt herself quailing under it, although he spoke softly, as though to a frightened animal.

"We met... Some time ago. Do you remember me at all?" She bit her lip, looking at the man across from her for as long as she could bear, then she shyly cast her eyes down at her feet. She was desperately trying to remember him- she knew she wouldn't be able to forget a face like that, and she knew she recognized him, but from where? While this furious thinking was going on, the back of her mind was snidely marveling at how dead she would be if her mother knew that she was talking to a stranger in the middle of the woods, no idea how he got there or how he knew her. The rest of her brain and Chihiro ignored its comments.

She stared at the stream's waters, willing herself to remember. But after a few moments silence, the boy sighed, and she raised her gaze to see him looking away from her at last. She noticed with a start that he looked.... sad.

"I was afraid that.. that you would forget. I mean, for a while, I had hoped you would, and that you'd get on with your life. But ... I had to come see for myself. If you.. If you still remembered me, then I thought we might be friends again, maybe something more, even. But.. if you'd forgotten me... I wanted to say goodbye." He gaze her a smile that made her heart ache- she knew that he was trying to put on a brave face, and look indifferent about it, but that he was hurt by her forgetfulness. She cursed herself for being so stupid as to have hurt this guy so much just by forgetting his name, but even as she thought this, he had stood, preparing to leave. His back to her, he took in a deep breath.

"Chihiro, I bid you adieu. I'm glad that I got to see you one last time. You've grown into a beautiful woman, and I know that you will lead a happy life, wherever it will take you. Goodbye."

I'll see you again, won't I? She jumped to her feet, even as he began to silently walk upstream. She frowned, wondering where that line had come from, and why it was so familiar.

Of course. Now, run to your parents, and don't look back.

"Wait!" His pace slowed, although he didn't stop. Chihiro waded across the stream towards him, sights and voices beginning to come back to her.

Listen, I 'm gonna tell you a story that I think will help you get your memory back. When I was younger, I lost my shoe in the river. I went after it, but I fell in. I thought I was going to drown, but the river carried me to the shore. It think that was you! I think you were the river, and your real name is-

"Kohaku!" This did get him to stop, although he didn't turn around. She didn't care, memories were flooding back into her as she closed the gap between them. Her wish of eight years ago finally came through, and she threw herself against him, hugging him tightly. She was crying, although the smile on her face couldn't be taken away, no matter what happened. She basked in his warmth, his scent clinging to the shirt she pressed her face into. She hoped he wouldn't mind the fact that the back of his shirt was going to be soaked, * but knew the moment his hands closed over her own that his shirt was the last thing on his mind.

He turned her to face him, and she found herself nestled into his shoulder, his arms pressing her to him so tightly. One hand stroked her hair, the other wrapped around her waist. They stood there for several minutes, neither saying anything, simply enjoying the other's presence. When Kohaku moved to look her in the face, she smiled up at him, tears still running rivers down her cheeks. He smiled down at her and brushed them away with his thumb, bringing both hands up to cradle her cheeks in his palms. She leaned forward, her own hands mimicking his pose, and welcomed him home.

Around the pair, a gentle rain began to fall.

~Owari

*yeah, so, you all noticed this asterisk, right? I was going to have the ending be that Kohaku wouldn't be able to stay with her, and he really had come to say goodbye to Chihiro, and to tell her to move on in her life. Luckily for you all, I wasn't feeling particularly angsty, so we got the sappy happy romancey endings I pride myself on ^_^;;; Yay for you, now write a review!

An- yay! Happy ending!! The orginal ending wasn't even going to have Kohaku in it- Chihiro would have just randomly come across this stream several years after her journey to the spirit world. And, while she hadn't forgotten anything, she knew that something must have gone screwy at Haku's end to make him keep her waiting for so long. But, at the end she'd run into this stream and realize that this was the only way that Haku would be able to survive in her world, and that despite both of their wishes, that was just the way things are. So, she would have bid her childhood fantasies "adieu", and come out of my story with a sad heart, but a mor mature spirit.

Then, I realized that this ending sucked and that if I had read a story like that I would have been upset with the end. Not to mention, you guys would probably come after me with a pitchfork or something :P So I changed the ending, and I'm happy with the results.

Now comes your turn: I want you guys to write me and tell me what you thought of this ending in comparison to the others I might have pursued.

And now I'm done my February ficlet! Huzzah!! ..... Now back to the grindstone that is my school life.... .

Hoe you guys enjoyed it, and don't forget to REVIEW! And drop me an email sometime, I'd love to hear what you think of my stories! [email protected]

Ja Matta!! 2-13-04